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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26444200">Monarch</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nixcomix/pseuds/nixcomix'>nixcomix</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Rise of Ben Solo [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Betrayal, Canon-Typical Violence, Dark moments, Depressing, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Infertility, Kylo Ren Redemption, Miscarriage, Politics, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Pregnancy, Sequel, Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:34:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>132,038</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26444200</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nixcomix/pseuds/nixcomix</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>His true name is a secret, only spoken by his wife in the most private of circumstances. Very few know that Ben Solo, once Kylo Ren, had survived the battle of Exegol – and the Galaxy is all the better for it. </p><p>Jedi Master Ren has redeemed himself to the people he loves most, dedicating his life to doing good for the Fallen First Order and all surrounding systems. Bringing peace. Bringing justice. </p><p>Bringing Balance. </p><p>But what happens when his violent past is brought to light? Who are his enemies and who can he trust? Where does his moral code fall now, when the threat is so great? Should he run? Or should he turn his forces against those who seek his demise? Though his friends might have… can the Galaxy forgive Kylo Ren? </p><p>Or will he need to face his execution, after all?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Finn/Jannah (Star Wars), Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Rise of Ben Solo [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1922341</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>647</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>191</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Soft Beds</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <b>This work is a Sequel to "The Redemption of Kylo Ren." To get the most out of this story, it's recommended that you read <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24246223/chapters/58426126">that</a> first.</b>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <br/>
    
  </p>
</div><p>Art by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/NixComix-291714942383"> Nixcomix (Me @Nixcomix on Facebook and Twitter)</a></p><p>_________________</p><p>Soft beds are a horrible invention.</p><p>Ciel is always telling him about how amazing it is to ‘lay on a cloud’, but he prefers something harder. Something that would remind him of his old quarters, the med-bay cot, or even his life at the Skywalker Temple. <em> This </em> bed’s warmth is always too much, making him sweat and throw off the covers. Its softness is one that grabs at your body and makes you never want to leave it.</p><p>Which is exactly how he feels right now.</p><p>His eyes are bleary in that moment of coming into awareness. He’s up early. He’s <em> always </em> up early when he visits Nelja; the short day/night cycles difficult to adjust to. The plus to having events here is that it’s central within the Fallen First Order system; the <em> added </em> benefit is that the planet’s cycle will abbreviate whatever… celebration… will follow the upcoming ceremony.</p><p>He doesn’t like celebrations, though his family seems to. Rey eats everything she can get her hands on, Rà dances (albeit badly), all while Ciel makes snarky comments about everyone under his breath. Sometimes it’s hard to hold onto his ‘regal-ness’ and not laugh out loud at his friend’s ridiculous behavior.</p><p>Ben makes sure these events are always open to the local sentients, so it’s not only aristocracy that gets to dine. Also, seeing his wife heartily smack the shoulders of the poorer class while she, and they, stuff their faces full of exotic food? Priceless.</p><p>There is no capital planet in the Fallen First Order but, if there was, it would be Karuvis. That was the first planet he’d helped as ‘Jedi Master Ren’, after all. And, more importantly, it’s where his orphanage is. It’s a small group, only forty-three children, from ages five to sixteen. He cares for them all, in different ways, but he never wants his enclave to grow any larger. He hopes that the support Rey offers around the Galaxy will ensure that families will never have to separate, will never be driven apart by the ‘otherness’ that a connection to the Force can bring.</p><p>He refuses to call it a temple. Temples are religious places. The orphanage is for abandoned Force-sensitive children. Little ones like Rà, whose parents were too small-minded to see the treasures they had in their hands. It’s a school. It’s a home. It’s a place of beauty and healing.</p><p>It’s also a place thankfully lacking in over-excessive, body-grabbing pillow tops.</p><p>He sighs and makes the slight twitch to roll, but he’s sunken in, so he just grunts his mild displeasure, instead. If his wife wasn’t in love with this feeling of ‘sleeping in a cloud’, he’d chuck this thing right out the goddamn window.</p><p>Thinking of his wife, he relents with a sigh and sinks deeper, missing her. She’s been lightyears away at a two-week Galactic Alliance conference, and it’s the longest they’ve been apart in the three short years they’ve been married. Well – ‘apart’ is subjective. They still have the bond.</p><p>The bond.</p><p>He bites his lips with a wicked smile budding on his face. He can’t help but want to cause a little trouble. His public persona is a constant flat note of stoicism and strength, so he acts out in little ways when he’s out of the public eye. His pranks usually make his family laugh… which makes him quite happy. In fact, he’s never been so happy.</p><p>He nestles his body into that too-soft surface, its edges rising to cocoon him as he prepares for this morning’s item of trickery. Sleeping naked, as he does, his sinful job is easy. He slides his hand down and takes advantage of what the morning does to human male bodies and wraps a fist around himself. It’s not her, but it will do. For now.</p><p>He’s slow. Lazy, almost, but as soon as that feeling builds to… level <em> five, </em>let’s say… he grins once more…</p><p>And opens the bond.</p><p>Her reaction is immediate, shock laces with embarrassment, laces with curiosity, laces with amusement. His smile widens when she pushes her thoughts to him, <em> I am in a -very- formal meeting right now and I need to -concentrate-. </em></p><p><em> Don’t mind me, </em>is all he sends back, gripping harder, just for her.</p><p>Irritation is an emotion that joins the others, but so is her own arousal. He knows she can feel this. Not the way he can, but if he opens up enough she’ll definitely feel <em> something.</em> He waits for her to shut him out, but she doesn’t. She must be very bored; she hates politics.</p><p>Now <em> his </em> curiosity piques. Feeling even more mischievous, he reaches out carefully. So. Carefully. If he doesn’t do this right, Finn will notice. Now, <em> that </em>would be hysterical.</p><p>He arcs his hips below his pumping fist and looks in through Finn’s mind. Through his eyes. In the periphery, he spies her – his Rey. His lovely, lovely Rey. She has her elbows on the table and her hands clasped in such a way that they hide her mouth where, he just <em> knows, </em>she’s biting her lip. Her cheeks are pink and his grin widens further.</p><p>He starts to picture her in his mind’s eye. On him, below him, every position he can think of and he breathes in a soft sigh of pleasure, sending that to her as hard as he can. He watches her eyes close for a moment too long, and he feels a wave of yearning flow from her.</p><p>He pictures her on her hands and knees, mouth working him, and he’s letting out small noises – he’s never able to do this (or anything like this) quietly.</p><p><em> Lust </em>is all he feels from her now, all other emotions dissipating like the wind.</p><p>He can’t help it. <em> Do you know what you feel like, Rey? </em></p><p>Through Finn’s eyes, he watches her cross her legs and knows she’s clenching them together to add pressure to her throbbing sex.</p><p>
  <em> Gods, when I have you next, I’m opening the bond fully. I want you to feel what you do to me. How -tight- you are around me. </em>
</p><p>Rey makes a single noise, but it’s drowned out by the conversation.</p><p>
  <em> I’m getting close, baby. Do you want to feel it when I finish? </em>
</p><p>Her nod is almost imperceptible. But not to him.</p><p>So he gets to work, throwing every dirty image he can at her as he puts himself through his paces. The too-hot, too-soft mattress clings to his body as the sweat starts to bead on his back. He chants her name in his mind, watching her with his eyes closed as her breath quickens almost imperceptibly. When he comes, he <em> throws </em>the feeling at her with a grunt and, through Finn’s mind, he hears her cry out, “Ben!”</p><p>And he freezes.</p><p>She freezes.</p><p>As far as he’s concerned, the whole Galaxy freezes.</p><p>He clamps his hand over his mouth as he feels his wife’s frantic energy from across the stars.</p><p>Through Finn’s confusion, he hears her recover, saying, “Iiiiii’ve <em> BEEN </em>thinking…”</p><p>And he sputters. He’s off into laughter and he watches her grin with <em> his </em>amusement as she tries to sort out the problem he’s caused her… and then he feels something else.</p><p>Finn’s awareness.</p><p>
  <em> Oops.</em>
</p><p>It’s with a wave of disgust that the man harshly nudges Ben out of his mind (he’s getting better at that) but it only doubles Ben’s gales of laughter. He’s giggling and rolling in his plush mattress set as tears of mirth well in his eyes.</p><p>Oh, yes, life is good. Life is <em> very </em>good.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Today is the day.</p><p>Ben straightens his overly-adorned outfit and the heavy crown on his head. He has to admit that he likes the weight of it. It reminds him of his duty, and today is a day of duty. A day of honor. Due to his work with the Fallen First Order system, two ex-FO planets have decided to join him. The Alliance had failed to stabilize them in any meaningful way, so they opted to come together with their sister planets in prosperity… and accept him as their Sovereign. The pride he feels wells so deeply in his chest, he can barely stand it.</p><p>There is the added benefit in that it flies in the face of the ever-infuriating Poe Dameron, whose key role in the new Galactic Alliance was to <em> help quell </em>the unrest in those worlds, bringing them into the Alliance’s fold. He was mostly successful – except for these two. </p><p>Ben can’t help but feel smug about the whole thing. The look on Dameron’s face when he announced their intent? Oh, so <em> incredibly </em> satisfying.</p><p>As per his recommendation, the Alliance’s consensus-based body has remained small and agile; only seven sentients with no <em> official </em>leader. Unofficially, though? It's Dameron. Seeing him cut down to size is always a pleasure.</p><p>Rà pokes his head around the corner as Ben stands, looking at his reflection in the plain and simple mirror’s surface.</p><p>“Master Ren.” The boy grins, which is unusual for him of late. He’s gotten to be, well, a little bratty. It’s amusing… <em> sometimes, </em>but Ben can’t help but smile back at his precious boy, anyway.</p><p>“Why are you so happy? I thought I’d be the only excited one today.” He goes to ruffle the boy’s hair but thinks better of it. Rà doesn’t really like it anymore and grumbles each time Ben does it. Instead he pats the ten-year-old’s shoulder as the boy’s grin gleams.</p><p>He nearly wiggles. “I have a <em> secret, </em>Master Ren.”</p><p>Ben raises his eyebrows playfully and the boy backs up, placing his hands over his head in useless defense. “Don’t peek! Mom doesn’t even know yet!”</p><p>“What doesn’t Mom know?” Rey walks in from the opposite doorway and Ben can’t help but soften when he sees her.</p><p>“Yeah, what don’t I know?” Ciel struts, cockily, directly behind her.</p><p>Rà’s grin returns, staring at Rey as he does that wiggle. “You’ll see! I <em> promise, </em>you’ll see veryveryvery soon.”</p><p>Despite the temptation to look, Ben just smiles at him – and <em> does </em> ruffle his hair, receiving the grumble he knew he’d get.</p><p>“Master Rennnnn, you’re messing it all up.”</p><p>“I know,” and he ruffles harder.</p><p>
  <em> “Agh!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The stage is large as they await the ceremony procession to bring all race-representatives and FFO Council members to join them. Ben’s personal guard contains an elite few from his planets, and that includes voluntary members of Ciel’s previous squad.</p><p>His friend had found a few of them over the years, many of them reaching out and finding <em> him. </em> Reconnecting with them was an extraordinary and emotional experience for Ciel – and he is beyond proud to lead them once more. They stand nearby in reverent patience. Weapons stowed, helmets off. They are not just ex-troopers, here. They are humans. They are a family. And they all have names.</p><p>Rey is nervous. She hates these things - everyone staring at them. Ben takes one of her hands in both of his and gently squeezes the space between her knuckles, as he always does, because he knows that constant contact soothes her.</p><p>She pouts and sighs through her nose. “They don’t like me as much as they like you.”</p><p>He quirks his lips ever-so-slightly, but lets his full amusement carry over to her through their bond. “Not all of them; only the leadership. You emote too much. They prefer stoicism, and I’m better trained than you on that.”</p><p>She can’t help but scoff at him, playfully. “Stoicism. Emote. When you do that – use those obnoxious words – you sound so pretentious.”</p><p>“That’s because he <em> is,” </em>Ciel leans in conspiratorially with a whisper.</p><p>Ben mutters under his breath, “Pretentious is <em> also </em> a fairly obnoxious word.”</p><p>Rà tugs his sleeve and whispers, “Master Ren, what’s obnoxious?” and Ben can’t help but snort a little at the irony, given the boy’s attitude of late, and claps him on the back with affection.</p><p>Grumbling and moody, “That’s not an answer.”</p><p>The ceremony is blessedly short - but meaningful. It’s like a marriage, of a sort. Vows made, promises to uphold and support, and these vows go both ways. Him to them, and them to the Fallen First Order. His nine worlds have blossomed into eleven.</p><p>Karuvis; rustic, farm-filled, but bustling. Home to his orphanage.</p><p>The worlds of varying climates and sentients; Dho, Pyat’cinc.</p><p>A’K-Kas; a swamp world with mines of fire and rich mineral beneath.</p><p>Shestsei; an ice planet made of twins with shared minds.</p><p>Zazpi; Rainforests, oceans and desert – and not much in-between.</p><p>Ashtananne; the viciously dangerous fire planet. Like Mustafar, covered in Darkness and molten lava.</p><p>Yhdeksan; a planet of rock and metal where cybernetics run wild.</p><p>Nelja; where he is today – a perfect place for all, really. Lush and rich.</p><p>Now, also: Bilita Mpash; a place like the legendary garden of The God-Children.</p><p>And En; a world that had been so wracked by civil war that much of its land is poison, now. The droids of Yhdeksan will be vital in helping it regain livable habitat.</p><p>Symbiosis. That’s what his system is about. A partnership between sister-planets.</p><p>All under his one rule.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Go home, Ciel, you’re drunk.” Rey shoves the man a little, and he agrees wholeheartedly, grinning at her.</p><p>Listening to the swaying music, she looks at her little boy and smiles her sweetest smile. Holding a hand out to Rà, she leads him to the dance floor where they both make slight fools of themselves, never having been shown how to do anything more than wave their arms. Ben loves it, really.</p><p>“Not so bratty with <em> her, </em> right?” Ciel snarks.</p><p>Ben can’t help but turn to his friend with wide eyes and nod furtively.</p><p>He wavers on his feet only slightly as he grins. “Mama’s boy.”</p><p>Jade, formerly JL-9558, steps up to Ben’s second-in-command and whispers a long bit of something in his ear. The man nods grimly.</p><p>Ben raises his eyebrows. “I take it, it’s time to go?”</p><p>With a heavy sigh, “Yeah, I’ll get Miss Rey…”</p><p>Ben holds out a hand to stop Ciel before he can get too far. “Danger level?”</p><p>Ciel shrugs. “Enough to be a pain in the ass.”</p><p>“How long to get to… wherever?”</p><p>“A Dameron job. Alliance space. The Chagrian’s slice. About 10 hours in hyperlanes, plus two to get in and out of them.”</p><p>Good, enough time to sleep on the way there; today has been exhausting. “Is ‘wherever’ on day cycle or night cycle, right now?”</p><p>“Day.”</p><p>“We won’t be able to meet with local leaders there until their day tomorrow, in any case.”</p><p>The man crosses his arms. “So?”</p><p>Ben shrugs. “So let them dance. Heroism can wait an hour or two.”</p><p>His best friend grumps and only hiccups slightly. “Some Jedi.” Ben stifles his smile.</p><p>A Dameron job. Time to fight another ‘boss battle’ for the good of the Galaxy, he supposes. As the last two remaining ‘Jedi Masters’ in existence, he and Rey always got to fight the boss battles. He admits that he likes these little tests-of-skill. Keeps him on his toes.</p><p>This time, he does smile.</p><p>
  <em> Bring it on. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rey hangs off the back of the speeder as he pushes the needle to the top of its speedometer, a silver blur careening around hovercars and other city-stuff that’s generally getting in the way of a good chase. He hears her blaster go off in quick bursts and, out of the corner of his eye, he catches one of the other speeders flipping head-over-heels. The crash and screech of metal on ground follows immediately.</p><p>That’s two down – one to go.</p><p><em> Damnit, </em>he hears Rey in his mind.</p><p>He sends her back a question mark.</p><p>
  <em> He jumped from one speeder to the other. This guy’s quick. And irritating. </em>
</p><p>Ben can’t help but shrug as he cants the machine to one side, swerving around another obstacle, its occupant shouting at them.</p><p>This job might be irritating, but it was no challenge. Not <em> really. </em>The biggest rush out of all of this is driving this decrepit thing to its maximum capacity and veering through traffic without dying. His eyes are squinted in the wind, but his adrenaline is up so he barely notices.</p><p>When Rey grabs onto his hips to steady herself through the turns, he can’t help but smile. Maybe, after they take this guy down, she’ll play with him a bit.</p><p><em> Switch off, </em>is all he hears from her.</p><p>There is revving as ex-troopers catch up behind them. Now the local law enforcement, they can’t seem to get their hands on this guy; a slippery slaver who’s undergrounding females for high-bidders. Scum, basically. Ben can’t wait to get his hands on him.</p><p>Up in front, there are three other speeders – civilians – and they’re lined up in a solid row, effectively blocking everything. He can’t dodge them. With a curse under his breath, he rears his machine up and jumps it. Rey cries out in surprise as they catch a bit of sky and <em> ram </em>back down against the tar-tack ground, skipping back up into the low air with a vicious whir of the engine.</p><p>
  <em> Left, left, LEFT! </em>
</p><p>He grabs on the handlebars and <em> tilts, </em>jumping another car and catching the screeching sound of brakes surrounding him as sentients whir sideways to avoid his vehicular onslaught.</p><p>They’re almost behind the bastard’s last speeder and, sensing her intention, he ducks down, going blind while she pounds out more blaster bolts over his head. He knows the minute she pulls back and jerks his sights up once more, veering up and beside the offensive party.</p><p>
  <em> Take over. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> What? </em>
</p><p>But he doesn’t respond before he wobblingly balances himself in a stand. Her hands reach around him in a frantic grasp for the steering column, catching it just before he launches himself onto the back of the slaver’s ride.</p><p>It’s difficult to edge himself on with two other sentients already occupying the seats, but he manages by grabbing his target and throwing him unceremoniously to the ground with a skidding thump. He hears Rey’s brakes kick in as the bloodied creature tries to take off into a run, but Ben knows he won’t get far.</p><p>The driver is throwing his elbows behind him and catches Ben in the chest, knocking the wind out of him slightly, before Ben grasps that arm and twists it backwards, popping it cleanly out of the socket. While the creature writhes and squawks, Ben lifts it side-saddle, taking control of the vehicle and ramming all it’s levers, skidding it into a stop and pushing the machine at a 90-degree angle to traffic – which immediately starts horns blaring and cars veering around them like mad.</p><p>Ex-troopers flood around him on gas-engine motorcycles, effectively stopping traffic, and one snatches up Ben’s captive. He’s still hollering about his arm, but it could be worse. He could be dead.</p><p>Ben hears more blasters and jumps on the back of a random ex-trooper’s bike. The man’s surprise is palpable.</p><p>“Name?”</p><p>The trooper stutters, “J-Jasper, Master Ren, sire.”</p><p>Ben nods, not unkindly. “Want to help catch the bad guy, Jasper?”</p><p>He nods back, rapidly.</p><p>Ben juts his chin in the direction of blaster fire. “Then drive.”</p><p>With a slight noise of excitement, the man revs his engine and bolts sideways, <em> directly across traffic. </em></p><p>Ben’s eyes go wide at the man’s reckless excitement, having to throw his hands to the side to push back on the vehicles that barrel down the highway towards them at top-speed. He’s about to scream out a rebuke when he hears the man whoop in excitement and pump his fist in the air.</p><p>His irritation deflates and, with a smirk, he focuses on using the Force, trying to screech hovers to a stop without killing anyone. Himself included.  </p><p><em> I hate this guy, </em>he hears Rey send out before a sting of pain sears his arm. He grabs at the ghost-feeling, looking at it – noting no wound. Her pain, then.</p><p><em> “Faster,” </em>he urges, and the man obliges, pushing it into the red.</p><p>The sun’s going down, and the buildings are bleeding shadows, throwing sunset glares of blinding color over him. He can’t see her, but he can feel her. No matter where he is in the Galaxy, he can always feel her.</p><p>He reaches around Jasper, nearly cradling him to snag hold of the handlebars, pointedly ignoring the confusion that rolls off the man. Veering right, he sees Rey’s abandoned speeder and people running away with sharp cries, dragging children up into their arms or snagging the hands of friends and lovers to pull them away.</p><p>“This is where I get off,” is all Ben says before standing on the bike's rear footholds and simply dropping off, despite the speed and the harsh jolt to his knees as he lands hard. Within a moment, his saber is in his hand, just waiting for the need to use it.</p><p><em> Damnit. This thing can jump up buildings, now, </em>she grumbles.</p><p>
  <em> Is he a Changeling? </em>
</p><p><em> What’s that? </em>she sends back.</p><p>
  <em> Like ‘I Pasigurt, from the Alliance, a Clawdite – shapeshifter. </em>
</p><p>He feels her acknowledgement.</p><p>
  <em> Be careful, then, it could look like anything. Adapt new traits. Focus on the Force signature to target it. </em>
</p><p>Her irritation flares at him for telling her what to do. And, likely, also for knowing more than she does about the subject.</p><p>The pain in his arm is waning, so it must have been a shallow thing, but he runs as fast as he can regardless. He's normally fast but is slowed by the slight ache in his knees, so he knows he won’t catch up to her quickly. She’s like lightning. Even so, he hears another blast and pivots towards the sound. There is a faint glass shatter, and he knows they’re now in the building.</p><p>
  <em> Damnit, Rey! Close quarters. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I -said- switch off, Ben – heard of a lightsaber? Jedi Master over here? </em>
</p><p><em> Heard about blaster bolts ricocheting and hitting -civilians-?! </em>he throws back.</p><p>If, “Oh,” was a feeling, he felt it now.</p><p>A body gets tossed out of that shattered glass window and his Rey soon follows, smug satisfaction echoing through the bond.</p><p>That’s it. <em> There </em> we go. </p><p>It’s with a heavy push with the Force that he speeds his journey, skidding to a stop beside her as she lands with a heavy thump to the ground. The Changeling had landed more painfully on its rear, leg now likely broken, and it panics, shifting form... to look exactly like Ben. Perhaps a more attractive version, in his opinion, but close enough to count.</p><p>“Well, isn’t that <em> obnoxious,” </em>he uses the word again in jest, catching eyes with his wife as they smirk and light their sabers in unison. White with a purple tinge shrieks from his hilt in staticky throbs while hers, white with a golden edge, hums to life alongside it.</p><p>The creature mewls and cringes back in surprise before raising its blaster and firing wildly.</p><p>It’s no contest.</p><p>Rey swings her blade around like dancing fire while Ben reaches out his hand and <em> pulls </em>his mirror image towards them while it screams in gurgling cries.</p><p><em> Never heard you sound like -that- before, </em>she teases.</p><p>He snorts in his amusement and turns her words back at her. <em> Switch off. </em></p><p>The thing is cramped into a kneel at their feet and Ben squeezes the Force around it, just to prove a point. “Tell us where you keep them.”</p><p>It shakes its head back and forth, switching into Rey’s form now, which leaves an entirely sour taste in Ben’s mouth. </p><p>“Please,” is what comes out of that false-mouth, and it hurts his heart to see her that way. But... it’s missing her accent.</p><p>Sloppy.</p><p>Rey waves her hand in front of her doppelganger’s terrified face, gently trying again. “You <em> will </em>tell us where you keep them.”</p><p>“I’ll tell you where I keep them.” Its accent-less voice is flat. “Under the Abragate bridge is a tunnel. There are cages in the maze of paths down there.”</p><p>Rey waves one more time, “You will provide instructions, and you will tell these officers Every. Last. One of your customers' names, aliases, and locations.”</p><p>The creature nods. “I will tell them.”</p><p>His wife grimaces, waving one last time, “And you will <em> never </em>change into him or me again.”</p><p>One last agreement before the ex-troopers - who’d arrived during this exchange - grab the Clawdite as it fades into its natural body. Ben looks for an officer with a high ranking mark on their uniform and, when he finds one, he zooms in his attention on her.</p><p>“You know Jasper?”</p><p>The woman nods, hefting her blaster back into its holster, eyes held humbly away from ‘Jedi Master Ren.’ Ex-troopers like him, see him as a supportive hero just below their reverence for Finn and Jannah – but he also intimidates them. He has to admit to himself that he <em> can </em>be quite fear-inducing, though that has its advantages.</p><p>Sensing her unease, he puts a hand on her shoulder and sends a sense of calm to her.</p><p>“He did a good job today; I wanted you to know that. So did all of you. I’m sure the females will be thanking your team... for the rest of their lives.”</p><p>The woman’s eyes shimmer with meaning. As a female, herself, this has an added weight he can feel. He nods to her as her company drags the shape-shifting creature towards their transport. All of those captured are making various groans of pain and anguish, and it pleases him to know they’re all suffering. It might be on the Dark side - and slightly cruel – but he can’t help but enjoy that feeling, sometimes.</p><p>Balance.</p><p>As they disburse, he pets his finger over the trigger of his saber, reluctant to shut it off so soon without being able to use it properly. From behind him, he hears Rey. “Did you still want to play?”</p><p>He turns over his shoulder with his eyebrows to the sky. She’s in stance, saber parallel to the tall buildings around them. Her smirk is fiery. Apparently, he’s not the only one who’s blood is up.</p><p>She gestures at him with her blade, showing a haughty glare as the color reflects in her eyes.</p><p>Gods, he loves this woman.</p><p>He stamps his foot down and leans in, blade blazing to the side. He hears a random trooper start to call out to them in confusion, but they’re stopped immediately by that senior officer. Almost out of Ben’s hearing, she simply says, “You’ve never worked with them before, have you? This is just something they do.”</p><p>He grins in spite of himself. There are quite a <em> lot </em>of things that they do, and playtime is one of them.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rey puffs air up, blowing some strands of hair out of her eyes. She’s favoring her left shoulder a bit; blood still in the process of scabbing over. Thank goodness it wasn’t her right shoulder. She’s fond of the scar she has there. To her, it looks like two hands reaching out to each other, and it symbolizes her connection to Ben. It’s… <em> romantic </em>she supposes. </p><p>Now, though, she’s smirking at him with nothing but challenge on her mind, her pulse still thrumming from all the action. She calls out, “Next time I drive. You’re too slow.”</p><p>His smile becomes a grin as he twirls the saber in his hands.</p><p>They’d visited the remains of Ilium – Starkiller – and that’s where she found her kyber. It was green to start with, but she and Ben have been meditating together with the crystals. The results are their nearly all-white blades. He tells her that it’s the Balance bringing out their true strength, and hers calls to her in ways she’s never felt before. Like it’s an extension of her.</p><p>She’d gifted Anakin Skywalker’s saber to Finn; he’d been using it for months by that time, anyway. Ben had gifted his mother’s to Rà, even though he’s still a bit scared of it. She smiles at the thought of her beautiful son, and Ben feels her mind wander.</p><p>“Afraid to come at me, Master Rey?” he taunts, flicking his head to the side to move the hair off his forehead.</p><p>“Never,” and she lunges.</p><p>He dodges her easily, her move coming from too far away <em> not </em>to be predictable, and he twirls his grip into a reverse hold, keeping the blade close to his body as he spins on his heels to try to catch her while she’s right up close.</p><p>She hasn’t quite mastered that one yet, and his smug aura only eggs her on; she only<em> just</em> manages to catch his blow at the last moment. The energy that throbs when their blades collide makes his face glow bright in the orange sunset. She thinks, for the millionth time, about how beautiful he is.</p><p>It’s with a shy expression that he pulls back from her, changing his grip once more. “Dirty play, Master Rey. Distracting me like that.” She enjoys the familiar rhyme.</p><p>Not letting him off the hook so easy, she takes a rapid swipe, making him have to pull his torso back to avoid a nice cauterized gouge, “Well, if you would stay out of my head-“ she follows up with a swing towards his legs and he jumps, guarding his middle, “-then you wouldn’t be so distracted.”</p><p>He whips his hand up and catches her motion with the Force while she’s still mid-thrust, overpowering her intention and holding her still with a smile. “Me? Stay out of your head?” His voice is a rumble that does something to her heart. <em> “Impossible.” </em></p><p>She grits her teeth and pushes out, releasing herself with a grunt and sliding him back on his heels.</p><p>Up, down, from the left – he’s coming at her harder now, and his physical prowess is always her downfall; heavy strokes pushing her back as her breath starts to pick up. Her face burns with the effort, and she knows her skin is flushed – especially because of the desire that comes from him as he lands another blow.</p><p>She spins out from under him and flings her leg in a round-house, catching under his ankles slightly, making him need to flip to keep his balance. As he does, her blade sings through the air and catches the edge of his cape, shearing it off.</p><p>Left with something ragged attached to his back, he rolls his eyes at her, stepping away. </p><p>She holds her saber out to the side with a mocking bow. “I told you capes are dangerous.”</p><p>He grips the clips that hold the garment to him and rips them clean off, fabric fluttering uselessly to the ground. “I don’t want to hear that from a woman who wraps herself in… <em> those.” </em>He gestures to the white, wafting edges that dance like ribbons around her body.</p><p>She tries to avoid rolling her eyes, herself, and jumps back in toward him instead. </p><p><em> No eye for fashion, </em>she shoves into his mind, tsking slightly. He dodges her blow and she catches his look as it gains that playful gleam.</p><p>
  <em> Perhaps I should stop designing your clothes and just stick to -removing- them. </em>
</p><p>He swipes in at her hip and she twists, putting herself off-balance slightly, but he slows – like always – giving her a chance to right herself.</p><p>“I do rather like when you remove things,” her voice comes out in heavy breaths.</p><p><em> Tease, </em>he pulses over at her as they collide in strikes; over and over. She’s spinning around him, trying to keep him off balance, and he switches his grip once more, beating her back with such power that she’s forced to take a step in the wrong direction.</p><p>
  <em> Who said I was teasing? </em>
</p><p>She loves their private banter. She loves that no one else knows what’s going on in their minds. To them, it likely looks like the two Jedi Masters have gone slightly mad – but, to her? This is foreplay.</p><p><em> Now -that’s- a word I like, </em> he whispers in her mind, sending her an image of herself that makes her falter, slightly. </p><p>He presses in, continuing his powerful onslaught until her heels hit the reflective surface of the building’s floor-to-ceiling windows. They catch blades and Rey only now notices that they’ve gained a crowd during their display.</p><p><em> You want them to watch? </em>She cocks an eyebrow at him.</p><p><em> I want them to go away. </em>He pushes the blade close enough to her throat that she can feel sparks singe her skin.</p><p>“You’re very lucky,” she says out loud.</p><p>“And why is that?”</p><p>Her grin is wicked. <em> Our ship has an amazing bed. </em></p><p>Their blades are still on, dangerously, and his eyes darken as he whispers one word – so close to her face that she can feel the ghost of his lips over hers.</p><p>“Perfect.”</p><p>Oh, yes. Life is good. Life is <em> very </em>good.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>He’s breathless as he collapses on top of her, the sheen of his sweat making their skin stick. Some might find it unpleasant but, to him? It’s a sign that their bodies don’t want to be apart.</p><p>He doesn’t need to say anything; he just gently lifts her hand and places his soft lips over her wedding tattoo. The red circles that surround her finger raise against his lips with their marked edges.</p><p>No; he doesn’t need to say anything – but he’ll say it anyway.</p><p>He’ll say it every day for the rest of his life.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>He feels her smile against him, her feelings echoing his. Wordlessly.<em> Intensely. </em></p><p>He rolls with her in his arms until they’re nestled on their sides, embracing endlessly in the overly-warm fluff of another too-soft bed.</p><p>He prays to no one, <em> Let this feeling last forever.  </em></p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Delicate, like Glass</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</div><p>Art by <a href="https://lilly-white.tumblr.com/post/138668935890/rey-constructing-her-double-bladed-lightsaber"> Lilly White</a> (With permissions~)</p><p>_________________</p><p>Back on Nejja, Ben walks with one of his FFO Council members, the leader of this planet - a Toydarian named Vious. The creature is blue-grey and has lost his wings, though Ben will never ask how. It seems too personal. Because it can no longer hover, it walks in slow, awkward steps, only just coming up to Ben’s hips.</p><p>Vious is cunning; Ben knows that much. He can’t read Toydarians, so the male is also the only sentient on the Council he can’t get into the mind of. At first, he’d worked hard to build a relationship with the creature out of necessity - but now, he finds he enjoys his company. Ben seems to appreciate candor and sarcasm, if the rest of the company he keeps is any indication, and this one has that in droves.</p><p>“Master Ren, as you know, expansion is key to the success here, eh?” Vious waves towards the edge of the city, where construction has drawn to a complete standstill, “and these Kruhna <em> animals </em>are thwarting us at, ah, every turn.”</p><p>“But they keep away the Hjanik?”</p><p>Vious sneers and waves his hands in distaste. “Hjanik. Vicious things, eh? Kill you and eat you and then eat your mama.” He spits to the side, crudely.</p><p>“How do you know that we’ll find one of your animals there? I imagine they don’t patrol their border.”</p><p>Waving the sentiment away, Vious says, “Kruhna are stupid. They have no <em> sense, </em> you get it? Don’t talk. Don’t sign. Don’t do <em> nothing </em>except get in the way. Walk close to ‘their border’, and they just stamp up, you know? Stamp, Stomp, Stop you. Crush your hard work!” He waggles his finger at Ben, “That’s why you’re here. I want your thoughts on wiping them out of the area, eh? Blockading them up north a bit. Cooler weather is nice, yeah? Better for them, better for me, better for us.” He gestures around them.</p><p>Ben can’t help but raise his eyebrows. “Aren’t they warm weather creatures?”</p><p>Vious makes a non-committal noise, wiggling his shortish trunk.</p><p>The material around them fades from concrete, metal and stone to simple wooden frames that sketch out where structures should be. They’re half wrecked with the signs of rampage, and a dark, dense forest looms in the distance.</p><p>“I, ah, tell you Master Ren – we walk up? One will come. You’ll see. Stupid animals.” He spits to the side once more.</p><p>His Council member is absolutely correct. As they draw nearer and nearer to where the grass still grows, a heavy tromping can be heard nearby. Kitzi birds grind out their horrible noise as they take wing to the sky and circle.</p><p>The animal is large... and heavy. Tusks stand out to either side of it’s hairless face. Numerous eyes glare at them. Ugly, that’s for sure. Brutish looking, that’s also true. No wonder they keep those slimy and vicious Hjanik away; though deadly, and incredibly hard to kill, they’re easily intimidated, and that’s what this beast is <em> made </em> for, it seems.</p><p>Vious hangs back, but Ben continues to walk forward. “I, uh, I’m not so sure that’s the best thing for you. It looks angry. Honestly, you know, they <em> always </em>look angry.”</p><p>Ben raises his eyebrows over his shoulder, tossing a bland expression in Vious’ direction, and just continues on. He… senses something. Something that makes him want to get as close as possible to this creature, soothing it through the Force.</p><p>Looking back over his shoulder once more, he can’t help but smirk at his compatriot. “Animal?” Ben says aloud.</p><p>Vious gestures with his arms out, “What else?”</p><p>Ben looks at it once more, tilting his head to the side. “Sentient.”</p><p>The Toydarian scoffs behind him. “Says who, eh?”</p><p>Holding his hand up to the tusks in front of him, he doesn’t touch the Kruhna, but reaches out to its mind. “Animals only know joy, fear, sadness, hunger and lust.”</p><p>That earns him a salacious laugh. “Ehehe, lust, huh? Like all of us, right, Jedi?”</p><p>Being a little more honest with him than he is with any of the others, “I guess I can’t be a true Jedi then.” When Vious cocks his head, questioning, Ben quirks his lips ever so slightly. “The Jedi of old were celibate.”</p><p>The Toydarian leans down to slap at his knee, snorting and giggling in a gravely voice as Ben turns away, hiding his face before letting his smirk turn into a grin. Celibate he <em> most definitely </em>is not.</p><p>Ben is still holding his palm up and continues a sort of… listening. </p><p>“Definitely not an animal.”</p><p>“Howso?”</p><p>Ben puts to use the technique he’d discovered on Ker Bir, back when he'd retrieved his saber from a massive water beast that had only thought in <em> intent. </em> There must be some way to communicate here. He feels… swirls, somehow. Emotions swirl with pictures, and he starts to understand.</p><p>“For starters, they definitely have feelings beyond an animal’s.”</p><p>Crossing his arms, the blue-gray male flutters the shoulder bones where his wings once were. “Like what?”</p><p>Ben turns over his shoulder and quirks his lips again. “As an example – right now, this one is absolutely disgusted by you.”</p><p>He and Vious share a smirk. “Well, tell that ugly thing the feeling is mutual, hm?”</p><p>Ben looks back into the creature’s set of six eyes. The largest ones are at the front, and he focuses on those. Emotion and pictures…</p><p>Closing his eyes, he sends a picture of a city/forest hybrid. The sentients of this planet – Toydarians, Humans, Udana – all standing beside the Kruhna. He sends out the feelings: Peace. Acceptance. Strength. Community.</p><p>The revulsion that comes back towards him almost takes his breath away.</p><p>Okay, then.</p><p>He scrunches his brows slightly together and tries again, this time the city and the Forest have a clear line between them and the creatures all stand far away from each other on either side. He sends out: Peace. Acceptance. <em> Distance. </em></p><p>The mood shifts, but it’s still not satisfied.</p><p>Once more. He takes the clear line he’s drawn in the picture and <em> cuts it </em>deep into the land, tearing a chasm between the two areas. He sends once more: Peace. Isolation. No fear.</p><p>The Kruhna nods, brusquely, and satisfaction coats Ben’s mind with assuredness.</p><p>Opening his eyes, he shifts his palm from the creature to the ground, his other joining it in short order. Altering the environment is extremely Light side, and he’s happy to have mastered it, especially now. The ground <em> cracks </em> and he can hear Vious let out a sharp cry as the tremor knocks him straight to the ground. Ben grits his teeth in effort as he <em> pushes </em>the split apart, the creature across the way rocking on its haunches to keep its balance. That feeling of satisfaction turning to elation, pride and respect.</p><p>After a gasp, Ben’s hands clench and wrench apart, the last gesture tearing the ground down at least 20 feet; dust is in the air with a maddening thickness. He’s leaning over and huffing, waving the debris from his face, fruitlessly.</p><p>The creature stares at him and Ben feels yet another wave of emotion. Gratefulness.</p><p>The creature nods deeply, placing one foot out in front of it and closing its eyes. Indebtedness.</p><p>Vious’ voice cries out, breaking Ben’s reverie as he and the Kruhna stare at each other in mutual understanding.</p><p>“Whadya do that for, huh? Look at this mess now! Who fixes this?”</p><p>Ben turns slightly, looking at the male and shaking his head. “You don’t fix it.” He sighs through his nose before gesturing to the rift. “Build to here and no further. No bridges. Nothing into those woods. Respect their community.”</p><p>Ben watches as the tusked creature stomps backwards, away from them and deeper into the trees. One last feeling flows over – a warm feeling. Something like, ‘Home’ and ‘Pride’ and ‘Possession’ all at once.</p><p>He turns back, facing the grey-blue male fully; it’s clear that the Toydarian is flabbergasted and Ben can’t help but be amused. Quirking his lips, he starts to walk back. “And, Vious? Add them to the list of sentient races for your planet. I’d like to have them represented and protected.”</p><p>The male wobbles after him at a high clip, trying to catch up with Ben’s long stride. “Huh? Represent them how? I don’t know what the ugly thing says, huh? I don’t know what they want!”</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ll talk to them. I’ll know.” His smile is genuine, and it’s one that he rarely reveals to his leadership – but Vious is… <em> special, </em>somehow.</p><p>The grey-blue male pauses for a moment before continuing behind, sighing hopelessly. “Stupid Jedi.”</p><p>And that’s why Ben likes him.</p><p>“No, I don’t think so. Not today, at any rate.”</p><p>The creature catches up and claps Ben on the lower back, as high as he can reach. “I’ll tell you if you’re wrong, eh?”</p><p>With another smile Ben nods to him. “Good.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Back on Karuvis, Rey smiles to herself with her legs crossed in a meditation pose. <em> Get in here. </em></p><p>
  <em> Ugh. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Seriously, get in here. I need you to present on the Dark side. </em>
</p><p>She feels a wave of resignation. <em> Of course you do. </em></p><p>It’s only a brief moment before Ben stalks into the room with an air of importance and the children giggle all around her from their holos. She hears welcomes of, “Master Ren!” and “Are you talking today, Master Ren?” and a general din of childish chatter. Ben sits on the floor and crosses his legs to match her as they look out at a semicircle of blue holograms, each sporting a different child from a different region. All Force-sensitive, and all remaining with their families – as they should.</p><p>She runs 14 classes a week, as long as she’s not on-mission or in those horrible <em> meetings, </em> and each class caters to a different set of ages. Getting time zones right is a challenge, so some stay up well past their bedtimes to learn more about the Force, and that makes her very proud. </p><p>She also teaches them basic forms in these classes, but it’s not as if they can ship a saber to every planet in the Galaxy. She wouldn’t, even if she could.</p><p>“What are we talking about today, Master Ren?” a little set of Duro call out. The twins of their planet mind-share, which is much more than just telepathy. They are one half of a whole, one usually taking on certain aspects and emotions and the other picking up what’s left. If one dies, they both die - and they’re <em>beautiful.</em></p><p>He flicks his hair out of his eyes. “We’ll be discussing the Dark side of the Force.” <em> Apparently, </em>he tosses to her with a sort of childishness.</p><p>“Ooooohhhh.” </p><p>Six of the 13 tend to lean that way, and Rey wants to make sure that they’re well equipped to move forward in this world in a positive way.</p><p>“Master Ren, why is the Dark side bad?”</p><p>He crosses his arms, “Who told you it was bad? Is your brother teasing you again?”</p><p>The girl in blue flickering lights shies away.</p><p>He leans in. “This is very important; the Dark side is natural to all of us. Passion is good. Pain, anger, fear – these are feelings we can’t avoid, even if we try. The Light side is a pull we all feel as well. Peace, calm, harmony; these feelings are all very real.</p><p>“The danger with the Light side is detachment from life. A lack of empathy. A lack of seeing the struggles of individuals, as it focuses on the whole of the Force. The danger with the Dark side is too narrow a focus. And ego.”</p><p>At least four lean closer or adjust their projection screens to see more clearly.</p><p>“Master Ren, what’s ego?”</p><p>He mulls it over, thinking about the age of the crowd, and Rey can feel his mind flipping the word over. “It’s the need to do things for yourself more than for anyone else. The Dark side can help you achieve great things… but, if your ego gets in the way, you’ll use that power unwisely. Enhance it to the highest degree and focus on achieving power over others.</p><p>“Your passion can make you care… <em> very deeply. </em> About achievements. About people. About causes. If you go <em> too deeply </em> into the Dark side, though, there is a risk. If those causes become dangerous, or even cruel, you might still drive further down that path - even if it hurts others. Anything to move you closer to achieving your goal. That's why Balance is so important. And humility, perhaps.</p><p>“Fear, anger, pain – these emotions are tricky, because you can’t always control or anticipate them. They can make you lash out at others. Sometimes, it's to save yourself, or even a loved one, but the desire to win at all costs... well… let’s just say that the ends don’t always justify the means. You need to be careful. Your intentions may be good to start, but it’s easy to lose control with the Dark side. </p><p>“Remember, it’s not <em> just </em> about intent. It’s about outcome. You need a clear mind to see to your end goal and let that guide you more than anything else. Ensure that it’s rooted in fairness. Goodness. Kindness. It’s only then that you can use the Dark and Light together. Again – Balance. Control.”</p><p>“Have you ever <em> lost </em> control, Master Ren?”</p><p>A loaded question and she can sense his caution. “I’m focusing on using my passion for the good of the Galaxy. Maybe, when you’re all grown, you can help Master Rey and I do just that.”</p><p>There are more ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ and she shoves him with a frown. “Don’t get them all riled up.”</p><p>A little boy leans in with a sly grin. “How about you, Master Rey? Did <em> you </em> ever lose control?”</p><p>Ben’s lips quirk. “She made Dark side lightning once.” The kids go silent with eyes wide.</p><p>Rey is horrified.</p><p>He nods his head to the side with a self-depreciating purse of his lips. “To be fair, I’ve made lightning, too.”</p><p>The ‘ooohs’ and ‘ahhhs’ become ‘whoaaaas’ and Rey’s fury streaks over the bond.</p><p>
  <em> Hey – you’re the one who wanted me to be here. </em>
</p><p>She makes a rough release of breath through her nose.</p><p>
  <em> Light side, Master Rey. Light side. </em>
</p><p>She could smack him. She <em> should </em>smack him.</p><p>He continues on, ignoring her. “Remember: we can feel the Light side but we will also be drawn to the Dark side. The choice you need to make isn’t one side or the other. It’s to be the best person you can be. The Force is neither good nor bad…”</p><p>They all repeat in flat, monotonous tones, “…it just <em> is.” </em>and they make sighs of boredom. Clearly that sentiment has been stamped into their minds. Repetition matters. That’s what Ciel says, anyway.</p><p>Ben doesn’t bother to frown at their bland response. “Does anyone have any questions for me, before I go?” <em> Because I -really- want to go.  </em></p><p>A shy girl, right at the beginning of adolescence for her race, is nearing mating age. Romance is at the forefront of her mind. Rey really needs to move her to the next age group. “Master Ren – can you tell us about how you and Master Rey met, again?”</p><p>Nearly everyone groans – including Rey.</p><p>Despite his lack of expression, Rey feels a torrent of love pour her way. “Now <em> that’s </em> something worth talking about. I knew something was special as soon as I felt her Force signature...”</p><p>She places her hands over her face in embarrassment and decides to never invite him in again.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Having been forcefully kicked out of Rey’s training class, he meanders towards the orphanage’s school. He’s got a light schedule this morning, and he likes to check up on the kids. It’s their time to run around like maniacs outside and watching them is always entertaining.</p><p>The grass is dewy, and he avoids it like the plague. The last thing he wants is to get strands of green coating his lower extremities. It’s not quite the aesthetic he goes for. He still has trouble appearing too <em> human </em>in public. He equates it to vulnerability, and there’s only a select few he’ll let into that circle. </p><p>He hears giggles and small shrieks of laughter as he nears, his heart warming considerably.</p><p>“To what do we owe the pleasure, sire?”</p><p>Ariani Canta is a loving woman, not a bad bone in her body – but she’s rough around the edges (just like everyone else he likes). She runs the orphanage and manages the teachers - and she does a very good job at it, too. She’s also there on hard nights when one of the kids will inevitably break down. They’re all hurting, though some of them hide it better than others. </p><p>When he can, he encourages them not to hold it in. He rubs their backs and asks them to open up. To allow him to help. He’ll remind them that they are cared for here. That, even if they make mistakes (as they <em>very often </em>do), they will never be asked to leave. They will <em>never</em> be abandoned again.</p><p>Rà is especially kind. All the children carry a shared pain, and he helps ease them into this new reality. He’s very empathetic but still… distant. He can handle it <em> much </em>better now but, if someone’s story is too close to his own, or if their anger is too scary, Rà can’t help but throw his static into their mind. He doesn’t mean it to, but it can hurt. Especially if he’s afraid. It keeps the other children away once they experience it; even though they know he can’t help it.</p><p>It’s aimed better now, though. It usually only touches the person he’s interacting with. It doesn’t raze the whole school anymore.</p><p>Unless the boy wants it to.</p><p>That’s where his brattiness becomes a problem. Thank goodness Ariani is <em> not </em>Force-sensitive. It keeps her immune to the boy’s spiteful antics. Ben blocks him out like an eclipse once he gets a hint of an attitude, just in case.</p><p>“Just visiting.”</p><p>The woman smiles. “Did you get kicked out of Master Rey’s class again?”</p><p>He just raises his eyebrows at her and she laughs. “How many times do you have to get kicked out before she stops inviting you?”</p><p>“My wife is the pillar of forgiveness, it seems.” His eyes scan the kids, not seeing who he’s looking for. “How’s he doing this morning?”</p><p>She shrugs. “You know him, he’s off reading something.”</p><p>Ben fills with pride. Rà is as studious as he was at his age, and he’s fond of old scrolls, so Ben finds as many as he can. “Did he draw anything today?” </p><p>Her smile turns into a frown and she puts her hand on her hip. “Now, Master Ren, what have I told you about using me to spy on him? If there’s something you want to know about your son, just <em> ask </em>him.”</p><p>His locks his face into neutral, but she’s just picked at a wound for him. </p><p>“Unfortunately, he thinks of me as just his Master.” With a huff, he looks at her sternly. “And you know that as well as I do.”</p><p>She snorts, shifting her weight on one hip and looking towards the sky. He catches the phrase, ‘emotionally constipated males’ and he cocks an eyebrow.</p><p>Nodding at her in rough dismissal, he works his way over to the children. They look over their shoulders, some immediately running over to chatter at him. Others hang back and will need to be approached and checked on individually. Some just walk away, unsure of how to feel about him; uncomfortable. Some are angry, even. But it’s okay. He’ll show them kindness and consistency, no matter what. He’ll work to earn their trust. Help them heal. He’s got a whole lifetime to encourage them to become who they were meant to be.</p><p>Second chances all around.</p><p>His voice is filled with amusement as he pats a few heads. “Who’s ready to float some rocks?”</p><p>The ‘me me me’s are deafening.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>He flops into his chair with a sigh. The afternoon was filled with stressful irritations, and he’s absolutely ready for the day to be over. He leans back and listens to the creak of leather as he rubs his fingers into his temples, uselessly.</p><p>The comm goes off in a tinny whine and he ‘hmphs’ in annoyance. His eyes slide over in its direction and he notes the channel; mild anger slipping over him like a lover.</p><p>Dameron.</p><p>Why is it <em> always </em>goddamn Dameron?</p><p>He closes his eyes again, leaning back further and pointedly ignoring it, only to have his <em> personal </em> comm go off within his cloak. He grabs at it lazily and peers at the contact.</p><p>Dameron once more.</p><p>He nearly growls, sitting up and leaning over in his chair, glaring at the thing as he considers breaking it out of spite. Mission calls go through Ciel; the Bastard is going around established protocol. </p><p>Must be important, then.</p><p>...He <em> still </em> considers breaking it.</p><p>After a moment, he triggers it to voice-only and lets out a clipped, “What?”</p><p>“I need to talk to you. Like, <em> now.” </em></p><p>He rubs his temples again, wanting to hang up. “You <em> are </em>talking to me, if you hadn’t noticed.”</p><p>“Will you <em> shut up </em> with your snarky attitude for a second, huh? For once! Just… just <em> shut up!” </em>The man’s voice is frantic, and it gives Ben pause. It’s with more-than a hint of concern that he does as the Pilot asks.</p><p>There is a long beat of silence before the man on the other side of the line grunts loudly in frustration. Ben can hear the clipped thuds of boots pacing. He doesn’t have to feel out for the man’s emotions; it’s obvious that, whatever is happening, it’s <em> not good. </em></p><p>Concern turns to something worse. “Just say it. Whatever it is, just say it.”</p><p>Dameron’s voice is furious and breaks with pain on the last word.</p><p>“Ren, they <em> know.” </em></p><p>Ben’s heart stops and he feels his stomach drop painfully. His voice is quiet when he dares to ask, “They know what?”</p><p>
  <em> “They know who you are!” </em>
</p><p>…...</p><p>And it’s all over.</p><p>His life was delicate – as if it were made of glass. And now? It’s shattered.</p><p>His whole future is shattered.</p><p>With five simple words, everything is <em> over. </em></p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Heartbreak</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hullo! Our Beta Editor / Alpha Reader, Master Elle, has recommended that I update the tags, so I don't surprise anyone. Please be aware.<br/>(I'm new to fic-writing - so I'm still learning about tagging!!! Be kind to little old me!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Art by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/ilafox/?hl=en"> Ila Fox</a> (With permission~)</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p>_________________</p><p>“They<em> know, </em>Ren.”</p><p>On the other end of the comm, Dameron’s body sounds like it flops down onto something soft – a chair, a bed. It doesn’t matter. Ben’s mind is blank. He tries to form words, knowing that there is <em> something </em>he needs to say… but… nothing comes out. He feels Rey’s curiosity prickle over his body and he <em> clamps </em>his mind closed like iron.</p><p>Rey.</p><p>What will happen to Rey? Rà? Ciel? His system?</p><p>...Him?</p><p>“How-?” but he can’t complete the thought before the comm chirps on his desk again.</p><p>Dameron’s voice raises, laced with mistrust and panic. “Who’s on that line?”</p><p>Ben’s eyes are hard on the channel marker and his heart is like lead. </p><p>It’s Finn.</p><p>It should make him feel better… but it doesn’t.</p><p>He opens the next channel so his personal comm and desk line are open at the same time. Voice only. He can’t bear to look at anyone’s face.</p><p>“Ren! <em> Ren – </em> where are you? Like Right. Goddamn. Now. We have an issue, I mean, like, a <em> serious </em>issue.”</p><p>The Pilot chimes in sardonically over Finn. “Hey, buddy.”</p><p>There’s only a brief pause before Finn echoes out with caution. “You… you told him?”</p><p>He can hear an irritated smile in Dameron’s voice. “Surprised I got to him before you, actually.”</p><p>Ben states, “Rey doesn’t know.” Not a question. His voice holds no emotion; he’s good at that. But his eyes… he knows that he can never quite hide the mourning that shows in his eyes.</p><p>“No.” Finn is filled with anger. “They don’t want to tell her. Not yet.”</p><p>The Pilot muses, “They don’t know whether or not she knew <em> already </em>or if you <em> tricked </em> her.”</p><p>Without a pause, Ben grits out, “The answer is that I tricked her. The answer is that I tricked all of you.”</p><p>Finn’s rage multiplies, “Nah. Nah, nope – you don’t get to do that. You don’t get to decide that for us. How can we protect you if-“</p><p>“You DON’T protect me.” Ben’s voice is louder than it needs to be. “There <em> is no protecting me.” </em>He clutches the comm in his hand and looks at it as if he’s never seen one before. “The only thing you can do is protect yourself. And help me protect everyone else.”</p><p>“How does she not already <em> know </em> by now, anyway?” Finn sounds exasperated, but Dameron is irritated.</p><p>“I’m not telling her. If you didn’t tell her, how the hell else would she know? More ‘Force Stuff’? Read my mind from parsecs away?”</p><p><em> DON’T TELL HIM, </em>Ben bellows in Finn’s brain. It’s too strong and he can feel the man wince. He sends a wave of his regret while the Pilot talks about how ‘the Force doesn’t work that way’, but Ben tunes it out… there is something more important. He tries again – gently this time. </p><p><em> Please, </em> he begs, <em> Dameron can’t know about the bond. -No one else- can know. </em></p><p>
  <em> Why? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> If they find out, it can only be bad for her. In fact, anyone who has a connection to me is at risk of being suspected of… something. What would they think if they knew I can connect to her mind? Send my thoughts to her? Or to -you- for that matter. </em>
</p><p>The silence from Finn is filled with sorrow.</p><p><em> Please, </em> Ben presses. <em> Please, help me save my family. </em></p><p>“The kid,” Finn interrupts the Pilot, sniffing back a wet sound. “What happens to the kid?”</p><p>“What do you mean, what happens to him? Rey’s basically his mother, right? Rey’s with us. She’s Alliance. You and I would fight to the death for her, and you know that - but we won’t have to. She’s the Last Jedi. She beat Palpatine! They won’t want to drag her into the mud at all. They’ll want to play her off as another victim, if they can.”</p><p>Ben closes his eyes in thankfulness.</p><p>“And Ciel?” Finn continues</p><p>Dameron sighs heavily. “That’s harder. He’s an ex-trooper AND second in command of the FFO. We’ve got to keep him squeaky clean so he can take over with no issues from our side. Ren, we’ll need your help there. I feel like he’s gonna go ballistic and we need him to stay cool. Another victim, right? Another trick. I just spent years trying to fix a power vacuum, I don’t want to clean up another one.”</p><p>Ben can’t help but scoff. “How <em> noble </em>of you.”</p><p>The Pilot turns vicious. “Listen to me, goddamnit; I’ve spent <em> years </em> of my life picking up after you. Fighting against you, fixing what you and yours have <em> ruined! </em>Don’t you <em> dare </em>try to take issue with me now that your shit is coming back to haunt you. I’ve done my BEST by you!”</p><p>Ben seethes. “What you <em> did </em> was coerce me into a position where I would be at risk. You <em> wanted </em> me to take over the Fallen First Order... to tie them to your precious Alliance. You made me <em> visible. </em> You made me a <em> target.” </em></p><p>“YOU made you a target, Ren. By just being alive,<em> you made yourself a target! </em> And don’t you even try to pretend that you didn’t like where you landed in all this. Until ten minutes ago, your life was <em> gold.” </em></p><p>Finn jumps in, feisty and filled with loathing. “You done? Both of you <em> done? </em> I think you’re missing the point that everything is going to go to hell. Not just <em> your </em> stuff, not just <em> his, </em> not just mine… <em> everything </em>we’ve done since the Order went down.”</p><p>With sudden realization, Ben’s heart jumps into his throat, “How long have they known for? How safe are these channels?”</p><p>He can nearly feel Finn shake his head from afar. “I think we’re good for now. We all came together <em> real </em>quick. Urgent. I called you as soon as I could. Only one knew, and she told the rest of us all at once. She was still freaking out… so I think it was fresh, you know? It was a shock.”</p><p>Ben snorts, sardonically. “I suppose it would be. Which one found out?”</p><p>The Pilot blows air out of his mouth into the mic. “Mendje; the Chagrian. You just did a mission in her slice. She knew Leia from… before. She’d heard about you while she was secretly working with the Resistance. General Organa <em> talked </em>about you a lot… in the beginning, anyway... I guess.”</p><p>No, he doesn’t sound bitter at all.</p><p>“I don’t know how she found out. Or <em> figured </em>it out. Either way, Mendje’s all turned around. She doesn’t know what to feel.” Dameron beats his head back against something and Ben can hear the soft thump.</p><p>Finn sighs, heavy. “She kept talking about how your mother wanted to bring you back to the Light. She just was – well, <em> everyone </em> was just… lost.”</p><p>“But who was <em> angry? </em>That’s the more important question.”</p><p>“All of them.” Dameron sounds defeated… and all hope disappears.</p><p>There is a long pause.</p><p>And it just draws out.</p><p>Ben is so quiet he can barely hear himself. “What happens now?”</p><p>Dameron’s voice holds no humor. “I think you need to make a few comms. You know, before <em> they </em> comm <em> you.” </em></p><p>“We.” Finn corrects with sorrow. “Before <em> we </em>comm you.”</p><p>Ben nods his head in understanding. “And Rey can’t know.”</p><p>“She shouldn’t know until the Alliance tells her; you know she can’t hide her emotions well. She’ll freak out and make them suspicious of how she found out. You tell her, you screw us over.”</p><p>“No worse than you already have,” and Dameron’s line goes dark. Ben stares at it for a minute before chucking the useless thing over his desk.</p><p>There is another round of silence. </p><p>“Finn?”</p><p>He hears a wet sniff. “…Yeah?”</p><p>“You’re like my brother, you know that?”</p><p>“Yeah, I know.”</p><p>“You keep away. Promise me. Keep far away from me.”</p><p>The man laughs, but it’s a pitiful sound. “Why? Why would I ever do that?”</p><p>“Because they need to see you as a victim, just like her. She’s going to need you.”</p><p>Finn's sorrow floods him. “She doesn’t need me, man – she needs <em> you.” </em></p><p>Ben smiles the worst smile of his life. “But she won’t have me anymore, will she?”</p><p>And that’s when he hears Finn's voice choke in his throat.</p><p>Ben keeps the bond clamped shut, but it’s only a matter of time until she finds him. He never goes completely dark on her. He always at least leaves his <em>presence</em> available to her - but not now. He doesn’t have long to pick up the pieces of his heart. He needs to keep his game face on. There are things he needs to do before the day ends.</p><p>He needs to play with the boy who’s not his son, joke with the man who orbits him like the moon…</p><p>… and spend one more heartfelt night with his beautiful wife. Tell her how much he loves her. Over and over and <em> over </em> again. Endlessly. Until he runs out of breath.</p><p>There are things to do before he’s ready.</p><p> </p><p>Ready to let it all go.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rà stares down at his paper, eyes glazed over and sleepy. Today was hard. Tonindra got really angry again and when he does that, it gets really scary. It was all Rà could do to keep himself under control. Keep his mind quiet. But, he’ll get better at it. He knows he will. Master Ren will keep helping him. Master Ren <em> always </em>helps him.</p><p>Even if he <em> does </em> still treat him like a kid. He’s ten whole years old, now! That’s, like, two numbers put together. It’s only a matter of time until he’s a grown up.</p><p>Thinking about the grown-up things he’d like to do, Rà starts to nod off at his desk before hearing someone clear their throat behind him, startling him into a sort of a yelp.</p><p>“Just me, kiddo.” Master Ren smiles at him. It’s special, because he’s always hiding his smile in front of everyone else.</p><p>Rà scrubs his fist over his eyes and yawns a little. “Why weren’t you at dinner? Mom was looking for you.”</p><p>“She mad?”</p><p>He shrugs. Master is carrying folders and papers and it piques the boy’s interest. Cocking his head to one side, he can’t help but let a smile unfold. “New scrolls for me?”</p><p>“No – sorry. But it is… special.” Master sets everything down on the bed and sits carefully next to it. They must be fragile, like some of the scrolls are fragile. “It’s my personal collection.”</p><p>Rà blinks blearily in disappointment. “Oh.” He doesn’t bother to ask what that means. If he’s supposed to know, Master will tell him. No longer interested, he spins back around to his desk and presses both fists into his cheeks as he leans on his elbows. There’s still nothing on the page, but maybe there <em> could </em>be. If he stares at it long enough, maybe he’ll figure out what belongs there.</p><p>Master Ren sounds soft when he asks, “Meditate with me?”</p><p>But Rà can’t help but be whiny about it. “Seeeeriously? Now? I’ll fall asleep; I know I will.” He turns over his shoulder once more and sees Master Ren looking down at the papers on the bed. His face looks… sad. Rà never wants him to look sad. Even though grumpy is okay, sad is… well, it makes him sad, too.</p><p>The man’s dark eyes connect with Rà’s once more, and he smiles again – but it’s a fake smile this time. “Can I show you my collection instead, then?”</p><p>Rà nods and gets up pretty quick, thumping his body on his tummy next to the folders.</p><p>“You have to be careful with them – I’ve been saving them for years.”</p><p>“Ohhh.” Now he’s <em> actually </em>interested and finds himself perked awake. He blinks at his Master and paddles his feet in the air behind him.</p><p>“I’ve had to be sneaky about getting these, but they were worth the risk. These are precious and <em> very </em>important to me, you understand?”</p><p>Rà nods solemnly, promising without-words to treat them with great care. But when Master Ren opens the folder, all he feels is… <em> mad. </em></p><p>“These are from the Falcon. Remember when your Mom was still sleeping? These are the pictures you drew of you both together.” Master Ren laughs a little and moves one paper aside. “Of <em> us. </em> Look, this one has me in it.”</p><p>The boy’s voice can’t help but come out mean. “These are <em> trash. </em>I threw them away because they were ugly and old and stupid. I can do better now.”</p><p>He won’t look at Master Ren, but he knows he said the wrong thing. It doesn’t really make him want to say the right thing, though. If Mom were here, she’d get mad at him.</p><p>Master is even quieter as he closes the folder, “I have some of the newer ones, too.” It takes him a moment, but his voice sounds a bit happier when he talks again. “I rescue them. I rescue them from the trash. I keep them because they’re beautiful.”</p><p>The boy rolls his eyes. “Pfft, yeah, right.”</p><p>His head gets squashed down with pressure as Master’s huge fingers scrub through his hair. “Well, <em> I </em>think they’re beautiful. I keep them in my desk. If you promise not to throw them away, you can look at them again some time. It might make you happy… when you’re older, maybe.”</p><p>The boy playfully swats at that big hand as he rolls onto his back. “I’ll make you better ones. Nicer ones. I’ll give you ones that don’t belong in the trash.”</p><p>Master’s smile is real again. And it’s nice and big, so it makes Rà feel a little better. </p><p>“Tuck me in.”</p><p>Without waiting for a response, he jumps up and starts kicking his sheets down into crumples at the bottom of the bed. It’s nice and firm and cool – unlike Mom’s bed. Her bed is <em> awful. </em>Without needing to look up, he just shuts his eyes as he feels the blanket start to stuff underneath his body. He smiles a small, contented smile.</p><p>Usually, Master will just give him a kiss on the head and leave once he’s done, but he just keeps tucking. And tucking. Finally, Rà opens one sarcastic eye. Master Ren is looking at him with so much love that it makes him happy, but a little grossed out, too. He waves the man’s expression away.</p><p>“Hey. Tell me the secret. The one Mom doesn’t even know.”</p><p>Rà throws his hands over his head, blocking out any peeking. He doesn’t know it doesn’t work. “No! No, no, no. Mom has to know <em> first. </em> I’ll tell you <em> after.” </em></p><p>Master Ren’s smile gets sad again. He looks up and away at the wall. “Tell me something else, then. Tell me your favorite memories. Any of them. All of them.”</p><p>Having learned from his family quite well, Rà snorts his amusement. “I can’t tell you all of them. There’s too many.”</p><p>Master’s true smile returns. “Good. Then – maybe just tell me your favorite.”</p><p>He yawns again, and it’s super big this time. It’s past his bedtime, he knows, but he doesn’t mind. It makes him feel sneaky – which is kind of cool in its own way. </p><p>“My favorite, favorite, favorite one?”</p><p>“Your favorite, favorite, favorite one,” he agrees.</p><p>Rà’s grin is shy and he can’t help but look away. “When I met you.”</p><p>He doesn’t even have a moment to breathe before he’s jam-packed tight in Master Ren’s arms. A sound squishes out of him that’s something like ‘ugh’, but that hug just <em> keeps </em>hugging, anyway. He giggles and pats Master Ren on the back, “Okay, okay! Stop it! I’m crushed! You’re crushing me!”</p><p>But the hug just <em> lasts. </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>It’s colder than it needs to be, damnit. Ciel shudders a tiny bit and fluffs out his shirt to hide the gesture. It’s not Cool to look <em> cold </em> in the… cold.</p><p>His eyes graze over the empty courtyard.</p><p>Ah, theeeere he is. Ren is standing completely motionless, facing towards the orphanage, watching the lights go out one by one as the kids put themselves to bed. Breath fogs out in front of him as the two moons light his body from different angles. Another thing about this world, really. Too many moons. It’s entirely too bright at night.</p><p>“Thought I’d find you here.”</p><p>“I thought you’d think you’d find me here.” Ren’s grin is sarcastic, and Ciel loves him for it.</p><p>He steps up beside his friend and fiddles his fingers through the weaves of his braid, more a habit than anything else. It’s getting quite long now. “Late for you. I saw your schedule; this afternoon must have been a bitch.”</p><p>“You don’t know the half of it. Did my wife send you?”</p><p>Ciel shrugs, not bothering to answer.</p><p>“Your schedule looked almost as bad as mine. You doing alright with all of that?”</p><p>He shrugs again.</p><p>Ren’s eyes sparkle as he smirks. “Well, I think you do very well – when you shut your mouth, at least.”</p><p>“A true rarity.”</p><p>“A miracle, when it happens.”</p><p>“Uncharacteristic, really.”</p><p>They grin at each other, falling into a comfortable silence as the building lights flick out one after another. Ren speaks again, sounding wistful. “You’re my best friend.”</p><p>“You want me to braid your hair again, don’t you?”</p><p>Ren’s laugh is catching. He’s not normally a chuckle sort-of-guy. He’s either sarcastic, angry, deadly, <em> nothing, </em>or whacked so far off the head with the goofy stick that he can’t calm down.</p><p>“This suits you. No one else could be my second-in-command. You <em> get </em>these people. Their history. Their needs. If I fell off the face of this planet, I think you could do this job without me.”</p><p>“Pfft, tell that to Naba.”</p><p>“Naba’s a <em> Vatra,</em> of course he hates you.”</p><p>“Naba has a permanent stick up his ass. Or… whatever they have. Do they have asses?” Ciel muses, more to himself than to anyone else.</p><p>Ren shakes his head side to side, slightly. “He doesn’t trust you because you have no offspring. He has <em> twenty. </em>They like to visit here when they’re on-planet. Come see them when they do. Naba will warm up then.”</p><p>“The Vatra basically live in lava; he’s warm enough on his own.”</p><p>The silence settles back in. Ren breaks it with a sly lilt. “You should start seeing Ariani.”</p><p>Ciel’s body goes rigid. “What? At the orphanage? Are you nuts? Where the hell did <em> that </em>come from? That woman would eat me alive.”</p><p>“Might not be a bad way to go.” Ren grins and Ciel whaps him – only to get a thwap right back, enough to make him nearly stumble.</p><p>“Prick.” Under his breath.</p><p>Ren laughs again, but there’s something in the sound of his voice. It’s… off. All of a sudden, Ciel’s sixth sense starts to tingle.</p><p>“Hey, is someth-“</p><p>“I’m going to head in. It’s getting cold.” Ren eyes him, turning away. “You must be miserable. Us spacers are used to climate control. Go inside. Get warm. I’ll see you in the morning.”</p><p>Ciel watches his friend move away under the light of the twin moons. Ren looks the same. But something’s different. He shivers once more, huffing out a cloud of frost. Clapping his hands together and rubbing them, he looks up at the orphanage windows.</p><p>
  <em> Ariani, huh? </em>
</p><p>She <em> is </em> kind of cute.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>By the time Ben gets to the bedroom, Rey is laying on her back with her wet hair soaking the fabric of the pillow. She smells like soap. The nice, forest-scented one he likes.</p><p>Her voice is soft, and a bit… hurt. “Where have you been?”</p><p>After unwrapping his cloak, he starts on his gloves and collar. This situation will be delicate. He doesn’t lie to her. Never has. Not with the bond open and not with it clamped shut, as it is now. </p><p>“I put Rà to bed, chatted with Ciel for a bit-”</p><p>“You know what I mean.”</p><p>Little by little, his layers come off amid their familiar intimacy. It’s one that makes her not even bother to watch him disrobe anymore, unless he’s actively trying for her attention. Or she for his. He flops down, propping himself on his elbows to look at her. Her eyes are closed and her thin eyebrows are in a neutral position. Her lips are parted as she breathes through her mouth. Delicate freckles pepper over her shoulders. She’s beautiful.</p><p>“Rey?”</p><p>She hums in response.</p><p>“Can I kiss you?”</p><p>She smiles slightly, opening one eye to peer at him. “When have you ever asked?” She flips onto her side and reaches a hand up to touch his face. He catches her fingers between his and stares down at them.</p><p>“Every part of you,” he clarifies.</p><p>He can’t help but feel his lips twitch as she cocks a suggestive eyebrow at him. He’ll get there - he’ll <em> definitely </em>make sure he gets them there - but not yet. Without waiting for any further response, he slides down the bed and smiles playfully at her, wrapping his hands around her ankle.</p><p>“Oh – no. No you don’t. Ben! No!”</p><p>But he doesn’t listen. Instead, he jerks her leg up suddenly and blows raspberries onto the bottom of her foot, right on her instep, and she <em> squeals. </em>He holds her firmly, as her leg starts to lash out and she screams her laughter at him. He grins before doing it again.</p><p>“Nononononono!” She giggles, trying to flip over and escape, but to no avail. He pins her by wrapping his legs up and around, hooking his feet over her belly and letting out a small triumphant sound before going in for a third blow.</p><p>Suddenly – he can’t help but stop to just look at her. Her grin. Her squinted eyes. Her hands scrabbling for purchase as she tries to playfully wriggle away from him. His Rey.</p><p>His <em> perfect </em>Rey.</p><p>He nuzzles at her then, placing sweet kisses to the tips of her toes while she comes down from her laughter, relaxing in stages and still grinning that gorgeous smile.</p><p>He kisses up her ankle. “I love you.”</p><p>She relaxes back into the pillow-top and softens. “I love you, too.”</p><p>He massages her calf a bit, kissing his way up to her knee. It’s not sexy; it’s silly more than anything. Big, heavy pecks. “I love you.”<em> Peck. </em> “So.” <em> Smooch. </em> “Much.” </p><p>She’s giggling again and he’s smiling over her skin. It’s only when she asks him this, that his heart begins to break open… “Where are you, Ben?”</p><p>His kisses soften up her thighs, the downy white hairs tickling his lips. “I’m right here, baby.”</p><p>He feels her fingers flow through his hair. “No. You’re closed off. It’s like you're gone.”</p><p>He kisses up her hip, now. “I’m here. I just need to sort out something tonight, but I’m here.”</p><p>Rey’s hands pull at him, bringing him further up her body. “I’m lonely. I’m always so lonely without you. Let me in? Please?”</p><p>It hurts. It <em> already </em> hurts. He has a lump in his throat he can’t swallow, no matter how he tries.</p><p>She begs, “When I can’t feel you, it’s like the other half of me is missing.”</p><p>Refusing to let his eyes tear up, he keeps his lids shuttered and kisses up her arms. “I’m here. I’m with you.” Up her shoulders, up her neck, behind her ear as her cheeks pink and her breath quickens.</p><p>“I’m with you Rey. Until the day I die, I will <em> always </em>be with you.</p><p>“If I’m lucky, maybe even after…” </p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>They’re not cuddlers – either of them. Not really. But they hate to be apart, even so. After their endless kisses goodnight, she curls onto her side – angling away from him. He takes the same position, mirrored, so their backs face one another.</p><p>But their legs twine together.</p><p>Just like they do every night.</p><p>The silky tops of her feet smooth their way up and down his shins for a few long strokes before settling. He listens to every sound in the room, every breath and light snore. He soaks them up like the desert sand sucks up water.</p><p>If they take him - <em>when </em>they take him - he will be brave. Whatever happens next, he can handle it. He reminds himself of everything he’s been through. Reminds himself that he can take the pain when it comes. He’s no stranger to pain. Not of the heart, and not of the body.</p><p>But, just for tonight, he’ll let the tears come.</p><p>Silent, they slip over the space between his eyes as he lies on his side, one tear joining another as they fall over the ridge of his cheek and onto his pillows.</p><p>It was short. It was so <em> very </em>short – but, for a moment, he had all he ever wanted.</p><p>And more.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Exposed</h2></a>
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</div><p>Toydarian art from the Star Wars Roleplaying game <a href="https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Saga_Edition"> Scum and Villainy</a></p><p>_________________</p><p>She’s fiddling with her hair, slightly irritated, deciding (only after her fingers fumble too many times) to just leave it down. That’s good. He likes it when it’s down.</p><p>“I don’t know why you even need to be there for an ‘emergency meeting’. It’s Alliance stuff… if it’s not a mission, what else could they possibly need you for?” She grumbles, “It better not just be Leaga again. He’s always asking for your opinion and ignoring mine.”</p><p>Ben shrugs. “What can I say? History buffs like history buffs. We want to make sure nothing repeats itself.” A loaded statement, considering.</p><p>She responds with a deeper grumble, running the brush through her hair one last time.</p><p>Rey is very meticulous about keeping the Alliance and the Fallen First Order in separate little boxes - far, <em> far </em> away from each other. He calls it ‘Separation of Church and State’; she doesn’t understand the reference and gets annoyed whenever he tries to explain it. He’s long-since given up on teaching her certain things and just accepts her stubbornness for what it is.</p><p>They walk to the conference room all while Ben’s stomach churns. Ciel joins the walk soon after they leave their suite and he can’t help but be grateful for the distraction. His best friend tosses Rey an aja fruit, and she catches it with a grin, biting into it and letting the juices run down her chin a bit before using the back of her hand to wipe it away.</p><p>“Another day in the life of a princess.” Ciel seems to be unable to stop himself from commenting on her sloppiness, as usual. </p><p>She scoffs.</p><p>He holds his hands up. “Sorry, sorry – Queen. Majesty? Empress?”</p><p>She moves to trip him playfully, but he skips over her leg with practiced ease.</p><p>“You know I hate that.”</p><p>“And that’s exactly why he does it.” Ben can’t help but smile at his wife. </p><p>The conference room is large with heavy furniture and holo-screens everywhere. It’s set up for FFO meetings and Rey’s little Alliance calls. The Alliance members are far fewer; only seven, compared to the FFO’s fifteen. Seventeen, including Ben and Ciel. Even with the whole FFO Council in place, there’s more room than they could possibly need. More than enough space for other leadership and planets to join. For his system to grow…</p><p>But that thought dies.</p><p>Just being three of them, the room echoes with emptiness. The pool of salt water for Tuar stands at one end and Rey moves around it without thought. Ciel hadn’t been invited, per se, but Ben had decided to take initiative there. The reason is twofold: one is that he’ll need to step up, and step up <em> fast, </em>the other is that Ben needs him to find out who knew. Who told. Who <em> exposed </em>him. He’s almost venomous with that need. It can’t be his Council. He can read them all – and none of them know.</p><p>But… Vious… he can’t read <em> Vious.</em></p><p>Rey calls him ‘Master Ren’ in front of everyone. Finn, Dameron, Ciel – they <em> all </em> call him ‘Ren’. They would never have said anything, anyway. Even if he couldn’t read their minds, he knows that they wouldn’t. Not on purpose, anyway… but could they have given some accidental hint? Or, had he just been recognized by the Chagrian who was close to his mother in the past? Had she just finally put two and two together? An ex-trooper, somewhere? Who?</p><p>Too many questions. A Galaxy full of suspects. He can’t help the Darkness that rises in him and he doesn't even try to quell the desire to have his second-in-command viciously <em> assassinate </em>whoever is responsible. Though, no, that would only make things worse. A shame, really.</p><p>His eyebrows knit as he widens his stance, clasping his hands behind his back. Rey jumps up and sits on the huge tabletop and Ciel leans against it nonchalantly. Ben swallows and schools his face into neutral, staring hard at the blue light that flickers into existence as Rey toggles to the right frequency.</p><p>
  <em> Here we go… </em>
</p><p>The viewscreen flickers into separate chunks, depending on who was on-planet with who. Finn and Dameron are on separate screens and both look equally upset, though he knows it’s for different reasons. </p><p>Upset is good. <em>Angry </em> is better – but Dameron will get there. He slides his eyes over to glance at his wife. She’ll get there, too. He sees the other Council members and looks each one of them in the eyes, trying to exude an air of confidence, regardless of whether he feels it or not.</p><p>Mendje Hapur, the Chagrian who’d found him out, somehow. Her teal skin coloring bleeds nicely into the pale of her horns, which are long and proud. She looks… sad.</p><p>I’ Pasigurt, an intensely smart Clawdite changeling who’s never really been fond of him. She likes to shift into the other Alliance members in meetings, annoying everyone, but she’s in her true form now, and her eyes are like fire as they burn into him.</p><p>Urrejtes Ikeq, a terrifying Klatooinian with a silver tongue like the ancient Bad-Man of legends. His pointed underbite juts up through the folds of his mouth and his yellow eyes glint.</p><p>Leaga Solitulafono, an Amanin with a love of history and a penchant for redesigning the Galaxy based on Ben’s recommendations. His many arms fold over his elongated body as he hangs his head and refuses to look up.</p><p>Finn won’t look at him, either.</p><p>Dameron stares him down with a sort of detached ferocity.</p><p>Rey, the last member of the Alliance Council, is flicking her eyes back and forth over the hostile faces on the screen, eyes narrowing slightly. No one seems to be saying anything, which gives this scene an eerie beginning. Ben can’t help but be reminded of his first encounter with Dameron. <em> ‘Who talks first? You talk first? I talk first?’ </em></p><p>Rey talks first, evidently. “So – hello.” Her accent lilts slightly. “What’s on the docket for today?”</p><p>It’s Ikeq that replies, voice sultry in spite of the shape of his mouth. “We’re here to discuss Kylo Ren.”</p><p>Ben doesn’t need to look to know that everyone in his room has bristled.</p><p>Ikeq continues with a small gesture towards him. “Or should I say, ‘Jedi Master Ren’?”</p><p>Rey’s face whips in his direction and he can see her out of his periphery. Her eyes are on him in shock and terror. Not of him, of course, but <em> for </em> him. He refuses to let his eyes leave the screens, working his jaw in feigned surprise.</p><p>Ciel’s voice is like steel. “That’s a hefty accusation, friend. What makes you believe you’re right?”</p><p>“I’m not your <em> friend, </em>CL-3337. And we believe because we have proof.”</p><p>He challenges, “Proof of <em> what, </em>exactly?”</p><p>Mendje speaks up, then, voice high-pitched and mournful. “We have intelligence that confirms that Master-“ she pauses and audibly swallows, “that <em> he </em>is...”</p><p>“Ben Solo.” He surprises even himself when he speaks. “My name is Ben Solo, son of Han Solo and Leia Organa.”</p><p>He watches Mendje wince under his words as she casts her eyes downward.</p><p>Leaga’s voice is ominous. “Grandson of Darth Vader.”</p><p>Ben bites the inside of his cheek and nods. “That, too.”</p><p>Rey's face is frantic as she parts her lips to speak. He <em> opens </em>the bond like a floodgate, pouring his thoughts to her in rapid succession, <em>PleaseDon’tSilenceStopWaitCan’tReyNoStopDon’tPlease </em></p><p>She turns away with the pressure he’s shoved into her mind, eyebrows wincing together, giving off a good expression of what could be horror. Betrayal. Disgust. Anything unpleasant. He turns to look at Ciel and the man’s eyes are wide on him. Some might think it’s shock, but Ben knows better. This expression screams, ‘Orders, Boss?’</p><p>“I’ve let that all go. It’s behind me. I left the Order before the battle of Exegol. Destroyed the Knights of Ren. I had plotted the Emperor’s destruction during my entire tenure as Supreme Leader, though it was Master Rey who achieved that goal in the end.”</p><p>Dameron huffs a sarcastic laugh and presses his fingertips into his closed eyelids.</p><p>Finn’s voice is strong, but cautious as he tries to lead the conversation into a particular direction. “Why would you leave the Order? You <em> were </em>the Order.”</p><p>Ben shakes his head. “No. Once Snoke was dead, whispers of Palpatine’s return began almost immediately. I felt him through the Force and it lured me to Exegol. His presence, his agenda, his Final Order… <em> escalated </em>things. I knew he couldn’t be allowed to come back into power.”</p><p>The Clawdite morphs into a cruel-looking version of him. “Because it would take power away from <em> me.” </em></p><p>Rey sneers and gears up to yell, but Ben pushes halting thoughts into her mind once more.</p><p>“That wasn’t it. He put something at risk. Wanted something I refused to give him.”</p><p>Finn pushes, “And what was that?”</p><p>He’s trying to give him an ‘in’ - pair Ben together with the Last Jedi in taking down the rotting creature in that lightning-streaked world – but that would implicate Rey, so he doesn’t take Finn’s bait. He remains silent.</p><p>The bond SLAMS shut like an iron curtain on her side as she stands rock still, staring at him in fury, barring his entry into her mind. Barring him from confusing her and <em> stopping </em>her. </p><p>Her voice is staccato and clipped. “Kylo Ren did ask me to join him to destroy Palpatine.”</p><p>Ben closes his eyes at his wife’s impetuousness.</p><p>Dameron’s voice is angry now. He doesn’t know half the story. “Asked you to do <em> what, </em>now? When the hell did he have a chance to do that?” His eyes flick to the side as it clicks. “On the Steadfast... when we rescued Chewie. Before we picked you back up.”</p><p>It was actually before then, but this is good enough. And true. If he can find ex-troopers that didn’t die in that hangar, they can corroborate. But no, they’d say he took off his mask. That she knew his face. That she knew who he was before this moment.</p><p>That’s a dead end.</p><p>The Pilot's voice is low and distasteful. “When exactly were you going to tell us that, Rey?”</p><p>She looks away, ashamed. “If we’re confessing secrets – Kylo Ren also killed Snoke. I went to the Supremacy to try to turn him to the Light after speaking with Master Skywalker… and Snoke tortured me. Stole things from my mind in the most painful way possible. Kylo Ren saved me… and killed his Master to do it.”</p><p>They don’t have to know he did it with his helmet off. </p><p>Dameron’s hand pounds violently against something as he shifts in his chair, feeling betrayed by her secrets. Ben’s hackles rise on her behalf. </p><p>“I believe that the Last Jedi is not under any scrutiny here. Is she?” Ben can’t help but ask, sternly.</p><p>Leaga’s eyes finally raise and they’re filled with something close to hate. “If you’re a Jedi, <em> Master Ren, </em>then Rey was never the last one.”</p><p>“I’m not a Jedi. Not anymore. Neither is she; not really. We use the name, but neither she nor I are true Jedi.”</p><p>Rey’s hand hits her forehead at his idiocy, and Ben can’t help but let his lips twitch.</p><p>“And why the <em> hell </em> would you say that?” Dameron growls at him.</p><p>Finn can’t help but smirk and Ben raises his eyebrows. Leaga uncrosses his arms and places them on his hips with an exasperated sigh. “Because those who followed the true Jedi code had no attachments. Were celibate.”</p><p>It’s Ciel that laughs - because, of course it is.</p><p>“But we still use the Light. We are still Masters of the Force. And she is the strongest Lightsider left. In that sense, she <em>is</em> the Last Jedi.” He looks at her, his eyes mournful, but not for the reasons he says. “I’m sorry I tricked you. I never wanted you to know who I had been.” </p><p>Understanding dawns on her face as to what his game is, and her eyebrows knit in fury once more. </p><p>“I’d loved you before I even knew what love was. It’s why I turned. It’s why I came back to the Light.”</p><p>He turns his eyes to Ciel. “And I’m sorry to you, too. You served under me when I was Kylo Ren – were <em> enslaved </em>under me, like so many other troopers…” His friend also narrows his eyes, catching on and turning away from him, immediately.</p><p>Still defending himself, as he must, “But I am no Sith. Have never been a Sith. Nor am I the only Darksider to turn back to the Light. There is great good I can do. That I’ve been <em> trying </em>to do.”</p><p>Ikeq slides out a soft, “All while you regain power over your previous territory. How long until you become a threat to the Galaxy once more, Supreme Leader? How long until you turn back to the Dark side? You’ve just taken back two more planets into your system, no? How long until your lust for power breaks the Galaxy in half once more?”</p><p>The Chagrian’s voice is still mournful. “And regardless of what you do today, it doesn’t bring back the innocent people you slaughtered.”</p><p>Ben’s heart drops. He looks down at his feet and clenches his teeth together so hard he can hear the grinding. “No. It doesn’t.”</p><p>“What’s the endgame, here? Why have this comm? What are you trying to accomplish?” Ciel calls out, gesturing at Ben and staring at the holo screens.</p><p>“Simple,” Ikeq smiles his pointed-toothy smile. “Execution.”</p><p>Even the Alliance members uproar slightly. Rey sneers her face into a growl. Mendje balks and Finn tries to talk over everyone else. It’s Ciel’s voice that rings out louder than them all. “You have NO jurisdiction here. No power. No control! If the FFO is led by this man, then he is protected under a treaty which you signed <em> yourselves!” </em></p><p>“This is not the Alliance versus Kylo Ren. This is the <em> Galaxy </em>versus Kylo Ren. Do you think they’ll stand by and watch this man flourish while so many others suffered and died under his tyranny?”</p><p>Rey sounds desperate and pleading. “Why tell them? Can we adjust the treaty to restrict further expansion? Do something to limit his-”</p><p>I’ Pasigurt morphs into Rey this time. “Because I can no longer be objective. I’ve been tricked so severely, I can’t even see the betrayal.”</p><p>Leaga places two hands underside his chin in thought. “Maybe even mind-tricked? Is that how you convinced us how to structure the Galaxy? Did segmenting us in this way put us at risk for when you finally turn against us?”</p><p>Before Ben can defend himself, it’s Dameron who grunts out, “The Force doesn’t <em> work </em>that way. We were systems away. He can’t trick us from that far - can he?” he directs his comment at Finn and the man shakes his head nice and slow. Rey also shakes her head.</p><p>They’re both wrong, and they know they’re wrong – but he’ll take it.</p><p>“If you take me out, all the good I’m doing for the Galaxy – for the <em> Alliance – </em>it all goes away.”</p><p>Ikeq steeples his fingers. “No. not quite. We’ll still have the <em> Last Jedi.” </em></p><p>Before Rey can challenge it, Ciel steps in once more. “Again – endgame? Execution is a violation of the treaty. Off the table. In fact, I’m not sure anything is <em> on </em>the table.”</p><p>Mendje slides her hands up and down one of her lower horns. “Would your Council stand with you, even if they knew who you are? Who you were? Who you could still be? Would they want you to lead them if they knew you were the one who <em> oppressed </em>them?”</p><p>Ben nods in understanding of the unspoken ask. “I’ll speak to them. Confess. Allow me to tell them, myself.”</p><p>I’ Pasigurt, still with Rey’s face, smiles cruelly. “Allow me to mind-trick them, just like my wife.”</p><p>“I’m on route to Karuvis, as we speak,” the Pilot chimes in. “Ren can’t do anything with his Toydarian; they’re immune to that stuff. I’ll be in the meeting and I’ll report back on his reaction to everything.”</p><p>Ciel scoffs. “Dameron, you’re not allowed in closed Council meetings. It’s not your place.”</p><p>Thoughtfully, Ben nods. “Let him come. After this, there’s nothing left to hide.”</p><p>More lies.</p><p>The Pilot nods, sharply. “Let’s hope to the Gods that’s the truth.” Dameron points his finger in a blue flicker on the screen. “And, if you’re not on-planet when I get there. I will <em> hunt you down.” </em></p><p>Would he, though? <em> Could </em>he, though? How much of this is for show, and how much is real?</p><p>“Understood.”</p><p>As informal leader, Dameron continues, “The Alliance Council will continue our meeting after this to discuss the matter.” It’s not without sympathy that he looks at Rey. “I don’t think you should come.”</p><p>Finn steps up. “Nah – not gonna let that fly. She’s one of us.”</p><p>“She’s <em> compromised,” </em>Ikeq corrects, calmly.</p><p>The teal Chagrian shakes her head. “She holds a key perspective on this that we can’t ignore. She fought him before and she’s closest to him now – and, if… Ben Solo… is to be believed, she’s the strongest in the Light side of the Force.” She nods at Rey, then looks at Ben. “The Galaxy might not be objective if the Last Jedi doesn’t stand with us.”</p><p>Ben uncrosses his arms from behind his back. “Then I shall take my leave.” He glances at Ciel, “Would you come with me?”</p><p>That ever-perceptive man does exactly the right thing, turning around and striding out of the Council room without him, leaving him behind. Ciel needs to keep the system safe. Be the one the Alliance turns to. The one they can trust.</p><p>Still, it hurts.</p><p>Ben follows shortly after, taking the ‘insubordination’ in stride.  </p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Shit, shit, shit, <em> shit!” </em> is the only word he can think to say as he walks at too-fast a clip away from the huge room that just upended his whole life. Ren leaves shortly following and Ciel spins to face him.</p><p>“What are we gonna do? Huh? How can we fix this?”</p><p>Ren’s eyes are on the ground. “I’m sorry,” is all he says.</p><p>Ciel’s finger flings in the direction of the heavy, closed doors. “Tell me you know you didn’t need to say a <em> word </em> of what you just said to me in there! I was enslaved to the First Order, but I was <em> never </em> enslaved to <em> you!” </em>He steps away in disgust, turning in a half circle to face away, scrubbing his hands down his face.</p><p>After a beat, he continues, “If we can keep you head of the FFO, we can protect you. They can’t violate the treaty or they’ll lose us from the coalition.”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>He looks over his shoulder with wide eyes. “What do you mean, <em>‘and’?” </em></p><p>Ren shrugs, face expressionless. “Our resources are valuable to them, but we rely on their resources, too. That relationship is beneficial to our system. We can’t put eleven planets at a disadvantage because of one person.”</p><p>Ciel throws his hands in the air and flops them back down against his hips, letting out an exasperated sound. “First of all, you keep saying ‘ours’… but it’s Yours. These sentients picked you. They picked <em> you </em> to lead them. This is <em> your </em>system!”</p><p>Ren’s eyes flick up at him, angrily. “And that’s why I need to protect it.”</p><p>Turning around once more, Ciel tips his head to the ceiling and presses his fists on his hips, cocking them to the side. This bastard isn’t going to let him help. His <em> people </em> help. “You’re already giving in? You’re not even going to <em> try?” </em></p><p>The man’s silence speaks volumes. They stand there in the uncomfortable quiet as Ciel just shakes his head back and forth in disbelief.</p><p>“It’s the only way I can keep everyone safe.”</p><p>He can’t help but let out a pained laugh. “Asshole.”</p><p>Ren laughs with him, but it’s not happy either. “Evidently.”</p><p>He can’t look at Ren right now. He just can’t. Half of him feels like he wants to punch him for not fighting. Not wanting to <em> run. </em> Not wanting to do <em> anything. </em>But the other half of him just wants to hug him and cry. He smiles a pained smile. “Good news, though. There’s an upside.” He turns profile and his lips bloom into something bitingly sarcastic. “Now you can shave off that damn beard and stop complaining about how itchy it is.”</p><p>Ren snorts. “Well, that must mean it was all worth it, then.”</p><p>The uncomfortable silence returns. Ciel wants to leave. To walk away. To fire his gun at something. Hit something. Kill something. Honestly, he doesn’t see why Ren isn’t having one of his tantrums right now. Unless he knew this was coming.</p><p>That’s it. That’s <em> exactly </em> it.</p><p>“Last night. You <em> knew </em>this was going to go down when I talked to you. And you didn’t bother to say anything.”</p><p>Again, his silence speaks volumes.</p><p>A hand grips firmly on his shoulder and Ciel squeezes his eyes shut. The palm is heavy and warm.</p><p>“As of this moment, am I still Monarch?”</p><p>Wordlessly, Ciel nods.</p><p>“Then here’s an order. Under <em> no circumstances </em> are you to step in on this. You need to focus on the system and what’s best for them. You’re my second-in-command; this all falls to <em> you </em>now. You can’t put everything at risk by being volatile.”</p><p>Sarcastic again, “Volatile? Me?”</p><p>But Ren’s having none of it. He drops his hand and Ciel finally turns to watch his friend stare off into the distance. “At the very least, there will be a trial. Whether before the FFO or the Galaxy, I’m not sure. If there is, testify. Be truthful. And then, that’s it. Then, you need to walk away.”</p><p>It’s Ciel’s turn to put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. He squeezes it and nudges it back and forth slightly, offering comfort. His voice is completely heartfelt as he says, “I’ll tell them the truth. I’ll tell them that you saved me. That you saved me even before you became ‘Ben Solo’.</p><p>“And I’ll also tell them about the time you found me those hookers.”</p><p>Ren blanches.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p><em> “Why didn’t you TELL ME!?” </em>she screams at him, stalking around the room in a kind of prowl.</p><p>He’s sitting there. Just <em> sitting. </em>His mind is open to her now, and she feels him. The panic, terror and regret feeding into her, escalating her hurt.</p><p>“You <em> hid </em> from me! We could have <em> run! </em>We could have just <em>LEFT!”</em></p><p>His eyes shine with wetness, but no sympathy comes to her. All she wants to do is hit him. Preferably with a weapon.</p><p><em> Light, Master Rey. Keep it Light, </em>he sends to her.</p><p>She waves him away in disgust. “Don’t do that. Don’t you <em> dare </em> try to play with me right now.”</p><p>“If we ran away, then what?”</p><p>“We just LIVE, Ben. <em> YOU </em> live!”</p><p>He gets that haughty look he gets just before he’s about to lecture her and she bristles. “And what happens to your students, Rey? What happens when a ‘Bad Guy’ shows up and the Galaxy needs help? Will your moral compass just let people die, needlessly? What happens when we stop Rà’s training, pull him out of our home, and put him on the run with us?”</p><p>She sneers, “I think he’d rather be on the run then have his Master <em> dead.” </em></p><p>She watches him purse his lips and look away from her. She feels his sorrow, but not for himself – for her. For their boy. It’s only then that she notices tears are soaking her face. She brings her hand up to touch them and stares at the wetness on her fingers for a minute.</p><p>“Why did you say you tricked me?”</p><p>
  <em> Because, if they knew otherwise – they might hold you accountable alongside me. For knowing and keeping my secret. </em>
</p><p>“Finn knew this was going to happen. And Poe. They let you know, and yet no one thought to tell <em> me?!” </em></p><p>“They didn’t want to tell you. They knew you’d act like this. The Alliance can’t know they have a leak. That I have people on my side.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you use us, then?<em> ME!? </em> Finn tried to help you, but you didn't let him! You could have let me say more! Why didn’t you let us<em> help you?!” </em></p><p>He nods sharply, “I want you to help me, but only in a way that doesn’t implicate <em> you. </em> All of you. Finn knew who I was and protected me from the Alliance ever since the beginning. Dameron convinced me to take over this system. You took my hand, Rey. Knowing who I was, you <em> took my hand! </em>What would they think of all of you, then? What would they do to you? Whatever it might be, it’s not worth the risk.”</p><p><em> It’s worth it to -me-, </em>she whimpers internally.</p><p>He stands up, then, crowding her space and she shoves uselessly at his chest, needing him to stop – needing him to… she doesn’t even know what, and her tears become sobs. He grasps at her hands and she pulls them away from him, making him try harder and hold her more firmly.</p><p>She’s crying; she can’t stop. Her eyes are so blurred she can barely see him as he lifts her hand up and places his lips across the red circles of her wedding tattoo. His eyes are on her, and a single tear falls off his lower lash. It’s only then that she breaks, collapsing on him in shudders. Her words so garbled they almost sound like nonsense, so she gives up using her voice.</p><p>
  <em> What will we do, Ben? What -can- we do? </em>
</p><p>He folds her in his arms so firmly she can barely breathe. Placing a small kiss on the crown of her head, he mourns with her.</p><p>
  <em> We love each other. That’s all we can do. The rest might not be up to us. </em>
</p><p>And her sobs come harder.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>It was luck that kept his Council on-planet after the ceremony. It allows them all to sit with him in the conference room now. </p><p>Dameron stands at the back with his arms crossed over his chest, and Ben can feel the murk of his emotions through the Force.</p><p>Everyone is staring at him but he remains stoic, firm, and resolved. “Allowing me to continue my rule here, should you even desire that, may result in… complications for the system. I’m currently protected by our treaty with the Alliance, but there is no guarantee that they won’t tell the Galaxy about me - and, if that happens, I won’t be worth the trouble.”</p><p>Kach, an older Human male, grins at him. “Pyat’cinc was the first planet to come under the First Order rule, by <em> my </em> hand, actually. I have no issues with your history. In fact, I respect you more. I’d dealt with you <em> many </em>times. You were much more reasonable than that petulant Hux, though you were also deadlier.”</p><p>Saibara-Kapi and Devata connect eyes before looking at him. They never agree on anything, their whole way of life is at odds with each other on their world, so it’s surprising to hear from them in solidarity, now.</p><p>“What’s most important to us is the success of our planet.” Devata nods in agreement with her male counterpart. Saibara-Kapi continues, “You’ve led us back to success in your time with us, but we need the resources from Alliance worlds. There are some around the Galaxy who didn’t join with them, but that only accounts for a small percentage of what we need.”</p><p>“We can always smuggle, then,” Guerra lifts an eyebrow in half-jest, half seriousness. “Though I imagine Poe Dameron will tattle on us to the Alliance.”</p><p>Vious laughs, gesturing at the man in the back with the shoulders of his clipped wings fluttering. “The Alliance wants to know where we stand on this. He’ll report back the whole meeting. That’s why you’re here, eh?”</p><p>The Pilot sighs through his nose and agrees. “That’s exactly why I’m here.”</p><p>Vious lifts his arms in the air, as if to say, ‘I told you so’.</p><p>Ciel speaks up, “So, where <em> do </em>we stand?”</p><p>All eyes move to Ben once more. He wants to destroy something. Throw the table over. He’s done nothing but <em> right </em> by these creatures and he can’t bear the mixed feelings that emanate from all of them like a stink.</p><p>He closes his eyes and takes a calming breath. “I’ll leave the Council room if you prefer anonymity. Put it to a vote.”</p><p>Akatsa twiddles its mandibles and fingers at the same time, its modulator covering its true voice with the drone of Basic. “I believe that is the coward’s way. How many of us here are cowards?”</p><p>All eyes are firm and proud on the Aqualish and Ben knows that the vote will be open. Damn. If he’d been out of the room, he could claim he had no power over their minds.</p><p>To his credit, Dameron is thinking along the same lines. “No. I don’t think that would be a good idea.” He nods in Ben’s direction. “If Force-users can control people’s thoughts, that means your decisions might not be your own. He might put <em> ideas </em> in your heads. <em> ” </em></p><p>“Not mine.” Vious wriggles his trunk.</p><p>Ben’s lips pull into a stern line. “I believe he’s referring to everyone else. For fairness, both for you and for myself, I’ll await your decision elsewhere.” He narrows his eyes on the Pilot. “Far away, if that suits you.”</p><p>Dameron nods, huffing out a sigh and shifting his posture.</p><p>Fine, then. He can go to his suite and ruin something in private while Rey is trying her best to hold herself together in class. He may only have a moment before she cuts it early to come to him – <em> if </em> she comes at all. </p><p>Feeling around with the Force, he knows some minds have clear thoughts – but even more are filled with conflict.</p><p><em> How will they vote in the end? </em> he wonders. <em> How many more enemies will I have? </em></p><p>
  
  
</p><p>~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>His saber disengages and he’s panting as the sound of the comm chirps. Rey hadn’t come to stop him after all, and so their living space is all but destroyed. She’s not blocking him, but she’s distant and reserved. </p><p>His voice is hoarse from screaming. “What’s the verdict?”</p><p>Ciel comes from the other end of the line, “Nine for you to remain head of the FFO, including me. Ten, if you include yourself. Four who abstained. Three for removal.”</p><p>“Who was for removal?”</p><p>His friend’s voice fills with anger. “Saibara-Kapi, Devata, and Vious.”</p><p>
  <em> Vious.  </em>
</p><p>It hurts because he had let his guard down with that traitorous creature. Ben grits his teeth and kicks something across the room. “What’s Dameron going to do?”</p><p>“Go back to his people with his tail between his legs. If you’re protected, what can they do?”</p><p>Ben’s face pulls into a deeper scowl. “They’ll think of something.”</p><p>Ciel’s voice holds a cold smile. “Then it seems we need back up.”</p><p>“Make some calls,” he agrees and clicks off the comm without saying goodbye. </p><p>His eyes search out across the room, surveying his destruction as the Darkness roils within him. He needs to calm down or this will all go sideways <em> very fast. </em></p><p><em> Balance, </em> he reminds himself.</p><p>
  <em> Balance. </em>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Noose</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</div><p>Art by <a href="http://sethengstrom.blogspot.com/">Seth Engstrom</a> in <a href="https://www.abramsbooks.com/product/art-of-star-wars-the-rise-of-skywalker_9781419740381/">The Art of The Rise of Skywalker</a></p><p>_________________</p><p> </p><p>Rey sits in her classroom with her legs crossed at the ankles. Her hands rest softly in her lap, eyes closed, but she knows well what she’ll see if she opens them.</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>The Holoscreens are dark. No hopeful blue faces look back at her. Classes are cancelled. Indefinitely. She didn’t say why, she just recorded and blasted a comm to all, reminding the children to practice their lessons until she returns.</p><p>If she bothers to return.</p><p>Her stomach is like a knot as acid churns within it. Bile rises up the back of her throat and she works her muscles to keep it down. She can barely stand it. Her allies – her <em> allies </em> making the decision on whether her husband lives or dies. Hasn’t she earned any loyalty in these past years? Hasn’t <em> he? </em>But, instead, thanks to him, they think she’s a victim of his lies. They may even think they’re doing her a favor. </p><p>If she’d wanted Kylo Ren to die, he would have been dead already. She had her chance.</p><p>Taking a deep breath through her nose, she keeps the Darkness at bay. She’s better at it then he is.</p><p>Clarity sinks in alongside the calm. Ben’s right; there is a way for her to help, and acting rashly isn’t it. He always beats her at Dejarik, laughs that she doesn’t plan ahead, and he’s right. She <em> hates </em>that he’s right.</p><p>She feels him raging from somewhere. The burn in his tendons are nearly her own. Through his mind she hears his grunts and screams of fury, but she breathes again and tries to let them pass through her. Like water. Like the water she loves so much. She tries to push that calm to him, but it’s boiled away by his sizzling anger. It can’t get near him when he’s like this - so, she… disconnects. A little. Just enough to get some distance. Just enough so her body isn’t prickled with the sweat of his efforts.</p><p>She’ll go home to a nightmare but, for now, let’s think about what she <em> can </em> do. She may not plan ahead, but she does <em> move forward. </em>That’s what she’s always done. And that’s what she must do now.</p><p>So she fills herself with Light.</p><p>Lets go of his pain.</p><p>And her own.</p><p>Just for now.</p><p>  </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>  </p><p>She hovers outside their door, palm over the heavy wood, trying to decide whether or not to go in. In the end, she does. It’s not just her and him. She has a son to…</p><p>To…</p><p>“GODSDAMNIT!” She can’t help but cry when she sees the state of their suite. <em> Everything </em>is destroyed. E. V. E. R. Y. T. H. I. N. G. She throws her hands up with a grunt and Force-pushes a toppled couch out of her way, eliciting a squeak from the boy she came here for.</p><p>“Mom!!” Rà’s hands fly out in time to barely skid the couch to a stop before jumping up, giving her a rebellious frown. To be fair, she did just throw furniture at him.</p><p>“Sorry! Sorry, honey… it’s just… what? …What are you doing?” Her eyebrows move upwards as he bends back down behind the sofa. She peers over the top and watches the boy gather broken things into a bin, grumbling the whole time.</p><p>“I came in and saw everything like this. Master Ren looked <em> terrible. </em> I asked if I could help-” his voice is furious, “-but I didn’t think he’d say <em> yes!” </em>The grumbling continues as Rà tosses something ceramic into the trash a little too hard.</p><p>Wordlessly, Rey gets on her knees beside him and starts to assist in picking up the disaster.</p><p>“We should call a damn droid to do this,” he sasses.</p><p>“Watch your mouth,” though she smirks at him when she says it. He gets it from his uncle.</p><p>Speak of the devil, she can’t help but smell the wafting air. Ben never cooks anything good. It’s always ‘healthy’ and ‘clean eating’ and ‘nutritious’… but <em> Ciel? </em>He’s grown a taste for sugars and butters and creams. He cooks things that melt in her mouth, and she’s grown a tiny gut to prove how much she loves it when he feeds her.</p><p>“Soon, kiddos!” he calls from the other room. “We’ll eat in here; your dining room has seen better days.”</p><p>“My Walker on <em> Jakku </em>has seen better days.”</p><p>Rà grins down at his work. “Those things were so cool.” He looks up to see her narrowed eyes and shrugs. “What? The specs are cool. You probably even took the tech and used it for yourself instead of trading it.”</p><p>She makes a face and looks slightly away.</p><p>“C’moooon, Mom. Fess up. You thought they had awesome tech. Admit it. Aaaaaadmiiiit iiiiiiit!”</p><p>She chuckles, shoving him slightly and rolling him onto his hip, something cracking harmlessly beneath him. “Fine. I admit it. They were cool.”</p><p>“Super cool,” Ciel corrects from the other room.</p><p>Rey runs a hand through her hair, strands tangling around her fingers. Gods, she hates leaving it down. “Where’s Master Ren?”</p><p>Sulking again, “He snuck off to his training room. He wouldn’t even look at me. Just stuck me here with all this…” he gestures around him.</p><p>She squeezes his shoulder. “You’re a good boy.” She places a kiss on the top of his head and stands. “I’ll go find him.”</p><p>Rà calls after her, “Tell him to call a <em> droid, </em> next time!”</p><p><em> Brat, </em>she can’t help but smirk as she walks away from him.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The glass of the window is cool against his forehead. Shame blazes through him, but he’s no stranger to that. He hears her walk in, her side of the bond still distant. It’s understandable, he supposes. She must have her own feelings to sort out right now. No sense in adding his on top.</p><p>“What’s the verdict, Madam Alliance?”</p><p>She hisses in a breath through her nose. “Don’t call me that. <em> Never </em> call me that. If there is a choice between standing with them and standing with <em> you </em>, then-“</p><p>“Then you stay neutral. You can fight for me, just don’t fight too hard. I tricked you, remember? Your priority is your son. He’s my apprentice, so they might start getting <em> ideas </em>about him.” He pauses, shoulders sagging. “Please, please focus on protecting him.”</p><p>He can’t see her face, but her disdain is so strong it still echoes across the distance between them. She absolutely hates being told what to do.</p><p>“What are you going to tell him?”</p><p>“Does it have to be me?” He sounds weak. <em> Pitiful, </em> even. “He studies the First Order occupation in school. He <em> knows </em> who Kylo Ren is… was.” He shakes his head slightly and grinds his jaw together. “I didn’t want him to know… and I can’t… I just <em> can’t </em>see the look on his face when he finds out.”</p><p>He thumps his head against the glass again and lets out a sad, sad sound. “I know I’m not his father, but my family sure has had a string of lousy ones. Maybe it’s better to get me out of the way before I can ruin his life further. Otherwise, he might have to come to kill me the way Skywalker almost killed <em> his </em> father. The way I killed both of <em> mine.” </em></p><p><em> Snoke was -never- your father, </em>she overpowers the distance, linking them closely once more with a sharp snag into his mind.</p><p>He bends slightly, feeling the power of them both welling within him. Their sorrow and self-pity and Darkness fueling him to do something. But what? What could he do right now that would be for the greater good?</p><p><em> Balance, </em> he prays to no one. <em> Please, help me keep the Balance. </em></p><p>He feels her slim fingers slide over his shoulders. “I’ll tell him, Ben.” They squeeze him, familiar and loving. Having mercy on him, as only she ever could, she presses her body flat against his back and rests her head between his shoulder blades.</p><p>She squeezes once more and whispers through a kiss. “I’ll tell him for you.”</p><p>  </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>  </p><p>“Eat, damn it; it’s delicious.” Ciel shoves more food onto Ren’s plate, knowing full-well that he doesn’t want it. His eyes look baggy and dull, and his mouth is lined from frowning too much. If he’s not careful, he’ll wrinkle. Ciel frowns too, knowing a bit about <em> wrinkling </em> of late. Getting old sucks.</p><p>Only Rà is shoving food down, blessedly unaware of the rest of the mood at the table. Guess it’s up to Uncle Ciel to keep the fun alive.</p><p>Mouth only slightly full, “Guess who’s coming tomorrow?”</p><p>The boy’s eyes are on him, wide and sweet - as he’s sometimes still capable of. “Hmmn?” is all that comes out of his stuffed cheeks.</p><p>“Grandpa Chewie and Papa Lando.” His voice lowers to a grumble, “And that gold-thing that I hate so very, very much.”</p><p>Even Miss Rey looks up with a small smile, relief in her features. “Really? They’re coming?”</p><p>Nodding, Ciel swallows what’s in his mouth before pulling up another forkful. “They’ll be here first thing. I imagine that you and Ren will want to see them as soon as they arrive.”</p><p>“Not me.” Ren wipes his mouth for no reason and sets his napkin back down on the table. “Master Rey and Dameron. And you, I think. Not me.”</p><p>Rà’s eyes narrow. “Why not, Master Ren? Are you fighting with them? Is that why you...?” he turns to look through the doorway in the direction of the… mess.</p><p>Ren looks down and shakes his head. “Not at all. I just have meetings first thing. I’ll see them at some point tomorrow though, I’m sure.” His smile is a lie slapped onto his face. “Master Rey will put you to bed tonight, if that’s alright?”</p><p>Ciel feels the boy knock into him by accident as he starts to kick his legs back and forth underneath the table, chewing a mouthful with a squinty eyed expression of love. “Mmph” is what comes out this time.</p><p>Ren gets up from the table, looking down at Miss Rey before he moves away. Ciel hears him softly ask, “What time is <em> our </em>meeting tomorrow?”</p><p>She clears her throat. “Just after lunch. It’s the best matching time-cycle for all of them.”</p><p>The man nods sharply and leaves the room, righting a few more pieces of furniture on his way to the hallway that separates their apartment from the main annex. Ciel would bet money that he’s going to his office. Once he’s done with his amazing food, he’ll join. They need to get to <em> work. </em> There has to be some way for Ren to survive this. If they can keep any trials or inquiries to just the FFO, they might have a chance.</p><p>Maybe. Just <em> maybe. </em></p><p>But ‘maybe’ is better than nothing.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Their eyes are on all him again. Some in flickering blue, some in flesh and blood. There was a time when all he wanted was eyes on him... but now? Right at this moment? He wants them all to disappear. Especially the mournful eyes of his allies.</p><p>He sits alone at the head of the table. Sentients from the Fallen First Order Council and the Alliance both stare back at him with varying emotions. Some feel like this is a waste of time and changes nothing. Some feel like this is a betrayal and changes <em> everything. </em> Others are darker, waiting for a chance to take vengeance and strike.</p><p>There are also more than a few eyes of mercy, staring back at him. Some of them even sit at the table’s side, facing the rest, as they will be questioned alongside Kylo Ren. </p><p>No… Ben Solo. He has to make that point very clear. His desire to be Kylo Ren died on Kef Bir in the freezing ocean spray. </p><p>Ben Solo was reborn from the ash.</p><p>Dameron stands at the front of the room, hands behind his back, his mind a haze of conflicted feelings, loyalties, and half-formed plans. In other words, completely unpredictable. At first his poise is one of intimidation but then, he sighs heavily and rubs his brow with one set of fingers.</p><p>“I don’t even know where to start.”</p><p>From a holoscreen, Ikeq lets out some kind of hum, despite the pointed teeth protruding out over his top lip. “Why don’t we start simply?” His voice is so soothing and calm that it sets Ben on edge. “To be clear, you do not deny that you are who we think you are?”</p><p>Ben shakes his head. “I don’t.”</p><p>Leaga unfolds his many arms through the flickering blue, leaning in towards his recorder. “Speak! Clearly! We’ll have no mistakes as to what we’re talking about. No ambiguity. No more <em> misunderstandings </em>about your identity!” The creature is nearly spitting. If anyone feels the most betrayed here, it’s him. He’d based most of the Alliance’s structure on Ben’s advice. They’d spent hours discussing history, knowing that no one else cared but them.</p><p>Ben takes a breath in through his nose. “My real name is Ben Solo. I was once Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order – but not anymore. And never again.”</p><p>Ikeq and Leaga lean back immediately, settling down into a sense of satisfaction that’s enough to make Ben wary. He needs to be on his guard. Somehow, even more than before. Even from parsecs away, he knows they’ve got some Sabbac card hidden up their sleeve.</p><p>I’ Pasigurt is in her natural Clawdite form, skin sallow, even in the light of her projection. She looks over the crowd of Council members and those who have been called to speak on Ben’s behalf with a sort of pity.</p><p>“We’re here today to ensure there is an understanding between the Alliance and the Fallen First Order. Right now, our treaty protects the life of this man. It doesn’t matter how much we deify or vilify him, either way – he is just that. A Human Male. Replaceable. Humans die easily and have short lifespans. To me, it seems senseless to put a strain on our relationship due to a single Human Male.”</p><p>Chewie moans and growls something at her. His voice is clear and strong, and it’s a shame they can’t all understand him in his native tongue.</p><p>The gold-plated surface of C-3PO glints as he turns slightly from the Wookie to the holoscreens. “Master Chewbacca would like to remind us all that a single life form can be all it takes to save the Galaxy.”</p><p>Ben sees Ciel’s face immediately turn sour when the droid speaks and stifles his amusement. Ciel would boot 3PO down a garbage shaft if no one was looking. He hates him. Ben can’t help but share the sentiment <em>completely. </em></p><p>The sad Chagrian, Mendje, chimes in softly, “And it only takes one life to destroy the Galaxy as well.”</p><p>“No.” Rey speaks up, firmly. “One person alone doesn’t have the kind of power you’re talking about. I could <em> never </em> have stopped the Final Order on my own. The entire Resistance and Alliance forces worked together to accomplish that. I may have been able to destroy Palpatine, but I didn’t even do <em> that </em> alone. The Jedi of the past came to me; they <em> helped me.” </em></p><p>Finn chimes in, voice bitter that he even has to keep reminding people of this, “And the ex-Troopers worked together in the Great Defection to bring down the rest of the First Order from the inside.”</p><p>Rey nods at him in acknowledgement of her omission. “It’s the <em> same </em>with evil people. It’s the SAME. Ben Solo did not cause the rise of the First Order. Or the Final Order. Or the Empire. Millions of people were required to do that.</p><p>“What could he do now? He’s under the public eye <em> constantly. </em> Watched over and partnered together with me and other Force users. If he had evil intentions, how could he hide them?”</p><p>Curling his body in towards the screen once more, Leaga unfolds three hands before the screen in a rude gesture from his home world. “If you read your history, for once, you’d know that <em> Senator Palpatine </em> grew to power right under the watchful eye of the Jedi Council.”</p><p>Lando laughs a bit and can’t help but shake his head at his compatriots. “Sorry – sorry. I mean, Kylo Ren was a lot of things, but, to equate him to Palpatine? That might be giving him too much credit, don’t you think? He wasn’t even at the level of Darth Vader.”</p><p>Ben locks his jaw and can’t help but feel <em> deeply </em> offended as his ego takes a heavy blow.</p><p>I’ Pasigurt shifts her body into the dark-skinned hero with a playful smirk. Her version of the man from Cloud City is younger and, from his face, it’s obvious that this annoys his uncle. “Why are you even here, Lando Calrissian? General Chewbacca? Why are the heroes of the Rebellion and the Resistance sitting on the same side of the table as this man? Who even called you here?”</p><p>“Me.” Ciel stands up from the far end of the table, reserved for his Council.</p><p>Smart; Ben can’t help but be impressed with his second in command. In the FFO, standing was a sign of strength and leadership. No one other than ‘Master Ren’ stood in meetings. Though he can feel some of his people start to balk at it, no one says anything.</p><p>Good.</p><p>
  <em> Take it, my friend. It’s yours now. </em>
</p><p>Ciel flips his rattail braid over his shoulder. “It’s not enough to hear from Miss Rey, so these are also respected people who have worked closely with Master Ren since the First Order fell. If we want to do this, we do it right. You want to convince us to release him to you? To let you kill him? Show the Galaxy how big you are? Prove there’s no such thing as redemption? Then you’ll need more than just yourselves to do it. You’re too blinded by his past to see his present.”</p><p>I’ Pasigurt becomes herself once more and scoffs. “Redemption?”</p><p>Ciel slams his fist against the table. “Redemption!”</p><p>Finn speaks up and defuses the situation, much to Ben’s relief. “I think General Ciel is right about that. We’ve accepted millions of ex-troopers back into society. We didn’t even ask what they did. It was war. War kills people. The End. </p><p>“All we did for the troopers was understand that they did what they could to stop the war in the end. They did the right thing. Overthrew their Masters. If we believe Rey, that’s exactly what this guy did with the First Order. Killing Snoke? The Knights of Ren? Plotting against Palpatine? How could that <em> not count </em>as an act of Redemption?”</p><p>Dameron casts an open glare at Finn’s holoscreen and he shrugs. “Just sayin’, man, if we’re telling the truth – having an <em> honest </em>discussion about this – it’s something we’ve gotta think about.”</p><p>Leaga slams down something that sounds like a book on his side of the screen. “This is more than a philosophical debate. This is <em> accountability! </em>The Stormtroopers didn’t blow up Hosnia! But HE-“ Leaga thrusts a finger in his direction, but Ciel cuts off the predictable gripe.</p><p>“No offence, banana-man, but I worked Star-Killer when I was on Kylo Ren’s detail. He spoke up <em> against </em>Hosnia. And the Stormtrooper program, by the way. He wanted clones. Never wanted them taking kids.”</p><p>Dameron leans in towards Ciel, grumbling, “Banana-man?”</p><p>Ciel’s whisper is a… stage whisper, “Well, look at his shape. He’s a banana with arms.”</p><p>Ben can’t stop the snort that comes out and hopes no one caught it. </p><p>He covers the sentiment by adding, “If we’re going to discuss your desire for revenge against me and my past actions, I ask that we separate Me from the First Order. I never had control over what the First Order did.” And, though it stings him to say it, “Not even when I supposedly led it.”</p><p>C-3PO’s electronic overly-polite voice calls through the following tense silence. “If I may mention to the Council, I have proper reports on many of the deeds of Kylo Ren during his time in the First Order. General Leia Organa kept records of these in case of his capture. It may not be complete, but I have certain details gathered by the Resistance.”</p><p>If the looks both he and Ciel shoot the droid could set him aflame, they would.</p><p>“I also have a complete record of all of the work done by Jedi Master Ren. He’d aided in the rescue of over 597 Force-sensitive children from Dathomir; has managed over 95 individual Alliance missions, saving at least 726 slaves, imprisoning 272 criminals that local law enforcement could not-“</p><p>Ikeq cuts him off with a wave, grinding his teeth in that pointed underbite. “All those Alliance missions were with the Last Jedi. They should not count towards his total.”</p><p>C-3PO cocks his head slightly to the side, servomotors letting out a tinny whirring sound. “Oh. No, sir. If we include the missions with Master Rey, it would be much, <em> much </em>more, sir.”</p><p>To that, there is a silence in which Ben can’t help but feel quite smug. Still, there’s something in Ikeq’s eyes. He wants to reach out across the stars and feel him, but to be caught doing that now would sign his death warrant.</p><p>“When did I become just ‘The Last Jedi’ to you?” Rey’s eyes bore into the holoscreen. “When did I lose my name? Why talk about me like I’m not in the room?”</p><p>Ben looks at his wife and feels her anger and indignation. And something more – the seed of hatred for this alien is born within her.</p><p>Chewie howls out mournfully. “Strong Girl is one of us. Respect that.”</p><p>3PO translates and Ikeq settles a bit, properly chastised. The FFO, for their part, are watching this like a holodrama. All wide eyes. They should have made popcorn.</p><p>Ben frowns.</p><p>“Look, I get it.” Lando gestures his arms open wide, warmly. “None of us knew who Master Ren was. <em> None </em> of us. Not even me – and, hell, Chewie and I basically helped raise him as a kid. The last time I saw Ben Solo, he was a <em> boy.” </em></p><p>Chewie moans slightly, “A Sweet Boy.”</p><p>“Yes,” Lando agrees, looking the Wookie in the eyes. “And that boy had voices in his head since birth. Voices that...“ he sighs, shaking his head and trailing off. </p><p>Ben’s body is rigid as he holds in his shame and horror. If he’d known that it was their plan to make him look like a weak, foolish and defenseless <em> victim, </em>then he would have never-</p><p>“Oh, yes, Council members, General Calrissian is quite right. Even when young Master Solo was an infant, he could never sleep. When he was young, he spoke of things like this. Voices. Nightmares. It is why General Organa sent him to Master Skywalker’s Temple.”</p><p>One of his own on the FFO side scoffs. “Yeah, we all know how<em> that </em>went.”</p><p>Hackles rising, Ben searches the small crowd with his eyes to figure out who spoke. He wants to defend himself, say he didn’t destroy the temple. He still thinks Snoke might have, but the truth is that he’ll never really know, so he remains quiet and he feels Rey’s rage fall over him once more.</p><p>
  <em> Tell them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Tell them something I don’t know? Lie? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yes. LIE. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Stop. Pay attention. Not here. They can’t see us doing this. </em>
</p><p>Mendje of the Alliance runs her hands nervously up and down one of her lower horns. “C-3PO, tell us how many lives were lost at the Temple.”</p><p>“36, madam.”</p><p>Leaga chimes in, “The Slaughter at Jakku, ordered by Kylo Ren.”</p><p>“43, sir.”</p><p>Ikeq, “The conflict with the Bethany?”</p><p>Ben’s head snaps up.</p><p>“I’m… sorry, sir. I have no recollection of that in my database.” 3PO’s voice is hesitant.</p><p>“The Sith Occultist destruction on Mustafar?”</p><p>“I’m sorry, sir. I do not possess that in my memory, either.”</p><p>First Order. Someone from the Order turned him in. These missions were classified. Who in the <em> hell </em> lived who had access to these materials? To his knowledge, the Finalizer, Supremacy <em> and </em> the Steadfast were all but stardust. There may have been central repositories for information, but it would have been <em> highly </em>encrypted. A high ranking officer, then.</p><p>Who?</p><p>Rage rises in him once more, blood running hot through his veins.</p><p>Ikeq sounds… musing, somehow. “I wonder how many you’ve killed. How many lives you’ve left destroyed behind you, even if you didn’t touch a hair on their head. Not to pull your halo down,<em> Master Ren, </em> but I’m more than just a little curious about how you could possibly make amends to these creatures? Make up for their ruined lives? Their dead?”</p><p>The heavy door to the room slams open, startling everyone. Ciel’s aide bolts into the room at top speed, skidding on her heels in a tight turn as she makes her way to him. Her whispers in Ciel’s ears are all but silent, but Ben feels his best friend’s heart stop as terror runs through him like a wave of pain.</p><p>Without a word, he pulls out his datapad and types in only a few keys before his eyes go wide. With an unexpected gesture, Ciel flings the thing away at top speed, shattering it against a far wall. Turning, he points his finger at Dameron, coming at him in heavy steps.</p><p>“You son of a bitch, I <em> swear to the Gods-” </em></p><p>The Pilot puts his hands up in immediate surrender. “Whoa! Whoa, there, pal!” The confusion on his face makes it clear that this – whatever ‘this’ is – isn’t Dameron’s doing.</p><p>Ciel’s face is wrath personified as he spins his body around to the holoscreens. Ben’s gaze follows in confusion. “Which one of you was it? WHICH ONE? ALL of you?!”</p><p>Leaga looks away, but a sort of satisfaction lies in his expression. Ikeq smiles like a prince, though his voice is deep and sinister. “Whatever could you be talking about?”</p><p>“What’s going on?” Rey looks at them all, in turn.</p><p>Ciel’s voice is <em> shaking. </em>“They’re broadcasting.”</p><p>Ben’s body goes cold.</p><p>Dameron’s eyes widen and he stares at him with his mouth agape.</p><p>“Broadcasting what, sir?” 3PO’s golden head cocks to the side once more.</p><p>Ben can’t stop the horror in his voice as understanding clicks in. “The Holonet… they’re broadcasting this across the<em> Holonet.” </em></p><p>Ikeq stands and leans in toward his screen. “Your halo has officially slipped down, Kylo Ren. To <em> choke you. </em>As of this moment, execution is back on the table. General Dameron, if you wouldn’t mind helping us in that regard. Detain him for an official public trial.” The creature's smile is smug and pointed as he clicks his screen off.</p><p>Leaga’s powers down soon after, leaving I’ Pasigurt and Mendje staring at Ben in hollow shock. They didn’t know this was going to happen, it seems.</p><p>The rest of the room is moving; he knows it is. Sentients are getting up, worrying, panicking, talking, pulling out datapads. Rey’s eyes are on him, but all Ben can see is Dameron. The Pilot looks up at the screens flickering in blue alongside him before looking back at Ben and shaking his head.</p><p>His heart echoes out regret, but his words say, “This will be easier if you don’t struggle. You’ll only make it look worse if you do.” His hands are up in a gentle soothing motion as he stalks closer to Ben in slow movements, expecting him to get violent or run. “We treat prisoners a lot differently if they come willingly than we do if they resist.”</p><p>Ben retorts, sadly, “But, no matter what, they’re still prisoners.”</p><p>Dameron’s mouth becomes a tight line. “Touché.”</p><p>Behind the Pilot, Ciel’s hand drifts down to the weapon he keeps at his side, but Ben shakes his head and the hand drops.</p><p>Rey is stock still. Her mind is like white noise. Emotion will come for her later, he knows, but right now she can’t process this fast enough. Her fear of abandonment runs through his mind like a train. He walks towards Dameron, but pauses by his wife, first, pulling her limp frame against him.</p><p>
  <em> Don’t forget the bond. I’ll still be here with you. Don’t shut off. Don’t shut down. I’m still here. I’m. Still. Here. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> …But for how long, Ben? </em>
</p><p>Her eyes well with tears and he kisses her hand. Without taking his sights off her, he walks backwards and closer to Dameron.</p><p>He just holds her gaze.</p><p>Until the Pilot gestures ahead of them both…</p><p>…and he’s forced to turn and walk away.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The blaster is firing off spits of red death and they plow into a single, gnarled, overly ugly tree. He doesn’t stop snagging the trigger, and the shots come in rapid succession. Even though blasters can be useless things, <em> this one </em> aims true – and he just keeps pummeling the same spot <em> again </em> and <em> again </em>until there is a smoking hole in the center of the trunk.</p><p>“And, what are you doing exactly?”</p><p>Ciel had heard her approach, but he was in no mood. “Gardening.”</p><p>He sets the small weapon back in its holster and hoists the rifle version up at his eyeline. He clicks back, but startles as he feels Ariani’s hand press on the tip, pointing it towards the ground.</p><p>“And what did that tree ever do to you?”</p><p>“It existed.” He throws his rifle down on the ground with a clatter against the grass, his vicious mood soured by the presence of someone he didn’t feel like being vicious around.</p><p>She nods sagely. “I exist. You going to shoot me, too? Will that make it better?”</p><p>Ciel sneers, no desire to be charming. “I’m not one of your orphan-kids. You don’t get to try to work me over and get me to behave.”</p><p>She leans her back onto the trunk and pulls away with a hiss when she feels the heat the blaster beams had left behind. “No, you’re not one of my kids. If you <em> were,</em> there wouldn’t be a tree anymore.”</p><p>He rolls his eyes and turns to walk away.</p><p>“I saw it, you know. I saw the… trial? Meeting? I don’t know what it was… but, it’s everywhere. Soon, the kids will know, too.”</p><p>Moving away from her, he grumbles, “Good for them.”</p><p>She’s following him… and he could punch her for it. He won’t, because Cool dudes…</p><p>No. Never mind any of that shit, right now.</p><p>“Do you think he’ll be okay?” Her feet move faster behind him, to keep up with his pace.</p><p>“You think I know?” he hisses, never stopping.</p><p>Her footfalls quiet and he doesn’t look back, he just knows she’s falling further and further behind him. </p><p>Good.</p><p>“I care about him, too, you know! I want him to be safe, just like you do!” she calls out, angrily.</p><p>He whips around lightning fast, his eyes cold and hard. “No. Not <em> just like I do.” </em></p><p>He stares her down for another minute, until her eyes finally go to the ground. Claiming victory, he turns and continues his miserable journey, leaving his rifle in the frigid, wet grass.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter’s name, as well as two lines, were taken directly from the song, “The Noose” by A Perfect Circle. If you’re into prog rock (or even if you’re not), listen to this song. It played on repeat the entire time I was planning this chapter. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB3Gv4oZdWo</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Perspective</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The chapter heading lets you know what I think Rà and Ciel look like &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p>Art by Me :)</p><p>_________________</p><p> </p><p>Mister Poe is looking at him. </p><p>He sits outside the heavy metal doors that go to the almost-empty cell block. Just one cell full. Rà thinks it might be the ‘nice one’, if he’s remembering the floor plan right. He’d looked at it quick before coming here, wondering if there were any sneaky escape hatches or garbage chutes… but there weren’t any. </p><p>“What are you doing down here, kid? Not the time, not the place.” </p><p>“Mom said I could bring these,” he lifts up an armload of pillows, blankets, clothes and a bag of toiletries. Mister Poe’s eyebrows go up high and he cocks his head to one side, leaning back with a hard puff of air. </p><p>“First off, how did she even know I brought him here? And second off, why did she send <em>you?” </em></p><p>Rà looks down at his feet in discomfort. It makes sense that they wouldn’t want him here… but he begged Mom to let him. She understood that he just <em>had </em>to. Now, Rà just needs to make Mister Poe understand, too. He stands up just a little bit straighter and pulls his shoulders back. </p><p>“There are only four prison blocks in this whole region, sir – and this is near the main complex. You’re, literally, feet from my home.” He straightens up higher. “His home.”</p><p>Mister Poe runs his fingers through his hair and stands. “Look kid, don’t start on me today, huh? It’s been a rough one.”</p><p>Narrowing his eyes in a mean way, Rà sarcastically snips, “Oh? It’s been <em>rough</em> for you, sir? I’m <em>so sorry </em>about that.”</p><p>Freezing for a moment before letting his annoyance fade into something softer, Mister Poe juts his chin at the pile in Rà’s hands. “What’s in there?”</p><p>The boy offers it up, willingly, and the older man musses through it all. Unfolding all the blankets and refolding them; going through every pillowcase. </p><p>Rà grumbles, “If you’re looking for his lightsaber, I don’t have it.”</p><p>Mister Poe’s distracted as he says, “I have it.” He slides his fingers around the toiletry kit, tossing the razor out and away onto the nearby desk. “I’ll give it to you to take back home, if you want,” he says, once he sees the boy’s pained grimace.</p><p>“A lightsaber is a special weapon. It shouldn’t be with…” he falters.</p><p>“A normal guy like me?”</p><p>Rà says nothing. </p><p>After a moment, Mister Poe shoves everything back in a pile and starts to feel up Rà’s clothes, startling him into a yelp as he’s patted down. </p><p>“Easy, kid – easy.” He plops the boy’s delivery into his arms again, once he’s ensured Rà’s not smuggling in anything bad. </p><p>Mister Poe gives him a minute to make sure he’s got everything balanced before he steps back and goes to the armored door, lifting the screeching metal latch. Rà can’t help but wince at the sound and at the cool air that puffs out once the door opens.</p><p>Before he has a chance to step in – Mister Poe pats his shoulders and points to a monitor near the desk. It shows the whole cell block from lots of different angles. He doesn’t need to say anything, the meaning is clear; ‘I can see you.’</p><p>Rà nods silently and steps into the corridor, walking in soft footsteps and listening for the right way to go… but it’s not hard. He’s not very strong with the Force, but he can always feel his Master. Unable to help himself, Rà smiles a bit and picks up his speed, coming to the end of the short hall and the last cage on the left. </p><p>And, he can’t help it, he really does think it’s like a cage.</p><p>Master Ren has his back to him, but... he must know he’s there, so why is his back turned? </p><p>Suddenly, <em>strongly,</em> all Rà wants is for his Master to look at him, but he’s too scared to ask. Afraid everything might be… different, now.</p><p>“Hey, kiddo.”</p><p>“Hi, Master Ren.” It doesn’t come out as happy as he wants it to.</p><p>Everything feels very heavy in his arms, so he kneels with it and starts to wordlessly stuff things through the bars. If he focuses on what he has to do, it helps him not think about this creepy, scary place. He just needs to focus, like Master Ren taught him. 'Don’t let your mind blur… <em>focus.' </em></p><p>So he focuses, jamming his little fingers and the puffy white pillow fluff between the bars. It’s only once he feels Master Ren start to help him that he finally stops to look up. He’d thought Master Ren would look different, somehow. Scary, maybe. Angry. But he doesn’t. He just looks like Master Ren. </p><p>Only Master still won’t look at him. </p><p>Instead, he’s helping to pull things through the bars, smiling softly at this or that. A special pillow or his travel toothbrush. It’s only once everything is through the bars that he takes Rà’s wrists in his hands, holding them softly inside the metal cage. Staring at the large thumbs petting over his tanned knuckles, Rà can’t help but feel his throat close up and his nose start to drip. He snuffs it back and Master Ren smiles softly once more, just staring at his own moving fingers. </p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>But Rà doesn’t want him to be sorry. He yanks his arms away and runs one under his nose in a deep sniff. “It’s okay, Master.”</p><p>The long black hair shifts over his eyes and forehead, and he doesn’t push it off, like he normally does. “No. It’s not okay.”</p><p>Rà snuffles harder. “I – I don’t want to cry. I want to be brave and strong and Cool. Like Uncle Ciel.”</p><p>Finally, Master Ren looks him in the eyes. Laughing softly, he says, “He’s not as cool as he thinks he is… and he <em>definitely </em>cries.” After a pause, he shifts to the side, looking away again. “I cry, too.”</p><p>“You? When do you cry?”</p><p>Master Ren puts his face in his hands and stays quiet for a minute. When he does talk, it’s the saddest sound. “When I think about losing you and your Mom.”</p><p>Rà can’t hold it in anymore and large, heavy tears leak down the sides of his face. He hears Master Ren’s breath shudder and something urgent takes hold of him. He kneels down, frantically grabbing through the bars again and taking a hold of his Master’s shirt. </p><p>“I’m not mad at you! I’m not! Mom said you were afraid that I’d be mad – but I’m NOT! I promise, okay? This doesn’t change anything for me. Not <em>one</em> thing!” He twists the fabric in his little fists and does his best to pull Master Ren closer, but all he seems to be doing is pulling further away. It makes him want to panic, but he has to stay calm. Focused. </p><p>Focused. Or else he can hurt someone by accident.</p><p>So he takes a deep breath and lets go of his clutching grasp. He breathes again, settling himself. </p><p>
  <em>Breathe in, breathe out; let the Light in. Just like Mom says.</em>
</p><p>Closing his eyes, he tries again. “I love you, Master Ren. I still love you. I will <em>always </em>love you.”</p><p>The man rubs at his eyes, still facing away. “I love you too, kiddo.” </p><p>“You told me that there’s no such thing as the devil inside you. That what I felt was just the Dark side of the Force. But, you were wrong, Master Ren. There <em>is</em> a devil – it’s the feeling you get when you want to hurt something. Someone. The Force just makes it easier to do what the devil wants.</p><p>“I understand, Master Ren. I do.” He reaches through the bars again now, but gently, this time. His palm rests on Master Ren’s large back, petting it softly. Up and down. “I’ve felt the devil, too...”</p><p>“But not anymore, right?” </p><p>Rà nods, unseen. “Not anymore.” He takes his hand back slowly and stands. </p><p>Looking down, his proud and strong Master sits on the dirty floor of his prison cell with his out-of-place items from their home. All of a sudden, Rà’s certain of what needs to happen now. He closes his open hand into a tight fist. </p><p>“I’m going to find a way to save you, Master Ren.”</p><p>Master shifts to turn around, but Rà’s already moving back towards the exit. He feels his Master behind him – hears him call his name – but that doesn’t matter. Right now, he has a mission. He has to start right away. He knows what to look for. It’s a needle in a haystack, but he has to find it…</p><p>If it even exists.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Two days, Finn! All it took was <em>two goddamn DAYS</em> for everything to fall apart!” Ciel is on the comm line, and Finn can hear his anxiousness underneath his anger. </p><p>He looks around the viewscreen as Jannah flies through the hyperlane, stars blurring around the ship. Even now, he can’t help but think how beautiful her face is with light flickering over her. She doesn’t know he’d always known who Ren was… though he understands he’ll have to tell her sooner or later.</p><p>They share a frantic sort of panic. Ever since the broadcast, they’ve been on comm lines with their planetary integration leads. Ex-troopers are up-in-arms. Some taking sides, some not knowing how to feel. Finn can understand each way of looking at this, unfortunately. </p><p>Ren is just like them in some ways and, if they believe what Finn and the others said to be true, he was just as much a victim as they were. It doesn’t hurt that he'd helped save them from the bounties, and that he works with them on-world in key missions, now. He’s been caught doing more good than the other ex-troopers ever could do on their own. Maybe even combined.</p><p>But there are still some who hate him for his heartlessness, cruelty, and on-mission deaths at the very least. Finn knows that that’s a goddamned truth that can’t be avoided. </p><p>And some are just out for blood. Using him as the face of every sin of the First Order. Grimacing, Finn understands that can’t be avoided, either. Even if it’s dead wrong.</p><p>“I’m coming now. I’ll be there in a few hours. Everyone’s coming.”</p><p>The Soldier scoffs. “Here? Why? I don’t want them here. I might not even let them in...”</p><p>“They want to hold the trial on Karuvis. They’re afraid to move him off-planet.”</p><p>He can hear Ciel hum conspiratorially. “You know, if he decided he wanted out, not a single one of you could stop him. Not us either.”</p><p>Finn nods. “One-hundred-percent.”</p><p>Jannah calls out, “I don’t understand. Why does he stay, then? Does the man have a death wish, or something?”</p><p>“Or something,” Ciel grumbles through the static. After a moment, he sighs. “He thinks this is the only way to keep everyone safe… and, as much as I hate to admit it, he’s probably right. He does anything but sit there? All of a sudden we have an even bigger problem.”</p><p>The ship bucks slightly as it exits the hyperlane and Finn puts a hand on the control panel to steady himself. </p><p>Defeated, Ciel murmurs, “It sucks. It sucks to holy hell.”</p><p>Finn’s voice is not without sympathy, but he knows this comm is likely monitored and he can’t let the conversation go any deeper. “We’ll be there soon,” he repeats.</p><p>“See you then, Trash Man.”</p><p>With a half-hearted grin, Finn replies a habitual, “Shut up.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>‘Don’t shut off. Don’t shut down.’ Those were some of the last words he said to her… but she’s not listening. She’s laying down in their bed, cradling his pillow, which smells like him. She wonders if he’ll notice that she’d sent Rà with <em>her</em> pillow. Will he be comforted by that? Or will it make it worse, somehow?</p><p>She’s cold. Ever since she’s left the desert, she’s always been cold – but her chill is hollow now. Coming from the inside. Settling quietly over her heart. </p><p>Finally, she sits up and restarts a long-lost ritual. Wood crumbles from their headboard, leaving dust on the blankets. Its surface is dark, almost black, but it’s a soft cream-color underneath. </p><p>Scritch, scratch, scratch. </p><p>One. Just one.</p><p>She etches into their headboard. Today is the day they took him away, so that’s one. It’s her job to make sure she has to carve as few lines as possible. </p><p>All of a sudden, her bed is too soft. He’d always complained that it was too soft, but she’d never listened to him. Just teased him about it. Eventually he just gave up and accepted it. Why didn’t she just get a different bed, so he could be comfortable, too? Why has she always been so stubborn and hot headed with him? Why hasn’t she ever let go of her pride and just <em>listened?</em> </p><p>Her sins against him pile up in her mind, no matter how slight. </p><p>The time she singed him with her saber while they played, because she never backs off – even though he always does. The time she came down on him for being too lenient with Rà. The time she burned dinner and he wouldn’t eat it, and she was livid about the waste of food. All the times she refused to listen, and he gave up fighting. </p><p>He’d sinned against her, too – maybe even more so – but she can’t seem to be able to think of a single one of those, right now. </p><p>Instead, her cold eyes settle on the soft brown tally mark on the bed where she makes love to her husband. </p><p>What can she possibly do? She’ll do anything. <em>Anything. </em></p><p>
  <em>Please, Master Skywalker. Anyone. Please. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Be with me-. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve gotta be kidding me; <em>already!? </em>It’s been hours! <em>Only hours!”</em></p><p>“Power vacuums, Poe. Your favorite.” Rey is nearly emotionless as she faces the blue comm screen of the prison antechamber, where Poe is now trapped until they can get some Alliance guards in here – Gods help all <em>those </em>guys. </p><p>Mendje’s ship interior is visible, a small crew and retinue keeping busy behind her. Likely mostly for show; she likes to feel important. “General Dameron, the Hutt threat is real. Has <em>been </em>real. The transmission we intercepted said they’ll be targeting the FFO. We’ve been keeping tabs on them since the Great Defection, and they’ve had their eyes on that territory for quite some time.”</p><p>“It’s not even<em> near </em>Hutt space! It makes no sense. It's <em>never </em>made any sense, even from the beginning!”</p><p>Leaga, formally chastised, softly says, “Perhaps it’s a tactical launching place. If you have strongholds at two ends, you can start to batter your way towards the center.”</p><p>“Bah, better for smuggling, maybe, those filthy blobs.” Ikeq waves the thought away - equally chastised, but much less repentant. “They probably also want the FFO resources. Their First Order tech. Which is the same reason we need to keep them allied with <em>us,</em> just so you remember. </p><p>“There are several other resources they could want, as well. Vatra slaves, those… miners from that fire-planet.”</p><p>I’ Pasigurt, who was the one who screeched most of the chastising, chimes in with a raw throat. “Well, I suppose that’s something you should have thought through better before you outed their leader, without their consent, and put them at risk.”</p><p>Still unrepentant, “They don’t know they’re at risk, yet. There is no issue until they <em>know</em> there’s an issue.”</p><p>Rey’s voice is like ice over his fire. “This is my home, Ikeq. There are sentients here. Our population is eleven worlds, you can’t just-“</p><p>“Careful now. Your allegiance is to <em>us.” </em>Ikeq croons. </p><p>“My <em>allegiance</em> is to the entire Galaxy, not just what parts you deem are worth saving.”</p><p>There is a deep silence and all holoscreen eyes are on Ikeq’s serrated grin. “Point taken. <em>Master Rey.”</em> He says her name like it’s a challenge.</p><p>She misses his barb, just nodding before her gaze un-focuses back onto nothing.</p><p>Poe runs his hands through his hair. “This may actually help us. If we can offer some kind of protection against this threat, it may smooth over the rift we’ve just caused.”</p><p>I’ Pasigurt shifts into Poe, only cockier. “Because it’s Just. That. Easy. I’m just <em>that</em> charming. I can turn a betrayal into an opportunity.” Herself once more, “Don’t you understand - with them as our allies, we stood together as a symbol of peace and healing and <em>forgiveness.</em> Without warning, that has been ripped away. You can’t just ‘smooth it over’, General Dameron – no matter what you may think about your own diplomatic skills.”</p><p>“There are also other things we need to be aware of. Master R<em>… Ben Solo-”</em> as Medje has been trying to correct herself into saying, “-was tied closely to the Force-sensitive community and the ex-trooper community. They may rally behind his cause, and that would put a split of opinions down each world.”</p><p>Ikeq grits out, “That’s all we need. An insidious group of Humans on every planet.”</p><p>Many arms folding over himself, Leaga nearly whispers, “That’s just the trooper population. The Force-sensitives are all races. Imagine if they rallied against us, too… do we need to do something to get ahead of this?”</p><p>Poe’s blood goes cold, and he doesn’t have to look at Rey and Finn to know that their horror must mirror his own. Thankfully, they’re not the only ones.</p><p>“That’s a very dangerous line of thought.” Mendje leans in, blue face firm and infuriated. </p><p>Poe cuts his hand to the side abruptly. “To be VERY clear, our original intent was to bring Kylo Ren’s identity to light in front of his people and remove him <em>quietly. </em>This has gone completely off the rails and is now a situation to be <em>contained.</em> Not something to be made even worse with paranoia.”</p><p>“It’s gonna <em>get</em> worse if we’re all fighting with each other.” Finn sounds exhausted, and Poe can’t blame his buddy one tiny bit. “What are we aiming at now, with everything all messed up?”</p><p>The General’s face is firm as he stands strong. “Keep… Ben Solo… in prison. Hold a trial - a clean, honest, <em>fair</em> trial - to keep any sympathizers from going crazy.”</p><p>“And inform the FFO of the Hutt threat.” Rey adds. </p><p>“Definitely that.” Poe agrees. </p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Rà! It’s good to see you!” Hima nearly squeals, ruffling his hair... but he’ll let her. He needs a favor, so she can ruffle his <em>anything,</em> right now. </p><p>Sitala is calm-calm-calm, as always, and expressionless. “We never regret your company.”</p><p>The Duro twins are very important Council members, and they’re also very cool. Not just because they’re from an ice planet – but because they mindshare. They are two halves of one person. Hima has all the emotion, Sitala has all the wisdom. He’s lucky that they both like him in their own ways. </p><p>Hima takes his hand and kneels down to look him in the eyes. They’re both so tall. Taller than Master Ren. And they’re <em>beautiful.</em> He would marry Hima someday, if he could… but they only marry other twins. </p><p>“We’re so sorry about Master Ren. You must be heartbroken...”</p><p>            “It’s unfortunate for you to find out in such a way.”</p><p>Rà swallows. “Did either of you know?”</p><p>They don’t have to even glance at one another before speaking in one voice. Though one is sort of snarky, they have the same exact timing. “We <em>suspected.”</em></p><p>Almost shy, “And you’re not mad, Hima?”</p><p>She rears up and rages, though Rà’s not afraid. She always calms down as fast as she heats up. “Are you <em>kidding me?</em> I’m FURIOUS! How DARE the Alliance!? <em>HOW DARE THEY?!”</em></p><p>            “Even though it seems that the plot was only executed by two of the Alliance members, it's a cause for concern.”</p><p>Rà grabs a hold of Sitala’s soft dress. “You’re on Master Ren’s side?”</p><p>Together, once more. One voice matter-of-fact, one filled with warmth. “Of course. We are loyal. And we are fascinated by</p><p>            “The Light side...</p><p>            “The Dark side...</p><p>“...of the Force.”</p><p>“Balance.” Rà agrees sweetly.</p><p>They both nod; Hima with a beautiful smile that makes Rà’s tummy feel funny and his heart feel happy.</p><p>“I need your help, please. I need <em>everyone’s</em> help, but I’m... afraid to talk to them all.”</p><p>Hima laughs, “Oh yes, some of them are quite frightening.”</p><p>            “We will offer you support in getting their attention. Though, not all might be trustworthy, at this point.” Sitala finishes.</p><p>Rà nods and tells them a general idea of what he’s looking for. Makes it clear to them that he has to do all the work himself, he just needs someone to give him what needs to start. They nod in complete understanding and respect of his wishes, Hima’s smirk making him feel much, much better. When they grab his shoulders in solidarity, he heaves a sigh of relief. He’s not alone. Mom is not alone. <em>Master Ren</em> is not alone. </p><p>He stands firm in the belief that he’s going to save his Master. He’ll find what he needs.</p><p>Then, he’s going to tell Mom the secret.</p><p>And he’ll tell the biggest secret of all. The <em>other</em> one… hidden in his heart for so long.</p><p>There is hope. </p><p>He clings to that hope.</p><p>Because hope is like the sun. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Outside Threats</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</div><p>Art by <a href="https://www.artstation.com/jbartok"> Jake Bartok</a></p><p>_________________</p><p> </p><p>Poe is walking backwards in front of her, facing her with his hands out to the side. “It’s Jakku, okay? <em> Jakku! </em> Mendje’s intel is always good – that’s, like, her <em> thing.” </em></p><p>Rey continues to walk forward, not caring if she backs him into a wall or off a cliff at this point. “It has nothing to do with me.”</p><p>He stops suddenly and she’s forced to step to the side to avoid slamming into him. <em> “You’re </em> the one that wanted to make sure the Hutts can’t hurt the FFO. <em> You’re </em> the only Jedi who is not-in-jail and can <em> do something. </em>What would Ren do in your place, huh?”</p><p>She gestures at the metal door with the butt of her saber hilt. “He’d let me come see him.”</p><p>Poe leans over a bit and pulls at the roots of his hair in frustration. “Of course I’ll let you see him. I’d never… look – this isn’t about that.”</p><p>“It’s not?”</p><p>He lets out a heavy sigh through his nose. “Look. I hate this. I didn’t want this. I <em> never </em>wanted this, okay? When you told me about him… back when you were… you know…”</p><p>“Dead?”</p><p>“Dead-ish,” he clarifies. “Anyway, since then, I haven’t wanted this sort of thing. You told me about the good in him, and he’s done nothing but prove you right (even if he <em> is </em>kind of an ass),” he mumbles the last. “All I’m saying is: I’m going to do what I can to help, but we’ve gotta do it the way he wants.”</p><p>She scoffs, hands on her hips. “I never do <em> anything </em>he wants,” and the comment leaves a bitter taste in her mouth.</p><p>“Well, he did get you to marry him.” Poe grins a bit, and she softens.</p><p>It’s not his fault. She knows it’s not. It still stings that he and Finn didn’t warn her – they’re supposed to be <em> friends – </em> but she understands that, too. They were right about how she’d react. Apparently, over time, she has gotten to be with people who <em> do </em> know her. And some of them know her quite well.</p><p>She sighs and rests her weapon on the desk, knowing full well that she can’t bring it inside.</p><p>“What is it they want from me? To use me? Make me do their <em> bidding?” </em></p><p>Poe pats her softly on the shoulder. “Rey, you’re still on the Council, yeah? We’re all in this together. Don’t back away from us; especially not now. You and Finn need to be <em> all in </em> – with all that talk about Force-sensitives and ex-troopers? We’ve got to keep Leaga and Ikeq from getting paranoid, setting their sites on them and making things a whole lot worse.”</p><p>Rey’s heart hardens. Darkness wells inside her as her anger rises. After only a slight pause, “How do we get people off the Council?”</p><p>Poe leans back against the metal doors and crosses one ankle over the other. “We can’t. Not now.”</p><p>Her mouth sets into a firm line and her eyes narrow. “Why?”</p><p>“Because of <em> him.” </em> He tilts his head back to indicate behind the door. “Those two outed him; if the Alliance drops them, people will think that we’re sympathetic to Kylo Ren. Ikeq and Leaga already have people who are loyal to them - they lead entire slices! Imagine how much sympathy they’d get if we oust them, now.”</p><p>“So, they just… what is it? Stalemated us?”</p><p>Poe shrugs, looking exhausted. “Not <em> they… </em> I think it’s just one.”</p><p>“Ikeq.”</p><p>He agrees. “Leaga’s going along because his… well, I guess… feelings are hurt? Ikeq’s playing into that.”</p><p>Rey scrubs her hands over the back of her neck and groans. “I <em> hate </em>politics.”</p><p>Snorting, “Well, then you’re about to hate your life for a while.”</p><p>She locks eyes with him and grimaces. It’s not without a challenge that she says, “More than I do today?”</p><p>Poe pauses for a moment before he leans up off the door, looking straight at the ground. “Rey, you need to know that things might…” he sighs sadly. “What are you going to do if things go bad for him? <em> Very </em>bad.”</p><p>Her hand raises, snap fast, her fingers clenching. The metal latch holding the door closed screeches into the unlocked position.</p><p>“I’m leaving for Jakku tomorrow. Do I get any back up? Usually Master Ren-” the words die on her lips. She brings her hand up and feels her fingers clap over her mouth. The world fogs as her eyes fill up with tears.</p><p>Poe steps up, taking both of her shoulders in his hands. “Hey – hey… it’s gonna-“</p><p>“I can call him Ben.” She laughs through her tears. “I can<em> finally </em> call him Ben in front of everyone…” but her laughter dies quickly, her smile turning to a frown and tears running down her cheeks. A sob catches in her throat and Poe doesn’t let her go for a single instant.</p><p>His lips quirk up as he squeezes her. “I’ll call him Ben, too. From now on, public or private, he’s just Ben Solo to me. ‘Kay?”</p><p>She nods, wiping the tears off with the back of her hand and pulling herself together.</p><p>“He can’t go with you, Rey; you know that. But I know you can handle this on your own.”</p><p>Pride runs through her, and not a small amount of vanity. “Of course.”</p><p>“But, if you want anyone? Finn? Me?”</p><p>“No.” She shakes her head. “Finn needs to focus on the troopers. You need to keep the Council in line so nothing else happens.” After a beat, she adds, sorrowfully, “And Ciel will take care of the FFO.”</p><p>“And the kid?”</p><p>She blinks, unsure why she hadn’t thought of it. “He… he can stay with Ciel. Or Finn, while he’s on-planet… though, no – they don’t really…” she trails off. Hanging her head, slightly, “He can stay at the orphanage while I’m away.”</p><p>Rà hates it there. Everyone’s emotions too terrifying and overwhelming, but with all of them so distracted, and with Ben in here…</p><p>She won’t take long, she vows. In-and-out operation. Home as fast as possible.</p><p>Besides… she has tally marks to make.</p><p>Poe nods and opens the heavy metal door to the prison block.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Their ship is called the ‘Dream’; Rey’s and Ben’s. It’s nice and lightweight but can still travel in hyperspace lanes, though only just. It takes some nice First Order tech, like that for the Silencer, but modifies and improves on it for larger, more advanced ships. It’s slick and makes nice, tight turns – which is what she’s using now to maneuver her way around Jakku without being spotted. Skirting behind mountain ranges, over barren land, all the way to the other side of the planet; a place she’s never been.</p><p>Intel says it’s nothing like Niima. Way less sand, more hard-packed ground and rock. More likely to get rain, too, so there will be scrub brush and even some water bearing plants.</p><p>She just needs to make sure not to drink from the purple ones. Evidently, those ones let off a pollen that puts you into some kind of ‘mating frenzy’ and you ravish anyone close to you. It’s basically an excuse to have your way with someone that you shouldn’t be having your way with.</p><p>She shudders.</p><p>The ship’s inertia moves her only the slightest as she decelerates and nudges closer to the coordinates she was given. She needs to stay far enough away that they don’t see her, then work her way closer on foot. It will be hard going though, since the land is so flat and barren, she’ll be all too easy to spot. The readings Mendje gave her all showed potential caves or ravines underground and Ben had taught her how to alter the environment, so the plan is to cut her way beneath the surface and move in that way. All she has to do is focus on the lifeforce signatures that will lead her towards the campus.</p><p>Weapons. Ships. Stockpiles of supplies. If this were a Resistance raid, everyone would be hyped up on the idea of such an amazing haul, but Rey’s not here to take a single thing. She’s here to destroy it all. No weapons? No ships? No stockpiles? No <em>invasions.</em></p><p>For now, anyway.</p><p>Her ship touches down, and it’s nearly a perfect thing. She doesn’t know whether to compliment the ship or her own skills and finds herself smiling. Her emotion must have carried across the bond, because she feels him perk awake inside her.</p><p>
  <em> Shh. Go back to sleep. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> While you’re out there having all the fun? No thank you. </em>
</p><p>She snorts.</p><p>
  <em> Let me listen in, at least. I’m so -incredibly- bored. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You were so -incredibly- asleep. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Who needs it? I can sleep when I’m dead. </em>
</p><p>But the minute he thinks it, he regrets his poor choice of words. She regrets it, too. Still, she sends a wave of love and calm at him, knowing he didn’t mean it like that.</p><p>
  <em> You can listen. But don’t nag! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Nag? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Nag. You totally nag. </em>
</p><p>She can feel him scoff. There is a silence for a beat while she goes through the shut-down procedures for the ship.</p><p>
  <em> …I nag? </em>
</p><p>She laughs out loud and says, “Absolutely.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The venting hatch on the ground pops out quietly and her eyes are on everything around her, taking in the hanger and marking everything she sees. Exits (or lack of), staff, equipment. </p><p>Ben can feel her adrenaline pick up, but he can’t see what she sees unless she sends it into his mind, directly – and she’s too busy to play holoscreen right now. Let him live vicariously through her blood rush and mental taunting.</p><p>She smiles mischievously to herself.</p><p><em> Hm? </em>He sends back, and all she does is let him feel her amusement. He grumps back at her a little, and it makes her smile widen.</p><p>She focuses on the task at hand as she watches everyone go to night shift. Less guards patrolling, all workers departing the bay. A part of her heart almost goes out to them; having spent a good, long time fixing things, it almost hurts her to think how they’ll feel when she destroys their hard work.</p><p>But, then she remembers why they’re working on the ships in the first place and decides they deserve a little cry over it.</p><p>Edging out from the vent-shaft, she thanks the Force that she’s so small. Dimming her presence and closing her eyes, she feels out around her to mark all the life-forms nearby. It’s hard to tell who’s in the room versus who’s behind a wall, but it will work in a pinch. Better to overestimate, anyway.</p><p>
  <em> You’re going too slow. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ben. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sorry… sorry. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Because I -swear- I’ll shut you out. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> No – no. I’ll behave. Promise. </em>
</p><p>She can feel him grinning and forgives him without thinking about it.</p><p>Her fingers slide over the paneling of a larger fighter before she ducks under it and opens a lower maintenance hatch. Peeking in, there are more-than-a-few messy wires, which irks her, and… ahh… the fuel cap. That’s good to know. She glances side to side once more before lifting her fist, grabbing a handful of wires and snapping her arm back, unplugging, severing and fraying several connections. She bites her lip and stifles a grin – but she knows it’s not hers… it’s his.</p><p>
  <em> What? I like it when you wreck things. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’ll wreck -you-. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Is that a promise, baby? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> … Tease. </em>
</p><p>She reaches in and snags out more. Will this be enough, though? Is she really just going to go freighter to freighter, fighter to fighter, and pull out wiring? Her heart drops as she realizes she’s going to have to do something more… permanent. Less... salvageable. But what?</p><p>Unfortunately, she doesn’t have much time to think it through, as a rifle of some kind pokes roughly into the bottom of her throat.</p><p>“Whooh uba? Nobata, Human... beet fasto mi.”</p><p>An alien she doesn’t recognize is speaking Huttese at her. She scoots back and lifts her hand in the air, meaning to mind-trick it, but as soon as she’s out from the protection of the ship, she feels a heated blade sing to life behind her.</p><p>She twirls, grabbing hold of the unrecognizable alien and spinning it in front of her. The creature behind her gashes its companion by mistake, and the wail is <em> loud. </em></p><p>Well, that’s a problem.</p><p>“Addoh, Human.” The new creature tsks at her. “Nobata shulu stupa.”</p><p>The thing in its hands reminds her of the weapons in Snoke’s throne room.</p><p><em> Vibroblades. </em>He supplies the name, and her fingers fly to the hilt of her saber. Within moments, the white-gold hums to life, and she spins it around herself enough to make the wounded, mewling alien lurch away and the armed creature step back.</p><p>Its face falls in awe, and not a small amount of fear. “Jeedai...” it says, breathlessly.</p><p>And that’s a word she knows.</p><p>“JEEDAI!” it screams and cries ring out from across the hanger… across the <em> campus, </em>for all she knows.</p><p>Weapons are clattering, boots are tromping and there are numbers heading her way. Her blood pulses and she can feel <em> his </em> adrenaline start to spike within her, adding viciously onto her own. But he’s not afraid for her, no.</p><p>He’s <em> excited </em>for her.</p><p>She grunts, flexing her knees and kicking herself up and into a backwards flip, landing atop the shuttlecraft with a kind of grace. Blaster bolts come her way, and she twirls her saber above and around her, twanging them back at the weapons that spat them out, disabling them one-by-one.</p><p>
  <em> How many? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Twenty, at least. More sound like they’re coming. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Lucky girl. I’m jealous. </em>
</p><p>She smiles to herself before baring her teeth and launching herself into the fray. Ben takes people out by inflicting damage; heavy damage. She’s not against it but, for her, it’s a last resort. Instead, she thrusts her hand out in front of her and crooks her fingers, the blasters tugging from creatures’ arms.</p><p>There are so many, all different races. Some she knows, some she doesn’t, but all of them are speaking the language of the Hutts, and that’s enough for her.</p><p>With a flick of her wrists, the blasters she’d managed to pull go <em> skyward, </em> fast and unpredicted. Some of the running horde halt to a stop in shock – whether it’s at losing their weapon or seeing the Force in action, she’s not sure.</p><p><em> Both, </em>he supposes.</p><p>She clenches her fist and the weapons crumple on themselves, some erupting in small explosions as their blaster cores ignite under the pressure. The few who had stopped are throwing their hands up to shield their eyes, but these are those who <em> haven’t </em> duck under the raining debris and continue to head her way.</p><p>Too many in too close quarters.</p><p>Her eyes flick ship-to-ship. She’s surrounded. With another small squat, she launches again, up and over a nearby transport, landing on the wing with a heavy thud, reaching out with her hands and using the Force to <em> shove </em>a group away from her.</p><p>A shot rings out from the back and she twists at the hips, knocking the bolt just in time and it alights over cockpit glass.</p><p>She raises an eyebrow.</p><p>
  <em> Find something useful? </em>
</p><p>She widens her stance. <em> Very. </em></p><p>She sneers the only Huttese phrase she knows, “Boll Hedd.”</p><p>Go to Hell.</p><p>And beams start pinging her direction in rapid fire.</p><p>…Perfect.</p><p>Arcing her white blade, she catches their fury and flings it back onto the ships that surround her, hammering hulls and tempered glass. The sweat from her body dances off her in small droplets as she twists and pivots to beat the blasts away and into the surrounding supplies. Boxes begin to disintegrate, contents destroyed. Sadly, one or two creatures drop, as well – though, perhaps they’re just injured.</p><p>“NOBATA!” One holds its hand high.</p><p>All others halt and move in quick order to holster their projectiles, grabbing their… <em> other </em>weapons, instead. Staffs and knives and… Vibroblades, it seems. They flick them out with cruel growls and their approach becomes more gradual, slowly surrounding the ship she stands on.</p><p>“Jee-jee doo uba ateema, Jeedai.” There are chuckles all around her.</p><p>
  <em> Do -you- understand them? </em>
</p><p>She feels him become smug and the corners of her lips turn down. How can she question a creature when she doesn’t speak its language?</p><p>
  <em> You'll know how as soon as you try it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Why? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Because -I- know. </em>
</p><p>She nods to no one.</p><p>They’re nearing her now and she moves her eyes over them, trying to see who she could single out. From behind her, one lunges with something like a scythe and she nimbly leaps from one craft to the next, watching in amusement as all eyes below follow her. The alien’s weapon sinks deep into the ship’s armor with a metallic clunk and shrieks a little when it gets wrenched out again.</p><p>She’s never been one for waiting it out, so she dives into the crowd, saber blazing, shearing staffs in half with no issue; feeling creatures contract their muscles in rapid movements to shift themselves a hair’s breadth away from her blade. Puffing up towards her hair, she blows the wisps out of her eyes and resigns herself to violence, after all.</p><p>She pushes deeper, blade humming out a song that pairs with the screams from those around her. She’s trying to be careful; just make cuts. Burns. It’s not her fault that a hand or so might get severed along the way.</p><p>Her lips pull back from her teeth once more as the uninjured who sport <em> simple </em> weapons fall back, and those with the First Order tech step up. Electric sizzles run between metallic prongs as they point things at her. Serrated whips, spears, saws, daggers and swords. They stalk around her and she comes to a grim realization…</p><p>There are too many. </p><p>She can escape. Oh, she could very <em> easily </em>escape. But that would be mission failure. No, she’s here to take this facility out. A thought forms in her mind; there might be one way to play this with as few casualties as possible.</p><p>“If you leave, you’ll be spared!” she calls out in Basic. There are a few laughs over the crowd, some of them understanding her. “I don’t want to harm any of you, if I don’t have to.”</p><p>Her hand is by her side, fingers rotating ever so slowly counterclockwise. There are so many of these things, and they’re all so small, she really has to focus. She grits her teeth in concentration as one speaks up before her.</p><p>“Harm, anyway.” The creature’s accent is heavy as her fingers continue to turn. “Look. Look there. <em> There. </em> Hurt. Hurt because <em> Jeedai.” </em></p><p>An electric blade zips in towards her from behind and she dodges left, but a bit too late, pain scorching across her face, followed by a second slice from a follow up strike.</p><p>She feels his alarm ring out inside her, but she ignores him. A wetness trickles down her face, but she completes her hand-movement, pushing her will out through the Force. Things quietly start clattering to the ground, so she knows it’s done… now she just has to wait for the right moment.</p><p>A crackling zap nears her again, and she feints right while bringing her saber up from below, felling the creature who cut her, even as more descend upon her.</p><p>Evidently, foreplay is over.</p><p>Pain is pounding through her flesh and one eye is blurring as it swells, but she looks effortless in the way she’s dodging their blows, which are coming now from all sides. One, two, <em> three </em> drop in rapid succession and, when her saber gets caught in a whip, she uses a trick she’d come up with before – flicking the beam off to disengage her attacker, dropping into a roll, thumbing the saber on once again, and the creature wails as her blade pummels through its body.</p><p>The next three steps she takes are in a whirlwind circle, raking her hand out and hauling more weaponry out of enemy arms.</p><p>It’s only when her footsteps splash in small pools of liquid that she knows victory is hers. With her gesture, she’d released all the ships’ gas caps, and now the floor is coated with a thin layer of…</p><p>“Nuel…” a creature looks at the ground in horror, smelling the acrid tang.</p><p>“That’s right,” Rey confirms, raising her saber blade, <em> “Fuel.” </em></p><p>The sword hums its white light at the liquid below her feet… <em> igniting </em> it. Immediately, flames lick all around her. Despite the pulsing agony on her face, she knows her job isn’t done. Ignoring the disbursing crowd, she uses the Force to pull supplies into the fire. Rations, equipment – she barely even registers the heat, though she <em> knows </em>it’s burning all around her.</p><p>Sound seeps into silence, leaving only his echoing voice.</p><p>“Rey...” he’s staring at her frantically, disheveled and wide-eyed. “Gods, what have they done?”</p><p>Faintness is beginning to pull at her, but she rallies. With all the pain within her, she draws in the Dark side and uses the power to press on – racks of med supplies, unknown crates, anything her fingers can snag in the swirling vortex of energy around her gets flung into the growing pyre.</p><p>He’s calling her name, she knows he is, but she’s in a fog. Absentmindedly, she tugs in another crate sharply, registering - only at the last minute - the sign on the side that reads…</p><p>“Explosives…” her voice is like a whisper.</p><p>Everything is moving in slow motion as the wooden box slides into the pool of flames.</p><p>She feels Ben’s hand on hers, feels him pull her in and wrap around her, and then – everything goes white as the box detonates.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t know how he’s doing this – he has <em> no idea </em>how he is doing this…</p><p>She’s in his arms and he’s raised a forcefield around them. He still can’t see her surroundings, but he can <em> feel </em> the blistering heat of it. To him, he’s on a cold prison floor, but Rey? Rey's in an <em> inferno. </em></p><p>There is blood everywhere, already clotting heavily along the swelling and bruising on her face. She’s clutching at him in half-consciousness, but he needs to get her up. He needs to get her <em> moving. </em>They never know how long the connection will stay open for.</p><p>“Rey, I need you to get up, okay? I need you to get to an exit.”</p><p>“Only one… and <em> they </em>went out of it,” she gestures weakly.</p><p>He curses, holding her tighter and doing everything he can to wind his power into both their shield and their connection.</p><p>“The vents, you came up through the vents…” he grits his teeth, heat blazing through him, covering him in sweat even though the concrete floor is stone-cold to the touch.</p><p>Her head tilts slowly to one side, unfocused. “Can’t. It’s on fire.”</p><p><em> Shit. </em> “What can you see, baby? What can you <em> see?” </em></p><p>But she’s fading into unconsciousness.</p><p>“No,” he shakes her hard, speaking sternly. “No, damn it, you look around you <em> right now </em>and you tell me what you see. You’re not going to go down on a solo mission.”</p><p>He feels her amusement at the use of his last name, a joke they both share each time they’re on-mission alone, but as soon as her mouth tries to pull into a smirk, he feels her pain <em> lance </em> through his skin and cries out. It <em> burns. </em>Gods, does it burn. It’s like… like when she gave him his scar.</p><p>He scowls as he looks at her. “Hey. <em> Hey! </em>What. Do. You. See?”  </p><p>When she doesn’t answer him again, he closes his eyes and <em> shoves </em>his way into the fog of her mind.</p><p>All around is the haze of smoke; he can barely breathe from the heat and the sting of burnt gasoline. Face aflame with agony, he forces her eyes up, around and everywhere.</p><p>She’s right, the vents are on fire, and the only exit is straight out. Into <em> them. </em></p><p>Eyes settling on one more detail, his heart stops…</p><p>...because the planes are about to catch fire.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rà slams the text down on Master Ren’s desk, where he’s taken up residence for the afternoon before heading back to the orphanage. He wants to get there as late as possible… even after his bedtime, if he can help it.</p><p>They’d all given him access. <em> All </em>the planetary leaders. He was even able to ask one of them nicely on his own. He pulls up his datapad and connects to the legal databases of planets A’K-Kas, Zazpi and En to make sure that the laws he’s looking at on paper are still in place today.</p><p>They are.</p><p>They Are!!</p><p>Sitala told him that these planets are even on Master Ren’s side… so that makes it even BETTER! </p><p>He laughs, he can’t help it. The smile goes wide, wider, <em> widest </em> on his face and he holds his belly. He’s got the giggles… but oh, it’s so perfect. Tears of joy gather in the corner of his eyes as he just <em> laughs. </em>Mom is going to be so happy. This is it – this is exactly how she can keep Master safe! </p><p>His body is thrumming with glee.</p><p><em> Hurry, </em> he nearly bounces in his Master’s chair. <em> Hurry home, Mom... I’ve got a secret to tell you. </em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Selective Redemption</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>DancingStarlight is one of the people who enjoyed ‘The Redemption of Kylo Ren’ alongside us. When I freaked out about making the sequel and, you know, not wanting to disappoint the crap out of everybody, she offered to help Elle alpha-read and give me some feedback on the story outline. She is a lovely and kind person. </p><p>Some of her family members have recently been diagnosed with COVID-19. With travel so severely restricted, she can’t go see them, and it’s an emotional time for her. </p><p>I ask that everyone send some love, prayers, good vibes, juju and patronus charms her way. Life is hard, especially these days, but I believe we are a community that stands together - knowing that we are not alone. Our community is based on love, after all.  &lt;3  </p><p>I’m sending my love to DancingStarlight and her family. May everyone recover soon, and recover well.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <br/>
    
  </p>
</div><p>I am having a -very- difficult time reverse engineering who this artist is. Does anyone know? All the links I can find are Tumblr threads and deactivated accounts. I want to give credit where credit is due, as this image is NOT MINE and is inspirational!</p><p>_________________</p><p> </p><p>The prison floor is bitingly cold, but that’s not where his mind is right now. The bond has taken him star systems away; their connection bringing him straight to <em> her. </em></p><p>Ben focuses and blinks Rey’s watering eyes, so solidly placed in her mind that his thoughts make her body move as if it was his own. He feels her lungs burning with smoke and heat as the fire rages all around her.</p><p>Supplies; she’d been burning supplies and equipment. Discarded weapons char alongside powerless droids, medpacks, and ship replacement parts. He wants to bring her hand up to touch the searing wound on her face, but he knows from when he’d looked at it that she’ll need medical attention. He’d only infect it with her soiled fingers.</p><p>There’s just one exit. Enemies await outside but, it’s either enemies or death. Right now, he chooses the former option as she struggles to fight off unconsciousness within her own mind. Tensing her muscles in a sort of test-of-will, he clenches her abdomen and sits her up like a puppet, moving her slowly out of his arms.</p><p>Their connection wavers, the bond so close to shutting down that panic spikes within him; he's unsure - can he keep the shield up if they’re not touching? He doesn't know, and he doesn't dare risk it. Grasping her hand, living in two minds at once, a disoriented faintness starts to come on him, the same way it’s falling down on her.</p><p><em> No, </em> he affirms in his mind. <em> No, we can -do- this. </em></p><p>
  <em> I can’t. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You can. You -will-. I’m going to give you something. I need you to take it. I need you to -get out of there- and come home to me. </em>
</p><p>Her confusion ebbs and flows as she/he struggles to keep her body standing, his fist clamped tight around her.</p><p><em> Come home. Please, </em>he pushes one more time. It’s desperate… but he’s never held back in pleading with her to get what he wants.</p><p>He grits his teeth in his own body and begins to bleed himself into her. His lifeforce, his connection <em> to </em> the Force. His memories of using the Dark side to harness pain and fear for power. His knowledge of how to shield from the blistering danger around her. He gives her everything he can, everything he can <em> think </em> of – just in time for the bond to fade into nothing as he collapses heavily onto the floor.</p><p><em> Come home, </em>he begs.</p><p>
  <em> Come home. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>His sentiment is the echo that centers her into consciousness. Wide awake, Ben’s gift pulses like hot fire, raging even stronger than the wild licks of orange-yellow around her. She sees it – the pyre moving up the sides of the fighters and transports. There’s no time – soon, this hanger is going to be one big <em> boom. </em></p><p>Her veins electric, she flings herself into a run. Her pain is almost completely muted as the power of the Dark side fills her cup to the brim. Launching herself on the balls of her feet, she jumps to the high side of a wall that’s not red with molten metal. She nearly runs along the span of it for the briefest of moments before propelling herself closer towards the exit, alighting on the wings and hulls of planes like one of the butterflies Ben has told her so much about.</p><p>The doorway is gaping open as smoke leaks out and light leaks in. The Force screams caution at her and one hand drops to her saber hilt. The whole compound had flooded out this one hole into the barren land of Jakku.</p><p>And she was going to have to face them all.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s feet hit the ground before Ren is done falling to the floor. He’d been watching him on the monitors, not knowing what the hell he was doing. After the guy meditated and slept and did what-ever-the-hell-took-so-long-in-the-'fresher, Poe was so sick of <em> looking </em>at him that he considered just shutting the damn screen off.</p><p>And then… Ren was up in a panic.</p><p>Then, down on the ground.</p><p>Then, grasping at thin air before falling over with a hard hit to the concrete.</p><p>
  <em> What the hell? </em>
</p><p>The metal screech cries out as he wrenches the door open and runs to the last cell. “Ren? Ren, what are you-” but the words die in his mouth.</p><p>Blood. There’s blood on the ground.</p><p>Heart dropping, he fumbles with his wrist coder, typing in a passcode and about to wave it in front of the locking mechanism when he hears the man mumble.</p><p>“What do you want?”</p><p>Poe’s expression sours. Why is this guy such an ass?</p><p>“What’s that on the floor, huh?” He gestures to the man’s back. “You do a little number on yourself when I wasn’t looking?”</p><p>Ren sits up slowly, passing his hand over the splatters on the floor and rubbing his fingers through the color. He stares at them for almost a full minute, sliding the tips against each other and smearing the stickiness until it’s dry.</p><p>“I’m fine.” He drops his head into his arms and passes his clean hand through his hair. “Any word from Rey?”</p><p>Poe can’t help but feel annoyed. “She told you she was going on-mission?”</p><p>The fallen Monarch scoffs, “She <em> told </em>me, yes. She also told me that my system is at risk because you-”</p><p>“Not me,” the Pilot cuts him off. “Ren… <em> Ben. </em>You know it wasn’t me. I had no idea they would do that. Would never have let it fly, if I knew.” His voice is hard, leaving no room for argument.</p><p>The prisoner turns to look at him, appraisingly, and he can feel himself bristle. Poe’s about to say something snide, but he’s interrupted.</p><p>“It’s strange.”</p><p>Placing one hand on his hip, Poe scratches the other against the backside of his neck in annoyance. “What is?”</p><p>A pause.</p><p>“Hearing someone call me by my name. My <em> real </em>name. Up until now, only Rey…” he trails off before looking down at the brown crust on his fingers. “Any word from her?” he repeats.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“How long was I out for?”</p><p>Poe huffs, “What, like, less than a minute?”</p><p>“Oh.” Ren… <em> Ben </em>curls down around himself again, wrapping his heavy arms around his knees and putting his forehead down onto them. His deep breath pulls in and his back expands.</p><p>Another pause of uncomfortable silence goes by as Poe taps his foot. Should he check the guy for wounds? He seems fine but, if he passed out, does he need a med-check? Gods help the Alliance if this guy has some sort of medical emergency and drops dead on his watch.</p><p>“If you’re worrying about something, don’t bother. I’m fine. And I won’t do anything stupid.” Ben looks morosely over his shoulder, “I’ve got things to live for; I may still get out of this.” He holds eye contact for a long moment before releasing the Pilot from his heavy glare. “Somehow.”</p><p>Poe blows air out through his lips and grasps at the bridge of his nose, a nice, big headache threatening behind his eyes. “Yeah, somehow. I’m working on it. I’m sitting out there, watching you do nothing all day on a damn monitor, and it’s all I’m thinking about.”</p><p>“I know.” Another stint of silence. “Thank you.”</p><p>And it catches him off guard. Poe releases his grip under his furrowed brows and can’t help but look up. Ben Solo’s eyes are on the wall, and his mouth is pulled into a frown, but Poe definitely heard him right.</p><p>Sighing heavily, “Don’t thank me, yet. Thank me <em> after.” </em>After he figures out a way to fix this mess.</p><p>R... <em> Ben </em> nods, solemnly and Poe turns around to leave. All he can hear is his own heels clacking against the sterile emptiness of this place. If he ever had to sit in here for long, he’d go nuts – he’s <em> sure </em>of it. Before he gets all of the way out of the cell block, though, a thought pops into his mind.</p><p>“I’ll comm her. Check in. Let you know if she’s okay.”</p><p>From far away, that low voice rings out again.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Ciel lets go of the neck of Rà’s shirt and gives him a friendly shove in the direction of the orphanage home, where the kid will be staying until Miss Rey returns.</p><p>“I found a stray!” he calls out to the lit doorway where Ariani stands with her hands on her hips, giving a scolding look to the boy.</p><p>“I. Have. Been. LOOKING. For. You.” Her words are so clipped, they’re like little razors and the boy ducks a little lower with every slice. Even Ciel can’t help but wince a tiny bit under the eyes of this woman. He only remembers having a mother in the vaguest of terms, so he doesn’t recognize this as an act of worry and affection.</p><p>“Cut the kid a break, huh? He’s had a bad week.” The frown is obvious in the sound of his voice but he doesn’t care. His last display in front of this woman was less than favorable, anyway. Why not continue the trend?</p><p>“I – I was in Master Ren’s office. I was-”</p><p>“I don’t care <em> what </em>you were doing! Honestly! Get in there<em> right now!”</em> She gestures her finger inside with a stern look.</p><p>The boy withers, but only for the slightest of moments before his eyes narrow and his stance widens. “You don’t get to tell me what to do. YOU’RE NOT MY MOM!” he screams at her.</p><p>Ah, there it is. That little brattiness that rears its head from time to time. Ciel feels a wave of affection, despite the bad behavior. </p><p>
  <em> You tell her, kid. </em>
</p><p>Ariani, to her credit, doesn’t bother responding with words; she just repoints her finger in towards the doorway and they stand off for a few minutes, neither of them letting up on the glares they’re stabbing at each other.</p><p>Finally, with a grunt of frustration, Rà gives up and storms in towards the door, giving her as wide a berth as possible on the way.</p><p>“Thanks a <em> lot, </em>Uncle Ciel!” the boy grumbles.</p><p>The soldier sounds more high-pitched and wounded than he intends, “What’d <em> I </em>do?” but he gets no answer as the kid stomps away.</p><p>Crossing his arms, he can’t help but huff a laugh as the woman continues her evil glare, basically boring it into the little boy’s back. At the sound, she whips her head towards him, obviously in the mood for a fight.</p><p>“How long did you know he was there? Do you know how hard I was <em> looking</em> <em> for him?!”</em> She doesn’t just walk up to him… no, this lady <em> speeds, </em>finger still waving in the air for good measure.</p><p>Ciel swats the digit away from him with an eyebrow cocked. “What, you think I just kept him away? I <em> should’ve </em>kept him away. He hates it here. He could’ve stayed with me.”</p><p>She grunts, waving her hand around. “As if you don’t have <em> other </em>things to be doing right now.”</p><p>He scowls, wanting to pull rank and put her in her place. “Of course I have other things, but family is important. With all these screwed up Force-kids around, I figured you’d <em> realize </em>what not having a family can do to-”</p><p>And she backhands him.</p><p>He saw it coming, but took it anyway. Just in one of those kinds of moods, he guesses. Looking straight at her, he works his jaw.</p><p>“Guess not having a family must have done a number on <em> you </em>as well, huh, ex-trooper?”</p><p>
  <em> Bitch. </em>
</p><p>He smiles, sarcastically. “I’d say I’m doing fairly well. Second-in-command to the system you live in. The one that houses the place you happen to run. Pretty important guy with a lot of power. You know, just in case you <em> forgot.” </em></p><p>She lets out a curt sound that's kinda like a, 'ha!' and turns in a half-circle before facing him again. She opens her mouth to say something once, <em>twice,</em> before throwing her hands up in the air and turning away again, hands on her hips and staring up at the twin-mooned sky.</p><p>Good. That shut her up.</p><p>He’d never do anything to her; not really. He has nothing against this woman. In fact, he’d protect her from others, if it came to that – but he’s in no mood for… <em> this. </em> It’s only when he sees her shoulders shake that he feels anything other than cold anger. He starts to turn to move away, but stops when he sees her head dip into her hands and her back bow slightly.</p><p>The ice over his heart cracks into a thaw. Now, it’s his turn to open and close his mouth a few times, not knowing what to say.</p><p>Finally, he lands on, “I brought him here as soon as I found him. He was hiding out, you know? This is hard on him.”</p><p>Facing away from him, Ariani’s fingers start to swipe at her eyes. “It’s hard on everyone in different ways. All the kids… well… it’s difficult for them to understand what this means. They’re hurt. Mad. Worried. Afraid. It’s been… it’s been-” her voice shudders with emotion, <em> “-heartbreaking.” </em></p><p>Ciel freezes as she starts crying in earnest, but she’s holding herself back, keeping herself quiet. It’s so the kids don’t see; he knows that much, at least. He passes his eyes over all the windows, wondering about which kids are in what buckets. Supporters or Enemies?</p><p>He grabs at his braid and starts fiddling with it in shame, looking to the ground. If he’s looking for threats in kids… </p><p>Though, it wouldn’t be the first times little ones had come at them hard.</p><p>Her wet sniff brings him back to reality.</p><p>“Keep him safe, if you can. Please. I don’t want them to take him. I don’t want him to die.” She looks at him as she begs.</p><p>There’s something about the moons here… lighting people from two sides at once. It’s like her skin glows and the stars reflect off the well of tears in her eyes. She’s beautiful to him in this moment.</p><p>His shoulders sag. He considers walking away again; letting her words be the end of the evening... but he feels like staying. There’s no other way to describe it.</p><p>“I don’t get it.” The words fall from his mouth bitterly. “Why can the Galaxy accept all of us – the ex-troopers, the First Order worlds, the leaders that accepted Snoke - <em>none </em> of those people are on trial today. They all played the victim card and <em> look </em>– everyone is free.” He scoffs, placing his hands behind his back and leaning slightly. “But not Ren. No, not him.”</p><p>He smirks cruelly. “Do you know how many people I willingly killed?”</p><p>The question seems to catch her by surprise, but he can’t stop talking.</p><p>“Do you know how many people I killed that I didn’t have to? <em> Do you know </em> how many times I killed because I was angry? Because someone deserved it - by whatever scale I weighed their life on. Did you know that I-” emotion comes to him now, as well, “-I let people die because I was too weak to save them, almost as if I killed them <em> myself, </em>but no one is calling <em> me </em>out.”</p><p>A heavy feeling settles in his heart. “If <em> he </em> can’t be forgiven, then maybe <em> I </em> can’t be forgiven either.” He removes the clasp and unwinds his braid as he speaks.</p><p>Lovely tears still in her eyes, she nods down at the way his fingers are working. “Why do you do that?”</p><p>He notices his nimble fingers only in this moment; so used to the habit, he doesn’t even bother registering it anymore.</p><p>He scowls, braiding it again as quickly as possible, and relocking the tie around it. “I learned about these things when I was on a planet, once. I don’t remember which one. Only a couple races on it. Some big, some small. Some of the big ones had these massive braids.” He twirls the tip of his between his fingers. “And some were <em> very </em>long.</p><p>“I asked some local who spoke Basic what they were. Of course, I had a blaster rifle in my hand, so he answered me pretty quick. They’re called ‘prova del pecat’. Proof of sin. These guys show the world that they messed up really, <em> really </em>bad, and grow the braid until they feel they’ve atoned for what they’ve done.”</p><p>She looks down at the hair between his fingers. “And that’s what that is.”</p><p>He stares at the tip of it with the soft smile of a lover. “It’s my way to mourn.”</p><p>He’s never said the words out loud, but that’s exactly what it is. This is his apology to his beautiful Elle for doing nothing while she was sent off to the slaughter. This is his proof that he still loves her, even now. This is for the child he lost, that he never even knew he had in the first place.</p><p>“If he deserves to be punished, I deserve to be punished, too.” His words are a whisper. He looks away from his token to gaze into her mournful eyes, but can only bear it for a moment before passing his sights over the windows again.</p><p>For a second time, each of them makes a move as if to say something, but neither is able to make anything useful come out. Eventually, they’re just looking at each other, sharing a wordless hurt between them.</p><p>It’s with a respectful nod that Ciel backs up a step and turns to leave. He says no more, she says no more, but he feels like the words they<em> did </em>say spoke volumes.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The ship doors close behind her as she’s gasping for breath, covered in nicks and bruises and sporting that horrible, <em>gaping</em> wound on her face. Her ribs burn with a stitch in her side as she goes through pre-checks as fast as she possibly can, fingers flying over buttons and knobs and star maps.</p><p>
  <em> Home. Take me home. I want to go -home-. </em>
</p><p>She feels sick. As the ship rises, nausea rolls through her stomach and she has to fight to hold the bile back in her throat. She had to kill so many.</p><p>So. Many.</p><p>And they didn’t want to let her run, no. She’d connected eyes with this slug-like monster who was mounting a transport. His eyes were acid green and he licked a heavy, sticky tongue over his lips when his tiny arm had pointed at her as she exited the facility. The fire-bomb that went off as she raced out of the building only held them off for a moment before everything went to hell. Well, <em> continued </em>to go to hell.</p><p>That creature who’d eyed her – <em> that </em>was a Hutt. Not just one of the races who worked for them.</p><p>She waves off her nausea again by focusing on her curiosity; who might it have been? Name? How important? How powerful? She hopes the thing looked into her eyes and saw that the Jedi of the Alliance stands with the Fallen First Order.  She hopes that point was made <em> very clear.    </em></p><p>Now safe, the fear and panic are subsiding and the Darkness releases its hold on her. With no one left to fight, her adrenaline seeps out as well, letting the pain of her body ramp up from a whine to a scream. Once she’s in the black, stars surrounding her, she punches in the final coordinates and slams her fist on the autopilot.</p><p>Let someone else drive for a change.</p><p>She almost smiles, but the pain in her face flares again; she can feel something crack open and seep from inside the wound. She’s likely tore it open again.</p><p>The urge to vomit comes up once more.</p><p>With a small cry of pain, she lifts herself from the pilot seat and calls out, “L-246, activate. Please. I need…” but she doesn’t get too far. She lands on her knees on the durasteel floor, pain finally getting the best of her.</p><p>The black and silver droid that enters the cockpit lets out whistles and blips that urge Rey into the med-bay. But, no.</p><p>She’ll just pass out right here on the floor, thank you very much.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Finn is in a panic as the hatch to Rey’s ship descends and he mounts it while it’s only half-way down, anything to get to her faster. “Rey?!” he calls in a panicked voice he hasn’t needed to use for <em> years. </em></p><p>She steps out towards him, gingerly, the black of medical suture tape closing a wound that will scar her up pretty good. It’s like a crisscross under her eye, and it’s shiny with bacta.</p><p>“Hey. <em> Hey…” </em>He reaches out and gently takes hold of her arms. </p><p>She looks at him with exhaustion and just puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing him. It fills him with warmth, but a kind of fear, too. Poe had told him that Ren was acting weird. Explained the scene from his prison cell and the blood-from-who-knows-where. But Finn knew <em> exactly </em>‘from where’. </p><p>From Rey.</p><p>He holds her, but gently. “You need to get to Ren. You need to let him heal you, right?”</p><p>She shakes her head with a small smirk. “No.”</p><p>Finn’s face falls into confusion. “No?”</p><p>“I want them to see it,” she says, simply. “I want the Alliance to understand that, someday, <em> one Jedi </em>won’t be enough.”</p><p>It’s not unkind, but she shrugs him off. “When is the trial?”</p><p>He clears his throat. “Tomorrow.”</p><p>The shock and horror she throws his way makes him wince.</p><p>“They only waited long enough for you to come back. Everything else is ready.” He pulls his lips close together in a firm line. “And they’re going to let you testify. I convinced Mendje, which wasn’t hard, and we ganged up on the rest until they agreed.” He feels more-than-a-little proud of that, if he’s honest with himself. Had bragged about it to Jannah like it was the victory of the decade. She’d listened in but, given their track record for taking down Dreadnaughts, this wasn’t checking her ‘excitement’ box.</p><p>Rey’s eyes are unfocused and she wavers slightly. When she finally looks at him, she asks, “What’s the plan, again?”</p><p>He blanches.</p><p>“I’m sorry – I’m… I’m just tired.”</p><p>Finn wraps his friend’s hand around his arm, moving her down the ramp and closer to campus. “Yeah. Yeah, I get it. You did good, though. Your report was amazing. You hit ‘em real hard.”</p><p>She nods, but it’s not a happy one and Finn’s concern doubles.</p><p>With a sigh, he reminds her, “Just be honest, Rey. That’s the plan. Tell them what you know about him now. Tell them what you knew about him <em> then </em> – but… just… don’t let them know you knew that ‘Master Ren’ was Kylo Ren.”</p><p>“I don’t even understand why it matters.”</p><p>“We harbored a war-criminal, Rey.”</p><p>There is only the slightest of pauses before she says, bitterly, “If the First Order had won in the end, <em> we’d </em>be the war criminals.”</p><p>He keeps his hold on her as he leads her on. He wants to say something clever. Something that will make her smile or feel relieved. But he can’t. All he can say is, “You’re right.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“MOM!” Rà yells as soon as he sees her and, somehow, it heals her a little bit when she sees his grin. He runs towards her at top speed, and she <em> knows </em>he intends to jump on her. Normally, she loves it, but right now – she’ll pass.</p><p>She holds her hands out to catch his shoulders and her eyes are warm on his face. She manages a small smile, but her stitches pull a little. They’ll come out tonight, though (thank the Gods for the wonders of Bacta).</p><p>Her son gapes at her, grabbing her chin and softly tilting her face left and right. “Whoooooaaa. Cool!”</p><p>Leave it to him.</p><p>“Does it hurt?”</p><p>“Yup.” She watches him scrunch his face to analyze hers and can’t help but swim in love for this boy.</p><p>“Will it leave a scar?”</p><p>She frowns. “Yes. It absolutely will.”</p><p>He sighs out another, “Coooooooooool,” in some kind of awe. “Do you think I’ll get a scar like that, someday?”</p><p>“I sincerely hope <em> not.” </em></p><p>He purses his lips and is still tilting her head this way and that (to see it from all angles) when, suddenly, his face <em> morphs. </em>You would think he was I’Pasigurt.</p><p>Grinning and hopping up and down, “Mom! Mom! Mom! I found a way to save Master Ren!”</p><p>Her heart pangs as any amusement fades. What has her poor boy been doing all this time? </p><p>Getting his hopes up, evidently. </p><p>She’s unsure of what to say. It hurts to have to disappoint him but, “Honey, the only way Master Ren can be saved is with what happens in the trial.”</p><p>“EXACTLY!” Rà cries, happily. Rey can’t help but feel confused as he turns on his heels and runs to his overnight bag, pulling out two books and a datapad. “Look! Look here – look at this.”</p><p>He shoves the items into her hands and immediately starts pointing to screens and pages. “Do you see? Do you <em> see? </em> This law – it’s on three FFO worlds. <em> Three! </em> I talked to Hima and Sitala, and they helped me get access to each planet’s legal systems to try to find something – and I found <em> this!” </em></p><p>Rey’s eyes squint as she reads the text out loud, “…you cannot execute a sentient awaiting the birth of a child. The Rights of Propagation, granted to all planetary citizenry, guarantees that all retain their right to look into their progeny’s eyes and pass on their wisdom to it before they suffer their final punishment.” She pauses, blanching slightly. “Rà, honey… do you know how babies are made?”</p><p>He rolls his eyes and turns sideways, red-faced. “I don’t want to talk about that with you,” he states, plainly.</p><p>“Well, what do you expect me to do? Go into his prison cell and… what? Maul him? His trial is <em> tomorrow, </em> honey. Even if I <em> could, </em>there isn’t enough time.”</p><p>And the boy <em> beams </em>at her. His smile is so bright; brighter than she’s ever seen it. “But, that’s just it, Mom. <em> You already have what you need!” </em>  </p><p>Her eyebrows knit, not picking up his thread. He drops to his knees beside her and scoots in, biting his bottom lip in an expression of glee. His hands go to her belly in the softest of touches and his eyes fill with love; a look so soft and precious. Innocent and sweet. A look she hasn’t seen from him in years.</p><p>His palms are warm on her belly. “I can hear it. A little, anyway. It’s like a little twinkle of light inside you. It’s so small. So dim. But... it’s amazing. I call it Starlight.”</p><p>And it clicks.</p><p>Her hand covers Rà’s instantly, mouth dropping open with every feeling in the book running through her heart.</p><p>Eyes squinting as he grins at her, “You’re going to have a baby, Mom.”</p><p>Lightning fast, Rey’s arms wrap around her boy. She laughs; it’s harsh sounding, but it happens none-the-less. She pushes him back and takes his face in her hands, sliding her thumbs over his cheeks. She loves him, she loves him, she loves him.</p><p>And she’ll love this one, too.</p><p>“Who did you tell, honey? Who knows?”</p><p>That never-ending grin shines. “No one. Not a single person. It was a <em> secret.” </em></p><p>She giggles, ignoring any aches in her body. Hugging him so tight, she swears he shouldn’t be able to breathe, but he’s laughing too. </p><p>It’s perfect. It’s just so <em> perfect. </em></p><p>Starlight.</p><p>Rà hasn’t saved Ben, not really, but he’s bought them time.</p><p>And time can change <em> everything. </em></p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>When their connection softly opens its flow once more, Ben is laying on his oversized, hard cot - one leg draped lazily over its edge. He feels surprise and wonder and love all together at once. Breathing a sigh of relief, he knows that she’s home. She’d made no small effort to clamp him out since his collapse, likely working to hide her physical pain from him. Both that and whatever she had to do to make it out of there alive. She still fights hard against the Darkness inside her; it’s why she’s so strong in the Light - though, the Light doesn’t rule her just now, it seems. Wherever she is, she’s a ball of intense emotions. </p><p>Elation. Joy. </p><p>Rà? Her friends making her feel this way? Some good news?</p><p>But… it’s mixed with fear. Sorrow. Trepidation. Honestly, with what she’s going through, it’s completely understandable. He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes as a tight well of self-loathing rises in him. Is the happiness he’d given these people worth the pain they feel, now? </p><p>Loneliness. A flood of loneliness fills him.</p><p>And it’s not his. </p><p>Sounds seeps away and he turns his head to the side to see her kneeling on the empty expanse beside him. As he sees her profile, he smiles softly in spite of himself. She’s so engrossed in what she’s doing that she doesn’t even see him, yet. </p><p>What<em> is </em> she doing? </p><p>Her fist is locked around a small utility knife and she’s stabbing into, what appears to be, thin air. There is no sound, but her movement drags the blade up and down in quick and sharp motions. Like she’s scratching something. Or…</p><p>His heart breaks when he realizes what she’s doing and, when his emotions flow to her, she finally senses his presence and turns to face him. </p><p>A bitter stab of viciousness rises in him as he sees all of her. The wound has already faded down to lines on her face, but the fact that it exists at all is unacceptable and it fills him with waves of a potent, <em> dark </em>urge for vengeance.</p><p>She’s been marked. Marked by some unknown, dead creature star systems away. If he’d been there, this never would have happened. He tenses his jaw, sitting up slightly and sliding his thumb over the pink ridges of healing skin under her eye.</p><p>But she doesn’t meet him in anger. Or bitterness. Or remorse. No. Instead, a smile blooms on her face as she whispers his name, and he can’t help but feel himself relax slightly. He wants to return the expression, but he lifts his eyes up to the cameras placed around his cell and begrudgingly remembers how Dameron caught him enacting his one-man play earlier. </p><p>
  <em> There are -others- watching me now. Ones we don’t know. I can’t let them see me behaving strangely.  </em>
</p><p>His eyes are swimming with longing as he lowers his hand, bringing his fingers to his mouth to kiss the red-ringed tattoo around his finger. Their secret symbol to one another that simply says, ‘I love you’. </p><p>She turns to face what must be her handiwork in front of her. Tossing the knife away, it disappears into nothing, and she dusts off her hands. </p><p>
  <em> What are you counting, Rey?  </em>
</p><p>She looks at him, sadly. “What do you think?”</p><p>He lays down on his side and nuzzles into the pillow that still smells like her. His eyes follow her motion as she lays down as well. They stare at each other, bound together through the distance, as their feelings of devotion and sorrow thread through each other. He places his hand down on the surface of his sheets, near hers, and his dark lashes hide his eyes as he stares at the gap between their bodies. It’s only the briefest of moments before she reaches out and covers his hand with hers, small and cool. Her smile blooms again. </p><p>“It’s tomorrow, isn’t it?” she says, something like hope within her. </p><p>His nod is almost imperceptible as he stares at the place where their hands join, unwilling to share in the hope she feels. </p><p>Playfully, “Who are these new guards watching you? Any women?”</p><p>He cocks his eyebrows and scoffs at her feigned jealousy. </p><p>She tsks at him. “Well, you never know, women are always fawning all over you.”</p><p>
  <em> But I'll only ever have my eyes on you.  </em>
</p><p>“For as long as we both shall live?”</p><p>“And after,” he whispers. </p><p>Her tears come. He’s so tired of tears. All he wants is laughter… but that time in his life seems to have passed. </p><p><em> Come to me before the trial. Let me heal you. </em>‘While I still can’ is what he doesn’t say. </p><p>Her face crumbles and she gently slides his hand closer to her, placing kisses over his fingers so secretly that no one watching on his side would ever know. “I love you.”</p><p>
  <em> I know.  </em>
</p><p>“I love you,” she insists out loud, shifting herself and moving closer. He rolls onto his back to see her lean over him, raining teardrops onto his face. One of his own cascades out, mixing with hers forever as she slides her fingers over his lips. </p><p>“I <em> love </em>you,” she repeats, voice heavy as she kisses his forehead. He closes his eyes and starts to tremble in sorrow. </p><p>“I love you, Ben Solo.” Her lips are in his hairline, on his temple, on his cheek. </p><p>“I love you, Kylo Ren.” The kiss that she places on his mouth requires every inch of his self restraint not to kiss her back. Not to roll her over and show her just <em> how much </em>he feels the same. So, he opens his heart and floods her with it. All the things he feels, has felt, wants to feel, and it makes her break down in sobs over his body, lowering down to nestle into his chest with clasping fingers. </p><p>“Don’t leave us,” she begs. </p><p>
  <em> I don’t want to. I -never- want to.  </em>
</p><p>“Don’t <em> leave </em> us!” she cries again, clutching at his shirt. “Please, Ben. <em> Please.” </em></p><p>It hurts. It hurts so much. All this, and he can’t even hold her. </p><p><em> You’ll be alright. You, Rà, Ciel, Finn </em> – <em> you will all be alright. No matter what happens. </em></p><p>She weeps harder, shaking her head against him and he feels this sense that he’s missing something. That he doesn’t quite understand what she means… and he’s right. </p><p>Because he doesn't know who she means when she says ‘us.’ </p><p>He doesn’t know the secret. </p><p>And she fades from him like a dream, leaving him in confusion as the pressure from her body dissipates like the wind. He rolls onto his side, curling as tightly as he can, elbows to his knees, and starts to mentally prepare himself for what’s to come. </p><p>It’s almost time.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The Trial</h2></a>
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    <p>Art by <a href="https://www.deviantart.com/shorelle/gallery"> Shorelle</a></p><p>_________________</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p>~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>He rolls out of bed and presses the heels of his hands over his eyes. Another night with no sleep. He’d seen himself in the mirror the other day and – phew – his normally dashing looks looked a little <em> exhausted. </em></p><p>Chirps and whirrs greet him as he wavers on his heels. The white and orange droid rolls up behind him and nudges at his calves, urging him on. “Yeah, yeah, BB-8… I’m going. I’m going.”</p><p>Where he’s <em> going </em>is the ‘fresher. Other than that, he’s not sure. He’s been wracking his brain trying to figure out their next move and, honestly? He’s got nothing. Not. One. Thing. This isn’t his bag of tricks. He’s a flyboy – or was, years ago. At the moment, he stands strong in front of billions, General of the ex-FO slice and unofficial leader of the New Alliance. But – why? How? How the <em> hell </em>did he get here?</p><p>Leia had mentored him, sure. Hell, he’d respected her more than anyone else in the galaxy – even after she shot him! But she’d never taught him how to deal with anything like this. He’s got no strategy skills at the best of times. He’s even relied on R-<em> Ben </em> for advice once or twice, though he’d disguised it by hitting up Rey, knowing she’d have no clue either and would ask her husband for ideas.</p><p>He wonders - if Leia had been planning to get her son back all along, would she have had some way to keep him off death row? Make people see that the potential good in him outweighs the bad? All he knows is that 3-PO is filled with damning details – so, there’s that. There’s a scrapbook of mementos for you, Leia. Oh, look, here’s one where Benny-boy blew up a temple, that little rascal. How ‘bout this one? First degree murder-by-saber, what a scamp.</p><p>Poe rolls his eyes at himself.</p><p>There’s also the <em>other</em> intel Mendje got.</p><p>It doesn’t help that Poe doesn’t like him. The man is infuriating. Obnoxious, self-important, snobby… but Rey and Finn love him, Maker only knows why, and he has a family, of sorts. All his blood relations are dead, but…</p><p>“Ugh.” The Pilot bangs his head against his mirror softly, leaving little smear-marks on the glassy surface.</p><p>“What do I do, Leia? What would you do?”</p><p>And then, there’s the thought he can’t say aloud. The one that beats in his chest along with his heart. The one that reminds him that he doesn’t belong where he is. The one that reminds him he’s an imposter and it’s only a matter of time before they all figure it out.</p><p>His tired heart echoes:</p><p>
  <em> I’m lost. I’m lost. I’m -lost-. </em>
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</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“And you’re sure that only <em> those </em>planetary leaders know?” Rey nearly whispers to Ciel, ducking her head down even though no one’s anywhere nearby to hear them.</p><p>He nods, smoothing out his formal uniform for the day. “Only them. They’re ready. They know the cue, and they’re totally onboard.”</p><p>She bites her nails, starting to pace a bit, back and forth over the tightly knit rug of the apartment. “And you don’t think I’m being over-dramatic?”</p><p>He scoffs, reaching over to fluff out her (impractical) regalia as well. “They started it.”</p><p>She looks at him sheepishly, “And you don’t think it’s bad that I’m going to-“</p><p>Ciel shakes his head crisply. “The Alliance won’t like it, though. Pfft – <em> Ren </em> won’t like it – but I’m <em> this close </em> to not giving a damn what he thinks. Your idea is a good one. A perfect one.” He turns her around and bats some lint off her back and shoulders. “The real question is: are you ready?”</p><p>‘No’ is what she wants to say. Her nerves are shot. “I’m not good at this. In front of all these people.”</p><p>“Don’t think about the people. You’re not here for the people. Talk to those bastards in the Alliance. Just aim it straight at them. The holocams will pick up what they pick up and the people will see what they see. But your job today isn’t about them. It’s just about your asshole friends.”</p><p>She snorts, “Aren’t you in that category, too?” waving him off and shoving him a bit, making him grin. They move to walk slowly toward the door and out into the main complex; the trial is going to be in the Great Hall today and it’s at least a twenty-minute walk.</p><p><em> This place is too big, </em>she grumps to herself.</p><p><em> Hm? </em>he perks up inside her and she can’t help but panic. He can’t know what she’s about to do. She sends a wave of love and calm to him.</p><p>
  <em> I’ll see you soon, Ben. I love you. </em>
</p><p>And she clamps down on the bond, shutting him out of her mind.</p><p>
  
</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t like it when she plays with her lower horns, honestly. It looks kinda like a… dirty gesture.</p><p>Mendje runs her fists over her left lower tusk, one after the other, as she paces. “It just needs to be fair. It’s not my decision to make. I can’t absolve or pardon anyone on my own, and neither can you, so we just need to let this play out and keep it honest.”</p><p>Finn startles when he hears I’ Pasigurt as she walks in. “Depending on the laws of your nation – no matter what we do, it won’t be fair. Some want trial by combat (which he’d likely win), some want something like lawyers to argue on his behalf, and some would let the mob have him and see what the Gods want.”</p><p>It’s with an exaggerated rolling limp that Leaga makes his way into the antechamber. “It does make it difficult to accommodate. There aren’t any Galactic precedents to follow. Usually, you're tried by your nation or the Galactic governing body.” He looks at each of them, many arms clasping fingers or folding over his waist. Finn feels a bit bad for him, the Amanin (Mr. Banana-man, himself) has been pretty depressed since he found out about Ren, and it’s taken its toll on the creature. Finn wants to harden his heart against him. See him as an enemy, but he finds he can’t.</p><p>“That’s why we’re doing this the way we are.” Poe walks in with Rey and Ikeq alongside him, the latter two pointedly bristled at being so close to one another. “It’s us – it’s the FFO – it’s the top leaders from our slices. It’s a mix. We’ve got to be in this together. Fair is fair. Majority rules.”</p><p>“Define <em> fair, </em>General Dameron,” Ikeq purrs. “As our colleague points out – it varies.”</p><p>Finn watches Poe stand up straighter and get that posture he gets when he’s trying to assume control. It’s kinda funny, but he seems to have picked up that particular pose from Ren. Gods, Poe would <em> hate </em>to hear that… which is specifically why it’s hilarious.</p><p>Straight backed and firm eyed, “Our definition of <em> fair </em>is honesty, reviewing all facts – and not just picking the ones we like. Fair is giving all those we’ve approved, both for and against him, the same opportunity to speak. We don’t rig the votes. We don’t lobby. People cast ballots in private. Alliance and FFO leadership will count and verify together.” Poe looks at each of them in turn, reminding them of their agreement with all parties involved in the decision.</p><p>“Execution. Prison. Pardon,” Finn reminds them all.</p><p>Poe nods in the affirmative.</p><p>Rey - who looks bleary-eyed and exhausted, fresh scar still pink on her skin – asks distractedly, “How many of us are there again?”</p><p>“Your Force sensitive leads: eighteen. Finn’s ex-trooper command: another sixty-seven. All Allied planet leadership?” I ’Pasigurt flicks her yellow eyes up to the high ceiling to count. “Two hundred and seven, now.”</p><p>That number is what hurts Finn’s heart the most. Those who might be sympathetic are outnumbered. Their votes are a drop in the bucket, their loyalty unable to do anything to save Ren. He breathes in deep through his nose and remembers his friend’s plea to him. <em> ‘Keep far away from me. They need to see you as a victim, just like her.’  </em></p><p>He's supposed to be someone who never knew ‘Master Ren’ was Kylo Ren. Finn can’t put the trooper community at risk by calling his own loyalty to the Alliance into question. Besides, Rey is going to need him when this all goes south.</p><p>And he believes it will <em> all </em>go south. </p><p>
  
</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>You know, there’s only so much meditation you can do in a day, especially when you can’t calm your frying nerves no matter what you do.</p><p>Rey clamped him off, which is concerning. If he could, he’d link their minds every possible moment until whatever happens, happens. If he wanted to, he could force his way in. He paces and grabs onto the durasteel bars, tensing his fingers until his knuckles go white as he toys with the idea in his head.</p><p>Or – he could look through Finn…</p><p>He grunts, shoves himself back from the bars, and starts pacing again, raking his fingers through his hair as he goes. He's both furious and paranoid; a dangerous cocktail. It’s all he can do to keep the Dark side at bay. It calls to him, welcoming him, needing him. It’s like he can hear the dead echoes of Snoke in his mind, as he sometimes does. A voice that tells him to take, overpower, destroy, show them his strength, show no mercy and make them all submit.</p><p>He could get away if he wanted to. He could. <em> Absolutely. </em></p><p>But part of him is curious… is he forgivable? Is he redeemable? And that’s the hardest thing. He’s not really <em> forgiven </em> himself as much as he has ignored the bulk of his past. Boxed it away. Let it die. Now, the past is all around him, and he can’t escape.</p><p>What will the verdict be? Is his life now, everything good he’s done, worth anything at all?</p><p>He grunts once more and pushes himself towards getting ready. Ciel had ensured he had what he needed to still look respectful, but also humble. Ben agrees that, if he went out in capes and flourishes, it would only enrage people.</p><p>He grasps at the neutral fabric he’d been given, sneering slightly. It looks like Jedi robes. </p><p>“A little too on-the-nose, don’t you think?” he asks no one.</p><p>He eyes the cameras directly, holding eye-contact while stripping, hoping that whoever’s watching looks away at his shameless display. Not because he wants to do anything in particular, but because he feels spiteful and bitter and the thought of unnerving someone pleases him.</p><p>The thing that still simmers near a boil in his mind is, <em> Who told? Who destroyed my castle of sand? Who do I need to unleash my vengeance on? </em></p><p>He breathes again, trying to calm himself. Trying to let the Light in.</p><p>It’s so much harder without Rey.</p><p>
  
</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Today, we will hear eight testimonies, with more in the upcoming days.” Dameron stands in front of a judge’s microphone in the Great Hall, which seats hundreds upon hundreds. “The Alliance and the heads of the Fallen First Order will be the only ones allowed to ask questions. All others serve as our jury and will assist in determining the fate of this man.”</p><p>The Pilot's eyes scan around the crowd, packed with strangers. Holocams float around, seemingly with wills of their own, sure to catch every gasp and shocked expression. Every mean glare and mournful tear. It’s a spectacle. Plain and simple. A tableau.</p><p>And Ben hates it.</p><p>He had set the area to be sure he accommodated his own worlds, so there are tanks of sea water, overlarge seating, and a heat box with sound pumped in. It keeps his people separated through the crowd, but perhaps it’s for the best. It means that, no matter how he angles his body, he can connect eyes with those who are possibly allies.</p><p>He, himself, stands directly across from Dameron’s podium. Two platforms stand to either side of him - one ‘for’ and one ‘against’ him, making the speaker’s stance clear. There is a smaller space in front of him, unraised. This space is made for neutral parties and informational droids.</p><p>A wide void is center stage. For some worlds, this is where someone could speak on the accused’s behalf. Where physical evidence could be shown. Holos played. But here, at this moment? Ben thinks it’s the wide chasm between ‘who he is today’ and ‘who he once was’. The hard truth is that the bridge he’s built to connect the two sides might not be strong enough to withstand the pressure of all these sentients walking across it.</p><p>It’s a droid that rolls up now and halts itself in the space in front of him. Informational.</p><p>It twiddles and tweets and drones on – obviously a chatty thing – and lists of a series of missions he’d done while the Jedi-killer. Negotiations made – peacefully, and <em> not. </em> Communities brought into the fold willingly, some <em>not.</em> First Order intel. <em> Old </em>First Order intel from before he’d ascended. His fury spikes up a notch.</p><p><em> Who told, </em> his mind rages again. <em> Who put me here? </em></p><p>Holding his voice steady, “I’d prefer to look in the faces of my accusers than listen to a tin can rattle off a tick list.”</p><p>I’ Pasigurt seems amused as she smirks at him. “According to this ‘tick-list’, most of your accusers are dead, Kylo Ren.”</p><p>“Inadvisable!” his Aqualish leader calls out, solidly. “As agreed, this Human will be tried as Ben Solo and not under any false names.”</p><p>The Clawdite frowns slightly, nodding her head in agreement. “As you say.”</p><p>Dameron looks at him hard, some sort of hope welling within him. “Are you saying any of the previous information is false?”</p><p>“No.” Ben watches the Pilot’s shoulder fall just the tiniest amount. Apparently, he’d wanted Ben to lie. “The information is true, but it lacks nuance. For example, it doesn’t indicate that these missions were ordered by Supreme Leader Snoke, himself.”</p><p>Ikeq huffs. “As if that absolves you.”</p><p>Guerra, a rough warrior-leader on the FFO side, leans over and looks at the underbiting sentient with unhidden malice. “Do you know what it means to commit treason? Have you ever even been at war, creature? On the battlefront? Risking your life? Under the banner of his commander, that man risked his life every day.”</p><p>“Perhaps it’s too bad he was able to overcome those risks for so long, eh?”</p><p>Ben’s blood runs cold and he can’t hide the shock on his face. Those words…</p><p>They came from Vious.</p><p>All eyes are on the flightless Toydarian in differing levels of shock at the level of betrayal. The blue-gray male, for his part, just shrugs. Ciel boils under the surface and Ben can feel it. He’s not alone in his anger… and yet, Ben can feel Vious’ comment hitting home for many others throughout the jury as well. <em> Scores </em>of them.</p><p>It’s too much. There are too many, all with thoughts pointed directly at him, and it's overrunning his mind. He feels like it might go crazy with overhearing their thoughts and emotions, so he shuts down his connection to them within the Force. </p><p>The silence it leaves behind is deafening, leaving him feeling isolated. Exposed to being taken by surprise… like the damn Toydarian had surprised him. Like the Alliance had surprised him.</p><p>“That’s ENOUGH of that!” Dameron cuts in harshly. “Not what we’re here for, guys. If you want to rant about him, do it outside of this room. We’re here for facts, remember? And the facts are this: We have a list of activities that Ben Solo performed as Kylo Ren, but they’re missing potentially crucial details and motivations. That’s it.” He stares down the jury, “That’s <em> it.” </em></p><p>Looking at the panel behind him, he reiterates. “Questions only. No snarky comebacks, no angry challenges. If that’s all you’ve got, leave the panel.” He waves towards the door, “Any takers?”</p><p>Most of the sentients look at their hands sheepishly, but some stare Dameron down defiantly – and the holocams catch it all.</p><p>“Fine then. Good.” Dameron nods. He whips around and angrily calls out, “Next!”</p><p>It’s Finn that rises, and Ben tries to hide those mournful eyes of his, gritting his teeth for the sake of his brother. He knows this is hard for Finn, and he loves him all the more for his agreement to protect the trooper community over Ben’s life. The Monarch knows there are things more important than himself, now.</p><p>“The panel recognizes General Finn, head of the ex-Trooper community which spreads throughout the Galaxy, beyond the Alliance worlds.”</p><p>There are murmurs of appreciation, especially from Finn’s group of leaders in the jury stands.</p><p>As Finn approaches, he looks Ben straight in the eyes before flicking his gaze to the ‘for the accused’ platform. His gaze lingers too long, but in the end the man stands directly before Ben in the ‘neutral’ area. Pressing his lips together in anxiety, Finn turns to face the panel.</p><p>“I never knew that Master Ren was Ben Solo, but I did know that Ben Solo was Kylo Ren.” He pauses, gathering his thoughts, and Ben knows he's thinking back to some script he must have prepared in his mind. “When we found out who he was, I was shocked. Then angry. Kylo Ren led my regiment on the Finalizer. Made them do horrible things. I fought him, and he sliced up my back so hard, it put me out in a bacta tank for a while. I hated him. I <em> hated </em>him.</p><p>“But once I found out this man's real identity, I stopped to consider a few things. There are many people I consider my friends who were forced to do things they regret in the First Order. Many are looking to atone – but, this guy is seriously making that his life’s mission.</p><p>“After Exegol, Master Rey was in stasis. Only someone strong in the Light could bring her back and I searched for somebody to do that. He couldn’t do it, not at first, no matter how hard the guy tried. But in the end… he did. He <em> did. </em>He matched her in the Light side of the Force.</p><p>“When I met ‘Master Ren’, he was fighting for the sake of democracy. He stepped up to help the Alliance stabilize what became the Fallen First Order. He was elected their leader – never forced his way in – and, since then, he’s partnered with us across the Galaxy to do good things. Saved kids, saved cities, helped General Jannah and I in the ex-trooper community-”</p><p>Leaga cuts in, “A list of his 'good deeds' will be accounted for by another droid. Tell us things we don’t know.”</p><p>Finn’s shoulders go rigid and Ben knows his temper is flaring. “In our travels together, he told me of a battle with creatures called the ‘Gods of Death’ that ate people. It ate <em> the Force inside them </em>. But he stepped in and saved them, even though he didn’t have to. Before anyone was even watching him, he was trying to do the right thing.”</p><p>I ‘Pasigurt holds her form, for once. “Do you have any way of verifying this claim?”</p><p>There is a great pause as Finn considers. Ben knows that, if he brings too much information into it, the Alliance might find out that Finn was actually there. And Chewie. And that they’d beaten the Gods together.</p><p>“Ben Solo, what planet? What race?” Ikeq challenges, impatiently leaning in and resting his chin on his hands.</p><p>Both Finn and Ben remain silent for a moment, but Ben decides to break the tension in the end.</p><p>“After the Final Order fell, I was on the run. I did a lot of stowing away and planet hopping, not knowing where it would be safe. I may not know them by name, but I know what I did. I <em> did </em> defeat the Gods of Death that day. They were defeated with both the Dark <em> and the Light </em>side of the Force.”</p><p>Misleading. They don’t know that it was Rey who was the one using the Light. All Ben really knows was that they <em> amplified </em> each other. Used their dyad to do what neither of them could have done on their own. Maybe that’s enough to count.</p><p>“To defeat Gods is a large claim. Perhaps Force users are too powerful,” Ikeq’s voice is musing, but his comment sends a wave of talking and hushed whispers through the crowd. He sees Rey’s body go rigid at the accusation, and those in her jury section seethe with her.</p><p>“Is. That. A. Question?” Dameron forces out through clenched teeth.  </p><p>The jury is still rumbling, but being cut off from them means that Ben doesn’t know if it’s in agreement or dissent. With Rey working so hard to clamp down on her mind, he doubts that she can tell either. Regardless, this disgusting creature has planted a seed in the minds of the Galaxy.</p><p>A very <em> dangerous </em>seed.</p><p>The holocams hover and spin to different angles as Finn steps away from the neutral area.</p><p>“Next!” Ikeq calls out, displacing Dameron’s control over the event and, though he whips around to view the creature, the Pilot says nothing to put him in his place, either.</p><p>It’s Rey that stands now, and Ben can’t help but cringe internally. He prays that she doesn’t cry… because, if she does…</p><p>Her steps are confident and swift as she makes her way towards him. She smiles, though it’s almost too small to be seen, her fresh scar marring her. Without a second thought, she hops directly onto the platform to his right, making it quite clear that she is on his side.</p><p>“Han Solo and Leia Organa told me about Ben Solo. Han thought he was lost, but Leia insisted she could still feel Light within him. When I finally found Master Skywalker, he told me that - even though Ben Solo was one of his apprentices - Luke had raised his saber to him in cold blood, while he was sleeping. He was afraid of his power and what he might become. Master Skywalker did this even though Ben had committed no crime. Luke <em> admitted it. </em> No. Crime. And he also admitted <em>that </em>moment is what drove Ben right into Snoke’s grasp. Luke Skywalker himself agreed that he created Kylo Ren.</p><p>“At first, Snoke was kind to Ben. Offered him shelter. But soon, it came with conditions. Then Ben had to prove himself or he would be abandoned. Punished. Even killed. Snoke caused Ben Solo pain whenever he didn’t meet his standards – punishing him, starving him, hurting him, leaving him wounded without aid, forcing him to compromise his morals on fear of death.</p><p>“After my conversation with Skywalker, I believed that he could still be saved. I went to him on the Supremacy... and Snoke tortured me. Ransacked my mind in the most painful way possible. And, when that happened, Ben Solo turned on his Master. Killing him and <em>saving </em>me.</p><p>“As Supreme Leader, he warned me of Palpatine. He wanted to unite and defeat him together, but I was too blinded by the Darkness in him. Maybe by the fear of the Darkness within myself. But he was <em> fractured </em> by the Light. And that Light was growing every day. Leia Organa understood this. And she wanted her son to be brought home. She still loved him. Just like I love him now.</p><p>“I had a chance to kill Kylo Ren. I wounded him to the point of death, but in the end, I saved him. I couldn’t bear to let him die. I gave him a piece of my life force, and it healed him.”</p><p>Mendje is obviously moved, her face shows it all. Many are, across the panel. It’s Hima and Sitala that speak up.</p><p>“So you loved him…</p><p>            “… even then.”</p><p>Ben tenses, unable to read her, unsure of where this is going. Rey’s hands clench at her sides and her chest rises and falls.</p><p>“I saw Ben Solo’s face on Starkiller base. I can connect to Ben Solo’s mind and have seen <em> every inch </em> of his past. I’ve known Ben Solo was Master Ren from the <em>very beginning,</em> and I believe in him. I’ve <em> always </em>believed in him.</p><p>“He’d been conspiring against Palpatine as soon as he ascended. He defeated the Knights of Ren on Exegol, who would have taken me out when I turned against Sidious. I could NEVER have done it without the strength he gave me to do the right thing!”</p><p>He’s horrified, he’s shaking, how could she? She's putting herself at risk! Why is she doing this!?</p><p>She looks at him with a smile again, but it’s wider this time. More genuine… and misty with unshed tears. She lifts her hand and places her lips on the tattoo on her finger.</p><p>“I’m <em> proud. </em> Proud to call myself his equal. Proud to call myself his partner. Proud to call myself his wife.” She doesn’t look at them; her eyes are on Ben… only ever on Ben. “And I’m PROUD and HONORED to be carrying his child.”</p><p>It’s like the floor falls out from under him. His eyes so wide he’s nearly blinded by the sight of her.</p><p>Dameron stands sharply in front of the pulpit, Ciel’s smile is something from heaven, sentients from his planet are standing up and yelling about the 'Rights of Propagation' and the need to stay the trial, the crowd is up in arms - some yelling, others clasping their hands against their mouth in shock – and the holocams catch it all.</p><p>But Ben can’t think about any of that. He barely registers it.</p><p>His eyes lock with Rey’s, smitten again, as always, by her defiance and her righteous anger.</p><p>A part of him will come alive within her…</p><p>She’s going to have their child.</p><p>He returns her gesture, lifting his hand to his lips and touching them to his matching tattoo. He loves her. Oh <em> Gods </em>how he loves her.</p><p>That’s the only thing that goes through his mind as the crowd goes mad, and Alliance soldiers take him away.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“It’s been verified by a med-droid,” Mendje says, wringing her hands together as the Alliance meets in the antechamber behind the Great Hall.</p><p>“Why would I lie?” Rey is indignant, and probably rightly so.</p><p>Poe rubs his fingers into the ridge of his eyebrows, trying to sooth the raging headache he’s had for days. “And this law?”</p><p>Leaga nods, datapad in his top two hands. “Verified on three planets. The Rights of Propagation protects his life up to three months <em>after</em> the birth of the child.”</p><p>“Are we sure it’s his?” Ikeq grins and Rey steps up to Hit. Him. but Finn grabs her back at the last minute, the vicious Klatooinian just grinning at her.</p><p>I ‘Pasigurt looks at the results, “That’s verified, too. Good try though.”</p><p>“Any technicalities?” Poe needs to look neutral.</p><p>Leaga sets the datapad on a fine and heavy table. “I thought that, perhaps, if he was registered as a citizen under the name ‘Ren’, we’d be able to say he wasn’t protected, but it seems that his leadership was quick to amend all their records to his real name. As Monarch, he is a citizen of all his worlds and, as part of our treaty, we cannot undermine any rule of the FFO.”</p><p>Morphing into a smug version of Rey, I ‘Pasigurt nods her head in that direction. “Well played, lady of the Fallen First Order.”</p><p>Finn stands on her behalf. “What, you think she did this on purpose? What, is it like - a week old or something?”</p><p>“Four months,” Mendje says, almost a small smile growing on her face. Chagrians are typically reverent over their young – as are Clawdites, so I ‘Pasigurt’s temper settles as she becomes herself once more.</p><p>“Did you know about the law?” Poe asks Rey, not even bothering to look at her.</p><p>“No. Not until today.”</p><p>She’s lying, and Poe knows it. “Finn, buddy, can you tell if she’s telling the truth?” He looks up at him, silently sending him the signal to protect her, but Finn’s got her back with or without Poe’s nudge.</p><p>Finn pauses for a second and looks at Rey with feeling. It’s all showmanship, but razzle-dazzle sells.</p><p>“She’s not lying to us. Didn’t lie to us during her testimony either.” He pauses. “And neither did Ren. Nothing he said was a lie.”</p><p>Leaga asks, quietly, “You and Master Rey are quite close, how can we trust <em> your </em> honesty?”</p><p>Finn pulls himself up. “You just do. Or you don’t. You either believe me, or you don’t. I have no control over that.” He looks at each of them, “But <em> I </em> would believe me. I would look at my track record and honest hard work and <em> I would believe me.”</em></p><p>“And we should trust our allies,” Mendje chimes in, stepping to rest her hand on Finn’s shoulder. I’ Pasigurt steps to his side as well. Poe stands in the middle for a moment, feigning consideration, and steps to Finn’s side as well. When he turns, he cocks an eyebrow at the other two.</p><p>Ikeq crosses his arms, “It seems we’ve been outvoted.”</p><p>Finn grins spitefully. “Democracy.”</p><p>Poe looks at Rey, sad, but with determination. He has to acknowledge something, or he risks the bigger picture. “Why didn’t you tell us he was Kylo Ren, Rey?”</p><p>Rey crosses her arms, “Because it didn’t matter.”</p><p>I ‘Pasigurt scoffs, “Didn’t matter?”</p><p>Leaga leans in. “When we found out his identity, you didn’t stand up for him, then. You weren’t honest <em> then. </em>Why now?”</p><p>Rey clasps her hands in front of her, looking down at her fingers which lace together. “I was afraid. For myself. For my son.” Drops of wetness fall from her eyes onto her knuckles. “Fear leads to the Dark side… so, instead of my fear, I decided to focus on my <em> love. </em> I need to save what I <em> love.” </em></p><p>The women seem moved; even Leaga seems slightly pacified. Still, Poe has to play the long game. It’s what Leia would do. </p><p>“Rey, we can’t ignore the fact that you hid information from us. For now – just <em> for now – </em>I need you to step down from this Council. You still lead the Force-sensitives, you can still cast your vote – but you can’t be a part of the panel that questions him, anymore. You have a conflict of interest, yeah?”</p><p>She sighs, nodding her head. “I said my piece already, anyway.”</p><p>Poe snorts, stepping away and shaking his head back and forth. “Yes, you <em> certainly did.” </em></p><p>Five months left in her pregnancy. Three more protected by law.</p><p>That means they still have eight months to try to save him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So... this totally cracks me up. Our FANTASTIC beta-reader, Elle, let me know that she can't help but replace "Ikeq" with "Ikea" in her mind. I FREAKING DIED LAUGHING (exaggeration).</p><p>Heh, call him what makes sense to you - but I pronounce it "EEE-keh-k" in my mind. :D  </p><p>"Ikea"... pfffft. ROFLMAO</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Collared</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The last segment of this chapter includes pillow-talk about pregnancy and sexual content. If you'd prefer not to read that, please skip the last chapter segment which begins with the words: 'The Dream.'</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Art by Me</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p>_________________</p><p> </p><p>Poe steps into the prison admission area, several sentients in line behind him. The guards set to watch over Ben Solo’s cell stand at attention and salute, the Pilot nodding back even though those that stand with him make it a point <em> not </em> to.</p><p>“Take a break guys, I’ve got this.” Poe gestures with his thumb towards the door and flicks his head slightly back.</p><p>The two guards look at each other warily, questioning looks in their eyes, but also appreciating rank. </p><p>“We’ll wait outside the door, sir. Just call if you need us.”</p><p>With a final nod, the blaster-wielding-guys make their way out and Poe breathes a heavy sigh through his nose. Looking at the screens that show the interior of Ben’s cell, he walks over and wrenches open the heavy door. Turning back to his ‘entourage’, he points at his eyes and then back at them.</p><p>“I’m watching.”</p><p>Tall and thin twins tower over him, willowy with blue toned skin. “Of course, General,” one says blandly.   </p><p>            Sneering, the other follows up, “Not a single one of us <em> cares </em>that you’re watching.”</p><p>Her twin sets a hand on her sister, no expression on her face. “We understand you’re just doing your job-“</p><p>            “-but you can still rot in hell for all we care. You and your damned <em> Alliance.” </em></p><p>A bug-like creature buzzes and clatters wordlessly, ignoring them all, shuffling past Poe into the hallway beyond the heavy doors.</p><p>It’s with no small amount of irritation that Poe grits his teeth, “You know, I didn’t have to bring you down here.”</p><p>“Yes. Yes, I believe you <em> did.” </em>The hateful Warrior-Lord, Guerra, puts his face so close to Poe’s that he can smell his breath. It’s not as bad as he would have thought, given the man’s ugly face. They have a history. At first, Guerra’s world – En – was ex-First Order, under Poe’s purview.</p><p>It did not go well.</p><p>Civil war broke out, and they razed half their planet with nuclear weapons, poisoning food sources and clean water. The FFO created a supply chain of aid, at the Pilot’s request actually, and that relationship brought En straight to Ben Solo and his federation of worlds, adding planets under his control. Yet another way Poe accidentally set the man up for heavy scrutiny, he supposes. Maybe that’s why he feels so damn responsible.</p><p>He and Guerra breathe each other’s air for a minute before the latter finally backs off, following his Council-members down the gray and sad hallway. Poe simply locks the door behind them and flops into the guard station’s chair, swiveling and setting his feet on the desk. After having spent quite a few days here waiting for Alliance sentries to arrive, he’s a little too comfortable.</p><p>Hell, the chair was molded perfectly to his rear at this point – so… that’s saying something.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Ben stands and assumes his stoic demeanor, despite the shabbiness of his clothes and the utter emotional turmoil inside him. He senses them coming, having felt safe enough in this enclosed area to open his mind back up again. Running fingers through his black, disheveled hair, he can’t help but wonder why they're here. He could reach out and touch their minds… but, honestly, he’s too exhausted. And he’s not sure he’s going to like what he sees.</p><p>Their footsteps are distinct. Two in lock step, one scuttling, and one heavy and confident. He knows exactly who has come to see him, and he greets them before they’re even close to his pitiful version of a corner office.</p><p>“Hima, Sitala. Akatsa. Guerra. To what do I owe the pleasure?”</p><p>They wait to speak until they round the corner and, when they do, each bows or nods their head in reverence. Instead of filling him with pride, as it normally does, he feels almost disgusted. Unworthy.</p><p>“There’s no need to do that now.” He looks around him. “In here, I’m just a prisoner of war.”</p><p>Akatsa’s mandibles chatter and its voice box writes over the sound in words Ben can understand. “Untrue. Your people made the decision to continue to trust in you. You are still our leader; attire and location mean nothing to us.”</p><p>“We made an oath when we united.”</p><p>             “You vowed to protect us, and we vowed to protect <em>you.” </em>Hima smiles sweetly.</p><p>Ben is confused at first, then slightly overwhelmed. He shakes his head, pursing his lips as his eye twitches. “What can I possibly do for you from here?”</p><p>Gruff and cocky, “You can listen. Advise.” Guerra leans in. “I’ve got a list of things on-world that I need your thoughts on. You know how shaky things are right now… and the new uncertainty is driving my people up a wall.”</p><p>Stunned is the wrong word. Flabbergasted doesn’t even cover it. It sounds like a topic for any normal meeting with his council members, and it’s jarring to hear people speak this way. Here. Locked in cement and metal.</p><p>He laughs. It’s short and more than a little self-deprecating, but it's more emotion than he’s ever shown them. Hima’s smile only grows, beauty lighting up her face from every angle.</p><p>Sitala rests a hand on the bars, her long hair shifting like silk. “It was our worlds that had the law you needed. The one that will stop time for you.”</p><p>“Progeny is key. It guarantees the future,” Akatsa chitters.</p><p>Putting his hand on his hip and tipping his chin up, Guerra grins. “That kid of yours – your apprentice – he’s the one that dug it up in the archives. Honestly, we don’t even <em> use </em>that law anymore. It’s in the books, though – so that’s all that matters.”</p><p>The surprises keep coming today. “Rà found it?” Emotion floods him, pride more than anything.</p><p>“He didn’t tell us what he was looking for, he just wanted access. Kid was brave – asked me all by himself, even though he was clearly terrified of me.” Not that Guerra seems disturbed by that at all.</p><p>Ben wraps his hands around the bars, grabbing them tightly to keep his mind focused. “He knew.”</p><p>It clicks in Ben’s mind. <em>T</em><em>his was the secret…</em> </p><p>He stands at attention once more, nodding to each of them. “I’ll do what I can from here. Encourage all who need me to come; our treaty guarantees you access. As long as I still rule, I will do everything I can for you, and Ciel will do what I can’t accomplish from here.”</p><p>They nod at him, settling down on the visitor’s benches outside his cell.</p><p>He allows himself a small bit of vulnerability. “Sitala, Hima… when we finish here, will you send my apprentice to me?”</p><p>They acquiesce, both reverently and lovingly in turn.</p><p>With that, Ben straightens up as tall as his body will allow him and feels the cloak of leadership fall over his shoulders like a familiar friend.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Master Ren wants to see him!</p><p>Rà is simultaneously happy and also <em> super </em>nervous for some reason. What if he’s mad that Rà didn’t tell him ‘the secret’ before? He and Mom could have celebrated together, instead of being locked apart. Maybe that would have changed something, somehow Maybe he wouldn’t be in...</p><p>Regret and shame pass over and through him. His mind starts to hum and he just... feels it. Lets it happen - though<em> that’s </em>shameful, too. He needs to be trying harder for Balance. Closing his eyes and crinkling his eyebrows together, he thinks of the Light – the calm – and settles himself. He doesn’t want to hurt Master Ren by accident.</p><p>There are scary guys with blasters, and they look at him when he comes in. Mr. Poe was talking to them but stops quickly once Rà enters the room.</p><p>“Hey, kid.”</p><p>Coolly, “Mr. Poe.” He puffs up his chest, practicing his new brave face. “Are you going to save Master Ren?” Nearly a point-blank challenge.</p><p>Everyone in front of him freezes and Mr. Poe coughs something like a laugh at him, covering his smile under his fist. “I’m going to make sure everyone is <em> fair </em>to – what do we even call him now? Master… Solo, I guess…?” he trails off and looks at the guards. “Master Solo? Master Ben?”</p><p>“Master Solo sounds better, sir.”</p><p>“Agreed. ‘Master Ren’ sounds cool, but ‘Master <em> Ben’ </em>sounds like some old man.” The guard lifts his gun and lets it clack back into his hands. “But he’s not really a ‘Master’ anymore, is he? Lost his rank, I’d bet,” and he giggles, the other guard joining him.</p><p>“It’s <em>NOT FUNNY!”</em> Rà finds himself yelling. He stomps over to the metal door and tries to pull the handle. It’s too hard, like it’s stuck, but he’s going to keep on yanking, anyway.</p><p>“Hey – hey… sorry. You’re right, I’m sorry. <em> Those guys </em> are sorry.” Mr. Poe shoots the soldiers a dirty look and gets on one knee to be on Rà’s level.</p><p>For Rà’s part, he doesn't feel like doing anything but yanking on the handle with all his weight to try to make it work. Mr. Poe takes his hands away, firm – but not in a mean way.</p><p>“We’ll let you in. Hey, listen to me, we’ll <em>let you in.” </em></p><p>It’s only then that Rà really looks at him and, all of a sudden, he feels sad. “Mr. Poe, are you okay? You look really tired.”</p><p>Scrubbing a hand over his shadowy stubble, he doesn’t answer; he just opens the door and cool air twirls around Rà’s ankles. Looking at the guards with a nasty expression one last time, just <em> because, </em> Rà steps in and it’s only moments before he breaks into a run. He doesn’t know why, he just does. And, when he gets to the end of the hall, Master Ren is waiting, like always. </p><p>Rà’s heart squeezes with happiness to see his Master <em> smiling.  </em></p><p>He skids a little as he tries to stop himself, grabbing onto the bars and launching a hand through them, grabbing and grabbing until Master Ren moves closer and Rà gets a hand on his robes, pulling him close into something like a hug, even with all the metal between them.</p><p>“I’m sorry!” he yells, eyes squinted closed as he clutches. “I should have told you before. Maybe things would be different if I told you <em> before…” </em></p><p>Master Ren holds him tight to the bars, petting his hair, even though it’s a little awkward. Instead of making him mad, it makes Rà feel so <em> safe, </em>especially since Master is making little hushing and shushing noises.</p><p>After a minute, he pushes the boy back to look at him. “Why would you <em> ever </em> be sorry? What you did...?” Master Ren’s eyes squint with his smile, dimples showing on his cheeks, “I am <em> So. Proud. </em> of you.”</p><p>Big fat tears roll down Rà’s face. Master has told him that so many times before, but now the feelings that come are so much stronger. There are feelings of happiness and honor… but also a black hole that tells him he could have done <em> better. </em> He should have done <em> more. </em></p><p>“Mom told me that it only helps for a little while, though,” he cries, stepping away and out of the man’s grasp. He rubs at his eyes with the backs of his hands, but he can’t stop. Why is he always <em> crying </em>in here? It’s like he’s still just a baby. “I’m sorry for that. I didn’t read it all the way. I didn’t understand it all. And now…”</p><p>When he looks up, Master is sticking his hand out through the bars. He’s pressed up tight to them and reaching as far as he can, but his fingertips are just out of reach. Still, he’s not stopping. He just keeps holding out his hand, waiting for Rà to take it. The boy doesn’t know it… but it’s symbolic of so much of his Master’s life. Reaching for things that are just out of his grasp.</p><p>He steps in and is pulled close to the bars once more.</p><p>“You don’t even know how important what you did is, kiddo. It’s amazing. <em> Amazing. </em> Thank you. Thank you <em> so</em> <em>much,”</em> and his hands are in Rà’s hair again.</p><p>When the boy’s voice comes out, it’s tiny and pitiful. “I don’t wanna call you ‘Master Solo’.” He sniffs. “I don’t like it. You’re not ‘Master Ben’, either. That’s what they were calling you out there. I don’t want to call you <em>any </em>of that!” </p><p>He halts, scared. He’s going to put his belly up; leave himself open to get hurt. It’s the other secret. The <em> deepest </em>secret.</p><p>“I don’t even want to call you Master REN anymore!” he sobs. </p><p>The hands on him drop. Master starts to step back, looking away, deep hurt showing on his face. Rà grabs him and won’t let him go, pulling him closer once more, refusing to let him misunderstand. </p><p>“I WANT TO CALL YOU MY DAD!”</p><p>Master’s eyes are on him faster than lightning.</p><p>“I’m <em> sorry! </em> I know I already have a Dad… and I know that I’m being greedy!” His voice is desperate as he clutches. “But I wish it was YOU. Because… because…” he can barely get the words out, “because you’re the Dad who <em> loves</em> <em>me.”</em></p><p>With that, he can’t seem to say anything else. His shoulders shake, wanting to apologize more, but the words just won’t come out.</p><p>Master Ren goes to his knees, holding Rà and pressing his head as close to the boy's chest as he possibly can. </p><p>“I <em> do </em>love you, kiddo.” </p><p>With a heavy sniff, Rà looks down at Master Ren’s hair. </p><p>“I’ve always loved you. Since I <em> found you.” </em> Master Ren’s grasp is tight. “I’ve wished I was your father <em> so many times. </em> I’ve always felt like we were a family – you, your Mom and I. Please… I would love it. I would <em> love </em>it if I could be your Dad.”</p><p>And now, Master Ren’s shoulders start to shake. Rà feels strong in this moment. So happy, no matter how much he’s crying - now, it’s happy crying. Tentatively, he reaches his hand out and runs his fingers through his Master’s hair.</p><p>His <em> father’s </em>hair.</p><p>It’s soft. </p><p>He slowly gets down to the floor, too, pushing himself against the metal slats that keep them away from each other. They’re not even cold anymore, warmed by the heat of their bodies. A strong arm folds around his back and cradles him as he cries.</p><p>Master’s voice is soft and deep when he starts to sing. Rà loves it when he sings… and this song is special, because it’s from a planet that died a long time ago. They have to sing it to keep a piece of that world alive, even if it's just a small piece.</p><p>
  <em> “Mirror-bright, shines the moon, its glow as soft as an ember,  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> When the moon is mirror-bright, take this time to remember,  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Those you have loved but are gone,  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Those who kept you so safe and warm,  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The mirror-bright moon lets you see,  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Those who have ceased to be…” </em>
</p><p>And, though Rà’s voice is raspy and crackly and not pretty at all, he sings the last lines through his tears. Both of their voices mix together and, to Rà, it sounds like love.</p><p>
  <em>              “Mirror-bright shines the moon, as fires die to their embers,  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>              Those you loved are with you still—  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>              The moon will help you remember.” </em>
</p><p>Master Ren’s mom used to sing this to him when he was very little.</p><p>And that’s why it means so much.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Poe watches the screen, guards on break somewhere, and a tear slips from his eye. He can’t reconcile it. He just can’t put it together. The man isn’t Kylo Ren. Not any more. Hasn’t been for quite some time. It’s not a trick. It’s real.</p><p>And Leia would be proud of him.</p><p>Suddenly, Poe <em> wants </em>to save him. For real. Not just because his friends love him. Not just because he feels responsible for putting Solo in the spotlight… no.</p><p>He just wants to save him.</p><p>Period.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t! Find someone else!” Rey nearly yells as she storms past Leaga. His arms are up in a pleading gesture, but she swerves around him with no issue, leaving him slightly behind, his legs unable to keep up.</p><p>With an angry noise, he finally curls himself into a ball and lashes himself head over heels, as his race does – their version of running, it seems. It’s accurate, and fast. Sharp with the ridges of their skin; if they felt like hurting you, they absolutely could. </p><p>He careens around her in a swivel, cutting her off and unfolding again to hold his arms out once more. His palms are up, and his face is down. “Please, Master Rey.”</p><p>“Oh, so <em> now </em>I have a name to you?” She scoffs, about to skirt past him again, but he leans into her space.</p><p>“Please, please – you know that wasn’t me.”</p><p>She pulls back slightly to avoid touching his hands. She doesn’t want to touch any part of him. His eyes face the floor and he’s begging… <em> literally </em>begging.</p><p>“This is about more than us. This is about more than <em> him. </em> These are my <em> people, </em>Master Rey. I have a duty to protect them.”</p><p>“Then YOU protect them!”</p><p>His face tips lower to the ground, almost bending him in half. “I would if I could; this is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Apparently, it was asleep – but something they did woke it up. I don’t know how to stop it. My leaders and generals don’t know how to stop it. They asked me to come to you, even with the current circumstances… but I would have come to you <em> anyway. </em>This is what you do, Rey. This is who you are in the Alliance. As the greatest Force user-“</p><p>“As the greatest Force user out of <em> prison, </em>you mean?”</p><p>He doesn’t take her bait, simply continuing, “-you <em> yourself </em>have said that you have a duty to the Galaxy. Not just what parts are ‘deemed worth saving’. That includes my people, too, yes?”</p><p>Touché, Banana-Man. Those were her exact words.</p><p>She puts her hands on her hips and sighs heavily, tipping her head around to let her neck crackle. It’s only been hours since the trial. All she wants to do is go see Ben and talk about the little light within her. Instead, though, she’s had the most disturbing footage she’s ever seen thrust under her nose and, honestly, she has no idea how to even approach it.</p><p>As if he read her mind, somehow, “I’ll get you ground support. Ships. Blasters. Cannons. Soldiers. Whatever you need.”</p><p>The creature - the <em> enormous </em>creature - is coated with fire one minute, ice shards the next. It plows itself into the ground and shatters nearby towns with earthquakes, then it liquifies everything to swamp mud… only for the mud to dissolve into lava and the cycle to start once more.</p><p>“There’s nothing that you can give me that will fix this unless you’re willing to lose every settlement around it. For a weapon to kill that thing, it would have to kill a whole lot more.” She puts her head in her hands. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I need him. He’s the only one who can help me even attempt this. If he’s not there, I die. Anyone you send with me <em> dies.” </em></p><p>She looks up at the same time he does, and their eyes meet.</p><p>Defeated, “We might die, anyway, even if he does come.”</p><p>Leaga looks from his left to his right and Rey understands that his brain is working to wrap around the problem. “I know you’re telling the truth - but I also think you’re playing unfairly and trying to take advantage of my people’s situation to get what you want.” His arms drop from their pleading gesture and his fingers twiddle against each other in thought.</p><p>“Maybe it will go back to sleep on its own.” She’s tired. Gods, why is she so <em> tired </em> all the time? Her face still hurts; her body is still sore from the horror of the Hutt-supply-destruction mission. It’s been less than two weeks since they found out about Ben. How can <em> so much </em>have happened in just two weeks?</p><p>“It may go to sleep again. Or it may not. But I’m not willing to ignore the problem and just hope it will go away.”</p><p>She shrugs, lightly and without malice. “I can’t go without him.”</p><p>“Can’t or <em> won’t, </em>Master Rey?”</p><p>She considers for a minute.</p><p>“... Can't.”</p><p>Leaga looks away, resting two hands behind his back and another two behind his upper neck in frustration.</p><p>He doesn’t look at her as he says, “Let’s get everyone in a room together as soon as possible. We need to talk to General Dameron. Quite literally, every second counts.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>It snaps on with a cold metal <em> click </em>and Ben can feel the weight of it. Heavier than his crown by a longshot and, instead of infinite pride, this bears infinite shame. Degrading. Humiliating. The leather bites into him; too tight. The cylinders dig into the flesh of his neck and he knows they’ll soon wear indents into him.</p><p>“I can barely breathe,” he grumbles at Dameron as he adjusts the straps. He loosens them, but only by an infinitesimal amount. When Ben swallows, the pressure leans into his larynx and it makes his mouth go dry. “You expect me to fight like this? My tendons clench, this cuts off my circulation, and I pass out. How is that helpful?"</p><p>The Pilot groans and redoes the bindings again, slipping a thumb between the collar and Ben’s throat to test the material’s give. It has none.</p><p>He fumbles once more and this time, when he slides his thumb in, he says, “Swallow.”</p><p>Ben glares at Dameron for a moment, but the Pilot glares right back. It’s with this vicious gaze that Ben works his throat and feels it bob against Dameron’s finger and leather.</p><p>It’ll do.</p><p>The Pilot huffs and finalizes all the latching as the cameras of Ben’s prison cell gaze ever on. “Don’t give me that look, Solo. This is a goddamned <em> gift.” </em></p><p>“Yeah, well, don’t expect me to dance with this explosive around my neck. Isn’t this creature a <em> fire </em>creature? Isn’t this poorly thought out?”</p><p>“It’s fire. And ice, and earth, <em> and </em> water – you know - your run-of-the mill doom. Plus, this thing doesn’t ignite with heat. The metal chambers have chemical housings. The collar, itself, has internal piping. You go out of the specified and approved range? It triggers, and the chemical reaction will be the last thing you ever see. That anyone <em> around you </em> sees. Can you pass into the Force without a head, Solo?” </p><p>There is a pregnant pause. </p><p>“Try to take the collar off, and we have the same problem. Now that I have it set...” he thumbs a button and waggles the device in front of Ben’s face, “you work with the latches or try to cut the band, it triggers. We catch holo-feed of you doing anything you’re not supposed to do? I see it, I push this button and-“</p><p>“It triggers; I get it. Will it take general wear and tear safely? If I get snagged on something?”</p><p>Dameron nods. “You actually have to try pretty damn hard to make it go boom.”</p><p>He tests a finger in the space between this<em> thing </em>and his skin, which is already chafing. “Could have made it a little more comfortable.”</p><p>“Every minute counts, sunshine. We didn’t have endless time to make this <em> fashionable. </em> Next time, we’ll make you one in black. That’s your favorite color, right?”</p><p>Ben rolls his eyes sarcastically.</p><p>Dameron drops his stare and fiddles with the control in his hand. “Look, think of it this way: discomfort? It’s a reminder.”</p><p>“A reminder of <em> what? </em> That I now have to sacrifice myself to whatever problem you decide to throw me at?”</p><p>The Pilot shakes his head back and forth, contemplatively. “A reminder to do good. Do good and let people see you. The real you. The you from <em> today. </em>Maybe, you do good enough and I’ll get to take that thing off… maybe forever.”</p><p>Disbelieving, nearly scoffing, “You don’t actually think that will happen, do you?”</p><p>“Who knows? All I know is, you’ve got more people on your side that I ever would have thought, years ago. Hell. You’ve even got me.”</p><p>They look at each other once more, without the venom this time. </p><p>Unable to let the peaceful moment continue, Ben scowls. “You said you had me on a leash, once. I guess it’s <em> literal, </em> now.”</p><p>There is a heavy pause. </p><p>“I guess so.”</p><p>Ben pulls his robes back up into place as Dameron rises to leave. They don’t speak to each other but, once Ben’s ready, he follows the man silently. A small, childish part of his mind chimes a sing-song, ‘Follow the Leader’.</p><p>Poe Dameron? Leading <em> him? </em></p><p>It’s a bitter thought.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>‘The Dream’, their ship, flies just like that. A dream.</p><p>Twenty-four whole hours to get to Leaga’s slice. During every one of those seconds, someone else may be dying, but Ben isn’t thinking about that right now. There’s no point in thinking about it, really. They can’t do anything until they get there, and they’re heading at break-neck speed.</p><p>So, what’s wrong with spending some time with the love of his life?</p><p>She lays with her head in his lap, the comfortable seating in the common area like a second home. She looks up at him with something like a mix of awe and adoration as he tells her about his people and his encounter with Rà. Their<em> son. </em>Her fingers trail down his nose, eyebrows to tip, as he talks - until ignoring it just isn’t working for him anymore. Grinning, he playfully bats her hand away.</p><p>“What? I love your nose.”</p><p>To which, he snorts.</p><p>“It’s so big,” her grin is mischievous as she cocks an eyebrow.</p><p>“And your smile is so big that your eyes basically disappear,” he retorts.</p><p>“And your <em> ears </em>are so big, you can hear me from a mile away.”</p><p>He huffs. “Oh yeah? Well… you’re going to get very fat, very soon.”</p><p>She beams at him, though a little shyly. “I am, aren’t I?”</p><p>It’s hard to look down at her with the damn collar in the way. He can barely tip his chin, so he bends at the waist instead, expression soft. “You most definitely are.” </p><p>His kiss is tender, their lips barely touching; only the slightest of caresses. She slips her fingers through his hair and he sighs into her mouth. When he pulls back, she traces her fingers down his nose again, making him smile.</p><p>“Rà calls it ‘Starlight’. He said he can feel it in the Force. Can you feel it, Ben?”</p><p>He sits up and slides his palm down her, passing over her breasts just because he can, and rests it over her lower belly; right below her navel. He slips his eyes closed as he concentrates on looking within her. Looking past the blazing red bond that weaves them together, exploring the ether for something new.</p><p>His eyebrows pull together as he searches. Perhaps it’s still too small? Rà can connect with weaker Force signatures; it’s his specialty. Maybe Ben can’t, yet…</p><p>Ah! But there it is.</p><p>The smile that blooms on his face is a rare sight to behold. The people who have seen this look on his face can be narrowed down to an exact handful. Keeping his eyes closed, he holds on to this new connection. He has to be so very gentle. It’s so small and it’s...</p><p>“Gold,” he whispers. </p><p>Her hands wrap over his and he feels her question mark in his mind.</p><p>“If you and I are red, and you and Finn are blue… this one’s connection to us is golden. Soft. Sweet...”</p><p>He stops, catching her emotions, and opens his eyes to look at her. She has one thumbnail in her mouth, chewing it anxiously as she stares off to the side. Her other arm is draped across her chest, defensively. </p><p>“Can’t feel it?”</p><p>She frowns, irritated.</p><p>“Well, that attitude's not going to help at all, is it?” He tsks at her and she swats him, making him laugh at her expense. She sits up and off of him, but he catches her before she gets too far. Pulling her back in slightly, he tips his head – collar be damned – and presses his forehead against hers. “I’ll teach you.”</p><p>She balks, but he ignores her, pushing his experience into her mind. Through their bond, he feels her fingers slide down and come to rest over her stomach as she reaches out to it. He knows the second she connects; he feels it, too. A small laugh comes from her and, when he looks, her hazel eyes are twinkling.</p><p>“Starlight,” she sighs.</p><p>“Starlight,” he agrees.</p><p>And, suddenly, he can’t stop kissing her. He grasps the sides of her face, holding her close. She’s the first one to open her mouth, touching her tongue to him, and he lets out a small hum of surprise.</p><p>No, he never can do this quietly. He’s a noisy lover. It’s only been two weeks, but that’s two weeks too long. </p><p>He slides his thumb gently down the crisscross on her cheek before covering it with whispering kisses. He wants to heal it, but she won’t let him. It doesn’t matter; nothing could make his mouth stop watering every time he sees her. </p><p>He can’t lean his head down properly, so he focuses on murmuring in her ear while he runs his hands over her. His words start out innocent enough. Loving. Tender. But soon, as he gets heated, it gets filthy. He tells her where he wants her mouth on him. How hot she’ll be around him. He groans enticingly into her and starts asking her nicely – then more urgently – until he’s begging her to wrap her tongue around him and <em> swallow. </em></p><p>He knows that she likes it when he begs. When he says <em> please. </em>She’s often fantasized about the first time he ever said, ‘please’. So has he.</p><p>She slips a finger under his collar and tugs it, tipping him into her. It’s shameful and walks a dangerous edge, but… somehow it lights a special flame in him he’s never felt before. He nearly growls, baring his teeth slightly, and lust flows over him. <em> Her </em>lust. Rey likes control. They fight for it in bed, the same way they do with weapons in their hands.</p><p>She does it again, rougher this time, and his eyes are on her with a dangerous glint. He feels a simmering need to dominate, for <em> her </em> to submit, for <em> her </em> to beg <em> him. </em>His hands are on his belt, undoing it with slow and deliberate gestures, his eyes never leaving hers. </p><p>She’s a good girl, his wife; she knows exactly what he wants. She pulls at his shirt-front and peppers kisses over his shoulders, opening the Jedi-esque robes to reveal his chest to the cool ship air.</p><p>It’s a kind of sinful act, doing something like this while dressed in the robes of those who kept themselves so pure. Darkness rises within him, and he finds he wants to make a mockery of this foolish costume.</p><p>Her fingertips slide over his abdomen and into the waistline of his pants; in and out again, tracing his muscles and the ridges of his hips with gentle fingernails – <em> teasing </em>him. It’s with another low sound that he gently grasps her hands, pausing to squeeze between her knuckles slightly, as he knows she likes, before he uses her to slide the useless cloth to the floor. </p><p>He moves her around to clutch at his backside while she slides her tongue down the line of his body, lapping in little flicks over his lonely, needy skin. She digs her fingers into his flesh and he clenches, tipping his hips in invitation as she sinks lower and lower and <em> lower </em>towards his core. </p><p>He knows what he wants. <em>She </em> knows what he wants.</p><p>And now – she’ll give it to him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>Alternate cover by me - because, I just couldn’t decide…</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I’d like to thank Sleeping_kitten for sharing the Alderaan lullaby with me. It immediately affected me, and I just knew I had to include it somehow. You can check out her work here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23727565/chapters/56979397</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Loneliness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>H-halfway through? I'm already halfway through??!? So short...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Art by <a href="https://www.artstation.com/darenhorley"> Daren Horley</a></p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p>______________________________________</p><p> </p><p>“This is <em> bullshit, </em> and you <em> know </em>it. I don’t care if he agreed, once the council hears about this, they’re going to be pissed. I’M pissed!” Ciel storms towards his Monarch’s quarters to pick up Rà and Finn follows closely behind.</p><p>“It all happened so fast, there wasn’t any time – it’s a <em> good </em>thing,” Finn counters, trying to make him see reason.</p><p>The soldier gets to the door and slams his access bracelet against the keypad. “Until he dies. Did you actually <em> watch </em> that footage? Did you <em> see that thing?” </em></p><p>Finn grabs Ciel’s shoulder and whips him around. They face off for a hot minute while Finn just puts his hands on his hips, rooting his tongue around in his cheek, gathering his words.</p><p>“I believe in them. Point Blank; nothing else to it. I’ve seen them work together – if <em> anyone </em> can do it? It’s them,” Finn considers. “And this? Honestly? It’s good PR.”</p><p>Face still filled with fury, Ciel grits his teeth. “If. They. Don’t. Die.”</p><p>He scans against the keypad once more and slams his hand on the old-fashioned handle, shoving it down and opening the door.</p><p>“And YOU should have informed us before you let him go off-world. This has got to be a breach of…” but the man trails off when he looks inside the apartment suite.</p><p>Jannah, Chewie and Lando are all sitting at the dining area table playing Sabbac. Betting heavy, too – if the chip count is right. Rà sits center stage, cards crooked in his hands, eyes narrowed in concentration. His chip pile is almost gone. Evidently, he sucks at this.</p><p>Just like his Uncle Finn.</p><p>“Hey! The more the merrier! Try your luck?” Lando grins, waving them over.</p><p>Ciel’s face has moved into something like shock as he looks at them all in turn. He almost sputters, “I – I don’t think Miss Rey would approve of you taking all the boy’s money.”</p><p>Rà perks up, “It builds character!” which is exactly what Lando tells Finn each time he cleans him out.</p><p>Chewie moans a bit, “Stupid Friend played when still Sweet Boy. Little One is behind.”</p><p>Rà, who’s been obnoxiously trying to speak Shyriiwook, gurgle-growls something unintelligible. Something like, ‘No…? Today? Anymore? Tomorrow? …Cheese?’ Ugh. Finn hates when humans speak the language. ‘Grandpa’ Chewie seems pleased at the effort, though, and claps the boy on the back.</p><p>Rà looks at his cards again and pushes in the last of his chips. Winking at Lando (winking at Lando?) he grins, “I’ve got a good feeling about this one.”</p><p>Lando’s face is sly for only a moment before he looks at the chips with totally fake astonishment. “Well, kid, that’s a rough bet. You do that and you’re out.”</p><p>Rà shrugs, a mild challenge in his eyes.</p><p>Jannah smiles and puts in enough chips to match, her accent lilting cutely. “I’ll call.”</p><p>Chewie’s in, too, and ‘Papa’ Lando’s not far behind.</p><p>Ciel steps up to the table while Finn hangs back, arms folded across his chest with amusement. Yeah, Rey’s gonna be pissed, but walking in on this would definitely be one of those things that would make Ren laugh uncontrollably… probably until he did that knee-slapping / snort thing and tears streamed from his eyes.</p><p>Finn wishes he could see this - half thinks of sending the scene over into Ren’s mind – but the Gods only know where he and Rey are right now… and what they’re doing. Finn smirks, knowing quite well what their sex life is like. After all, when he started dating Jannah, he needed all the information he could get, but he learned (quite quickly) that he and Jannah simply do <em> not </em>have the same level of ‘appetite’ as those two. Or the energy, honestly.</p><p>And it would have been creepy to ask Poe. Finn doesn’t want to know how many holes that man has put his thing in. Same with Ciel, for that matter.</p><p>Nah. Just a great big old, ‘nope’.</p><p>Rà flips his cards, and all three other players stand up simultaneously to look over the hand in shock.</p><p>Ciel laughs a short, “Ha!” and gestures at the table with both hands.</p><p>“Well, I’ll be damned,” Lando breathes reverently.</p><p>The boy’s face is positively <em> beaming </em>as he lifts his eyebrows twice and leans on the table with his elbows. “So, now I’m up over my original pot, right?”</p><p>“Not for long, kiddo.” Jannah grumps and thwumps herself back into the chair. </p><p>Finn has to cover his grin; she <em> hates </em>losing, but she’s got his number and calls out to him in irritation. </p><p>“Don’t think I don’t see you over there. This is your money, too, you know.”</p><p>Fair point.</p><p>“Next hand!” Rà cries, shoving his cards into the discard pile and raking in his chips.</p><p>“Negative. I’ve got to get you over to Ariani or she will <em> literally </em>castrate me.”</p><p>Everyone at the table says something like, ‘awwwww’ in disappointment.</p><p>Lando huffs at Ciel, waving him away. “Didn’t you hear? We’re having a baby! Not only that, but the kid got some extra unexpected good news today. This is a celebration!”</p><p>To illustrate his point, he lifts a cup and all the adults follow suit, hanging them in the air for a moment while the boy looks around, remembers himself, and picks up his own (please let it be non-alcoholic). They all clink together with random catch phrases from their home worlds and the First Order. Rà, not knowing what to say, simply calls out, “Good job, me!”</p><p>“Good job for what?” Finn approaches as Jannah frowns, reshuffling the cards absently. Obviously, she knows something he doesn’t - and, whatever it is, she doesn't like it.</p><p>The boy almost blushes as he gets that shy smile of his. “I asked Master Ren to be my Dad today.” He looks at his fingers, which lace together. “My new Dad.” He looks Finn straight in the eyes, which he hasn’t been able to do since the incident, and he shines with joy. “He said yes. He told me… he’s <em> always </em>wanted to be my Dad.”</p><p>Chewie reaches over and shoves the kid softly and companionably, growling out something akin to, “I knew from beginning.”</p><p>Finn can tell the exact moment when Ciel’s heart melts for the kid. He’s always been a pushover when it comes to Rà. It’s one of his – what? – more <em> adorable </em>qualities, maybe? If you could call the foul-mouthed bastard something like that.</p><p>“Okay, kiddo – you stay and… well… rake these guys over the coals or something. I’ll let your ‘keeper’ know, grab my stuff, and stay here in the spare. I’ll even tuck you in.”</p><p>“No way. You don’t do it right. Only Master…” he stops and gets shy again. “Only <em> Dad </em>does it right.”</p><p>It’s Lando that shoves at him this time. “You’re getting too old for that, anyway. You’re becoming a man. Real men only get tucked in by the people they’re sleeping with.”</p><p>Ciel throws his head back and laughs.</p><p>Finn’s eyes open wide in embarrassment. </p><p>Rà just nods, clearly not understanding what kind of ‘sleeping’ they were talking about.</p><p>Pfft, kids.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>He puffs his breath into his hands and shivers as he walks down the lightly frosted pathway in the moonlight. The orphanage is in its staggered ‘lights-out’ part of the night, kids in specific age groups assigned different rest hours.</p><p>After the emotional rollercoaster of today? Ciel just wants it to be time for <em> his </em> lights out. But, nooo. Another freaking errand to this <em> freaking </em> end of campus in this <em> freaking </em>freezing cold. His demeanor is already sour long before he sees the woman waiting with her hands on her hips in annoyance.</p><p>“It’s not even drop-off time, yet – don’t get your skirt in a knot!”</p><p>She doesn’t answer, and she’s not looking at him; she’s looking into a bush beside the doorway. Ciel cocks his head to the side slightly.</p><p>“What’re you-?“</p><p>“Shh!” She waves him off sharply, ignoring her own rudeness, and bends down at the waist to look deeper into the wooden brambles. In a cooing, soothing voice, “It’s okay Klima-klima, come on out. Tts-tts-tts.” She makes an odd noise and rubs her fingers together, as if the gesture means something.</p><p>He slows his approach, also leaning slightly to the side to see what she’s on about.</p><p>Green orbs reflect light back at him. It’s an animal… or something. Hell, for all he knows it’s a new race for one of the kids.</p><p>“Tts-tts-tts, c’mere, sweetheart. Want dinner? Huh? We’ve got some.” She lifts her voice into something that sort of sounds like singing and drops a small pellet near the… thing. Its face dips down quickly to snatch the morsel, and Ciel is 30% more certain it’s an animal.</p><p>“Like it, Klima-klima? There’s more.” She smiles softly and opens her palm, more bits of <em> whatever </em> filling it to overflowing. The thing pokes ever-so-slightly out of the bush, and she shuffles backwards to make space for it. Ciel’s waiting for the part where she darts an arm out and grabs it, but she surprises him. Instead, she takes her handful and gently arcs it from the threshold to the foyer inside.</p><p>The thing contemplates her.</p><p>And the food…</p><p>…and the bush…</p><p>…before just scuttling inside to eat, tail between its legs. Ariani shuts the door softly, leans on it, and lets out the biggest sigh he thinks he’s ever heard. He arches an eyebrow at her.</p><p>“Rough night?”</p><p>She doesn’t bother to open her eyes or stop leaning as she nods. “Rough day?”</p><p>Ciel scoffs. “Putting it mildly, don’t you think?”</p><p>She makes no motion to move, hair splayed a bit wildly over the door where her head presses against it. “Where’s Rà?”</p><p>“Staying home tonight. I’m staying with him.” He fumbles in his pocket, grabs the damn thing he brought her, and flings it in her direction – not even considering for a moment that her reflexes might not be what his are. “Catch!”</p><p>Much to his chagrin, it thwacks lightly against her chest and she fumbles at it a few times, almost dropping it, making strange noises as she tries to get a hold. Things like, ‘oo’ ‘aa’ ‘ee’. It’s oddly hysterical, watching her, and he can’t help but smile. He gets why the kids like her.</p><p>When she finally gets it in her grip, Ariani eyes it strangely, like she’s never seen one before. “And why do I need this?”</p><p>Ciel puts his hands behind his back and leans, letting the bones stretch. “Look, I hate the cold.”</p><p>She blinks at him.</p><p>“And it seems that you and I are co-parenting the kid while his family life goes to shit, right?”</p><p>She eyes him warily.</p><p>He nods to the device in her hand. “That comm has access to mine. If you can’t get him to me, or if I can’t get him to you… just… just let me comm you versus having to walk around in this goddamned icebox of a season, okay? I usually move between the worlds and should have been halfway to Bilita Mpash by now.”</p><p>Her fingers wrap delicately over it and something he doesn’t recognize washes over her expression.</p><p>“Isn’t that the Eden-planet that just joined the FFO?”</p><p>He nods.</p><p>She sighs again, but with a small smile this time, and leans back against the door once more. “Ohh, I’d love to go there one day.”</p><p>Not really thinking anything of it, either way, he stretches side to side. “I’ll bring you next time I go.”</p><p>She looks at him quickly with wide eyes and pink cheeks. Her mouth opens for a moment, like she’s going to say something, but she seems to decide to look him up and down, instead. She sinks her teeth down onto her lower lip as she considers, cocking her head to one side. </p><p>Ciel doesn’t register her reaction, too busy stretching and crackling in the moonlight, so he just plows on. “I’m sure we can get some kind of peon emissary to show you around or something.”</p><p>There is a long pause where her expression completely changes. She deadpans, “Charming. I would have thought <em> you’d </em>offer to show me, considering your invitation.”</p><p>He snorts, “Why would I do that? I’ve only been there, like, twice. Besides, I’d-”</p><p>But she’s already up and opening the door. He blinks at her back as she slams it behind her, leaving him with his mouth completely open. He stands there for a full minute before he just cries out, “What’d I say!?”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>She zips him in, not because she has to – but because, well, why not? He does the same for her, though hers zips up in the back for some godforsaken reason. Why do they make female clothes so difficult? When Ben designs clothes for her, he’s very careful to make them as easy to get out of as possible.</p><p>Any ulterior motive never dawns on her.</p><p>She swallows, nervously. “What if it doesn’t work?”</p><p>He lifts her hood over her head, the temperature-regulating suit the only thing standing between them and <em> it. </em></p><p>“Everything has a heart, Rey. Some part of it has to be the Core. If we can feel for it, if we can grab it, then we should be able to <em> crush </em> it, too.”</p><p>She moves to the viewport as they near, dropping into the pilot’s seat and taking back control as they enter the atmosphere. Smoke billows on the horizon... and that’s where they’re going.</p><p>“We’ll take speeder four once we land,” she says, pushing the ship faster.</p><p>He sits co-pilot, flicking sequences with efficiency. “Why don’t we take four and seven? We can come at it from angles – and, if one gets destroyed, we can still use the other.”</p><p>She bites her lip with knit eyebrows. “But…” and it sounds stupid. Even in her mind it sounds stupid. Childish.</p><p>He turns and smiles at her. <em>I don’t want to be away from you, either. </em></p><p>He takes her hand from the control board and kisses it slightly before returning to work. “We’ll just take speeder four, then.”</p><p>Reckless. The both of them.</p><p>But, still, it makes her grin as her fear turns into a feeling of invincibility. He echoes the emotion, adrenaline of excitement filling them both as she arcs the ship down to their designated coordinates.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Their faces are uncovered, save for goggles to protect their eyes, and Rey can feel the oddness of the air quality as Ben races the speeder closer to their target.</p><p>Waves of frigidness frost her cheeks just before a humid heat fills her lungs, making it hard to breathe. Then, as if someone flipped a switch, the air is dry fire and it’s all she can do not to choke on it. Wordlessly, Ben lifts one hand from the steering shaft and affixes his respirator. A good idea… even though they make her look a bit stupid. She’s never really cared about that; growing up on Jakku trained her for function over form. Better to be able to breathe than to give in to vanity. If her Grandfather was any indication, physical vanity wasn’t something that ran in the family. Hell, you didn’t even need full fingers to make an appearance.</p><p>Ben barks a laugh when he catches her train of thought, and she focuses back in with a small smirk on her face.  </p><p>She has to shout in his ear in order for him to hear anything she says over both the roar of the machine and the rumbling of the monster in the distance. She’s grasping his waist, her yelling echoing into her mask.</p><p>“IT SHOULD BE UP OVER THAT RIDGE.” </p><p>She lifts a finger up to point, watching Ben’s head dip briefly in that direction as he tips the craft to follow. If he’s speaking, she can’t hear him, his voice caught by the whipping wind and thrown away.</p><p>The sky is gray with smoke and haze. Red ominous light flickers in the distance, reflecting off the clouds that hide the sky. It fades into a cool blue hue in an instant, and Rey can see the creature’s head peek over the tip of the bluff ahead of them.</p><p>Her heart sinks, and she can feel a wave of concern wash from Ben’s mind into hers.</p><p>Huge does not describe this thing.</p><p>The closer they come, the bigger it gets, towering over the jagged rock face as it roils in its violence. It seems to writhe around and into itself, and she can hear the crackling of an earthquake rending land. It folds and hardens into a deep brown crust, frothing with green before it seeps into runny muck and cascades to the ground, covering it in a lake full of thick, dirty fluid.</p><p>Ben tips forward on their machine, pressing the steering hard and urging them faster.</p><p>
  <em> I don’t know how long it takes between shifts. Maybe we can catch it before- </em>
</p><p>But the thought has no chance to complete. Burning heat emanates from the pile and orange-yellow cracks wind like lightning through the muddy wetness, glowing and melting and <em> burning. </em></p><p>It rises again, and the sound of crackling fills her senses, smoke filling the air, making her thankful for her goggles. It’s only seconds before the towering mass ignites, a plume of wind winding its fumes into a spiral as embers glow like nightmares.</p><p>It has no face.</p><p>“IT CYCLES TOO FAST!” She calls at Ben, hand on her saber. She flicks her eyes at it for only a moment before it dawns on her how truly useless it really is in the face of this monstrosity. “TURN BACK! WE CAN’T FIGHT THIS THING!”</p><p><em> Feel for the Core, </em>he reminds her firmly.</p><p>She whips her head up at the creature again and tries to quell her panic. They’re not even close to it; they’re wheels and clicks out… and, even from this far away, it could still kill them. Easily.</p><p>They are less than ants.</p><p>A blaring sound pushes waves of air at them so heavily that Rey can feel the pressure in her chest, like deafening music from a loud speaker. Fear laces through her and she freezes.</p><p>
  <em> I can’t, Ben. I can’t do this. </em>
</p><p>One of his hands releases the speeder that brings them closer and closer to death. He hinges his elbow, grabbing for her as she clenches into the fabric of his suit. She feels him squeezing between her knuckles in reassurance. Over and over again until the panic starts to ebb out of her. It’s only then that he releases her.</p><p><em> Feel for the Core, </em>he repeats, and this time she’ll try it.</p><p>She closes her eyes and breathes in the modified air from her respirator, opening herself up. The creature’s presence is everywhere; a bright light in the dark space that lies between the threads of the Force. Tipping her head back slightly, she feels its wind and violence, letting its intent pass through her like a ghost. She focuses within it. Searching. Prodding with her mind to find something. Some kind of soul. Some kind of thoughts. Some kind of consciousness. Some kind of <em>heart.</em></p><p>A heart they can destroy…</p><p>But there’s nothing. Her mind flows through it like sand through fingertips, sensing only anger and energy and vicious intent. There’s nothing to grab. Nothing to <em> crush. </em>Nothing.</p><p><em> There has to be-, </em>Ben starts in – but they have a problem.</p><p>A flick of magma marks the speed at which the creature spins, crackling into something like rock and lurching toward them with three heavy, booming steps before it falls apart into a wave that rushes their way over a <em> large </em>distance in a fraction of a moment.</p><p>She may not have felt its heart – but she sure as hell got its <em> attention. </em>She and Ben curse in unison, but he keeps steady on his path.</p><p>Again, she commands, terror ramping, <em> Turn back. </em></p><p>All she feels from Ben is a kind of grim resolution. Understanding dawns in her; he feels he has to do this. Save the people here. He just <em> has to. </em>For them... but also for himself. At the same time he feels a pulse of will to achieve, he also feels a deep well of burning shame at his selfish perspective.</p><p>If he can save these people, maybe they’ll let him go.</p><p>Rey wades out of his mind, which tries to drag her in with his desperation, and she notices that the swell of water is continuing, licking ever closer.</p><p>“BEN!” she cries, but it’s too late.</p><p>The water <em> fractures </em>into spears that jut out towards them like pikes of white.</p><p><em> Ice, </em>she gapes as Ben veers the speeder, tilting it dangerously to the side and almost flipping them. Rey holds her arms out and steadies them with the Force as he rams the thrusters again, pivoting them out of range of the shattering sounds of ice bursting up from the water all around them. He leans the speeder in wild directions, breaking hard and revving in odd rhythms. Rey’s hands are out at her sides as she does her best to hold them steady.</p><p><em> Get us out of here, </em>she begs.</p><p>She hears no answer, but that’s an answer in and of itself, and he drives them deeper across the blue-white glass that leads their way to this faceless monster.</p><p>“THERE IS NO CORE!” she screams at him.</p><p>
  <em> There’s another way. There -must- be another way. </em>
</p><p>“YOU CAN’T BEAT EVERYTHING YOU FIGHT, BEN!”</p><p>She feels his smirk and dread washes over her.</p><p>
  <em> Just watch me. </em>
</p><p>It’s at that exact moment that the ice melts into nothing and, in its place, gnarled loops kick up from the ground. Something lashes out and around the speeder, up-ending it and launching them both. She catches the word from Ben’s mind.</p><p>
  <em> Vines. </em>
</p><p>Whatever those are, they are <em> not </em>nice.</p><p>She pulls her body into a tight flip and twists to land cleanly on her feet, saber in her hand out of habit more than anything else – though, it comes in handy in only a matter of seconds. More ‘vines’ wrench themselves from the rest that vein through the ground in bumpy patches, streaking towards her to <em> grab. </em></p><p>Her blade dances like white gold and pieces sheer off cleanly. If the creature even feels it, it doesn’t show…</p><p>But then the ground turns red.</p><p>Her screech is throat rending as she calls for her husband, knowing in that instant that her life is going to end.</p><p>Only – it doesn’t.</p><p>He snags her and whips her backwards into a frantic sprint, feet slapping against the knobbed branches that weave a pattern beneath them. Ben’s mind is white noise and she can’t sense his intent other than the word –</p><p>
  <em> Run. </em>
</p><p>So that’s exactly what she does.</p><p>Not that it will matter. She can feel her feet heating up, even through the thermal armor she’d been given, and knows that it’s only a matter of time before everything dissolves into fire again.</p><p>And she’s right.</p><p>But Ben is ready. Just like in the Hutt-hangar, he wraps himself around her, pressing his cheek to hers, masks clacking in an unfamiliar way. The minute their skin touches, the Force sings within and through them both; their dyad in action. Taking full advantage of the power, one of his hands thrusts to the side, erecting an invisible barrier between the flames and their bodies.</p><p>She’s panting, desperate, clinging.</p><p><em> There is no core? </em>His chest heaves against her.</p><p>She nods her head only once, afraid to break contact.</p><p>
  <em> Then you have to talk to it. Calm it down. Find out what it wants. </em>
</p><p>She shakes her head, desperately. <em> It doesn’t have -thoughts-. It doesn’t have -words-. </em></p><p>
  <em> It does… just not in the way you do. You can talk to it. I know you can. </em>
</p><p><em> I DON’T KNOW HOW, </em>she pushes at him.</p><p><em> Of course you do, </em> he retorts, amusement somehow included. <em> Because -I- do. </em></p><p>His hand is still out to the side, holding death at bay. She can feel the sweat of his skin as he nuzzles her through the danger, the fire around them starting to clot into red rock.</p><p>
  <em> Take it. </em>
</p><p>She breathes in deeply through the respirator and peeks within him, memories of speaking with the wordless coming into her mind.</p><p>The Auwev.</p><p>The sea creature.</p><p>The Kruhna on Vious’ planet.</p><p>All wordless. All sentient. Just like this creature.</p><p>She reaches out her mind once more – feeling for its emotion and grasping at it with a proverbial vice-grip. Once she has it, she sends it a picture of the local houses and towns, safe and whole with a pleading emotion – but it doesn’t understand.</p><p>And the rock around them compresses.</p><p>Ben grunts in his effort to keep a hold on the barrier, but she can’t allow herself to be distracted. She sends it a vision of the destruction it’s wrought with that same pleading feeling and senses no change. Flicking through Ben’s memories for reference once more, she realizes – it has no face. </p><p>No eyes. It can’t see any of this. No understanding of what it even means to ‘see’. </p><p>No ears. Can’t hear the screams of terror around it.</p><p>But it does <em> feel. </em></p><p>Rey closes her eyes and gathers up what exists around her. The pain of the land that the creature is razing, the pain of the sentients destroyed in its rampage – some of their remains under her very feet, the pain from Ben as he struggles to keep them alive. She sends it <em> pain. </em>A white-hot lightning lick of it.</p><p>There is no cry - there is no <em> mouth -</em> but the creature flinches and flinches hard, rearing the tendrils of its rocky being <em> back </em> and <em> away </em> from them in a blur of speed. It gathers itself up, still looming over them in the distance as it blooms with greenery. The hiss of the foliage growing travels towards them in the wind.</p><p>Curiosity comes from the creature. A mean kind of curiosity – but, still.</p><p>So she feeds it what it wants. She sends it every emotion she has in waves. One after the other. ‘Hatred’ – which it flings back at her in full force. ‘Terror’ - which pleases it to no end. ‘Bravery’ - which it relates to, opening up the door to something like ‘understanding’. ‘Kinship’ perhaps… but the creature quickly rejects it with disgust.</p><p>Rey sends it ‘sadness’. Heart rending sadness. She remembers when Ben lay lifeless in her arms and how her heart broke in that moment, and she fills the creature with it. Every ounce of her despair from years of loneliness. Beyond her closed eyelids, she hears the thing stagger.</p><p>
  <em> It’s working, baby. Keep doing it. Whatever you’re doing. </em>
</p><p>And his words make her smile. She knows what she has to do.</p><p>‘Love’.</p><p>She sends it <em> love. </em></p><p>Every moment of Rà in her arms, cherished in a way she’d never known possible. Friendship, Finn having her back in every way, shape and form since the day she met him. Ciel, all laughter and deep loyalty. Chewie, comfort and strength. </p><p>Ben. Soulmate. Lover. Partner. Equal. Safe. Whole.</p><p>Eyes fluttering open, she looks towards the creature. Both Ben’s arms are wrapped around her now; it had retreated far enough to give them a reprieve. It’s… shrinking. So much smaller now than when they’d first approached it. Still a tower, but not a mountain.</p><p>There’s so much more she can share with it.</p><p>‘Hope’. A feeling that good things will come if you just hold on.</p><p>And the creature echoes it back at her, shrinking ever-smaller as its body, laced in green, begins to grow something like branches. They latch onto the rockface it stands beside, creaking in their effort.</p><p>‘Peace’. </p><p>‘Calm’. </p><p>The Light.</p><p>Ben joins her now, both pushing oscillating emotions to it.</p><p>Love. Hope. Peace. Light. Love. Hope. Peace. Light.</p><p>The creature settles against the cliff face, meshing, melding, weaving into the nooks and crannies. Rey can see a flare of purple wind a stripe up the foliage. Flowers. On top of the choking smoke, there’s now a sort of perfume she can scent, even through her mask.</p><p>Again - Love. Hope. Peace. Light.</p><p>The creature morphs, changing, blooming; nestling into the cliff face, growing into and over it.… until it becomes the most beautiful mountainside she’s ever seen. Even in the smokey haze, the green and purple stand out like jewels that shimmer.</p><p>It’s breathtaking.</p><p>Smoke billows and destruction still rains from the sky, but the creature is asleep once again. In its slumber, Rey feels it echoing their sentiments back at them. Love. Hope. Peace. Light.</p><p>Through his mask, Ben’s voice sounds like it’s underwater. “What did they do to wake it up? What could they possibly have done?”</p><p>Rey lifts her goggles, knowing they’ve left a deep impression on her smudged skin, and looks over towards the devastation the creature left behind. A town… and a whole city beyond it. Crops and farmland up in flames. Smoke billows, buildings are down – or <em> coming </em>down.</p><p>Eyes adrift, nearly lost in the carnage, Ben whispers, “We have to help them.”</p><p>And she agrees.</p><p>A shame they lost the speeder.</p><p>They should have brought two, after all.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Ciel is selecting fruit rapidly as Rà wakes up and enters the kitchen with a yawn. Boy’s gotta scoot off to school; this Soldier has a Very. Busy. Day. Unceremoniously, he tosses options on a plate and skids it over the countertop at the kid.</p><p>“Eat up. I can’t stay long.”</p><p>Rà nods and collects his meal. “I’ll go visit…” he smiles softly, “my Dad before I go to school, today.” He takes a bite and speaks with his mouth full. “You don’t hfta cm’ – I go dere allda time by myslf.”</p><p>No one told him. Who would have told him, really?</p><p>Damnit. </p><p>Ciel stands straight and breathes in a long stream of air before puffing it out of his cheeks. Wiping a bit of whatever off the countertop, he says, “He’s with your mom.”</p><p>Eye wide, a full-cheeked grin starts to appear on Rà’s face – but Ciel holds his hands up in a gesture that stops any sort of enthusiasm from kicking in. The boy’s eyebrows knit, Ciel’s concerned expression killing any trace of a smile.</p><p>“Look, there was a mission… a dangerous one… that your Mom wasn’t comfortable doing on her own. She asked for his help.”</p><p>The kid swallows his mouthful in short order. “And they let him go?” Hope throbs in his voice.</p><p>Ciel makes a clucking sound as his tongue snaps against the roof of his mouth. “They made it so he has to come back.”</p><p>Rà rolls his eyes. “No one can make Master Ren do anything he doesn’t want to.”</p><p>The soldier rapidly taps his fingers against the countertop. “He's wearing…” he sighs. “They’re calling a ‘kill collar’. It tracks him. Monitors him. And if he gets out of line…”</p><p>The boy goes pale, but Ciel doesn’t see it.</p><p>“…it goes boom.”</p><p>The plate clatters on the countertop and shudders out a sound as it settles on the surface. He’s not sure he should have said anything,but the kid’s going to find out one way or the other. Might as well find out from someone who loves him.</p><p>“But it’s not gonna be a problem, because he’s coming back, right?” Rà leans in and grabs Ciel’s sleeve. “They’re <em> both </em>gonna come back?”</p><p>He knows exactly where the kid’s mind is headed, and he pulls him into a rough hug with a sharp peck on the head. “Hey. No one’s gonna leave you, kiddo. Of <em> course </em> they’re going to come back. As long as they’re alive, they will <em> always </em>come back for you.”</p><p>Rà nods against him as Ciel considers.</p><p>“And me, too, damnit. I’m throwing myself in that goddamned category; they have to come back for me.”</p><p>Snorting loudly, the boy pulls back and looks at him with a cocked eyebrow. “If I was them, I’d leave you behind,” he sasses.</p><p>“Never. You think I’m amazing,” he grabs a piece of the kid’s fruit and downs it, looking at his comm where the time is displayed in small numbers. He mutters colorful words under his breath. “Alright, I’ve gotta go.”</p><p>He starts quick strides through the living area and grabs his perfunctory cowl – which may look awesome but is otherwise useless – and wraps it over his shoulders, which are already preemptively cold in a sort of psychosomatic way.</p><p><em> Get me off this damn planet and out of this winter, </em>he thinks at no one.</p><p>Over his shoulder, “Go to school. No skipping this time – done with skipping. Okay?”</p><p>Rà nods, but Ciel doesn’t believe him for a minute. Still, there are bigger things to do at the moment, so he just winks and tries not to let the door hit him in the ass on his way out.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rà hovers outside the orphanage’s school, staring at his feet. He’s distant enough where the playing kids don’t look his way, they just focus on getting the last of their craziness out before they have to sit down for hours. He doesn’t mind sitting down for hours. Reading… drawing? That’s what makes life feel nice. Safe. He’s not the kind of kid who runs around everywhere. </p><p>And he hates training. He doesn’t mind meditating, he actually likes it a lot – but when Master comes at him with a practice staff, Rà wants to basically throw himself across the room and hide. He doesn’t like to be hit. Not even by mistake. It makes him do bad things. Mostly by accident, but sometimes... it’s not. Sometimes he just gets angry. The last time he felt that way, it was around Uncle Finn. Uncle Finn hadn’t done anything wrong, not really… but…</p><p>He doesn’t like to think about it. He’s still ashamed of himself.</p><p>It’s that shame that echoes through his mind as his brain starts to hum, emanating out like a pulse through the Force. Jannik – more sensitive than most – turns to face him from several yards away. Rà wishes he would stop staring and slumps to the ground, putting his head in his arms and trying to stop that thrum… but he knows Jannik is <em> looking, </em>and the humiliation only makes it harder to control himself.</p><p>Rà hears the other boy call out, “Miss Ariani! He’s doing it again!!” and looks up just in time to watch him run inside.</p><p>Great. That’s all he needs.</p><p>This is why he keeps to himself. Away from these kids. Why does he have to go to a school for Force sensitives, anyway? He’s obviously a danger to them! They lost their parents, too – just as unloved and rejected as he had been - but at least they have <em> each other. </em>Rà has his family, but… it’s breaking apart. His safety net is falling out from underneath him.</p><p>He buries his head deeper, sadness and a kind of rage rising in his heart. Hatred for those who won’t forgive his new father. Who can’t see beyond the mistakes he’s made. Rà understands. Rà has made mistakes.</p><p>Rà hurt the children who hurt Master Ren.</p><p>And then they all died.</p><p>His body cringes into himself as the hum becomes a buzz, and the buzz becomes a whine. Looking at the light that peeks through his legs on the frosty ground, he can see the shadows shimmer. Why can’t he control it? But the more he thinks about it, the worse it gets.</p><p>Some of these kids hate Master Ren, now, some of them are scared, some of them try to sympathize with Rà - but <em> everyone </em>is afraid to make him upset. Looking at the shadows on the ground as they bleed around him, he doesn’t blame them.</p><p>He’s so lonely.</p><p>There are adults who love him, and he loves them back, but it’s not the same.</p><p>Who can he talk to about Master Ren? Someone who will just <em> listen </em> instead of trying to tell him how ‘okay it’s going to be’ or how he needs to ‘prepare for the worst’ or, what he hates the most, pretending like it’s not happening at all.</p><p>The bell rings and he stands meekly, looking up at the bland stones that make the walls of the building. Instead of going inside, though – they’re all standing still. All the other kids are staring at him… some holding their heads. His cheeks flush with embarrassment. He wants to scream that <em> he can’t help it! </em>but he knows that it doesn’t matter. The only one who can calm him when he gets like this is Master Ren, but he’s on a planet far away with a rope around his neck.</p><p>And Rà thought he could have actually saved him. What a joke. He can’t save anyone. How did he think he really could? </p><p>One kid winces, and another one cries out – all others are still just <em> staring. </em>Miss Ariani runs out of the building, turning to head in his direction immediately, looking at him with concern…</p><p>And pity…</p><p>He can’t do this. </p><p>He just can’t Do. This. Right. Now.</p><p>So, instead, he runs. </p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Starlight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter speaks of pregnancy in a family setting. If you'd prefer not to read this content, please skip over the section from Ben's point-of-view, which begins with him snuggling into his pillow while in his prison cell.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Art by <a href="https://winterofherdiscontent.tumblr.com">winterofherdiscontent</a></p><p>Their <a href="https://www.redbubble.com/people/winter-of-her/shop">shop</a> is damn gorgeous. Buy from this artist.</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p>--------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Rà’s feet hit the ground in frantic slaps as he feels one last set of eyes on him. It’s the girl. The new one. The one with the saddest eyes. Still, he runs - runs until he gets a stitch in his side and finds himself deeper into the campus… right nearby his Master’s - his <em> father’s </em> prison. Like he’d been drawn there to ask for help. For support. For someone to <em> please help him. </em> But the boy knows he’s not there. In fact, Rà hopes his Dad will never have to go back into that cold and lonely place again.</p><p>Even still, he feels like it’s inevitable. His idol and savior will live there forever, until his pillows and blankets don’t smell like home anymore.</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>The voice startles him and he freezes, almost afraid to look behind him when he recognizes the voice. A warm brown hand circles his shoulder and Rà closes his eyes in shame. Old shame, new shame, it doesn’t matter. He’d run again, if only he could catch his breath.</p><p>“Why aren’t you in school?” Finn turns the boy around, not without kindness, his eyes winced in discomfort that Rà knows is all his fault.</p><p>“I’m sor-” he starts, but his Uncle cuts him off.</p><p>“I’m better at it now. I can block it out better. I’ve been practicing.” His nearly black eyes are focused on the boy’s, and Rà shifts uncomfortably.</p><p>“You shouldn’t <em> have </em>to practice,” he whispers, voice tight with held-back emotion.</p><p>“Doesn’t matter. I will. Know why?” Finn’s hand squeezes the shoulder once more.</p><p>Rà shakes his head softly, hair in his eyes.</p><p>“Because I miss you.”</p><p>The boy only hangs his head. “But, I…”</p><p>Finn shakes his head once, roughly. “Doesn’t matter.”</p><p>“I hurt you!” The boy yells.</p><p>“It was-“</p><p>“No! It was on <em> purpose! </em> I was <em> mad!” </em></p><p>He can’t bear to look at his Uncle, but the man’s other hand comes up to hold him steady. “But – you regret it, yeah?”</p><p>Rà nods and refuses to cry. He’s so <em> sick </em>of crying. To quote Papa Lando, he’s ‘too old for this.’</p><p>“Then you’re just like Ren. Ren regrets it. All of it. Do you hate him for who he is and what he’s done?”</p><p>The boy’s eyes squeeze shut. “Never! No matter what!”</p><p>“I’m gonna tell you, kid – he’s done worse than you have. Worse than anyone I’ve ever known. What you did doesn’t even register compared to that. But he’s trying to be better. And I know <em> you’re </em>trying to be better. Right?”</p><p>His eyes are foggy, but Rà holds back his emotions, nearly choking on them. Those hands squeeze tightly again, anchoring him to this place.</p><p>“You hurt me, yeah. I didn’t deserve it, but you did it anyway. And I forgive you. Now <em> you </em>have to forgive you. Get it? Stop avoiding me. Let me in.”</p><p>Rà says nothing at first, head still hanging. He sounds heated when he finally finds his voice. “I was being bad. Stubborn. You were just… being a grown up. Telling me what to do. I couldn’t…” he takes a breath, “I just didn’t want to be told what to do, anymore.”</p><p>Finn nods, pressing his lips together and looking away for a bit. “You know I don’t know much about kids, but you know what I <em> do </em>know?”</p><p>The boy finally looks up to see his Uncle’s smirk.</p><p><em> “All </em>kids get an attitude like that. All of them. Every single one. It’s just that you have a little extra oomph sometimes, y’know?”</p><p>“Oomph?”</p><p>“Oomph.”</p><p>Rà can’t help but feel amused… but it falters as soon as he thinks about school. The kids in pain. The loneliness. The girl with the sad eyes who stared. That feeling of the fear overtaking him, making him... Unbalanced. “Well, my ‘oomph’ sucks.”</p><p>And his Uncle Finn laughs, letting him go to put a hand over his grin. “I know where you get that mouth from,” he says, referring directly to his <em> other </em>Uncle.</p><p>Rà can’t help but return a small huff – proud, somehow, to be compared in that way.</p><p>Standing, Finn asks, simply, “Need a break? Want to hang out with me? I’m stuck here with nothing to do except… wait for them to come back, I guess.”</p><p>“Just like me?” Rà quirks his lips.</p><p>“Just like you.”</p><p>Nodding, the quirk becomes a soft smile. “Can I try to beat you at Sabaac?”</p><p>Finn wraps an arm over the boy’s shoulders and leads him towards home. “Oh, no trying required. It’s, like, a definite thing.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“Regardless of what you ‘do’ and ‘do not’ want, General Ciel, this is what’s happening.” Ikeq fluffs the edges of his sleeves with an air of importance, which only rankles the soldier all the more.</p><p>With grit teeth, “You can’t just bring him back from that warzone – from all he <em> did </em> for you – and stick him back in that concrete <em> hole.” </em></p><p>Mendje eases softly as the FFO council bristles, “Now, consider – the trial must be completed. We still have witnesses and testimony to hear.”</p><p>Sitala speaks, passionless as always. “You have him collared, do you not?”</p><p>         “Such a vicious device with <em>vicious </em>intent,” Hima hisses.</p><p>Guerra pushes paperwork back and leans away from the table in obvious distaste. “There’s no reason that he can’t be monitored outside of the confines of his cell. There is work to be done in our system, and you’re causing upheavals and delays for senseless reasons. You can monitor him from <em> worlds </em> away.”</p><p>“And another matter to consider,” Akatsa clatters, “The Alliance holds the destruction of our Monarch’s life in their grasp. If you take action without our consent, it is in violation of our treaty. It is an act of war.”</p><p>Dameron waves the table down, leaning forward and in towards the gathered species. “Whoa! Whoa, now – come on. What are we talking about here? Ben Solo <em> agreed </em> to the trial. He <em> agreed </em> to face charges. He ALSO <em> agreed </em>to the damned collar and all that means.”</p><p>Ciel needs no urging from those on the Council beside him as he takes full control of the meeting, standing at full height, and leaning on his fists as he stares into the eyes of every sentient in the goddamned Alliance. “What did you expect an honorable man to do when you put his wife and unborn child at risk? Throwing them at that <em> monstrosity!” </em></p><p>“Honorable,” Ikeq snorts sarcastically through his pig-nose.</p><p>And shit’s about to roll downhill very fast. Ciel barely notices the shouting and the pointed fingers from all sides, because he’s too busy shouting and pointing fingers of his own.</p><p>“Wait, wait, wait!” A tempered and heavily accented voice calls out over the crowd; clear enough to catch everyone’s attention and simmer them down.</p><p>Vious stands on his seat to get a better height and to wave people into silence.</p><p>Or potentially to challenge Ciel’s authority.</p><p>But he notices the glare he’s receiving and takes his seat in short order, the former trooper remaining upright and ramrod straight, proving a point – if nothing else.</p><p>“Look at us, eh? What are we doing, now? Fighting! What comes from fighting? Master Ren has agreed, yes? We follow his rule, right? What’s the use in complaining now, when he’s getting what he agreed to?”</p><p>There is no pause. “It’s a matter of respect,” someone calls.</p><p>“We never agreed to his imprisonment in perpetuity,” another voice.</p><p>“This was supposed to be <em> over </em> by now. The trial was supposed to be over, but is it? Then that on-world fiasco took a <em> week! </em>How long do you expect us to wait here before we can go back to our own worlds? How long do you expect us to filter into his cell block, one by one, so he can help us keep our system in order?”</p><p>Dameron raises his eyebrows incredulously, gesturing at Ciel wordlessly in a huff.</p><p>Crossing his arms, Ciel leans back, “I have my role, but I am not him. As long as he’s alive, he controls this system.”</p><p>The heavy conference table rattles as the FFO council slams their fists on it in thrumming beats, signaling their agreement. The sound fills Ciel’s heart with pride, and he doesn’t bother turning to face those on his side who don’t thrum with the crowd. </p><p>Those who remain silent.</p><p>Those who steeple their fingers.</p><p>Those who twitch their back muscles, trying in vain to flutter wings that no longer exist.</p><p>Those who stare at the Alliance, just waiting to connect eyes with one who will stare back.</p><p>And when they do, it’s like a quiet agreement passes between them both.</p><p>
  <em> Later... </em>
</p><p>… and…</p><p>
  <em> … alone. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The blue screens flicker up and a smile nearly splits her face. A welcome relief and homesickness wells up in her chest as she stares into the happy faces of ‘group-five’, her first session today. All seven children either wave at her enthusiastically or nod in reverent bows. She returns a bow of her own, before settling into a meditative pose with her hands tilted, palms up on her knees.</p><p>“Have we been practicing our meditation?” is the first thing that comes out of her mouth, and the children make exaggerated moans of disappointment. She can’t help but bubble a laugh, as she lilts, “Well, let’s not make it <em> too </em>obvious you haven’t practiced at all.”</p><p>One Twi’lek’s arm shoots straight up in the air. Rey tilts her eyebrows slightly to give her permission to speak, though the girl would have likely spoken, anyway.</p><p>“Master Rey! I saw you on the holos! Did you really fight that bad guy <em> all on your own?” </em></p><p>Rey’s eyebrows knit. “No. I did it with Master Ren – who we’ll be calling Master Solo from now on, by the way.”</p><p>A few kids cock their heads to the side. “Nuh-uh, Master Rey. All the holos showed you helping people in the city all by yourself.”</p><p>“Plus,” one whispers, “Isn’t Master Ren in trouble?”</p><p>Rey shuts her eyes and rubs her fingertips into them. “Master Solo,” she corrects. “We are the strongest Force users in the Galaxy, and we were both needed to-“</p><p>“Kill it?” One of the kids leans in, clasping his hands together, ready for an adventurous story.</p><p>“No. We didn’t kill it.”</p><p>They all look at her blankly.</p><p>“We put it to sleep. A Deep sleep. It’s calm now, and happier than it's been in a long time.”</p><p>The children look down at their hands with complex expressions and Rey can’t understand why. Until one speaks up.</p><p>“But, Master Rey, that... <em> creature </em> hurt a lot of people, right? Killed them. Why does a monster like that get to live?”</p><p>The question stabs at her and she feels a physical pressure in her chest.</p><p>
  <em> You’re a Monster. </em>
</p><p><em> A Creature in a Mask. </em> </p><p>She stands as gracefully and calmly as she can manage, locking her eyes on the distance. “You might think you understand, you might think that it’s all black and white, but it’s not. That creature… that <em> being… </em>had been abused by the people in that land for centuries. But no one understood. No one felt its pain because no one knew how to listen.</p><p>“When it did what it did, it was only because it couldn’t bear it anymore. It was trying to communicate in different ways, for years, it turns out – but no one was listening… and so no one would <em> stop. </em>It couldn’t get empathy or mercy, so it decided that <em> causing </em> pain was better than <em> experiencing </em> it.”</p><p>There is a deep silence.</p><p>“Is that… is that what happened to Master Ren?”</p><p>Her eyes are on the screens faster than a heartbeat, but she doesn’t know who asked. She takes a deep breath in and focuses on the Light. Calming her fried nerves, she realizes there is only one answer.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>The children shift uncomfortably. He’s come to speak to them so many times; they know his face and voice by heart. Perhaps he’s alluded to something like this, without ever meaning to.</p><p>Rey tries to soothe them. “But the one who hurt him is gone. Long gone. He’s a good man, now. You all know that he’s a good man, right?”</p><p>Some nod, some a bit more enthusiastically than others, and some just look away.</p><p>“This is why we need the Balance, children. This is why the Light side of the Force is so important to temper the Dark side – but we need <em> both. </em> Without my fear, I never could have done some of the things I did. Without my passion, I could never have connected the way I needed to. And, without Master Solo’s Light, I never would have been able to calmly assess the situation. I never would have tried to speak with it. I <em> needed </em> him. He saved me, I saved him, and <em> we </em> saved <em> it.” </em></p><p>One child flicks his screen completely off, breaking Rey’s heart. </p><p>The girl from the beginning straightens hers slightly, a disorienting wiggle warping her world for a brief moment.</p><p>“Then why wasn’t he on any of the Holos, Master Rey?”</p><p>Her eyes narrow.</p><p>“I don’t know. But he was <em> there.” </em></p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>If Poe’s honest, he’s sick of looking at these faces. He’s got his own systems to worry about, though they seem to be getting on well. Solo’s money is still doing a good job helping to clean up his own mess.</p><p>The Alliance Council sits around him. It’s obvious from the mood in the room that they’re all sick of each other. It’s like they’ve made little factions. Finn stands on his own, now that Rey is no longer invited. Mendje and I ’Pasigurt have settled into a companionable relationship, the former calming the latter’s urges to drive everyone crazy with her shape-shifting. Leaga and Ikeq are still staunch and stubborn in everything they do - though it’s becoming more and more obvious that Leaga is diminishing with conflicting emotions while Ikeq just gets stronger and more self-righteous.</p><p>And <em> smooth. </em></p><p>It frightens Poe a little, how smooth that creature’s tongue is. Taking their words, saying them back in a different context, twisting their meaning – but he says it in such a way that you wonder… is the way he’s <em> saying it </em> the way you actually <em> meant it </em> in the first place? His take on it seems so logical, you just aren’t sure anymore.</p><p>And that throws you off your game. Makes you half-listen and agree to things you might not have if you weren’t so caught up in your own head. Poe can see it… he <em> swears </em>he can see it… but damned if he knows anything to do about it. This is getting out of hand. It’s blowing up so much bigger now. So much bigger than just, ‘What to do with Ben Solo.’</p><p>“They did mention war, General Dameron. We have no reason to wave that off like it’s nothing.”</p><p>He clasps his hands behind his back, looking out the window, back straight and practicing his new stoicism. You know, since it comes in handy sometimes. He can appreciate that, now.</p><p>“They don’t have the firepower, you know that. That’s why the Hutt threat is so big for them. They can’t defend themselves. Not now. All the tech they produce today is equipment-based. They don’t build Dreadnoughts or Starkillers anymore; we have eyes on that.”</p><p>I ‘Pasigurt chimes in, “And all the ex-troopers who came home to them seem to be focused on non-military endeavors.”</p><p>“Well,” Finn admits with a shrug, “There are a lot in policing programs and law enforcement. If they were needed to fight off a threat, I’m sure most of them would step up.”</p><p>Leaga nearly mutters, “Does it matter to them if the threat is the Hutts, or if the threat is us?”</p><p>Poe reiterates, “We’ve said it before, they need our supply chain. They’re bluffing. They just want Solo back ‘doing his job’ – peacekeeping. Which is the job <em> we </em>gave him, by the way.”</p><p><em> “You </em>gave him,” Mendje clarifies and Poe frowns.</p><p>Ikeq steeples his fingers in front of his contemplative face. “The truth of the matter is this: Solo is too connected. He’s too connected to your ex-trooper community,” he nods to Finn, “and he’s too connected to Master Rey’s Force-sensitive community.”</p><p>“Your point?”</p><p>The underbite weaves into a harsh smile. “The <em> point </em> is that connection can inspire sympathy. Maybe the FFO can’t fight wars now… but if their ex-troopers rally <em> others </em> across the Galaxy? If Master Rey rallies the Force-sensitives? Well, then we have something more dangerous on our hands.”</p><p>Finn’s mouth is pulled taut. “What are you saying exactly?”</p><p>Ikeq moves forward. “I’m saying we get ahead of the problem.”</p><p>“No!” Poe cuts in front of him. “Any action against the troopers is against our agreement with General Finn’s coalition. And the Force-sensitives are protected under the Sentient Species Act.”</p><p>That smile – oh that goddamned charming, ugly smile.</p><p>“The best thing about rules, General Dameron, is that rules are made to be <em> changed.” </em></p><p>The sentiment sits heavy and horror from all parties hangs around the room.</p><p>Raising his hands, seemingly in defeat, “I would cause no harm to those who have done no wrong. What I mean is that we should do something to sever his connection to these communities.”</p><p>Leaga’s voice is mournful, “Using propaganda to sway people’s opinions of him is ‘unfair’, as per the rules we set up for the trial. That’s why we cut him out of the holos from my world.”</p><p>“No propaganda, then. I say we just leave Master Rey to work together with her community – keep them happy with her, keep her distracted with them. Make their connection to her be stronger than their connection to <em> him. </em>The Light side preaches calm detachedness; that problem should resolve itself.</p><p>“For the rest, I say use the ex-trooper community to defend the FFO from the Hutt threat – which they need – which indebts them to us. We become their saviors.”</p><p>Poe pffts. “Good luck with that. Ciel would spit on us for offering.”</p><p>Ikeq smiles, “And wouldn’t you take a little spit, General Dameron, if it protected their system?”</p><p>All the air goes out of Poe’s sails.</p><p>“Either way, it may not have to come down to that. I think we may have someone in the FFO Council who would be willing to help… persuade them. Lead them in our direction. Make clear the benefits we have to offer.</p><p>“It’s not just that we don’t want war. We need their goods. They need ours. Trade partners, that’s what we are. Amicable, helpful, respectful partners. Focus on that. Not the trial. The <em>outside threat,</em> and the problems we’re willing to solve for them.”</p><p>That could work, and Poe hates himself for thinking it.</p><p>Finn stands, sighing. Poe knows how much this hurts his buddy, and it takes some balls to show the neutrality he’s been showing. He’s not tipping his hand one damn bit. It may not be his place, but Poe is proud of the man he named.</p><p>“Look, it’s no secret that the ex-trooper community has its issues. These humans were raised for war. Some of them miss the battlefront – to the point of over-excessive anger and life-taking sadness.” He shrugs, everyone all too aware of the mental health (or lack thereof) in small cells. “I can open up a sort of… enlistment. A Completely. VOLUNTARY. Enlistment opportunity. It might give those who want it the structure they need.”</p><p>Leaga looks towards the window, “And an outlet for their violence.”</p><p>Finn scrubs his hand through his hair, but nods. “But we focus on the Hutt threat. I won't lead them against the FFO. Never. Not once. Under any circumstance. I don’t care <em> what </em>the system is doing. Am I clear?”</p><p>I ‘Pasigurt nods. “Kyber.”</p><p>Finn nods, sighing heavily. “Okay, then.” He connects eyes with Poe, expression unreadable, though he knows his friend is screaming on the inside. But all Finn does is repeat once more, “Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>He’s turned so deeply into his pillow that the prison cameras will never notice him acting strangely. He thanks the Gods once more that they don’t have him tapped for sound… because, listening in now would make it seem like he’d gone insane.</p><p>The bond is wide open, and he has his head on Rey’s stomach, feeling that golden glow of their Starlight. Rà is with her, even though Ben can’t see him. His head must lay on Rey’s breast, as it looks like she’s cascading her fingers through his hair, humming nonsense as she pets Ben’s hair in tandem.</p><p>He can feel the calm weave back into his son’s Force signature, even as far away as he is now. Rà is the age that he was when his parents sent him away. He knows how hard it can be to control yourself, and also that the boy needs their love, patience, and understanding more than ever. </p><p>He will not make his parents’ mistakes. </p><p>“Rà wants to know if you’re doing okay,” Rey asks out loud. Her eyes are closed in peaceful quiet as a small smile plays on her lips.</p><p>Ben nuzzles deeper into the bottom of her tummy, which is becoming just a tad softer. “Tell him that I’m fine. That I miss him. That he should come see me tomorrow.”</p><p>Rey repeats his words and he is awash with love. His collar chokes him a little as he lays on her, but he won’t let that stop him, not even for one moment.</p><p>His wife grabs at nothing he can see, and places it over his hand, holding it from the top. There is an energy sandwiched between them and he can feel his apprentice’s signature as if he were right there in his cell. Ben grins, dimples showing, and looks up at Rey. The way she looks down on him is pure bliss and happiness, tears starting to well in her eyes before finally sliding down her cheeks.</p><p>Ben feel’s Rà’s presence pull from him and Rey pets the air, smile glowing in spite of her tears. “It’s okay, honey – I’m just… it’s like my heart is <em> full, </em>you know?”</p><p>But Ben feels it in his chest when her smile turns sad as she looks at their son.</p><p>Ben urges, “Tell him I wish I was there. Tell him that I <em> am </em>there, in a way.”</p><p>And Rey repeats his words.</p><p>What must be the boy’s hand wraps over his once more, and Rey matches it, amplifying their connection.</p><p>“Can he still feel the baby?”</p><p>Rey nods, smiling.</p><p>Ben is almost giddy. Family. He’s wanted a family his whole life. A real one, with moments like this. For now, he won’t think about the fact that he’s in this cold damp, and he’ll focus on the love around him. You don’t need to be in the same room to feel someone’s love for you. Not if it’s strong enough.</p><p>“Why did he name it Starlight?”</p><p>Rey asks him.</p><p>“Because it's golden, and small. And because, when he feels it, it’s like something is pulling him. Like gravity.”</p><p>And Ben just breathes. He breathes in this moment. He breathes in this emotion. “I love you. I love both of you.”</p><p>She giggles, “Rà says ‘he knows’.”</p><p>He sits up and looks at her, slight confusion on his face.</p><p>“He’s been trying to hear you – and it worked. He can feel you through the bond, your signature is weak-“</p><p>“And that’s his specialty,” Ben finishes, awed. This boy can do things he never could. Special things. Small, but meaningful.</p><p>Ben snuggles into her neck now, smelling her hair, straight from the ‘fresher. Testing the strengths of his apprentice’s skills in gentle ways, “Can the baby talk, kiddo?”</p><p>Rey’s grinning as one more tear slips from her eye. “He says, ‘No, it’s too small’.” She looks away, “Yes, well now you know what it feels like to have to repeat everything Grandpa Chewie says to anyone that’s not a droid.”</p><p>A pause.</p><p>“Well, yes, that’s why you learned.”</p><p>Ben giggles into her ear and her laughter soon follows. She wraps her hands up and Ben knows she’s holding the boy at the same time she cradles him. A sort of hug; fingers twined in their hair. Their hands clasp over her belly. Over the little spark inside.</p><p>A peaceful silence passes over them, and Ben feels like he might doze soon. Before he does, he feels he has to say out loud, “If you can’t find the Balance, Rà, think of the baby, okay? If you’re having trouble, let Starlight guide you home.”</p><p>And it’s almost like he can feel a small squeeze.</p><p>In that euphoria, basking in more love than he’s ever felt, Ben Solo falls asleep.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rà breathes in deep as he faces the school.</p><p>It’s time. He’s been doing his work at home, so it’s not like he’s behind… but it’s still time.</p><p>He puffs the air out of his cheeks and wraps his hand around the strap of his pack, hoisting it with a slight bounce as he heads down the hill to the brick building. As soon as he hits the main play area, the eyes are on him again, and children turn as he walks past.</p><p><em> Ticking Time Bomb, </em>is what he thinks of himself. But he has a new trick, now. A new anchor. At first, it was flowers. Then, it was his Mom. Then, it was his Master. And now? He smiles to himself, not even thinking to care about who may see it.</p><p>That’s where his mind is when Jannik steps in front of him. Rà looks up, and the boy is staring down at his feet.</p><p>“Hey, um, do you…” and the other boy falters for words.</p><p>Hope is what Rà feels. He wants the sentence to end with something good. ‘Do you want to play?’ ‘Do you feel okay being back at school?’ ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ ‘Do you want to be friends?’</p><p>But what’s said is, “Do you really think you should be here?”</p><p>He gapes at the other boy, no words in his mind.</p><p>Jannik’s hands go up and the other kids start to back away, “I’m not saying it to be mean! You’re a nice kid – really, when I got here… you’re <em> nice, </em>okay? It’s just…”</p><p>And Rà’s heart starts to break.</p><p>Some snide voice kicks up from behind him. “Maybe he’ll never be able to control himself. His ‘Master’ is Kylo Ren. Maybe he <em> likes </em>hurting people.”</p><p>Before Rà can even find the sound, there is a zip as something flies past him and an, “Ouch!”</p><p>He spins on his heels to find the owner of that voice on his rear, rubbing what will very soon become a black eye. All sights are set behind Rà now, finally looking at someone who’s not him. He about-faces and he sees her.</p><p>It’s the sad girl. The one who always looks like she’s about to cry. Acorns float around her as her fingers splay out and kind of fiddle, making them move in the air. Almost just so you don’t forget they’re there.</p><p>“Hey!” that idiot boy on the ground yells at her.</p><p>Rà can’t help but smirk when she flicks her chin up and another few acorns launch themselves, another wail ringing out behind him. She looks at him and offers a sideways, lopsided smile, letting the acorns fall to the ground in a clatter.</p><p>Her face grows hard and she frowns at the others. “Say sorry.”</p><p>Rà looks around to all of them. Jannik is helping up the other boy, who will now proudly sport <em> two </em>black eyes. “Sorry,” they both mumble, not unused to roughhousing and jockeying for power in this gathered place of broken children.</p><p>The bell rings and the kids slink away, casting wary glances at both him and the girl who’d stood up for him. They watch the horde go, both unmoving, standing parallel to one another.</p><p>As they face the school, he hears her softly say, “I can’t hear it, you know.”</p><p>He looks at her. Her profile is strong and determined. “Hear what?”</p><p>She looks at him, like she can see all the way to the bottom of him. “The noise you put into people’s heads when you’re sad? I can’t hear it.”</p><p>The sound that comes out of his mouth is strange. It’s something like a sharp laugh, and something like a sort of cry. He puts his hand to his mouth to cover the noise, and his eyes flood with tears, because he’s a crybaby who is always crying. He squats down and presses his fists against his forehead – sobbing, even though he doesn’t even know why. Relief? Gratefulness? He doesn’t see her squat down next to him, but he feels her hand on his back as she just pats.</p><p>In between sobs, in between shuddering breaths, Rà puts his belly up once more and asks a terrifying question.</p><p>“Will you be my friend?”</p><p>And, once again, he gets the answer he’s been praying for.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The internet was very cruel to me recently - but I don't want to talk about that. What I -do- want to talk about is the strangers and colleagues who stood beside me, messaged me, and cared about me when I was going through a rough time. I don't know you all, but - the fact that we exist in this same space with these same stories together is something magical. I'm thankful to the people who showed me such care and respect recently. It means the world &lt;3 </p><p>Remember that, behind every screen name is a human being. And we're all deserving of kindness. Sending love from the USA </p><p>:*</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Choose Your Side</h2></a>
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    <p>Art by <a href="https://nlmda.tumblr.com/">nlmda</a> (Tumblr)</p><p>DeviantArt <a href="https://www.deviantart.com/ladynlmda/gallery/">ladynlmda</a></p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p>--------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Rey feels like she’s about to explode with rage. “YOU said the Galaxy would see he was doing <em> good!” </em> Her lips tremble as she shoves Poe <em> hard, </em> slamming him against the decorative panel behind him while her best friend just stares at the floor, head hung with shame.</p><p>She whips on Finn, advancing and tipping her head down under his so he can <em> see </em>the pain on her face. “And YOU said it would be ‘good PR’ – where did THAT go, huh?”</p><p>Poe, back against the wall – literally and figuratively – just bounces his head against the surface with small thuds. “That was the plan.”</p><p>“Then <em> what happened?” </em></p><p>Finn’s still eyeing the ground as he shrugs. “We were outvoted.”</p><p>Rey rears back as if she’s been burned. Her mouth is pulled into a taut frown and her eyes narrow. “I can’t believe you would let that go. Didn’t you fight?”</p><p>“It was Leaga’s idea; it was his system. He said it was propaganda, which you know we’ve been on the Holonet monitoring. We’re taking down <em>anything</em> that’s not fact. Mendje has a whole team dedicated to-“</p><p>“To stopping OPINIONS, and BIASES, and LIES!” Rey screams at them both.</p><p>She hitches in a breath as both men deflate in front of her. Poe looks like he wants to crawl into the surface he rests against and Finn’s lips are quivering. Just like hers, she supposes.</p><p>She swipes her hand to the side, as if she could wipe the slate clean. She can’t be like this now. She can’t be angry and alienate the friends she has left. The friends <em> he </em>has left.</p><p>“This isn’t propaganda,” she says, softly now. She looks up and stares at Poe until he finally coughs up the nerve to look back. “It’s the truth. And that’s what you wanted this is about, right? Fairness. The truth.”</p><p>Finn shakes his head, looking up at her. “But it’s too late. The footage is already cut.”</p><p>Rey closes her eyes and breathes in slowly. Calming herself. Thinking it through. “It’s never too late. Find what’s missing. Release it.”</p><p>Poe gapes at her, leaning forward off the wall incredulously. “And just how do you think we can do that?”</p><p>She can’t help but let a small smile cross her face, crinkling her new scar. “We’re the Resistance. That’s what we <em> do.” </em></p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Poe steps into the hall, his thoughts in a whirlwind. Rey’s right. She’s absolutely <em> right. </em>This trial was always supposed to be about fairness and the truth… but he’s been doing nothing but hiding things. Him. Finn. Chewie. Lando. He almost forgets why he’s been lying in the first place. </p><p>Solo wanted to keep these damn secrets to save his friends from retribution - to keep the FFO safe – but <em> that </em> dream ended the minute his damn Alliance broadcast his identity to the Galaxy. Now they have to worry about the Hutts, the Alliance, <em>and</em> the Fallen First Order. Everything is moving too fast; he can’t keep up, completely out of his league.</p><p>He works his mouth, biting the inside of his cheeks. Everything they’re doing right now is just to save their own asses. To keep the FFO in their pockets. To keep <em> themselves </em>out of jail for hiding the man who was once Kylo Ren. Poe had only ever wanted to end a war. He didn’t want… <em> this. </em></p><p>He almost rounds a corner when he sees Ikeq walking away from him, down the hallway. Something in Poe’s instincts tells him to stop. Wait. Listen. He scolds himself; he was the one who told the Council they needed to trust each other. That paranoia and in-fighting will only make things worse. Still, this alien has caught him off his guard so many times, now - working off-script in the most destructive ways possible. So has his increasingly depressed companion, Leaga, who walks by his side.</p><p>Ikeq’s steps are slow, contemplative, soft; barely echoing in the empty hallway. His compatriot lumbers awkwardly, though, his race obviously made for rolling like oversized wheels, instead.</p><p>The vicious Klatoonian's voice intones, “There are too many Humans on the Council – don’t you think?”</p><p>And Poe’s blood freezes.</p><p>Musing, Leaga replies, “I was thinking about expansion some day, as the Alliance grows. Adding more races would be a good idea. We’d likely have to realign the slices but I’m not too attached to any of my worlds, anyway. I wouldn’t mind...” he trails off, wrapping his many arms around himself.</p><p>“No, no, friend. I mean we need to shuffle the leadership we have now.” Ikeq halts his steps, Leaga looking at him with worry. Patting him, the ugly creature smooths, “Don’t you think there is an imbalance of Humans versus the rest of us?”</p><p>“But the Humans are the ones who started the Council in the first place. The Resistance-”</p><p>“Bah! The Resistance is gone. Without the First Order, there<em> is </em> no Resistance. Nothing left to resist.”</p><p>Leaga scrapes his hand over his raspy skin, looking out the windowed hallway and letting the light change his color, slightly. “Who would you remove?”</p><p>Ikeq ‘hmm’s and starts to walk again. “General Finn is someone we must keep. The Ex-trooper community is Galactic, not just the Alliance worlds. They would be a great resource in times of… trouble. But Master Rey… well… I’m not sure she’s really on our side, anymore – and, with her community, there is a real <em> risk.” </em></p><p>“You still think the Force-sensitives are too powerful?”</p><p>“Of course. Think of the damage they can do. Look what one Jedi and her Darksider did in your world, alone. Isn’t it terrifying? That just two creatures would have such power? Think of the past; you know history. Think of how many people the Jedi and the Sith have slaughtered.”</p><p>Leaga’s voice raises slightly before he switches to a harsh whisper that Poe can barely hear.<em> “Weapons, </em> Ikeq. Not Force-users – Starkillers are what we should fear. Dreadnoughts. <em> Anyone </em> can make a weapon of that kind, and <em> that’s </em>what we need to protect against.”</p><p>The Klatooinian pauses, sighing – perhaps a bit too theatrically for Poe’s taste. “You’re right of course. My apologies, dear friend.”</p><p>And Leaga settles, continuing his walk forward again. Poe slips ever softly down the hall behind them, ducking into another alcove to make sure they’re always in earshot.</p><p>“Now’s not the time to make changes, anyway,” Leaga continues.</p><p>Ikeq snorts a bit. “I completely disagree. Now is the perfect time to make changes.”</p><p>A door opens and closes heavily, another set of awkward and fumbling steps echoing. Poe tilts his head out to peek ever-so slightly but finds he can’t risk it. He can’t see well enough without revealing himself.</p><p>“Ah! Just the gentleman I wanted to see.”</p><p>“Me, eh? Now, what could the Alliance want with me? What did you call me, hm? Flightless bird?”</p><p>It’s that Toydarian on Solo’s council. The one who keeps undermining things on their side. A sort of indignancy settles inside of Poe, and he has the sudden urge to jump out and interrupt this conversation - but is that what Leia would do? Isn’t information the most important thing? Whatever is said next, the Pilot has a feeling it’s crucial.</p><p>“Perhaps I was a tad crude. I, too, am a creature with flaws.”</p><p>Vious seems to hum a sort of placated sound. “My question stands, I think.”</p><p>“Don’t play coy; <em>you </em> signaled <em> me, </em> after all. I imagine there must be some reason. Something I could – <em> we </em>could – assist with?”</p><p>“Hey, hey – we are where we are, right? The hallway of a FFO complex, yeah? Stupid place to talk. Foolish. Perhaps we go for an - eh – nice <em> walk, </em> instead. Perhaps we set aside our differences for some sort of… conversation.”</p><p>Ikeq’s voice is nearly sultry, now. “I’d like that very much.”</p><p>Poe does tip his head out now, Ikeq and Leaga moving forward towards the Toydarian and an oversized doorway – but... Vious sees him. </p><p>He <em> sees </em>him.</p><p>And he smiles, crinkling that shortened trunk before turning to walk away, following a very, very <em> dangerous </em>under-biting male out into the garden.</p><p>Poe doesn’t know what to think. He doesn’t know what to <em> do. </em>He scrubs his hands through his hair as he stands in a near-panic, facing the sun-drenched marble hall. His pulse is going crazy and his stomach is in his throat.</p><p>
  <em> What the hell just happened? </em>
</p><p>Threats scream in his mind. Trust is out the window. Solo needs to get out. He needs to get out <em> now. </em>The trial restarts tomorrow, so Poe’s got to get moving… and he’s gotta do it <em> fast. </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“I think this is the happiest thing I’ve seen in awhile, actually.” Ciel rocks on his heels, standing beside Ariani as they watch Rà sit on the grass with his new friend.</p><p>The kid has, literally, <em> never </em> had a friend. As one who’d spent a long time in command, Ciel knows what it means to be with people, but not be one of them – so he feels this. Right in his <em> gut </em>he feels this, and his grin only widens as Rà reaches over with one of his precious scrolls to show the other kid something.</p><p>“She new?”</p><p>Ariani shrugs, “New-ish. I’ve been waiting for them to find each other. She’s been watching him for a bit, actually.”</p><p>Ciel cocks his eyebrow at her. “Why didn’t you, you know-” he waves his hands at the kids, “-facilitate, or something.”</p><p>She shrugs. “It means more when people find each other naturally, I think.” Her eyes catch his and this time, <em> this time, </em>he sees her eyes flick down to his mouth before meeting his sights once more.</p><p>His eyebrows go up again, but he doesn’t bother saying anything as she turns away, clearly embarrassed. Nothing to be ashamed of. Humans have needs. Honestly, it’d be nice to do it with someone; he hasn’t done it in a while... but this would be messy so, nah, he’ll pass. Tuck that sucker right back into his pants, thank you.</p><p><em> She’s still cute though, </em> and he stretches. He needs to start training again. All this crap is totally making him stress-eat, which is totally giving him a dad-bod. He wants a “Ren” body but, you know, genetics pose a limit on what’s possible. Ciel’s big, but not <em> that </em>big.</p><p>Which is why it’s extra flattering when she looks at him again, up and down his body this time.</p><p>“You trying to tell me something?”</p><p>And she fumbles for words. “I was just wondering – you’re, you know, you’re always complaining about being old but… umm… you don’t look so old, you know?”</p><p>Pfft. </p><p>Lame cover up. But he’ll save her the embarrassment and not bother calling her out on it. He prides himself on being perceptive, after all. A commander knows when people in his ranks need a shove, and when they need a pass. This lonely lady? Surrounded by these feral brats all day? Oh, she <em> definitely </em>deserves a pass.</p><p>“Honestly, I don’t know how old I am. I don’t remember my birthday. Not sure how it translates on different worlds, either – years aren’t always the same length.” He frowns; goddamn time zones.</p><p>She huffs at him, “Well didn’t you pick one, yet? All the ex-troopers I know have picked one.”</p><p>He folds his arms, his eyes still locked on Rà, who’s drawing something for his little friend. “Yeah <em>they</em> have but, for me, it’s gotta be a special day.”</p><p>“The day of ‘The Great Defection’?”</p><p>He snorts, “Yeah, like 99.9% of all the troopers out there. At least Finn’s got something special. The FO records they found pointed out the day of the Jak- well - the day a bunch of bad stuff went down. It’s the day <em> he </em> defected. At least that makes one guy who doesn’t have to share in a Galaxy-wide celebration. His gets to be <em> special.” </em></p><p>Her smile is warm on him and he’s starting to feel a little uncomfortable, honestly.</p><p>“What sort of important thing could happen to you? If there could be something mind-blowing that would be ‘the day’, what would you pick?”</p><p>He looks at her, pressing his lips together, contemplatively. </p><p>“I’ll pick the day they free my best friend.” He lowers his eyes and steps back, ready to turn away. “You know, if that day ever comes.”</p><p>He gets a few steps out without looking back before he hears her small voice grumpily say, “Goodbye to you, too.”</p><p>It makes him feel like... kind of a dick, actually.</p><p>“Yeah,” he turns over his shoulder, raising an arm. “See you.”</p><p>There.</p><p>Totally less dickish.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Solo stands in the center frame and Ciel stands on the “for the accused” side. Poe has to raise his hand to cover the smile that crosses his face from time to time. These stories vary from violent, to intense, to terrifying, to <em> hysterical. </em></p><p>Kylo Ren found CL-3337 hookers? I mean… come on.</p><p>Solo had flared red and totally facepalmed at that story. Ciel scoffed at him, “What? I told you I’d tell them.” Then he looked at the crowd and just shrugged. “A man’s got needs.”</p><p>One thing was very clear, CL-3337 had been obsessed with Kylo Ren for quite some time. That led to an interesting point of view, though most of it could be written off as sentiment. Still, it was another person who’d seen Ben Solo suffer under the hands of Snoke. Another person who corroborated the fact that he’d been on mission orders during his destruction. Another person to vouch for his <em> voiced </em> objections to genocide.</p><p>Did it make any of his past easier to swallow? That isn’t really clear, looking at the crowd.</p><p>I’ Pasigurt does her increasingly <em> annoying </em>thing and shifts into Ciel. “And as his subordinate, brainwashed by the First Order from youth, I cannot separate my conditioning from my current feelings.”</p><p>Poe’s hackles rise on Ciel’s behalf and he waits for the man to lash out. What happens instead is…</p><p>“Whoa. You did me.” The Soldier claps his hands together. “I’ve always <em> wanted </em>you to do me, but I never had the balls to ask...”</p><p>I ‘Pasigurt, completely flabbergasted, fades back into herself, the most hilarious look on her face.</p><p>“No! No! Seriously, do me again – I looked totally <em> awesome – </em>and I mean that. Grade A job.”</p><p>And Solo laughs – starting as a kind of chuckle before it turns into a kind of… Poe doesn’t even know how to describe this. Ben curls at the waist, clasping one hand over his mouth, muffling his own sounds. Tears seem to leak from his eyes as he builds up steam, but he can’t seem to stop. </p><p>Looking over at Finn, the man’s pressing his lips together to suppress his own grin. Poe copies the motion, raising his eyebrows and trying his best to keep it together. The jury is letting out little sputters of amusement at this unexpected display. Ben seems to be slowing for only the briefest of moments, wiping his eyes, but as soon as he sees Ciel again, he doubles over once more - slapping his thigh and snorting.</p><p>Ciel faces the crowd, flicking his head slightly towards the man of the hour. “This usually takes a minute, folks.”</p><p>And Solo’s off in gales. Several people in the crowd are hiding smirks, some of them are outright grinning, and Rey can’t seem to help but snigger in the stands.</p><p>This situation is ridiculous. Completely, utterly, ridiculous.</p><p>And absolutely humanizing.</p><p>“It’s nice to know that you can laugh this all off. We just discussed the destruction and subjugation of something like – what – eleven different colonies by you?” Ikeq leans back and folds his arms, immediately quelling any sounds Solo was making. “So, not only are you vicious, but you also have a sense of humor. How nice for you, Kylo Ren.”</p><p>“Ben Solo,” Mendje corrects.</p><p>“Not a <em> question,” </em>Poe adds on in a hiss. “I’m not going to warn you again.”</p><p>Humoring Poe, he switches tactics – which is what he seems to do. </p><p>Something clicks in the Pilot’s mind, realizing that the creature will say something upsetting, controversial, <em>alarming, </em>but then walks it back - but the thing he “walks back” to is <em> still </em> extreme. It just seems more reasonable by comparison, so people are more likely to listen to him. <em> That’s </em> how he’s getting in their heads.</p><p>The realization makes Poe want to punch something. Fly his fighter into the air and bomb the bastard’s transport, where he hides when he’s not in the main complex. What other backhanded deals are going down there?</p><p>“Is this <em> charm </em>you’ve adopted what got you into your leadership role?”</p><p>Poe sneers behind his hand, which holds his expression in check and out of sight. </p><p>“Because, you seem to have come into a lot of power, wouldn’t you say? How could that have possibly happened?”</p><p>The man shifts his black hair backwards with a rake of his hand. “The Alliance - including you, if you’ll remember - asked me to step in to mediate a dispute within the sister planets here.”</p><p>Ikeq hums. “And how did you go from <em> mediation </em>to ownership?”</p><p>Poe’s heart screams, <em> Because of me, </em>but Solo stays silent.</p><p>Mendje turns slightly, “Perhaps someone from the FFO would like to ans-”</p><p>“No,” underbite glistening, “No, I think I’d like to hear it directly from the source. As someone who claims to have been ‘hiding out’, you sure made yourself visible didn’t you, <em>Jedi Master Ren? </em>I imagine you must be unable to stay out of the spotlight for too long.”</p><p>I’ Pasigurt picks it up this time, “Not a question.”</p><p>Ikeq places his hands on the table in front of him and leans forward. “Tell me why you stepped forward on Karuvis to ‘save democracy’, as an undemocratic leader now.”</p><p>Without a pause, Ben states, “It was the right thing to do. The people were-“</p><p>“Then why don’t you support a democracy currently, I wonder?”</p><p>“My people have a say in everything we do. More than a Monarchy, we actually function as a federation. My title is just that – a <em> title.” </em></p><p>“But your final word is law?”</p><p>Solo gestures firmly, “What does this have to do with-“</p><p>Ikeq raises into a stand, leaning over the pulpit with a sneer. “The fact that you’re gaining power! <em> Why </em> are you gaining power, Master Solo? <em> Why </em> accept further worlds? <em> WHY </em> slice up the Alliance into sections?! What is your plan? What THREAT are you scheming, <em> this time?!” </em></p><p>With a fierce growl, “I HAVE no plans, and I’m no <em> threat, </em> either. <em> You </em> took my advice about the Alliance’s structure! <em> I didn’t MAKE you do ANYTHING!”  </em></p><p>“Well, the Force works in mysterious ways, doesn’t it? I guess we’ll never really know.”</p><p>Ben’s holding onto his temper by a thread. Poe can tell by the way he’s clenching his jaw and his fists. Ikeq’s doing this on purpose – pushing him. He wants Solo to lash out and show that legendary Darkside temper. Prove to the Galaxy he hasn’t changed at all.</p><p>“Again, why take on your role, then?! If you were so keen on staying under the radar, <em> Kylo Ren, </em> why do you lead now?! Why lead AT ALL?!”</p><p>“My <em> name </em> is BEN-“</p><p>“Never mind that! ANSWER ME! <em> WHY DO YOU LEAD AT ALL!?” </em></p><p>“BECAUSE OF ME!” Poe launches himself up out of his chair and the room goes silent. </p><p>Solo’s eyes are on him, wide with surprise and horror. </p><p>Before he can second guess himself, Poe barrels on. “I knew he was Kylo Ren! I knew it! And I <em>made </em>him step up and take control of those worlds. He didn’t want to – he <em>fought me about it</em> – but he knew this system. He knew these people, their cultures, what levers to push. He was the <em>only one who could stabilize them!” </em></p><p>He takes a breath, will like cold steel. “And he’s done nothing wrong since then.”</p><p>Poe clicks a button; the button he’s been hiding in his pocket. This is the moment he planned for, the one he <em> knew </em> would come. A holoscreen flickers on in the center court... with all the lost footage where Ben Solo stood with Master Rey of the Alliance. The cams that hover spin around the gleaming action and send everything live to the Galaxy.</p><p>Rey was right. Poe was <em> Resistance… </em> he knew how to get scrappy to get the job done.</p><p>“He’s been saving our asses. Even now, with everything. He’s on that holo, standing with the Last Jedi and fighting for the Light in the Galaxy. Saving <em> our people. </em> The <em> Alliance’s </em> people. We want the truth?” He nods sharply towards the screen. <em> “That’s </em>the truth. And I won’t let you hide it. Not any more.”</p><p>His cohort looks at him, the FFO as well, mouths hang open and gape wordlessly even as the jury panel erupts with the sound of chatter and murmurs. He can’t look at Finn, or Rey, or even goddamn Ben Solo. There is dead silence from his colleagues, and the thread of tension slices through his body like a hot wire.</p><p>It’s Ikeq who is the first to call out, “GUARDS!”</p><p>Because – of course it is.</p><p>Hands are on him in seconds…</p><p>… and Poe Dameron is wrenched away.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>All Poe can hear is the clacking of heels against the concrete flooring as he sits on the cold, hard ground.</p><p>“IDIOT!” Solo yells, stomping continuing.</p><p>Poe rolls his eyes. The man’s been insulting him in bursts since they were both dragged in here; now in ‘sweetheart cells’, side-by-freaking-side. </p><p>“Damn you! Just… ugggh!”</p><p>He can just picture the man stalking up and down his cell like a wild bantha and pulling his own hair. He’s never witnessed Solo being angry; not <em> really </em>angry. This might be a 4 out of 10, for all Poe knows. Since he’s still not too fond of the bastard, he smiles to himself, not realizing the man can pick up his every thought.</p><p>“Funny, is it? Funny that you <em> and </em> Rey are out of commission, now? Who’s left to try to <em> not </em> have me killed, huh? Finn? He has other priorities, I believe – as you’re <em> well aware.” </em></p><p>There is a metallic clang where the Pilot’s pretty sure Solo either kicked the bed or the metal bars. Either way. Pffft. Ouch.</p><p>“Can you just <em>stop </em>finding funny things about this?”</p><p>Shrugging, Poe says, “What can I do? Stay out of my head if you don’t like it. Hell, if you can read my mind, why didn’t you stop me out there?”</p><p>There’s another grunt and a kick sound, this one followed by a string of curses.</p><p>Out of habit, “You kiss your mother with that mouth?”</p><p>“No more than you kissed her <em> ass </em> with <em> yours.” </em></p><p>And they share a beat of mutual pissed-off’d-ness.</p><p>With a huff, “Look, I was trying to help. Ikeq was coming at you; you were going to snap.”</p><p>A creaking of springs, “Oh, how noble, so now you’re in here with me instead of-“</p><p>“Instead of what, <em> Ben? </em> Doing nothing at all? You think I have any control over what they do? And, oh-by-the-way, I just took the blame from you, shifted it to me <em> AND </em>I let the Galaxy know you’re still being a damned hero! You’re WELCOME!”</p><p>And all he hears is a snort.</p><p>Poe fiddles with his fingers for a minute, gathering his thoughts. His mom used to call it ‘woolgathering’, and he guesses that sums it up pretty well. “Besides, they won’t keep me in here.”</p><p>“And why is that, pray tell?”</p><p>Poe shrugs, though he knows it’s unseen. “They let Rey off. They’ll let me go, too. Ikeq’s just going for a power play. That guy…” he trails off.</p><p>Annoyance in his voice, “That guy <em> what?” </em></p><p>Poe sucks his lips in through his teeth. “That guy is a <em> bad </em>guy.” He leans over his knees and slides his hands up and down over his face. A chill works his way up his spine and he shivers. “Damnit, how can you stand it down here?”</p><p>“I’ve been in worse.”</p><p>Poe pffts again, knowing it’s undoubtedly true. “Well, I guess I have, too. At least here, no one’s interrogating me.” He means it as a joke, he really does, but all he hears is a sigh from the other cell. The Pilot stares blankly for a minute in the silence that follows.</p><p>“They were going to do worse to you.”</p><p>Poe turns to the wall that separates them.</p><p>“If I didn’t pull it from your head, they were going to bring out the droids. You think getting worked up by Troopers is bad? Try the droids.”</p><p>The chill from the ground becomes a deeper kind of cringe from his insides. “You used the droids on people?”</p><p>There is a long pause.  </p><p>“They used them on me.”</p><p>And his stomach churns.</p><p>Poe stands up and <em> he </em>starts pacing now, filled with disgusted energy he has no way to channel. Is Solo right? Did he do the wrong thing? Should he have just shut his mouth and trusted this volcano of a guy to keep himself in check? What if Ikeq takes control? What if his words really become <em> plots? </em></p><p>Panic starts to set in. </p><p>What would Leia do, huh? She’d been in jail a time or two, if her stories were real. How would she turn this situation to her advantage? How could he?</p><p>His mind is reeling and for the hundredth time he chastises himself, <em> How did you get here? Why did you think you could do this? HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY DO THIS? </em></p><p>He’s no leader. Gods help him – <em> Leia </em>help him – he’s No. Leader.</p><p>His heartbeat is racing, breath starting to come rapidly as he does his best to wear a path through the concrete floor. The walls are closing in, his lips going numb. </p><p>What is he supposed to do? They’re going to kill this man, and Poe’s willing to bet it’s not going to be nice and easy. Maybe Solo’ll get to reacquaint himself with the droids. The Pilot leans over, suddenly nauseous. </p><p>Quietly, reverently, he hears Solo whisper, “Mom?”</p><p>Tears fill his eyes as he pants out harsh breaths – did she come to them? In the Force? Rey said it was possible… <em> Finn </em>said it was possible. Solo must see her – oh, thank the Gods he can see her.</p><p>“Leia,” Poe begs, “Leia, please tell me what to do,” and he goes to his knees.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>He hasn’t seen his mother since he almost died three years ago... and he doesn’t see her now.</p><p>Dameron is spiraling out of control, falling apart in the next cell over, begging for <em> Ben’s </em>mother somehow, rather than his own. He hears the Pilot’s thoughts as he works himself into a panic attack. Ben knows what those are like. He hates them. It’s one of the reasons he destroys things.</p><p>It’s with pity…</p><p>… no…</p><p>… <em> compassion </em>in his heart that he looks at his fingers and breathes out the word, “Mom?”</p><p>The reaction in Dameron is immediate, like a tornado just wisped away into nothing.</p><p>“Leia,” he begs, “Leia, please tell me what to do.”</p><p>Ben inhales deeply through his nose and reaches over into the Pilot’s mind, gently. <em> So gently. </em>Though, in his current state, Ben doesn’t have to be gentle to go unnoticed. With a smirk, Ben says, “She says she’s not sorry she shot you.”</p><p>Dameron barks a pathetic laugh.</p><p>“She says that she’d shoot you again if it would knock some more sense into you.”</p><p>There is a wet sniffle, but a huff of amusement that goes along with it. Ben dips into the man’s mind once more.</p><p>“She wouldn’t have kept you so close if she didn’t see the potential for greatness in you.” Ben grimaces, wallowing in the knowledge that his mother had replaced him with Poe Dameron. The son she <em> wished </em>she had. “You <em> still </em> have the potential for greatness... she says sees it.” For theatrics’ sake, Ben scoffs.</p><p>“Shut up, Solo.”</p><p>Good, that worked then. He waits a few moments before continuing.</p><p>“She says you have to go with your gut. Your instinct. You’re a lot smarter now than you used to be, and you care about people more.” Ben pauses, running his hand through his hair and pretending like he’s listening to something. “She says to <em> use </em> that.”</p><p>“But <em>how?”</em> Dameron is nearly pleading.</p><p>Ben’s not sure how to answer. He’s not sure how his <em> mother </em>would answer. He doesn’t know her anymore.</p><p>“Hope,” is what he says.</p><p>Another wet sniff. “Because it’s like the sun.”</p><p>Ben nods his head, unseen.</p><p>“She says, May the Force be with you.”</p><p>And Dameron settles back onto his mattress, the coils creaking with his weight. “May the Force be with you,” he whispers back to no one.</p><p>Ben lays down on his cot, stretching out. Despite the… sheer <em> idiocy… </em>it’s clear that the Pilot was trying to help him. The other man’s mind is working again, but Ben doesn’t feel like prying anymore; he simply curls up on his side and hopes the bond doesn’t open tonight. There are still secrets he’d rather keep to himself.</p><p>A flare of anger sparks in him. “Hey.”</p><p>Dameron asks a neutral, “What?”</p><p>“Who outed me? Who told the Alliance who I was?” Simply, who does he have to kill?</p><p>Dameron snorts and lets out a soft, ironic laugh. “It was Hugs.”</p><p>Ben rolls on his back and sits up. “Who’s ‘Hugs’?”</p><p>Grin apparent in his voice, “Good old Armitage Hux. I told you he was a spy. He fed us a lot of decryption keys, passcodes – all sorts of stuff. Mendje’s slice has a lot of dead First Order ships. They scavenge them for tech and data. Well, Hux’s key got us into the data files, which is where Mendje found <em> you.” </em></p><p>Rocking back onto his elbows, he repeats flatly, “Hux.”</p><p>“Yup. Good old Hux.”</p><p>It’s only after a beat of silence that Ben starts to laugh again, and only moments until he’s rolling. There’s no one to point his hatred at. No one to <em>retaliate</em> against. No one at all.</p><p>It was Hux. Already-dead-and-gone <em> Hux. </em></p><p>Ben shakes with laughter.</p><p>Guess his rival finally made him lose, after all.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Against Your Allies</h2></a>
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    <p>Art by <a href="https://nothorax.tumblr.com/">Cornelius J (Tumblr) </a></p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p>--------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Sticks crackle. Light is yellow, orange, red. Sometimes blue. It should feel good. Good to be under moons with an old friend. Good to not be fighting for your life. But, he doesn’t feel good at all. </p><p>Chewie throws another bit of something into the fire as the frost melts under him, warming under his fur. He normally feels calm in times like this. </p><p>Not today.</p><p>“I hate it.” Gambler puts the bottle against his lips. “That Dameron kid? He’s got more guts than either of us right now. Look at us,” he gestures at them both. “Fat. Old. Drunk. And Stupid.”</p><p>Chewie pounds his own chest and moans out, “Not drunk!”</p><p>Closing one eye, Gambler stares at the Wookie. “We had it easy, my friend. It’s easy to fight with your blaster and your fists. It’s much harder to have to fight with <em> this,” </em> and he taps his head. “There’s a lot we don’t know, Chewie – a <em> hell </em>of a lot they’re not telling us.” He drinks again, sucking in his lips and sighing wistfully. “And we used to be the heroes.”</p><p>Readjusting the fur across his chest, the lumbering male mourns. “Do you wonder? Sweet Boy. What if they didn’t send away? What if we all loved more, instead?”</p><p>They look at the sky, minds lost in thought. What would have changed? How would the Galaxy be different if they’d just held on to that one child? </p><p>Gambler stands up and fluffs up his cape and collar. “Well, we can love him now. The way we should have, before.”</p><p>The Wookie growls, “Good.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Ben doesn’t bother standing. He doesn’t bother putting on airs. He simply runs his fingers through his wet hair and grimaces, listening to the labored and uneven footsteps that come down the concrete hallway.</p><p>“Ah, they took General Dameron already, I see, yeah?”</p><p>He thinks of not bothering to reply, but doesn’t have the energy to rein in his emotions this morning. Not when his hope for himself <em> and </em>his friends is sinking day by day.</p><p>“I imagine they’ll take me soon, too. Say what you need to say quickly; who knows when we’ll be interrupted.” Grinding his teeth and raising his eyes, the Toydarian’s blue ones wait, shamelessly, not looking away. It’s <em> Ben </em> that wants to break contact. Look away. </p><p>Hit something.</p><p>Break the creature’s neck.</p><p>But, instead, his jaw continues to clench as he considers his words. “I’m surprised you came. Since the news came out, it seems you’ve changed your mind about me.” Ben challenges, a hint and danger in his voice. “Are you here to twist your knife a little deeper, Vious? Or,” he scoffs, “do you have an issue on-world I can help you with?”</p><p>The blue creature flutters his wing muscles and leans backwards against the wall. “You surprised me, Master Ren, what can I say?”</p><p>“I surprised a lot of people. Congratulations on your lack of originality.”</p><p>Vious tsks at him. “Come on, now. We’re professionals, yeah? No hard feelings, right? Life is… it’s <em> tricky. </em>Things aren’t always what they seem. I guess it’s the same for you.”</p><p>Ben sits straighter and pulls his lips into a slight quirk, eyebrows low, as he intones a sarcastic, “No hard feelings?”</p><p>Shrugging, “I have no hard feelings against you.”</p><p>Ben turns to the wall. Anything rather than looking at the alien’s face. Shaking his head slightly, he lowers his voice. “I’m not close with any of the Council, not really, but I <em> respect </em> everyone. Everyone is impressive in their own ways and are worthy of their positions. But, you?” He looks at Vious once more. “You, I also <em> liked.” </em></p><p>There is a heavy pause before Ben asks, more clearly, “Why are you here?”</p><p>The Toydarian shrugs, “I, eh, thought it would be good to let you know a little something. Wanted to tell you to your face.”</p><p>Ben’s hands wave in a gesture of, ‘go ahead’.</p><p>“I’m gonna… well... I’m gonna tell our guys to, uh, stop coming down here, yeah?”</p><p>Fury and indignancy roll through him, but he holds himself in check, hiding the feelings under feigned amusement. “Will you now? And why is that?”</p><p>“Doesn’t look good for us. Someone on the Alliance said it best, right? Why go to so much trouble over one Human male? We don’t know how it’s gonna turn out for you, yeah? A little distance is good, just in case, you know?”</p><p>Ben shakes his head once more, biting the inside of his cheek and urging himself not to kill this creature.</p><p>“Hey, hey – it’s not forever. And, who knows, maybe not everyone will listen to me, yeah? If you come out of this on the good side – hey! Come out! Come back! Kick me far away, for all I care… but for now,” the creature points a finger at him softly, lowering it before it becomes disrespectful. “For <em> now… </em> just focus on doing what you’re doing, yeah?”</p><p>Scoffing once more, hiding his hurt, “And here I’d wondered if you’d come to make peace between us.”</p><p>Vious runs his nails over the bars and little metallic clicks are heard.</p><p>“Not everything is as it seems, Master Ren.”</p><p>
  <em> “Solo.” </em>
</p><p>“Solo,” he agrees, turning away with a devious smile.</p><p>“Wait,” Ben asks more than commands.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“Master Rey should know how to speak to the Kruhna. If you do nothing else, please keep them on your sentient species list and honor the border agreement I made with them.”</p><p>“Huh,” but Ben doesn’t know if it’s a sort of laugh or a statement. “I’ll, eh, I’ll take that under <em> advisement. </em>But, thank you for the feedback, as always.”</p><p>Ben smirks self-depreciatingly. “You forgot to add, ‘Stupid Jedi’.”</p><p>This time, there is a sort of huff. “Stupid Jedi.”</p><p>And Vious exits, stage left.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Finn is leaning back in his chair, foot hooked over his knee as one leg splays out. He’s bouncing at his ankle, making his whole lower half shake. </p><p>Poe stands in front of what remains of the Alliance Council.</p><p>Finn just… he just <em> can’t, </em> you know? Before they found out 'Master Ren's' identity, everything had been going so well. Well, as “well” as could be expected, he guesses. But this? Ohhh, this. This was a wrench the size of the Falcon in the clockwork of his life.</p><p>Not that his life had any sort of <em> routine… </em> but, still. Staring one of his best friends in the eyes while trying <em> not </em> to tip his hand that he knew exactly what Poe was planning, all while his <em> other </em> best friend is (basically) exiled from their little group, and his <em> other </em>best friend is being tried as a war criminal?</p><p>It just wasn’t Finn’s day. Week. Month. Life.</p><p>“I’m not the only one who’s bomb-shelled us. These two started it, then Rey-”</p><p>Mendje hisses, “That doesn’t make it <em> right. </em> You all make us look like fools! Uncoordinated, backstabbing, conniving <em> FOOLS!” </em></p><p>And she’s not wrong.</p><p>Things look like they’re about to escalate, so Finn chimes in to stop it before it starts. “Look – look. Everything about this has us all too heated up. We’re all too close to it, and it’s making us crazy. Making us disrespect each other; push our own agendas.” He sighs through his nose and says what he has to in order to keep the peace. “Poe, you should have come to us. We could have talked about it again.”</p><p>The Pilot just looks to the side, frowning. Finn knows as well as he does that <em> that </em> conversation would have gotten them nowhere. But, now that we’re already ‘here’...</p><p>“But he has a point.” Finn looks at each of them. “Don’t you think?”</p><p>Mendje sighs and leans back in her chair, exhausted. Ikeq is quiet – and that can usually only mean bad things. Leaga has completely withdrawn from the conversation. His world rejoiced when they saw the ‘hidden holos’, putting him in an odd spot. He was still trying to figure out whether ‘he and Poe had conspired together to show the footage’ or ‘someone cut that footage out without his knowledge’ or <em> something. </em> Anything that would save him from a possible PR nightmare.</p><p>Finn hates politics.</p><p>It’s I’ Pasigurt who agrees, first. “General Finn is right. Somewhere along the way, we got caught up in ‘winning’ – even though we don’t know what ‘winning’ looks like.”</p><p>Like a crocodile, Ikeq croons, “Oh yes, but we do.”</p><p>Sneering, Poe leans in towards him, “You seem to be the only one here that wants him dead. Why is that, <em> huh? </em>Did he drop a house on your sister?”</p><p>Finn doesn’t catch the reference, but based on Ikeq’s horrified reaction, it must have been an insult.</p><p>“It doesn’t matter what any of us want! That’s the point you all are missing.” I’ Pasigurt continues, gesturing at them like they’re children. “The jury makes the decision. Our votes are singular in a pool of over 300 sentients. I don’t care about your view. I care about the <em> truth. </em>And, General Dameron is right; we should have shown the full footage in the first place. What Ben Solo did was more evidence for his return to the Light.”</p><p>Ikeq muses, “Ever consider that <em> that’s </em> why he bothered to do it, at all? To make us <em> think </em>he’s-”</p><p>And nearly everyone in the room cuts him off with a groan.</p><p>Finn steps in again. “Look, enough, already. Enough! Point blank – Poe in or out of the trial dias?”</p><p>Poe flicks his hair, raises his eyebrows, “I vote ‘in’,” and he widens his stance.</p><p>“In.” I’ Pasigurt nods.</p><p>Rubbing her hands up and down her lower horns, Mendje sighs, “In, of course. Of course.”</p><p>Ikeq leans back and smiles, “I’ll likely be outvoted but, ‘out’.”</p><p>“In.” Leaga says, softly, and it turns heads. Especially from his closest companion. Ikeq eyes him with surprise – though, to be fair, so does everyone else. The creature merely curls on himself a bit and repeats, “In.”</p><p>“In,” Finn nods, repeatedly… a few times too many, probably. “Well, then – I believe it's your turn to testify, General Dameron.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The tight collar is making him sweat, slicking the inside where skin meets leather, making it shift uncomfortably. Rey had reached out and soothed him after his impromptu visit with Vious, and thank the Gods for that. If not for her, he may have started to destroy things again… which wouldn’t have done him any favors.</p><p><em> Balance, </em> he begs himself. <em> Balance. </em></p><p>Rey had kept reassuring that, ‘Poe knows what he‘s doing’... but Ben was too tired to bother correcting her. </p><p>The guard shoves him a little harder than necessary, which was becoming more and more frequent, opening the door for him to enter his ‘Accused’ station. The flicker of the holocams makes him squint his eyes; impossibly, there are even more now. Evidently this trial became a lot more interesting after the last session.</p><p>He sighs with relief when he sees Dameron sitting on the trial’s panel dais, though his position has shifted. It’s now Finn at the main pulpit, bringing everyone to order.</p><p>He’d been demoted, then.</p><p>Ben finds that it doesn’t make him feel as good as he thought it would – to finally have the Pilot cut down to size after all these years. Instead, it sinks his heart.</p><p>Dameron, for his part, is glaring at him with intensity. Ben debates opening up his mind to feel for the man’s emotions… but as soon as the lid opens even the tiniest crack, the amount of thoughts from these people, all pointed directly at him, are so numerous and overwhelming that he visibly winces and backs up a step before putting his mind back on lockdown.</p><p>Rey <em> seems </em> to be the only one who saw… but he knows that’s not true. The holocams <em> also </em>saw.</p><p><em> Weak. </em>It’s almost as if he can hear Snoke breathe behind him. Ben forces himself to open his hands, to ease the tension from his face, to settle. Just like he gets Rà to settle. He can do this.</p><p>
  <em> Balance. </em>
</p><p>Finn calls out, “Next to testify will be General Poe Dameron of the Alliance Council.”</p><p>There is a heavy set of murmuring through the crowd as the Pilot approaches Ben’s station. He watches every move the man makes, no matter how small, to try and judge his mental state in the way that normal Humans do. It’s crippling.</p><p>Dameron turns on his heels to stand directly in front of Ben in the ‘neutral’ area, neither ‘for’ or ‘against’ him… and that suits Ben just fine.</p><p>“Kylo Ren interrogated me once. Took things from my mind that…” he shakes his head, still obviously upset by the memory, even though Ben can’t see his face. “And yes, I knew he was Kylo Ren. I found out when he came to support issues popping up in this system. The Alliance asked him to do it, and he agreed.</p><p>“The Alliance asked him a lot of things, actually. We asked him about his opinion on how we should structure the Galaxy – from <em> lightyears </em>away, over holo. And, when he gave an idea, we liked it. And we used it. End of story.</p><p>“Even with his own worlds to support, Ben Solo has gone on missions – which you’ve heard about. He’s done this both with <em> and without </em> the Jedi Master Rey. You’ve heard the numbers. He’s collectively saved more people than we currently have record of him personally destroying. I’m not saying that it’s as simple as balancing scales, but I <em> am </em> saying that facts matter.</p><p>“He’s even doing it now. When that monster popped up, we were terrified. All of us. Master Rey knew she couldn’t do it alone - going would be a death sentence – so, we asked Solo to help. And he agreed. He agreed <em> knowing </em> that we’d collar him. <em> Knowing </em>that we’d then have complete control over whether he lived or died, without a moment’s notice, until this trial ends with a verdict. And he still chose to step up.</p><p>“I knew he was Kylo Ren, and I <em> asked </em> him to take control of the Fallen First Order system, even though he didn’t want to. He told me that he didn’t want to rule, or be in the spotlight, but I told him he <em> had to - </em>for stability’s sake. </p><p>“Know what else he did for stability? Ben Solo has been funneling all the First Order money from Palpatine’s old coffers <em>directly</em> into ex-First Order planets. For years. And <em>he</em> offered it; I didn’t ask him. No one asked him. He just did it. And he offered it long before I asked him to rule <em>anything. </em>And do you know what I said? Knowing that sentients in my systems were dying? I said, ‘I’m not sure I want your dirty money’.” Dameron makes an overloud swallowing sound, and Ben wishes he could see his face.</p><p>Again, the echoes of Snoke whisper, <em> Compassion is what Makes You Weak. </em></p><p>“And do you know what he said to me? He said, ‘It’s just money. Use it for good, use it for bad. Like the Force – it just <em> is.’ </em>And I got it, then. I understood. And he gave me every credit chip I asked for, in any currency I asked for it in. He even gave me ideas on how to stabilize the region before I decided he was a snarky, stuck-up ass and stopped listening to him.”</p><p>Some in the jury can’t help but laugh. Even Ben smirks.</p><p>“So, you need to understand something. He’s been trying, since Exegol, to FIX what SNOKE had broken. What PALPATINE had broken!”</p><p>Dameron holds up his hands, palms up to the crowd.</p><p>“I RAN SPICE!” he yells, drawing more murmurs from the crowd. “I ran spice and I made stupid decisions as Captain of the Resistance. I put people’s lives at unnecessary risk. I am responsible for, not only the death of my enemies, but the death of my own people. I made mistakes so bad that General Leia Organa – <em>his mother – </em>SHOT me! Okay?”</p><p>The crowd is getting noisier now, but the Pilot’s voice rises to overpower theirs.</p><p>“I HAVE MADE MISTAKES! People have died because of me! But I’m not on trial, am I? <em> I’m not on trial! </em> And I’m not on trial because Ben Solo turned against Palpatine. I’m not on trial because he ensured that Rey of the Resistance could destroy the evil in the Galaxy. If the First Order… the <em> Final Order </em> won, there wouldn’t even BE a trial for me. I’d just be dead. We’d all just be <em> dead. </em>You want to judge him as a murderer?”</p><p>Dameron jumps up beside him, on the ‘for-the-accused’ platform, lifting his hands, wrists crossed as if they were lashed together, calling out, “THEN JUDGE ME, TOO!”</p><p>Ben’s lips part in shock, but he doesn’t have time to process before Lando rears up in the crowd.</p><p>“I knew he was Kylo Ren. I knew<em> long</em> before he ever took control of this system. I think my nephew is working like a madman, righting his own wrongs. If forgiving him is a crime, then JUDGE ME!”</p><p>Ben’s eyes glass over with water, his heart about to explode.</p><p>Chewie stands next to Lando, beating his chest, and moaning, “I knew about Stupid Friend! You need to feel anger? Feel anger at me! War kills! <em> I kill! </em>JUDGE ME!”  </p><p>Rey stands, “I knew he was Kylo Ren. I kept his secret because I was afraid of what you would do to him. I harbored a war criminal. You want someone to judge? JUDGE ME!”</p><p>And the crowd is on fire, words coming out so loudly and rapidly, Ben can’t catch any of them. Finn stands straight up in the Alliance panel – he opens his mouth…</p><p>… then closes it again, lips trembling and eyes wet.</p><p>Tears spill out over Ben’s cheeks as he watches his brother make the conscious decision to keep his ex-troopers out of the spotlight – by <em> distancing </em>from him. And it’s the right choice.</p><p>Ben Solo rubs the wetness from his unscarred face as the courthouse is in chaos, his leaders now standing to confess their sins, people in the jury panel who’d been sympathizers, troopers, Force-sensitives, all screaming out their crimes and yelling, “JUDGE ME!” Those who aren’t confessing are horrified by this spectacle. As they probably should be. </p><p>But to Ben?</p><p>To Ben this is the most amazing thing he’s ever seen in his entire life.</p><p>His people, Rey’s people, Finn’s people, people he doesn’t know… and even his Rebel Scum family… they’re standing on his side. Not all of them, but some. And some is more than enough.</p><p>He’s not alone.</p><p>Not anymore.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>
  
</p><p>Jannah stalks around, hair bouncing with every livid step. “HE KNEW! My father <em> knew?!? </em> How could he have <em> known </em> and still…” Jannah throws herself into a chair and immediately hunches, elbows on her knees as she seethes. Scoffing and tossing her head back, “Of course he did. That’s why we’ve always been so close to that damn family.” She shakes her head, an incredulous look on her face. Eyeing Finn, “Next you’re going to tell me that <em> you </em>knew.”</p><p>Finn sits opposite her, plucking at his bottom lip in thought. He can’t confess to the Galaxy – but at least he can confess to one person. A person he loves. </p><p>“I <em> did </em> know.”</p><p>Her muscles tense. Her eyes narrow and she glares at him. “How… how could you <em> not tell me? </em>After all this time?”</p><p>Finn has no good excuse, so he just looks away.</p><p>Her accent becomes all the more obvious the angrier she gets, but Finn is in no mood to think about how pretty it sounds. She gets up and throws herself into another pace around the floor.</p><p>“I feel so <em> stupid. </em> How could I have missed something like this? How long have you <em> known? </em> I feel… betrayed. You and I – we’re supposed to be-"</p><p>“Husband and wife.”</p><p>She sneers, “But what the hell is <em> that </em>worth if you can’t even tell me something like this?”</p><p>Finn’s eyes grow hard on her. “It wasn’t my secret to tell. And <em> you </em> have secrets. <em> You </em> have nightmares and never tell me why. <em> You </em> wake up in the middle of the night crying and we just pretend it doesn’t happen. I’m not the only one who’s keeping secrets, here.”</p><p>Eyes wide like saucers, she halts in place. He’d picked at her sensitive spot, and he knows it. The anger goes out of him like a candle snuffing, guilt replacing it. Closing his eyes, finds his calm... and somehow, through the Force, he can feel her doing the same. Rey’s training in use. Finding the Light. They’re both getting better at it, every day.</p><p>“I’ve known since Starkiller base.” </p><p>Finn settles back in his chair, taking a breath and readying himself to tell a long and crucial story. One that changed his life forever. One that brought him a man he considers to be his brother. </p><p>One he’s sad beyond measure that he can’t stand beside.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The Alliance meets the next morning, everyone obviously exhausted. Poe Dameron is no longer invited. </p><p>Leaga sighs, “Does every one of these have to fall apart into a spectacle?”</p><p>Mendje sighs right along with him. Finn sits way back in his chair, fiddling his thumbs in his hands. They don’t even bother being formal with each other anymore. Hell, he’d even stopped shaving. So has I’ Pasigurt, which is kind of funny. Who knew female Clawdites grew beards? </p><p>“And there’s another Hutt threat – a base on Alagarad, closer to the FFO this time. Obviously they’re more coordinated than we’d originally thought.” Mendje shakes her head mournfully and… is she wearing pajamas?</p><p>Ikeq’s the only one still dressed up to the nines. “So we’ll send the ex-troopers. Destroy this base the way we did the last one.”</p><p>Finn sputters, “I haven’t had time to offer enlistment to <em> anyone </em>. What’d you give me, like 36 standard hours? What the hell did you think I could do in that time?”</p><p>Waving her hands in dismissal, I’ Pasigurt says, “Just send Master Rey.”</p><p>“And Solo,” Finn adds, irritation plainly showing on his face. “Rey got hurt pretty bad last time she went alone.”</p><p>“And?” Ikeq chides, “This is her job. If the Jedi Master is truly as formidable as she says, we should leverage that to the best of our ability.”</p><p>Finn’s eyes narrow. Poe had snuck him aside and told him about Ikeq’s <em> ideas </em>about Rey. So he’d sent the news into her mind like lightning.</p><p>Seems like it’s time to do it again.</p><p>Finn’s strength is sending… so he <em> sends. </em></p><p>Opening up his mind comes easy to him now, the only hint being that his eyes close a few moments too long. He opens up his mind, not only to Rey… but to Ren, too. Both send him a feeling of awareness and attention to let him know that, wherever they are, they’re listening.</p><p>“And both Master Rey and ‘Ben Solo’ have proven nothing if not the fact that those with the Force can be <em> dangerous </em> opponents. Did you hear those in Master Rey’s section standing to list their sins? We should use this opportunity to send them <em> all </em>to the Hutts. Let them prove themselves, as you all seem to want the Darksider to do. If they can’t prove themselves, they are a liability and a risk, so losing them in a battle would be no loss at all.”</p><p>Finn feels horror from Rey and <em> rage </em>from Ren, and he didn’t expect anything less.</p><p>I’Pasigurt’s temper flares as she sneers, “Again, the Sentient Species Act Protects. Force. Users.”</p><p>Grinning, “But not criminals by their own admission.”</p><p>I’ Pasigurt leans forward, morphing into Ikeq, “And I’m ignorant about the laws of murder on different planets. I <em> forget </em> that, for some, it’s a way of life. For <em> some </em> a grave insult can mean a rightful death. That on <em> some </em> worlds, it’s ‘kill or be killed’. On <em> some </em> worlds, it’s an honor! For all my presumed intelligence, I am a very <em>Stupid. Narrow. Single-minded.</em> creature.”</p><p>And the male growls, watching his doppelganger grin with his own filthy mouth.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t go <em> alone!” </em> Finn is basically chasing Rey down the hallway as she heads towards her ship. He drops his voice to a harsh whisper, “Can’t you <em> hear </em>Ren, right now? Freaking out? He’s going to go crazy if you get hurt again.”</p><p>“Never mind that right now. You heard him, Finn – Ikeq is after <em> my people. </em> I need to prove that we work for the Light and I <em> need </em> to save the FFO! There’s no one else who can do this. It’s all on me.” Tears prickle her eyes, but she’ll be damned if she lets them fall.</p><p>That horrible male. That <em> creature. </em> That <em> foul, miserable, EVIL, creature. </em></p><p>Even with the bond shut, she knows Ben would agree that <em> something </em>should be done. He just might not agree that she’s the one to do it. She’ll keep it shut until she gets to Alagarad, when it will be too late for him to do anything about it... other than nag.</p><p>Finn’s jog picks up to a dash and he spins around to the front of her, holding his hands up in a plea for her to still. “Let me come with you, at least!”</p><p>She moves to sidestep him, but he slides back in front of her. It seems like people are doing that to her a lot these days. </p><p>She scowls at him. “Don’t you have people to lead? Armies to build for your precious Alliance?”</p><p>And her friend points a finger right in her face. “Don’t you do that. Don’t you <em> do that </em>to me. Don’t you pretend I’m the bad guy just because you’re pissed off at something. If I’m building armies, they’re to protect his worlds. Yours.”</p><p>She huffs a heavy breath through her nose, distracted enough to let Ben in, just the tiniest bit.</p><p>Inside her, he delicately pleads, <em> Lightside, Master Rey. </em></p><p>Rey clamps down on her mind again and looks at Finn sternly. </p><p>“Jannah will take care of my people while I come with you. She said that, if I had an opportunity to protect you, or him, she’d step up. She’s a warrior, Rey – and these are her people, too. She’s got this. So, let <em> me </em> get <em> you.” </em></p><p>The scar on her face throbs; the physical wound is completely healed, but it’s something that hurts her anyway. She wonders if Ben felt this way when his face was sliced up the side. She wonders if Finn feels this way with a saber scar up his back.</p><p>She’s not weak. She’s <em> not weak. </em>But she’s not immortal, either. She’s not invincible.</p><p>And she needs help.</p><p>“When we get on the ship, I have to comm my leaders. We need to tell everyone to be as visible as they can, doing good. Maz always wanted that, too. It’s time to do more than just training. The Force-users need to prove their worth to society, Finn.”</p><p>He smiles a small smile at her, having caught her words quite clearly. “When <em> we </em>get on the ship?”</p><p>She returns his expression. “Yeah. We.”</p><p>And he pulls her into a hug. It’s tight and filled with friendship and love. She feels like she hasn’t been held for so long that it completely breaks her down. Touch starved her whole life, she craves contact at every moment. Ben had always filled her needs, his hand over hers, his mouth over hers, his deep voice like its own kind of touch – but now? She’s so lonely in their empty bed. At night, she can’t sleep unless the bond opens wide for them. But it’s rare.</p><p>It’s too rare.</p><p>When she can’t sleep, she gouges more tick marks into wood; counting the days without him. Scraping deeply over the same marks over and over again in a kind of desperation; sleeping in the sawdust.</p><p>It smells bitter.</p><p>Just like her life.</p><p>So, for now, let her hold her friend. Let her tears come; the pressure and weight of everything crushing her beneath its feet, her hormones doing nothing to soothe her fear and sorrow, only amplifying it to near madness.</p><p>She’s afraid. She’s <em> so </em>afraid.</p><p>And fear is the path to the Dark Side. </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Genocide</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, everyone! </p><p>This is a heavy chapter - but likely not for the reasons you’re thinking. In this chapter, there is a bit of pregnancy talk, a nice bit of smut, and then some Darkness. If you’ve read “The Redemption of Kylo Ren”, the subject matter shouldn’t surprise you - but I wanted to make you aware that it’s a heavy (and hefty) chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</div><p>Amazing moodboard by the even more amazing and kind <a href="https://twitter.com/anopendoor3">anopendoor.</a> Reach out for a commissioned board, if you need one! &lt;3</p><p>A fic lover? Checkout her Ao3 <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/anopendoor"> here</a></p><p>--------------------------</p><p> </p><p>“Looks like I’m stuck with you, again,” Poe grumbles, leaning against the wall as he flattens his backside on the damn, rigid prison bench. Guess this thing wasn’t built for comfort.</p><p>“At least you’re on the other side of the bars, this time.”</p><p>Not that it means much. He’s ousted from all the key Alliance meetings that have <em> anything </em>to do with Ben Solo. And even the missions of the Last Jedi. At least Poe’s still got his planetary system... though they’ve turned a vicious eye on him after all this. His worlds were all ex-First Order, after all. That’s what he gets.</p><p>But some of them, <em>some </em>were moved, knowing that the money they’ve been using to rebuild came from the man who was once Kylo Ren. Others, though, felt it was reparations due to them by a sort of heavenly mandate. In the end, they’re both right.</p><p>Solo grabs his pillow, stuffing his nose into it. For his part, he seems to have let his guard down with Poe, who may – <em> may – </em>potentially see what his friends like about him. Strength. Competency. Intelligence. Self-sacrifice. An over-exaggerated sense of humor, like he’s making up for years of never laughing. And a sort of vulnerability hidden underneath his outer shell.</p><p>Still a bastard, though.</p><p>Sighing, the Pilot can’t help but ask, “Do you think what I did tipped the scales? Do you think it mattered at all?”</p><p>Solo’s eyes are dark and glossy. “It mattered to me.”</p><p>Human. That’s what he is now. Not a nightmare. Not a monster. Just a human.</p><p>Another hefty sigh, nodding at the cameras, “You know Ikeq’s guards have it out for you. I’ Pasigurt at least had the sense to put me on watch duty to make sure they don’t beat you to death.”</p><p>The snark returns as Solo arches a brow, condescendingly. “You think I’d let them?”</p><p>Poe scrubs his hands over his face, slouching even further. “Probably. If it was between them hurting you or hurting your people, you would.”</p><p>And the other man pushes his nose into his pillow once more, nuzzling it.</p><p>Poe can’t help but laugh a bit at the gesture. “Comfy, are we?”</p><p>The reply is all softness. “It smells like Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Finn lifts his blaster, but it’s seconds too slow and he barely misses another shot that barrels his way. Anakin Skywalker’s saber is still tucked into the holster on his hip, but it’s only good for close contact, and Finn wants to stay <em> far </em>away.</p><p>The horde is massive, and they’re filtering out of the complex in heavy numbers, now. He and Rey had been smart this time. Her previous idea of sneaking in and blowing everything to hell was a good one, but this time they had the foresight to use remote detonators, triggering them only <em> after </em>they’d escaped.</p><p>Too bad their escape wasn’t as… covert… as they would have hoped. He assumes surveillance caught them – but, who knows?</p><p>The BOOMS are near deafening and he ducks his head, debris flying from the bunker, knocking a couple of the bad-guys to the ground as they pile out of the building. Some don’t get back up.</p><p>Rey, for her part, is deflecting the bolts that come her way, just waiting for them to come near. They’d made the mournful agreement that they’d take out who they could, showing the strength that Force-users could accomplish. Her; him. But is that really the right choice? Now, looking at the numbers dropping in front of them, all he can hear is that ugly Klatooinian in his mind whispering that Force-users are too powerful.</p><p>Are they making a mistake?</p><p>He lifts his blaster once more, arm straight like a rod, as he picks out creatures to go for. Who’s closest? Who’s got the biggest weapons? Who’s got the most angry face?</p><p>Leave behind the ones that look weak.</p><p>The ones that look scared.</p><p>Already wounded.</p><p>His weapon is a blur of red fire as the high-pitched screams of the gun spew out in short bursts. It grates on his ears, leaving their echoes even during times of silence. </p><p>He <em> hates </em>that sound. </p><p>It only means bad things.</p><p>Out of patience, Rey runs at the onslaught. <em> Towards </em>it.</p><p>“REY!” he screams, but he only has moments before he has to concentrate on defending himself. And defending her, as some creatures double back to head in her direction. </p><p>Which is like a death wish, honestly.</p><p>Stabbing the blaster back into its holster, he whips out his blade, triggering it into the hum of electric blue. Rey’s been training him, and he’s got skills now. Enough to take down the first wave that comes at him in searing swipes.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p><em> You have to protect your home, </em> is what reverberates in her mind. <em> You have to prove the worth of your -people-. </em></p><p>Strikes rain down with white fury as she does her best to aim for legs and arms… not necks or faces. Pity she doesn’t understand that, for some, death would be kinder. </p><p>Her expression twists in rage and she feels the Darkness call her. <em>Balance </em> means the Dark side has it’s uses, and the Alliance won’t be able to tell what she’s using, either way. All they know is success and failure. And betrayal.</p><p><em> Dark side, Master Rey, </em>she tells herself with sarcastic irony. She won’t be able to keep the bond shut for much longer, her concentration diverted as another round descends.</p><p>She leaps over a set of three as they barrel towards her, flipping in midair to face their backs and take them out of the picture, leaving them mewling over lost limbs on the ground. Her thighs burn as she runs at the next set, throwing herself into a slide, ground tearing at her shins, as a wide arc takes out six legs of varying widths, bodies falling. The grin that pulls on her lips is obscene, thunder in her heart, whispers caressing her.</p><p><em> Dark side, Master Rey, </em>she thinks again, this time with a sort of grim satisfaction.</p><p>Her blade disengages with her surprise as she’s grabbed from behind, a weapon winding its way around her throat, closing off her airway in split seconds. She struggles and grunts and lets her fury build.</p><p>And build.</p><p>She’s struggling hard, thoughts cloudy with the lack of air. She’ll kill this creature. She knows it. She’ll-</p><p><em> Balance, Rey, </em> Ben begs in her mind, shocking her into stillness, their connection open once more. <em> Please, baby. Dark and Light. Dark -and- Light. Please. </em></p><p>But she doesn’t have time to change tactics. Heat passes by her face in a sharp strike and the attacker goes limp behind her. Finn’s hands clamp with grasping fists as he pulls her up. He bores his eyes into hers for the briefest of moments.</p><p>“RUN.”</p><p>He yanks her into motion before disengaging to lift his blaster again. Her blade out, she covers his 12 o’clock until he’s cleared them a path.</p><p>A path back to the ship.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>They’re gasping as she slams the latch trigger; the hatch to the Dream folding in on itself, even as bolts and bullets wing their way.</p><p>Finn’s already starting sequences as she throws herself into the captain’s chair, lifting them into a hover, turning and angling the turrets… and opening fire.</p><p>Smoke and dust flood the air as she rakes the ground with destruction. She feels like crying and throwing up all at the same time. She’s tired. She’s so <em> tired </em> all the time. Tired and nauseous and <em> sad. </em>But who wouldn’t be?</p><p>
  <em> I want to come home, Ben. </em>
</p><p>His love, longing, and sorrow fill her. <em> Come home then, baby. Come home to me. </em></p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Mom’sHomeMom’sHomeMom’sHome. </em>
</p><p>Rà bolts down the corridor, already pulling up his sleeve to let out his access bracelet, almost slamming it against the keypad by accident as he slides to a stop, nose missing the wall by less than an inch. After the beep, he flings open the door and rushes in. All he wants to do is tell his mom about his new friend. He has a <em> friend. </em>And she’s so nice. And she likes books and scrolls and doesn’t mind listening to all of his troubles, even when it gets him so upset that all he wants to do is cry.</p><p>And she can’t feel it. She doesn’t feel what he can put in people’s minds, so he can’t hurt her by accident; she’ll always be <em> safe! </em></p><p>So maybe she’ll<em> stay </em> his friend.</p><p>But his heels skid once more to find his mom draped over the couch, arms over her eyes, asleep. Her breath is heavy and deep, nearly a soft snore. Despite the disappointment, a deep love washes over him. </p><p>Sneaking over quietly, he kneels by her. He misses her, truly he does, wishes she was home more - but he understands. If Mom can save his new Dad, then she can have all the time she needs.</p><p>He rests his head on the fabric beside her, saying nothing, and feels that tiny thread of gold tie around his heart. It’s his little Starlight, growing stronger all the time. His smile blooms and he snuggles closer to that feeling, his head now gently touching Rey’s side.</p><p>She sniffs harshly, and her arms shoot away from her face as she rears up with wide eyes. Rà pulls back, startled, and she just looks at him blankly for a moment, like she doesn’t recognize him, breath hissing out of her nose. </p><p>It takes a few seconds before she finally softens and puts on a small, forced smile. Rà feels unsettled for a moment... but brushes it off quickly. What matters is that she’s <em> here.  </em></p><p>He beams at her. “Welcome home.” Jumping up onto the couch, he cuddles in and forgets about anything other than her warmth. The orphanage isn’t warm. Not like his mother’s arms.</p><p>She nuzzles him back with a small chuckle. “Hey kiddo – sorry for that, you surprised me,” she places a soft kiss on the top of his head. “I’m just…”</p><p>He looks up at her face. He can’t read people – not the way that she and Dad can – but he knows the look of fear and sadness well enough, having worn that expression so often, himself.</p><p>“… Juuuust what?”</p><p>She turns and smiles at him again, more real this time. “I’m just tired.”</p><p>He blinks up at her. “That’s completely normal for where you are with the baby. How big it is and stuff, you know?”</p><p>It’s her turn to blink back. “No, I don’t know.”</p><p>He sits up, worry clear on his face if not a little bit of irritation. “Hasn’t the doctor talked to you about any of this stuff?”</p><p>She huffs, looking away. “Doctor. What doctor?”</p><p>Rà’s annoyance ramps into mild anger. “You haven’t seen a <em> doctor?” </em></p><p>Now she’s annoyed too, sitting up and frowning at him. “A droid confirmed everything, what do I need a <em> doctor </em>for? What do you know about it, anyway?”</p><p>He fumes. Standing up fast, he turns to the pack he’d dropped on the floor. He only has to dig a moment before bringing out his datapad. “I <em> know </em> because I <em> read.” </em></p><p>He flicks the machine on and turns it to face her – a little more aggressively then he needs to, honestly, basically shoving it into her hands. He crosses his arms over his chest and cocks his hips, impatiently. She scans for a bit, eyes narrowed in concentration as she ticks off a list of issues under her breath. Tired, emotional, nauseous… she looks at him, eyes wide.</p><p>“What’s a yam?”</p><p>“A what?”</p><p>She points, “It says the baby is the size of a yam.”</p><p>He laughs, “You’ve never eaten a <em> yam?” </em></p><p>She frowns at the screen. Anger abated, he sits next to her again. Gently he tells her, “Eventually, you’ll have to stop these missions, you know. It’s going to get more and more dangerous for you.”</p><p>Only paying half attention, “Hmm? Why…?”</p><p>He snorts, “You’ve seen very-pregnant humans <em> move, </em> right?”</p><p>Her expression says that maybe she hadn’t seen a pregnant human<em> at all. </em> Rà shoves his face in his hands before taking the datapad from her again and doing a quick entry. Spinning it once again, a holo vid plays… and she looks kinda… horrified.</p><p>Taking the device back, she returns to the previous screens. “How long do I have before it gets like this? I mean, I knew it would grow- that I would get a bit of a bigger belly - but… why so huge?”</p><p>“Have you ever seen the size of a baby? It’s about <em>this</em> big," he gestures, "and then it needs… you know… space. To move and stuff.”</p><p>“It <em> moves?” </em></p><p>She keeps on frowning and Rà doesn’t know whether to laugh at her or be entirely confused. She’s… like… mom age. How could you not know all this stuff at a <em> mom </em>age?</p><p>Then it dawns on him. Her scavenger life. Slavery. Isolation. Not even having things like food and water. And now, she’s always away on her missions. She sees the kids that she teaches… but not <em> babies. </em> He wonders how she even knew how to <em> make </em>a baby in the first place, but he grimaces and puts that out of his mind quickly.</p><p>Dad probably knew.</p><p>“I have to comm Finn,” she stands and moves to her room, taking his datapad with her.</p><p>“What’s the matter?”</p><p>“I’ve got to prepare my people to take over my missions. They need to be ready before <em> this </em>happens…” she gestures angrily at the screen as she storms away. She doesn’t look at him as she slams the door.</p><p>Rà marvels after her. Did she really <em> not </em>know?</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“And <em> you </em> knew?”</p><p>Ben lays on his bed, facing in her direction, the bond open for them. She looks like she’s laying right beside him, but she’s not… and the sawdust that touches her skin is completely telling of what she does on her nights alone.</p><p>The cameras are ever on him, so he simply whispers a ‘yes’ into her thoughts.</p><p>She grunts, rolling to her back and he can’t help but feel guilty. He should have guessed that she wouldn’t know. He slides his hand out in a way that he hopes looks casual and caresses the silk of her night clothes. When he does, she closes her eyes and a tear slips out.</p><p>“I wish you were here.”</p><p>
  <em> Yeah, me too... </em>
</p><p>“I wish you could hold me. Kiss me. Make me stupidly bland food to help with my stupidly sick stomach.” She sniffles, and he begins to stroke his thumb against her, smiling ever so slightly with the ache of love in his heart.</p><p><em> I miss you. I miss you so much. I want to do anything you need. -Everything- you need. </em>He can’t help but cock an eyebrow at her. <em>Even things you haven’t asked for, yet. </em></p><p>Laughing a bit, a feigned look of shock on her face, she reaches out to playfully smack him. He tries his best not to react, but his lips pull just a tiny bit more into a smile.</p><p>
  <em> Dirty girl. I only meant that I want to ‘wipe away your tears’ or something. </em>
</p><p>Even he can’t help but snort a bit as he tries to hold in his laughter. Rolling her eyes, she shoves him once more. He actually has to make it look like he’s adjusting his position on the bed so the eyes behind the camera lenses don’t think he’s having ‘issues’.</p><p>She bites her lip and gets that devious expression he loves so much. “You can’t touch me, or it will look strange, right?”</p><p>He nods, almost imperceptibly.</p><p>“And touching you… the way I want to,” she bites her lip, looking at his mouth, “would <em> definitely </em>raise some flags.”</p><p>Ohhh, and now he’s <em>really </em>interested.</p><p>
  <em> And how do you want to touch me, Master Rey? </em>
</p><p>Her grin becomes wicked. “Sometimes it’s extra special when you call me <em> Master.” </em></p><p>His body wakes up. It’d only been a week or so since their fight with the monster and their trip together on the Dream. He’d played ‘Master’, then. Perhaps it’s her turn, now. She apparently thinks so… and he’s more than happy to oblige her.</p><p>“I want you to hold <em> so </em> still Ben. One twitch, and I’ll stop. One <em> sound </em>and I’ll stop.”</p><p>Blushing, he can't help but hide a self-deprecating smile, tucking his face into his pillow with his eyes mirthful on hers. <em> Am I really that noisy? </em></p><p>She gets up and leans over him, the aura of her body a warmth he can feel. Her breath is hot in his ear when she makes a small hmming sound, whispering, “Baby, you’re loud enough to make the <em> neighbors </em>hear.”</p><p>
  <em> We don’t have any neighbors... </em>
</p><p>She pulls back to waggle her eyebrows at him.</p><p>He buries his face, once more.</p><p>Her fingers trace his neck, her mouth back on him in short order. “I <em> like </em> it, Ben. Oh, I <em> love it </em>when you make noises for me.” She groans her appreciation into his ear and flicks her hot tongue against him.</p><p>He reigns in a sigh of desire.</p><p>“I want you,” her voice is low, and it hums through his body. She takes his earlobe into her mouth and suckles, grazing her teeth over it… and he can’t help let out a small cry.</p><p>Immediately, her heat disappears, leaving only cold prison air behind. He looks up at her, his expression urging her to come back. Instead, she tsks at him.</p><p>“Oh, Ben. You couldn’t stay quiet – so I can’t play with you anymore.”</p><p>He grits his teeth.</p><p>“I’ll have to play with <em> me </em>instead.”</p><p>And he’s rock-hard; just like that. He licks his lips and eyes her body up and down. <em> Do I get to watch? </em></p><p>“Oh, baby, you get to <em> beg.” </em></p><p>
  <em> Gods, Rey. </em>
</p><p>“Mmm. I can feel it, you know. I can always feel when you want me.”</p><p>
  <em> Then you know I -always- want you. </em>
</p><p>She lays down beside him, on her back once more, but her head is tipped to face him. Her hands slide over her thighs suggestively as she spreads them.</p><p>“So beg me, Ben. Ask me for what you want. If you ask <em> really </em>nicely, maybe I’ll do it.”</p><p>He grins at her and she can’t hide her surprise at his overt reaction. </p><p>To hell with the cameras. Perhaps he can’t touch <em> her, </em>but…</p><p>He rolls onto his back and tosses the covers off his body, looping his thumbs under his pants and dragging them down. Her expression is both horrified and ravenous.</p><p>“Ben – they’ll see you!”</p><p>
  <em> They see me do a lot of things. </em>
</p><p>“But, this?”</p><p>
  <em> Maybe they’re bored. Maybe they need a show. </em>
</p><p>She scoffs, “Aren’t you…?”</p><p>
  <em> Embarrassed? No. Not when you’re all I can think about. You still want me to beg, baby? </em>
</p><p>She bites her lips, watching his <em> everything </em>slide off, leaving him bare to anyone watching. He gazes down at his own body, sliding his hand over his stomach, nails gently passing over his scruff.</p><p>
  <em> Like what you see? </em>
</p><p>He wraps around himself and he gives a single tug, biting his lip and making another small cry.</p><p>
  <em> This way, I can make any sounds I want. Any -faces- I want. No one will think twice. </em>
</p><p>Lust. Lust floods his mind, from both of them. It compounds and drowns out every other emotion. He’s nearly drunk on it.</p><p>
  <em> I’ll beg you, sweetheart. If you want me to. </em>
</p><p>Her lips part and she nods.</p><p>
  <em> Good girl. My sweet, sweet Rey. Please, touch your lips. I want you to pretend that your fingers are my mouth. Please baby, pretend for me. Let me kiss you. </em>
</p><p>Her cheeks are pink and it’s like he can feel her ache within his own body. When she moves to trace over her softness, she pouts ever-so slightly, digits trailing lazily across until she slowly opens and slips in the tip of her pointer finger, just the tiniest tip, passing it over the pink of her tongue.</p><p>His eyes narrow and his jaw clenches as he holds himself in his hands. He won’t pump yet, not until she gives him permission… but <em> Gods </em>does he squeeze. He can feel his pulse against the clutch of his hand as she suckles herself, eyes closing as she laps at her fingerprints. When she finishes, she drags the bottom of her lip ever so slightly, and he’s breathless.</p><p>
  <em> Thank you, gorgeous. May I ask for something else? </em>
</p><p>She nods, wordlessly.</p><p>
  <em> Will you make noises for me, too? When we do this, I want to hear you. When you feel good, I want to -hear- you, baby girl. Pretty please? Ohhh, pretty please? </em>
</p><p>Softly, lids at half-mast. “Yes,” and the ‘s’ sound lasts, like a little hiss.</p><p>
  <em> Oh, you’re such a good girl. </em>
</p><p>Her voice is a sultry purr, “Ask me something else.”</p><p>
  <em> I want you to keep your silky things on for me; I want to watch you writhe in what I had made you. Would you please do that for me? </em>
</p><p>He watches her clench her legs together and <em> knows </em>the sensation it gives her. Nearly feels it, himself.</p><p>“Maybe. I think I reserve the right to do whatever I want.” She stares him down, challenging him to talk back.</p><p>But he knows it’s against the rules.</p><p>
  <em> I swear, honey, it will feel so soft on you. I promise. Please, if I’m good, would you please? Pull it tight, and -drag- that softness over those perky little parts of you. I want you to pretend it’s my tongue, this time. I know you like it when I lick you. </em>
</p><p>“Ask me nicely.”</p><p>
  <em> Oh honey, I’m begging you. I want to watch you. I’m begging you to look at me and I don’t care if you fake it, I want you to make -noise- for me, sweetheart. I want you to -pretend-. Pretend I’m there; my body pressing over you… </em>
</p><p>Her fingers slide over the material on top, pulling it taught and using it to drag over the nubs that peak there.</p><p>… <em> imagine me blowing on them. Hot air, then cold. I want them to get so hard that, when I take them in my mouth, you groan for me. Can you please do that, baby? Can you -imagine- for me? </em></p><p>She closes her eyes and feathers her fingers over herself, making the sounds he wants. He clenches his fist harder and pulls it slowly up, letting out a deep hum and sending her his feelings. She gasps – not fake <em> at all </em> – and she sends her pleasure right back, slamming her hand between her legs and thrumming.</p><p>“Gods!” he cries out, matching her pace, immediately. </p><p>He can’t help it… <em> she </em> can’t help it; this is just what they do. Her feelings crash on his, and his pile atop hers. Multiplying, exponentially and without limit. Emotions – <em> sensations – </em>climbing higher and higher.</p><p>Together, they build mountains.</p><p>And this is the mountain they choose, tonight.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rà laughs, and it’s a good one. His grin is ear to ear, so big it nearly hurts. Nex is laughing, too, rolling onto her side in the snow and not minding the cold at all.</p><p>Rà sometimes wonders if she comes from a cold place, but she doesn’t like to talk about herself much. All he knows is that they both like some of the same things, she’s good at making him laugh until he can’t breathe, and she laughs like his dad – all snorts and watery eyes. He knows that she’s almost always sad, though he never asks why, assuming she’ll talk about it when she wants to. He also knows her full name is Neska, which is kind of pretty, actually.</p><p>While she’s distracted, he grabs up another handful of snow and dumps it over her head, though it only makes her laugh harder.</p><p>He grins and ducks, just missing the snowball that flies over his head, one of the other kids deciding to join the fray. Rà can’t grab the snow fast enough, mittens grasping as the kid in front of him gets taken out with a Force-pushed <em> puff </em> of frosty softness, letting out a squeak on the way down.</p><p>He turns quick to see who to go for, but just comes face to face with cold, as a snowball <em>poofs</em> into him, coming from Nex, for sure – and he just laughs more, tasting the ice on his lips and blinking the white from his eyelashes.</p><p>More kids join in, using the Force to whip up small barriers, others throwing snow without using their hands. It’s sloppy and untrained and messy – but they’re <em> all </em>smiling. Grinning. Laughing. He’s never gotten to play like this. Not with kids his age. And he’s never <em>laughed</em> this much.</p><p>That golden thread sings around his heart and he just smiles deeper, filled with a sense that everything is turning around for the better. Everything will go the way he needs it to. He’ll have a family, and a friend… and he’ll never be lonely again.</p><p>The Force is kind; not letting him see the future. Letting him have this moment.</p><p>He touches that golden thread with the invisible fingers of his mind, sending his feelings out into the Force.</p><p>
  <em> I love you already, little Starlight. I’ll make sure to be a good big brother. Everyone needs someone to look out for them, and I’m going to be that for you. I’ll take care of you. </em>
</p><p>He looks to his side at the girl laughing with snow in her hair, his love for the world filling him all the way to the top. In his childish way, as children do, he decides right-then-and-there that he’s going to marry her, someday. Even if it’s far in the future.</p><p>But the thought leaves his head as quick as it goes in, because he gets <em> ploofed </em> in the face with another puff of white.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Finn’s hackles rise when the blue creature sidles into their Alliance meeting, but Mendje is more diplomatic.</p><p>“Councilman Vious, how pleasant to see you – though unexpected. Is there an emergency we need to be made aware of? Some urgent news?” Saying, ‘Unless you have business here – leave’... but, you know, without actually saying it.</p><p>With a grunt, and pointedly ignoring the uncomfortable barbs Finn’s eyes are shooting in the Toydarian’s direction, he lifts himself into a chair, pulling right up to the table. “I was, ehh, <em> invited </em>here today. Perhaps you did not know this, yet. Perhaps I'm early, yeah?”</p><p>He gestures in Ikeq’s direction and all heads turn to follow. The evil smile Finn catches is gone in less than a second, replaced by one completely less terrifying... but it’s too late, Finn’s stomach has already dropped.  </p><p>“Only by moments, Councilman, only moments.” Ikeq stands and straightens his robe ever so slightly. “In fact, we will be expecting some additional guests shortly, as well.”</p><p>Eyes narrow on him.</p><p>“For what purpose?” I’ Pasigurt’s voice is curious, but also wary. “We’d not slated any guests today.”</p><p>Hands in the air, “My apologies, yes – this all came together rather suddenly. In fact, I’d only just invited the Councilman before coming here, myself. I’m <em> pleased </em>you were able to make it with such short notice.”</p><p>Vious steeples his fingers with a grin and his trunk contracts slightly. “What you mentioned was, indeed, of great interest to me… and may be of great interest to my Council, as well. I hope to learn more, huh? Will be good to hear, um, directly from the mouth of the speaker? Is that how you say it?”</p><p>Finn frowns along with his colleagues, knowing that they’d been meeting for at least an hour and yet Ikeq had mentioned none of this. Suspicious doesn’t quite sum it up.</p><p>The ugly Klatooinian taps his wrist comm, and tips it up for a private conversation. “Yes, kind sirs – when our guests arrive... Oh? What <em> perfect </em>timing. Will you walk them up?”</p><p>Eyes flicking to Leaga, wondering if he’s in on whatever this is, Finn notices he’s just as puzzled as the rest.</p><p>Ikeq stalks around the room, seemingly lost in thought, getting ready to spit out whatever's in that devious mind of his. “You may have noticed the reports from Master Rey. It seems she’s… <em> mobilizing </em>her people.”</p><p>Finn shakes his head side to side, “I don’t like the way you just used that word. She’s pregnant – which I <em> know </em> you know – so, you <em> also </em> know that her running around saving the Galaxy has an expiration date.”</p><p>“Please, please – I know you’re both very close, I do.” Ikeq gestures towards himself, “and I have no doubt that her intent is for her people to assist the Galaxy in any way they can. But the truth remains that the trial will end very soon. Only the Rebels are left to testify, and then the voting will begin. Should the jury vote against Ben Solo - choosing to punish him <em> beyond </em>lifetime imprisonment, let’s say - there is a risk." </p><p>Finn scowls. "A risk of what, exactly?"</p><p>“We've discussed this in passing, but I'd like to bring it up again as I believe it's worth a closer look. However small, there is a risk that there might be retaliation. Not just from Force-users, of course, but from <em> any </em> of his sympathizers. Local law enforcement can be prepared to deal with normal sentients in their systems, yes? But Force-users are a particular challenge.</p><p>“As you’ve seen, they can potentially read minds, <em> control </em> minds, deflect blaster bolts, move things telepathically, have overly-acute skills with weaponry… the list goes on. How can a community like that be subdued, should they have… negative feelings?”</p><p>Finn wants to punch him. Clock him. Just karking <em> deck </em> this sonofabitch. “They’re trained in the <em> Light,” </em> he seethes; Ikeq knowing nothing of Balance. </p><p>“And wasn’t <em> Ben Solo </em> trained in the Light? Doesn’t the Dark side – as I’ve learned – come from pain and rage and sadness? How will they feel if they don’t get the outcome they desire? Remember, we’re not talking about individual bad people, General, we’re talking about a potential <em> unintended consequence. </em> Call this conversation a sort of... Risk Assessment, if you will.”</p><p>Mendje’s clicking on her holopad with a vicious frown, projection shining in the air. “This is Ajan Kjama, one of Master Rey’s leaders. He has, in this standard year alone, aided two planets end another slave ring, cutting it off and finding the sentients controlling the runs. <em> This,” </em> she flicks up a new face, “Is Camalan Hra, another of her top people. She has overseen diplomatic events for peacekeeping, negotiating 7 treaties and helping to quell three in-planet wars.” Her fingers slam against the machine. “And Rey’s records have <em> hundreds </em> of Force-users behaving in this way. <em> Hundreds </em>doing good.”</p><p>Ikeq’s hands are up in defense once more. “And that’s wonderful. Truly, a great service. But... let’s turn it around. What happens if even <em> one </em> of them falls to the Darkness? Then, you have someone who <em> fuels </em> three wars. <em> Protects </em>slave rings, yes?”</p><p>Vious shrugs, interrupting as an interloper in their space. “Let’s be honest with each other here, eh? If you can <em> think </em> about it, it’s a possibility. In this Galaxy? Almost <em> anything </em>is a possibility. No harm in hearing him out, yes? No harm.” The Toydarian waves him on, as if that vicious Klatooinian needs permission to continue his rant.</p><p>“All I’m saying is that there is a way to… <em>even the playing field.”</em></p><p>Finn’s fingernails dig into the arms of his chair and his jaw sets. The tension is amped by the door sliding open, and three hooded figures enter. If things weren’t damned ominous already – Gods…</p><p>“Nightsisters,” Finn rises, hate flooding him as his hand flies to his saber hilt.</p><p>“Calm, calm, please General Finn. They've had a long and quite complicated journey. The Dathomirians have had a difficult life with the sanctions we’ve placed on them.”</p><p>He bares his teeth, “Not <em> enough </em>sanctions, if you ask me.”</p><p>The three women lower their crimson hoods, standing in a trim line by the door, never intruding too deeply in their space – knowing, inevitably, that they’re unwanted. In the center, one with frighteningly white skin and stark black tattoo-marks holds her head high. “General. As we have been invited here by a member of your Council, I would ask that you stand down. We are merely-”</p><p>
  <em> “Witches.” </em>
</p><p>“Of which we’re quite proud,” she retorts.</p><p>Leaga opens his mouth finally, gesturing in a sort of hesitant welcome. “Please excuse our colleague. He’s had unpleasant experiences on your world.”</p><p>“Unpleasant doesn’t <em> come close!” </em>Finn’s grip tightens on his weapon.</p><p>The Toydarian clucks his tongue in disapproval. “General, General. We are all <em> professionals </em> here. If these women did not hurt you directly, take your seat, eh? Huh? Make nice with the red ladies, yes?”</p><p>If they take any offense to this reference, it doesn’t show.</p><p>Finn prefers to stay standing, thank-you-very-much, but he does take his hand off his blade.</p><p>The witches bow to Vious, but he doesn’t bother responding; he just keeps his fingers steepled as he leans in. Ikeq moves to stand beside the trio, and it’s <em> him </em>that returns their bow.  </p><p>“Respectfully, my fair guests, will you fill my colleagues in on what your planet has to offer?”</p><p>When the lead dips her hands into her robe pockets, Finn tenses – ready to strike - but what she brings out changes his emotion.</p><p>Now he wants to throw up.</p><p>“These,” the woman’s voice is deep and reverent as she gazes at the objects in her hands, “are equality. These are my people’s <em>specialty.” </em></p><p>Each woman takes an item, holding it up for all to see. They’re metallic, filigreed to perfection… and Finn knows that, if he places his lips on them, they’ll bleed red light.</p><p>His voice quivers, “Darkside artifacts.”</p><p>“Yes,” the lead eyes him with a soft smile, seeing nothing wrong with the words he’s spoken. “Beautiful, aren’t they? And special. Unique. Every one of them a treasure – every one of them filled with the ability to draw from, and connect to the Force. They have powers to help ensure an equal match between your Force-blind peacekeepers and any 'sensitives they may have trouble subduing.”</p><p>Sneering, Finn nearly yells, “Tell them <em> why </em>they’re unique!”</p><p>The Sister blinks at him, as if Finn has just said the stupidest thing. “Because each connects to the Force in different ways. Each has its own strength.”</p><p>I’ Pasigurt asks, innocently enough, “How do they connect to the Force? They’re <em> things."</em></p><p>The Nightsisters all smile in unison, and Finn can’t help but feel unhinged. “Each is given what it needs to connect.”</p><p>Mendje is flicking through her holopad, keying things in rapidly.</p><p>Finn’s voice raises, “And what does it need, HUH?!”</p><p>Flatly, as if it doesn’t matter. “Midichlorians, of course.”</p><p>Mendje swivels her head, horns pointed towards the intruders; gesturing at her holopad, “And <em> this </em>is how you extract them!?”</p><p>The center Nightsister views the screen and cocks her eyebrows, “We’ll only take criminals, if that soothes your conscience. The Darkness lives better in them, anyway.”</p><p>Mendje turns her screen projector on to flicker up imagery to the room. Imagery that Finn has to turn away from. Imagery that had been burned into his eyes long before this moment.</p><p>It’s the children.</p><p>They rig up the <em> children… </em></p><p>And siphon the midichlorians from their blood.</p><p>Leaga and I’ Pasigurt stand immediately, leaning in toward the images and flicking through the roll.</p><p>As if they’re proud, the Nightsisters explain, “Each sensitive has areas of the Force their blood calls to most easily. It affects the objects we create. If you’d like something that can <em> sense, </em> which also has <em> destructive </em> power, we simply find sensitives with those skills and tap them. The more powerful the sensitive, the more powerful the equalizer.”</p><p>Not without horror, Leaga asks, “And… how long do you ‘tap’ them for?”</p><p>Perhaps a little too honestly, one replies, “For as long as they’re useful.”</p><p>Ikeq steps in, sensing that this is all going very badly, closing Mendje’s projector. “Colleagues, allow me to excuse our guests.” He moves to open the door for them.</p><p>“NO!” Finn’s voice surprises him, but he won’t back down. “No, you will not leave this room with those <em> foul things </em> in your hands. You will leave Each. And. Every. One. of them here with me. The fact that you have them at all means that we could <em> triple </em>your sanctions!”</p><p>“I offered them amnesty for the sake of our current predicament. We’ll not retaliate against them for showing us how they could <em> help </em> us.” Ikeq states, plainly. Turning to the sisters, “But, ladies, to calm my Colleague’s nerves, may we take these items as a… sample?”</p><p>The center woman nods, and each sister beside her sets their artifact on the conference table. It’s… disjointed. To have such terrible, deadly, archaic objects on something as normal as a <em> table. </em></p><p>Finn’s air hisses in and out of his nose as he clenches and unclenches his fists. The women raise their crimson robes over their heads again and bow slightly before making an unhurried exit. Ikeq lets the automatic doors latch behind them before he turns to survey the rest of the remaining Alliance.</p><p>Smartly, through the tension, Vious scrapes back his chair and flaps his clawed feet to the ground. “That was – eh – very <em> interesting, </em>yeah? As you know, the more information you have, the smarter you become, right?” He sort of chortles and shakes his head back and forth. “Dangerous thoughts, but also part of Risk Assessment process, Councilman Ikeq, hm?”</p><p>No one bothers to answer the Toydarian as he awkwardly strides through the room towards the doorway. “I will, ah... <em> consider </em> this information. I do ask, though, if this is something you intend to act on?” He looks at each of them, one by one, “Let us know, yeah? I think the Fallen First Order is tired of being <em> surprised </em>by the Galactic Alliance.”</p><p>He snorts once more and has the sheer audacity to pat Ikeq’s cloak at the hip as he wobbles out.</p><p>The door shuts, and a moment…</p><p>     … passes…</p><p>          … slowly.</p><p>Finn lashes out his hand and <em> snatches </em> the objects so fast his skin is a brown blur. “You <em> will not get these back from me.” </em> He steps away, disgusted, lips trembling. He raises them in his fist, <em> shaking </em> them. “These? These <em> things </em> those <em> witches </em>brought in here? THESE ARE CHILDREN!”</p><p>He holds up each and every piece in front of them, one after another. “What were their NAMES, do you think? Or, are you wondering more about what <em> POWERS </em> they had, huh? And, I stress the word HAD! Because 70% of the children we pulled from Dathomir <em> DIED! </em>”</p><p>Finn kicks over a chair with all his strength and it <em> slams </em>into the wall. The rest of the Alliance is silent as they watch him fall apart. It’s only Ikeq that opens his mouth.</p><p>“Careful, General Finn. Careful not to take a hold of the <em> Darkness.” </em></p><p>Finn freezes, speechless. His mouth opens and closes…</p><p>“You know, your Ben Solo may win out in the end – and then this becomes a non-issue. I merely wanted to make us aware that there are options, should things go wrong. I even wanted to ensure the FFO would have the opportunity to be prepared,” he gestures at the door <em>magnanimously. </em> “I picture a future where they <em> join </em>the Alliance. Where the Alliance unites even more worlds together.”</p><p>Leaga’s voice breaks. “You want to create a new First Order.”</p><p>Ikeq hisses, horrified. “No! Not that – that is <em> not </em>what I want.”</p><p>Tears pouring from the Amanin’s eyes, “You want to give the next order 66.”</p><p>Vicious underbite slurring his words, “Never! I’m only trying to <em> protect us. </em> To keep our people <em> safe.” </em></p><p>Sniffling, Leaga throw’s Rey’s words at him, “All people? Or just the people you deem worthy?”</p><p>I’ Pasigurt rears up to her full height, “Councilman Ikeq… this step…” she looks at Mendje’s powerless screen with something like rage in her eyes, “This is a step I refuse to take. You don’t need to be a Force-user to have Darkness within you, it seems. I vote that, as soon as the Ben Solo situation is resolved, we step away from the FFO,” and, after a pause, “and discuss term limits on our roles.”</p><p>Ikeq sputters, “But, the Hutts… who will help protect them from the Hutts?”</p><p>Finn cradles the Darkside objects in his hands, “My community is Galaxy-wide, not restricted to supporting Alliance worlds. If they need support, I’ll see if any of mine want to step up.”</p><p>Softly, insidiously, “And, if they don’t?”</p><p>Closing his fist over these lost souls, Finn can’t help but grin fiercely through his sorrow. “Then, I guess the Resistance will be reborn.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Ciel’s off to pick up Rà and bring him home. Miss Rey is in Force-meetings and, honestly? He just likes to. He loves the kid. Adores him, really. And the boy’s just been… well… <em> happy </em>lately. Excited to talk. His shy nephew now walks home talking a mile a minute about whatever he and his buddy did that day. It warms his heart, honestly.</p><p>So does… something else. Something…</p><p>But, he puts that away, and does it quick. In truth, she’s not his type. Totally not his type. Ariani’s always <em> fighting </em>with him about something. Nagging him, poking fun at him, making totally obvious and inept sort of passes at him, then getting all pissy or depressed when he doesn’t react the way she wants. Being with her is something like an emotional rollercoaster. Plus, she technically has, like, a million kids. Who needs that kind of stress? </p><p>He sighs, sort of fondly thinking of her habit of using wit, barbs and sarcasm to either diffuse or escalate any given situation. It totally matches the way he does things… but, that’s probably a problem. It's also not what romantic love is like. Not the way <em> his </em>love was.</p><p><em> His </em> love was a soldier. <em> His </em> soldier. He trained her, taught her, and loved her with everything he had – inadequate as it was. But she always obeyed the chain of command. They never disagreed; it wasn’t even something that crossed his mind. She didn’t fight back or argue – his Elle did anything he told her to. <em> Everything </em>he ever asked of her. No complaints. No negotiations. No disrespect. No insubordination.</p><p>And that’s why she’s dead.</p><p>He pulls his heavy cloak on tighter, having gotten one now that he’s taking so many unnecessary goddamned walks in the winter dark. He twirls his fingers around his braid in melancholy. What would a fight with Elle have even looked like?</p><p>It dawns on him that he barely remembers her smile, and the thought cuts deep.</p><p>“General Ciel, good to see you this evening.”</p><p>He startles, not usually one to be taken by surprise, especially not by <em> this </em>lumbering asshole.</p><p><em> Play nice, </em>is what his leader would say to him, so Ciel plays nice and stops to see the creature half-hidden in the shadows of a doorway. “How can I help you this fine evening, Councilman?”</p><p>“You, ah – can call an emergency meeting, yeah?”</p><p>Ciel narrows his eyes, brows pulling down low. Cocking his head to one side, he can’t help but ask, “Why?”</p><p>Vious sniffs a bit, crinkling his trunk. “We need to have a discussion about… Risk Assessment. The sooner, the better, yeah?”</p><p>Scoffing, “Risk Assessment? Elaborate, please. Enlighten me. We talking the Hutt threat?”</p><p>Vious leans back and grins, but it’s a tired sort of grin. “No, General...</p><p>“ …I’m talking <em> Alliance </em>threat.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay… so… my Discord group shared the following. A male who records -filthy- whispers and moans… and I think I flooded my basement when I listened to him. A lot of Ben’s dirty talk is based on that man’s voice. If you want to have a 15-30 minute session of ‘adult --alone-- time’... I sincerely recommend this. </p><p>Just to say - when I first heard it… I SHUT. IT. OFF. I clutched my pearls and, “Oh, myyyy”d. Then, literally not one full minute passed and I clicked play once more… only to SHUT IT OFF AGAIN, red faced, hand clapped over my mouth. Then… Iiiiiiiiiii may have put on headphones and juuuuuuust let that happen. </p><p>He laughs - which I don’t like too much… but everything else? Just… *fans herself and cusses.* #FloodYourBasement ← Make that shit trend.</p><p>https://soundgasm.net/u/bourbon_neat</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Death</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>****For those of you who have concerns about the tags**** – this is the chapter where I need to flag them. If you would like clarity / spoilers, please click on the “end notes”. </p><p>Violence abounds as well. </p><p>As an FYI – Ciel is such a badass. All I could hear when writing his scenes was Eminem’s “Soldier.”  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sthA7Q06Ar8 Even if you’re not into rap – (some of) these lyrics scream, “Ciel” to me. (Some.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Art by me <a href="https://www.nixcomix.com">Me</a></p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p>--------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Ciel walks in the room with Vious, nodding at those who have already joined. The Toydarian moves to his seat as Ciel makes the normal rounds, shaking hands, bowing, hugging it out, tapping shoes, blinking rapidly – to each his own, right? Even if he feels stupid sometimes, it’s getting easier with practice.</p><p>He leans on the saltwater tank and peers into the water until Tuar surfaces. With a smile, he asks, “Temperature check, lovely thing?”</p><p>“Yes. Perfect this time, thank you.”</p><p>“Enough salt? Cobalt slabs?”</p><p>A pleasant splash and a nod. “And my room is perfect. You know how I hate… walking,” it grimaces.</p><p>He waggles his finger at the Sagrayan, “But you can do it, and you’re getting better. Land legs and all that.”</p><p>Tuar fountains water in the air with a spurt and Ciel pulls back slightly, having to now flick droplets out of his hair.</p><p>“Sorry…” it giggles.</p><p>He wipes his face and grins at it, “No, you’re not. Sassy thing,” and he moves on, knocking on the hot box, “Temperature check?”</p><p>Naba bows his head but pushes his pincers up. Ciel tweaks the dial as high as it will go and knocks again. “How are the children?”</p><p>It hisses with glee; this male <em> adores </em>his brood. His voicecoder highlights the comings and goings of each of the twenty and the Soldier holds his face steady, hiding his boredom well.</p><p>“And five <em> more </em>coming.”</p><p>“Amazing,” Ciel gapes – and he means it. “I can’t even imagine, but I know how much they all adore you. If anyone should have such a large clutch of new little ones, it’s <em> you.” </em></p><p>Now the creature waves him away, which might be rude… but it’s honestly the best conversation they’ve ever had.</p><p>Stupid <em> Vatra. </em></p><p>Looking around the room, everyone is accounted for and getting settled. Some are grumbling about the early hour, but he knew he needed to get them together, and he needed to do it fast. He walks to the front and stands tall, signaling everyone to take their seats. Giving in to his new interim status, he stays upright and waits for the silence to fall. When he speaks, his voice is firm and holds no room for humor.</p><p>“Council of the Fallen First Order, your attendance this morning is vital, and I thank you for interrupting your sleep cycles to attend. We’ve received information – disturbing information, actually – about some developments within the Galactic Alliance.”</p><p>Some of the crowd slides their hands across the table, making a sort of shushing sound, an indication of an insult to the group in question. Not<em> everyone </em> does it – but many do.</p><p>Even Vious.</p><p>“Our fellow Councilman has been working closely with an Alliance member, gaining their trust in order to get a sense of what was happening behind closed doors. It’s one of the reasons he’s been standing publicly against our leader – though, even I hadn’t known that little factoid until last night. Before then, I wanted to kick his ass.”</p><p>Some polite laughter as fists bang agreement, thrumming on the table. Ciel casts a smirk in Vious’ direction, unable to stop himself. Vious, for his part, just rolls his eyes and bangs the table himself, self-deprecatingly.</p><p>“I invite him to speak. I suggest you listen to every single word. There are key conversations to be had here, today. A conversation about the future… and about who will be a <em> part </em>of that future.”</p><p>He gestures and Vious wiggles within his chair, not making a move to stand. After all, only the Head of State gets to stand in Council meetings.</p><p>And, right now? That position belongs to a certain Soldier.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Ben is shoved a little too hard from behind, returning from the trial. The Last Session of the trial. One last data-filled droid, and then his uncles had spoken on his behalf, standing directly next to him – as if it was an honor. It was everything he could do not to break down.</p><p>He’s too sensitive; has <em> always </em> been too sensitive.</p><p><em> Weakness, Kylo Ren. And weakness should not be tolerated; it should be -cut out-, </em>the echo of Snoke’s conditioning coming to mind, as it so often does.</p><p>But Rey came to him because she saw his conflict… his <em> weakness. </em> Chewie and Lando aren’t standing up because he is strong; it’s because a collar is literally around his neck, and he’s too <em> weak </em>to just burn everything to the ground and walk away from the ashes. That’s what a <em> real </em> Darksider would do. Let his anger take over and <em> destroy. </em>And, sometimes, he feels compelled to. Called to it, like a moth to a flame... but then he looks at all the faces in the jury panel and thinks of the sorrow he’d caused. He thinks of the stories witnesses have told, the facts ticked off coldly by droids, and even his own memories of terror-filled eyes as they stared at him in their final moments. He finds he doesn’t want to hurt anyone there, no matter what their opinion of him may be.</p><p>Is that weakness? Or a different kind of strength?</p><p>Distracted, he’s <em> shoved forward </em> once more by one of Ikeq’s guards, another following close behind.</p><p>“It doesn’t matter what they say, you know. You think a handful of people blubbering, ‘He’s different now’ is going to <em>change-” </em>another shove, “-what you’ve done?”</p><p>Ben doesn’t say anything. Like he never says anything. If he <em> does </em>kill anyone, it will be the one with his thumbs digging into his back.  </p><p>The other one chimes in with a mocking voice, “Oh, but Ben Solo is a good man, <em>Kylo Ren </em> was the bad man. Pfft, as if you were two different people. Are you two different people, <em> Supreme Leader?” </em></p><p>Ben feels the sharp push of a weapon against his back – a blaster tip. His lips pull into a scowl; this is escalating… but a familiar Force signature approaches silently, and he’s glad these two bastards can’t see his smug expression.</p><p>“Why so quiet, Solo?” The scope digs into his back hard enough to leave a mark.</p><p>Simply, “Because you’re not worth talking to.” He smirks and lets it happen as one pivots him to the side, slamming him against the wall and shoving the muzzle under his chin.</p><p>It’s only seconds before the man is rammed to the ground with a sharp cry, Ciel body-slamming him so hard that his head hits cold cement. He’s effectively and efficiently disarmed in seconds, the FFO General clicking the safety off and ramming the blaster against the guard’s chest hard enough to knock the wind out of him.</p><p>Ben still leans on the wall, grim satisfaction in his heart.</p><p>Without looking behind him, Ciel smiles cruelly and intones, “Yo, other guy back there, how trained are you? Agility scores? If they’re low, you might want to give up any ‘hero’ thoughts because, unless I hear that blaster hit the floor… I shoot <em> you </em> first.”</p><p>And the weapon drops with a dull thud. Using the Force, Ben shoves it farther down the hallway; not towards his savior – but away from them all. </p><p>The cameras are watching.</p><p>Cocking his head, “You ever hear of <em> Regicide, </em> you peon asshole?” Ciel is grinning. “This man is Monarch of the system you’re laying on the ground of. Any threat against his life is punishable by <em> death; </em> did you happen to know that?” His voice is light, amused even.</p><p>The man beneath says nothing, just looks at him viciously.</p><p>“I’d like to think you’re intelligent enough to put two and two together, to <em> understand </em> that I have every right to execute you, right here, right now. I’d like to think that, but honestly, guessing by the way you carry yourself, you’re probably a moron.” He shoves his weapon deeper. “Isn’t that right, moron?”</p><p>Ben clears his throat lightly.</p><p>Ciel stands up, lifting his weight off the man, shifting so he can face both guards at once as Ben watches with self-righteousness.</p><p>“Call-signs?” Ciel coos.</p><p>Both guards look at him, defensive and offended.</p><p>He cocks the weapon and raises it eyeline. “My call-sign is CL-3337, squad leader, and I know troopers when I see them. So, I’ll ask again, before I shoot your nuts off... <em> call-signs?” </em></p><p>One swallows, “JX-8913.”</p><p>The other glowers dangerously, “JX-6571.”</p><p>“Ah, both of you are JXs? Same class, then. How nice you’ve stayed together. You must be the very <em> best </em> of friends. I assume you have real names, now?”</p><p>The meeker of the two points to himself, then to the fury-disguised-as-a-man beside him. “Jax and Xanith.”</p><p>Ciel asks, innocently, “And why do you have <em> names, </em>Jax and Xanith?”</p><p>The latter lifts his chin, defiantly. “Because the First Order Fell.”</p><p>Like a croon, “And, dear boys, <em> why </em>did the First Order fall?”</p><p>There is only silence… until Ciel screams, <em>"BECAUSE HE HELPED TO TAKE IT DOWN! </em> Just like <em> you, </em> Just like <em> me.” </em></p><p>He lets that thought echo through the empty hallway for a moment. Then, with quick and practiced hands, the Soldier completely dismantles the weapon, pieces falling onto the ground with ringing clatters. He tosses the base towards the ‘moron’ who owns it, and nonchalantly kicks the rest over, one piece at a time.</p><p>Voice dangerously low now, he gestures at Xanith. “You, ah, might want to pick those up.”</p><p>If gazes were sparks, then these two would burn holes in each other. Jax, however, bends to collect everything, brimming with fearful energy.</p><p>Ciel put his hands on his hips. “Run along now, I’ll put him back in his <em> cage. </em> You go and watch through the screens, like good little boys.”</p><p>Xanith doesn’t turn away, but does walk slowly backwards. Jax retrieves the weapon Ben had knocked halfway down the hall before taking his colleague by the arm and gently leading him towards the exit. The metal door squeals as it drags to a heavy close.</p><p>After a tick, Ben raises his eyebrow at his best friend. “He’s going to try to kill me now, you know that, right?”</p><p>Ciel shrugs. “Meh. You can take him.”</p><p>Ben can’t help but let his eyes twinkle. “So, that was fun.”</p><p>Flicking his braid, the Soldier deadpans, “I’m a barrel of joy.”</p><p>Snorting, he thanks his friend as he walks himself back to his cell and clicks the door shut. Reaching through the bars, he inputs the codes he knows by heart before sitting on his bed and kicking his shoes off.</p><p>Ciel scoffs, “You can lock that thing?</p><p>“And unlock it.”</p><p>Gesturing around with wide arms, “Why are we even here, then?”</p><p>Ben frowns. “Well, other than the usual? There’s always <em> this,” </em>he hooks a finger under his collar and gives it a sharp tug.</p><p>Waving his hands back and forth, “No-no-no-no! C’mon, man! <em> Careful </em>with that thing! Gods, it freaks me out!”</p><p>Huffing, Ben lolls his head back against the wall. “Doesn’t matter. I’m a dead man whether they use this or not.”</p><p>Ciel plunks down on the bench outside the cell, wincing at the hard surface. “I hate it when you talk like that.”</p><p>“It’s the truth. Even if they ever let me out of this place, there will always be people like our good JXs out there. Eventually… I’ll have my guard down.” Ben breathes in deep and grits his teeth. “I want to kill that man.”</p><p>Ciel shrugs, again.<em> “I </em>want to kill him and I’ve only just met him.”</p><p>Ben smiles sadly but hangs his head. “I’m never going to be able to keep my family safe. If they can’t get to me, they’ll get to <em>them,</em> instead.” He runs his fingers through his hair and curls his knees up, resting his heels on the edge of the bed. “I should wish for execution. I just want this to be over. It would settle all this… unrest. This <em> anger,” </em> sniffling. “The anger in <em> me.” </em></p><p>He scrubs at his nose. “I’m never going to get to be a father. Am I?”</p><p>His best friend looks at him with nothing but sorrow, scooting down off the bench and sitting on the floor, closer to the bars. “Hey… hey, hey, hey now… don’t do that. Don’t <em> do </em>that.”</p><p>Bitterly, Ben laughs. “Why not?”</p><p>“For one? Because you’re <em> already </em> a father.”</p><p>A beat passes where Ben does nothing more than tug his hair, softly. “Eventually I’ll just be a horrible, shameful secret. Having the <em> Supreme Leader </em> as the ‘father’ who helped teach you how to use the Force isn’t something you wear proudly. It’s something you hide. It’s something that puts a target on your back.”</p><p>Ciel hardens his mouth into a line. “Speaking of <em> targets, </em>I need you to tell you something.” He looks down at the ground and starts to draw childish shapes in the dust. “So, the Alliance thinks you’ve got a bunch of sympathizers – which is a good thing, really - but it also is making them <em> concerned </em> about Miss Rey’s people.”</p><p>He raises his head in a slow and deliberate gesture. “Say again?”</p><p>“That bastard Ikeq told the Alliance that Force-users could cause riots and violence if you lost. That they might… what was the phrase? ‘Be hard to subdue if they react negatively’.” Ciel finishes off a wobbly triangle and sighs, hesitant. “They… they brought Dathomirians on-world, Ben. They brought <em> artifacts </em>with them.”</p><p>His hands start to clench into fists.</p><p>“They called them ‘equalizers’.”</p><p>“The next generation of Jedi-killers, then. Ironic.” Ben shakes his head, trying to distance himself from his rage, trying to bottle it up and send it down the river. “I assume Finn told you this?”</p><p>Shaking his head, “He doesn’t talk to me anymore,” drawing a bastardized circle now.</p><p>“Then, who?”</p><p>The door screeches open once again and Ciel leans back on his hands to check. Rolling his eyes, “Oh, look, it’s your new girlfriend.”</p><p>Dameron grumps from down the hall, “Shut up,” but Ciel only smirks.</p><p>Approaching, the Pilot looks up at the cameras. “So, uh, what have you ladies been up to, hmm? Rough up some guards, by any chance?”</p><p>Ciel shrugs, “Watch the tapes. They earned it.”</p><p>Dameron eyes the Soldier for only a moment before he looks at Ben. “They want to kill you. You know that, right?”</p><p>Ben shrugs. “Just the guards or everyone?”</p><p>Ciel shrugs to match. “A little of column A, a little of column B.”</p><p>Poe sighs and digs his fingers into the bridge of his nose, a tell-tale sign of one of his headaches. “If General-Jackass is here, I’m guessing you’ve heard what Ikeq’s up to?”</p><p>Both other men stare at him.</p><p>“Finn said they’re not going for it. The rest of the Alliance shut him down and <em> dressed </em> him down, hard. He lost his place at the table – like me, like Rey - but he <em> also </em>lost his jury vote. You know; in case that matters to you.”</p><p>Ben raises his eyebrows, happy about the petty and almost meaningless gesture. It will change absolutely nothing – but it <em> will </em>piss Ikeq off... though maybe that’s a bad thing.</p><p>Dameron puts his hands on his hips, “Look, you know I haven’t been good at controlling these situations of late, so <em>you</em> need to get in front of this, somehow. I don’t trust that under-biting demon not to do something stupid on his own. Finn’s going to try to keep an eye on him but if the Force-users lash out, if <em>anyone </em>lashes out, we’re going to have a real problem.”</p><p>Ben shakes his head, incredulous. “What am<em> I </em> supposed to do? <em> From here?” </em></p><p>They all pause in silence for heavy moments to give Ben space to think. What can he do? What can he <em> possibly </em> do?</p><p>Then it clicks. He’s quelled riots before, and all he had to do was talk.</p><p>“Let me speak to them. I’ll keep the collar on as a show of faith, but get me a public conference where I can address as many of my people as possible. Broadcast it out on the holonet – Gods know we’ve done it with everything else – but I want to face as many as I can.”</p><p>Ciel leans forward, linking his hands together. “Pffft. you think you can trick a crowd that big?”</p><p>Shaking his head, “I’m not going to mindtrick anyone. I-” he pauses, licking his lips, “-honestly I don’t know. But that’s then, and this is now; I need you both to make this happen.” He looks down and starts tugging at his hair again. “Please.”</p><p>And there is no pause this time. Both men at his side simply agree.</p><p>And he thanks them.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>
  
</p><p>Finn’s stalking behind the ‘boss-bad-guy’ who stars in the most recent chapter of a <em> slew </em>of ‘boss-bad-guys’. He’s using the Force to both obscure his presence and soften his footsteps. He sucks at mindtricks, so, if he’s caught... he’ll have to figure that out. Knocking Ikeq unconscious is an option… sort of…</p><p>When he hears the other party he knew to expect, he just tips himself around a corner, taking a page from the Book of Poe, and waits.</p><p>“I, eh, take it they didn’t like your idea, huh? The mood in the room – wellllll… let’s just say I’m glad I could <em> leave.” </em></p><p>That’s the Toydarian. Finn hates that guy.</p><p>Ikeq says nothing, but there is a sort of rustling, so maybe he sat down on something? A slap of skin-on-slab happens next, so Vious has likely sat with him.</p><p>“I…” the Klatooinian’s voice is actually soft and unsure, “I only want to protect our people. They accused me of things. Horrible things.”</p><p>Suddenly, Finn feels a pang of guilt.</p><p>Scoffing, “And, are you going to do horrible things?” There is a pause and a sort of shuffling sound. “Maybe we – uh – go to your ship to have this conversation.”</p><p>Mournfully, “They’ve set their watch-dogs on me. Seeing who comes and goes.” There is a bitter laugh that follows. “This is what the Alliance has come to; cowards who hide from threats and spy on each other. I did not <em>force </em>my issue. I gave <em>options.” </em>There is a sigh. “What did your people have to say about it?”</p><p>“Honestly – ehhh, I didn’t mention it, yet. I would have to arrange a meeting, but I wanted to learn more, first, you know? Are the red ladies still here? Do they have more of those… things? I want to see one work before I make my recommendation. Keeping people <em> safe </em> is the most important thing. Heh – even Ben Solo would agree with me, maybe.”</p><p>Ikeq snuffs in irritation. “That man has ruined more than I <em> ever </em> could, yet people are standing in defense of him. Even my closest colleague…” he trails off, sounding depressed. Finn’s heart pangs once more.</p><p>There is a sound like… patting… like one is comforting the other.</p><p>“The witches are still on-planet. I’m <em> convinced </em> that something will happen. If Solo loses, or even if he <em> wins, </em>there will be anger. When things go wrong, they can be here to do what must be done. When the Council sees that they made the wrong choice, they’ll ask for my support, and I’ll be ready to help them.”</p><p>The conversation is heading in a direction Finn doesn’t like.</p><p>“Ready how, eh? They only had three of those… things.” Vious snorts. “What can we do with that? How many viable worlds are there in the Galaxy to try to save with <em> that?” </em></p><p>Ikeq’s voice is hard now. “It’s these FFO worlds that are the greatest risk for sympathizers. You must see that. It’s <em> your worlds </em>that are the most in danger.”</p><p>“I agree with you. But, three isn’t even enough for even Karuvis – never mind the other ten planets, you know?”</p><p>There is a pause. “I... have more. They’re in need of Midichlorians, but the vessels are ready.”</p><p>Finn’s blood goes cold.</p><p>“Bah, without what you need, you have nothing, then. What do we have on this world, huh? All these Force users are children. I saw the reports from the… the, uh – one with the horns. I don’t want them taking the children.”</p><p>Growling, “I’m not a MONSTER! I’m not the monster they want to make me out to be.” There is a moment of nothingness. “If I can find someone who believes in saving others from this Darkness they’re all capable of,my hope is that they’ll <em> volunteer.” </em></p><p>Vious barks a laugh. “And how you gonna do that, huh? Eh? Advertise? Knock on doors?”</p><p>With a devious sound in his words, Ikeq whispers, “I have reports. Master Rey has a database of sensitives across the Galaxy that I’ve gotten access to. I’ve contacted a few sentients who <em>agree </em>that there is a risk. They are monitoring these sensitives for any kind of <em>sign</em> that they may want to participate.”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“It just so happens that <em> I’ve </em> done good for the Galaxy, as well. When the Alliance refused to pay bounties on ex-troopers, Hunters were calling for blood. I'm lucky enough to have deep pockets, so I paid them all off – every single one. The Hunters <em> and </em> the Guild.</p><p><em>“I</em> am the one who stopped their retaliation. <em>I </em>kept trooper names off Guild lists. <em>I </em>am the one who truly saved that community! If not for me, Hunters would have gone after them for spite. Or even come after the <em>Alliance. </em>But I don’t speak of it. I don’t need accolades from others to know that I’m doing the <em>right thing.</em></p><p>“And now the Hunter community and I are on <em> friendly </em> terms, which only benefits us in the long run. They are as committed to this as I am.”</p><p>A snort, “Because you’re willing to pay.”</p><p>A sort of growl, “Every last credit.”</p><p>Conspiratorially, “You’ve been planning for a long time, eh? I’m impressed. I have to say... how do they phrase it? ‘The Gods help those who help themselves’, yes?”</p><p>“Indeed.”</p><p>“Any interesting sensitives?”</p><p>“No – no, not yet. But there will be. There <em> must </em> be. And, if I get even <em> one, </em>the Dathomirians can use them.”</p><p>With a sort of chuckle, “And use them up?”</p><p>Ikeq sighs, and Finn hears the rustle of standing. “Wouldn’t you sacrifice yourself, if that’s what was needed? One to save the many?”</p><p>No hesitation, only solemnity. “Yes. Absolutely.”</p><p>There is a groan and the slap of two feet hitting the ground, followed by a heavy breath in and out. “Councilman, if you don’t mind – eh - I’d like to be kept <em> informed, </em>please. I agree that something needs to be done to keep our people safe. There are many risks. I’d like to know as soon as you have a plan in place.”</p><p>“Of course. And… thank you. Thank you for not thinking me a monster.”</p><p>Vious voice bubbles into a small laugh. “Oh, we’re <em> all </em> monsters. One way or another, we’re <em> all </em>monsters.”</p><p>Resigned, “…Perhaps. Good day, Councilman Vious.”</p><p>And Finn hears the steps receding, two pairs, each in different directions. He thinks of following, but he can’t concentrate – his heart is in his throat. He needs to tell Ren. He <em> NEEDS </em> to tell <em> REN. </em> </p><p>Finn closes his eyes, reaching for the calm and Light within him, leans against the cool stone of the wall…</p><p>And <em> sends. </em></p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p><em> GET TO CIEL and do it NOW! </em>Ben screams into Finn’s mind, feeling him wince, but unable to lessen the power behind his thoughts. He’s pacing like a wild animal, gritting his teeth until he hears the grinding.</p><p>
  <em> I can’t; I’ve tried. He’s not answering comms. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> REY. GO TO -REY-! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She’s not answering either. They've got to be at the rally; you go out soon. Can -you- get her? </em>
</p><p>He <em> growls </em> as he stalks. She’s been blocking him out more and more. It worries him. <em> Angers </em>him. He feels abandoned, but he refuses to let that thought prevail. She is, quite literally, the other half of him. She knows that her panic fuels his and so he knows, somewhere in his heart, that she’s trying to spare him. </p><p>But right now? It’s <em> infuriating. </em></p><p>
  <em> GO TO THE ALLIANCE, THEN. </em>
</p><p>Finn’s wave of trepidation hits him like a blunt hammer.</p><p>
  <em> IF WE CAN’T STOP HIM, MAYBE -THEY- CAN. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And… Vious? </em>
</p><p>Ben slams his hands against the bars, flexing his back, squeezing his fingers and wishing he could crumple the bars.</p><p><em> Let Ciel take care of Vious. I want him -out of the picture-. </em>But it hurts him. It hurts him still. And he knows that pain carries through with his thoughts, because he feels Finn’s sympathy, but it doesn’t matter. <em> Nothing </em> matters. He’s about to face his people… and he’s got <em> nothing. </em>Nothing except blind rage.</p><p>He squeezes the bars more, sensing out for his wife. Sensing out for his <em>son. </em>Sensing out for that little Golden thread… <em>anything. </em>Anything to give him <em>hope. </em>But there’s nothing... and he’s <em>lost.</em></p><p>This place is so cold. Was it always so cold? Damp? Stale? He can hardly bear it anymore. He wants out. He wants out <em> now. </em> He’s tired of this… <em> tired, tired, tired. </em>He grips the bars once more, gathering the Force within him and ready to put an end to all of this.</p><p>There is no sound. There is no change. Yet…</p><p>“Ben?”</p><p>And it’s like his stomach turns upside down. That voice has aged since he was a child, but he knows the feel of her. Has <em> always </em>known.</p><p>She came. She actually <em> came. </em> Not to Poe Dameron… but to <em> him. </em>He’s afraid to turn around, afraid to look at her, but he knows he must turn to face away from the cameras or else they might see him talk. </p><p>See him <em> cry. </em></p><p>The blue hue of her, her transparency, everything about looking at her breaks his heart and it’s all he can do to keep his knees steady as they threaten to buckle beneath him. The last time he saw her, he knelt before her and wept, but he didn't earn her forgiveness. So, why is she here now? He wants to be angry, wants to ask why it wasn’t his <em>Grandfather </em>who came… but his chin trembles and he finds he can’t say anything. The words just won’t come.</p><p>“Oh, Ben. My sweet boy.” His mother stands with her hands clasped before her and the smallest of smiles on her face. “I’m <em> so proud </em>of you.”</p><p>He scoffs. What else could he possibly do?</p><p>She continues, “I’ve been watching you, and do you know what I’ve seen? I’ve seen a man putting <em> others' </em>needs before his own. Putting his life at risk. At first, for his family – and then, for strangers. It’s amazing to see you, now. </p><p>“But… things are going to get hard for you, Ben.”</p><p>Incredulously, “Harder than now?”</p><p>Leia Organa’s eyes look sad. Heartbroken. </p><p>And it terrifies him.</p><p>“It’s time to lead your people. <em> Really </em> lead. The First Order was already strong when you stepped into power. This system had functioned fairly well, even before you arrived. You came into problems that were small; easy to smooth over. Now, though, everything’s on the brink of falling apart.”</p><p>“Because of me?”</p><p>“Because of war, Ben. Because there’s always another war. If life has taught me anything, it’s taught me that one truth. The wars will never end, even if the battles are won. There are moments, times of peace, but it doesn’t last. </p><p>“It’s <em> hard. </em> So hard. Too hard, sometimes. But a leader – a <em> true </em>leader – has enough courage and conviction to guide their people, even when the world makes no sense.”</p><p>“Then, I’m no leader.” His eyes are filled with tears he refuses to let fall, blurring her almost completely.</p><p>She approaches him, and he cringes. Not just with his body, but with his heart.</p><p>“You’re wrong. You’re becoming the man I always wished you would be. The man I knew you were, deep down inside. I always saw this ability within you, and I’m in awe to see you, now. To know where you’ve come from and see where you stand today. Han would be <em> so proud </em> of you, Ben.”</p><p>It’s like she stabbed him. Everything hurts. His breath hitches and the tears finally fall. Crumbling to the floor, Leia follows suit, hunching down to be at his level. He’s threading his hand through his hair and clenching his fists, trying his best not to break.</p><p>“It’s sometimes impossible to look at the bigger picture. Hard to know what you should do when you’re in the thick of it. Hard to know which <em> sacrifices </em> to make for the greater good and what you should <em> never give up, </em> no matter what.”</p><p>He looks up and blinks at her.</p><p>“Don’t make my mistakes, Ben. Don’t make <em> every </em> sacrifice. Though we may want to save the Galaxy, we need to realize that we won't always succeed. It’s not always up to us; there’s a will beyond our understanding. A Cosmic Force. Remember, though... in the end, there is no death. Not really.”</p><p>He nods at her, gently.</p><p>“Use your love, Ben. At some point, I let fear drive all my actions… and that’s when it all started to fall apart. Be the leader I know you can be. With the Light, with the Dark, with the <em> Balance </em> – but always focused on the <em> good.” </em></p><p>“Mom, please, will you… will you <em> please </em> be with me?”</p><p>She smiles so softly. It’s like he’s a little boy again, and he just wants her to hold him. </p><p>“Always.”</p><p>He closes his eyes for the smallest of moments, the tiniest of blinks, and she’s gone.</p><p>But he feels her. He feels her in his heart.</p><p>Her love.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Finn has the comm rammed into his ear as he speed-walks towards the Alliance Council room within the FFO complex. Mendje and Leaga are in his ear, I’ Pasigurt still to-be-found. He’s rattling off the story as fast as he can, trying to find the main points and not wander off into how angry he is.</p><p>Because, make no mistake, Finn is <em> livid. </em></p><p>Mendje’s voice sounds calculating and methodical. “We have watchmen outside his ship; we’ll know when he goes back to it. We’ll interrogate him for the location of the Dathomirians. I’ll have my people cut off his access to any more of the Alliance data.”</p><p>“It’s too late for that,” Leaga nearly whispers. “It sounds like he has everything he needs.”</p><p>“Not everything. He needs a ‘sensitive to feed to those <em>disgusting </em>things.” Finn’s heels clip against the marble flooring as he turns the corner and I’ Pasigurt is there. Finn gestures rapidly in through the door and, after they close it behind them, he connects the comm link to the main receiver, blaring the volume.</p><p>I’ Pasigurt’s color is off, the message Finn sent obviously affecting her. “I’m here; what’s the update?” </p><p>They tick over the list again in another hurried gesture. His ship, the archives, everything blocked. They don’t have a tracker on him, but if he’s on-world, what kind of damage can he do?</p><p>I’ Pasigurt’s fingers slide around Finn’s wrist in horror, and he stares at her gaping mouth. Her eyes flick in his direction, dilating into black, and she whispers one word.</p><p>“Solo.”</p><p>Finn’s heart stutters in his chest. “The guards…” his mouth is dry.</p><p>“They’re his. They’re <em> all </em> his.” Leaga’s voice is laced with horror. “General, the speech… <em> ” </em></p><p>But Finn is already on his heels, “GET TO CIEL, <em>NOW! </em>Send people down there, anyone we can find," he screams, wrenching open the door and breaking into a run.</p><p>He tries to send to Ren… but there’s nothing; he’s shut off his mind. He only shuts down when he’s in crowds…</p><p>And that means it’s already begun.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Pushing him again, the guards usher Ben towards the prison exit. If memory serves him – which it always does - there are four hallways between here and the exit to the dais where, hopefully, as many of his people as possible have gathered to see him speak. They’d had less than 24 hours... but this is Karuvis. Karuvis is known for its people’s habit of being ready to rally in anger on a moment’s notice and that’s why it’s <em> so important </em>that he speaks to them in-person. If there is one planet in the system that would be the most volatile, it’s this one. This is his home, where he’s done the most good, where people might care about him the most. Where he’s hosted dinners for all classes and rubbed elbows with the sinners and saints.</p><p>This is where Jedi Master Ren was born, after all.</p><p>Sharp pinch, blaster in his back once more as his good friend <em> Xanith </em> reminds Ben of his presence. </p><p>The man’s mind is a whirl of anxiety, anger, fear, viciousness – but Ben doesn’t have time to sort out the man’s thoughts. He’s too busy trying to think of what to say. How to move them. How to calm them and appease them. Keep everyone safe.</p><p>They turn the last hallway and Ben can hear all the minds through the doorway. All the calls of the people who want to see him, yell at him, love him, hate him, save him. </p><p>So he completely misses the thoughts closest by, which scream Punish, Humiliate, Hurt...</p><p>And <em>Soon.</em></p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rey is standing on the far edge of the audience arena. It’s raised up, and she can get a good view of him from here. She’s tense. Tense like the string of an instrument. Rà is at school, and thank the Gods for that. Whatever Ben has to say today will not be meant for their child’s ears. </p><p>Ciel stands beside her, holding her hand. His eyes are locked forward and the only movement in his body is his breath. </p><p>The sentients that stand nearby glance at her with sympathetic expressions. She recognizes many of them – some she’s eaten with, danced with, laughed with - and she’s fond of them. Seeing them here lets a bit of hope into her heart. Hope that, maybe, they’re on his side.</p><p>But... there are too many guards. They stand through the crowd in intervals and completely surround the stage. Security makes sense, but Ben’s collared, isn’t he?  Is this just a show of strength to the Galaxy? And who are these guards? They don’t wear Alliance uniforms or helmets.</p><p>She feels Ben coming before she sees him and an Uttapaum beside her touches her arm in a gesture of comfort. The crowd’s voices overtake all other sound as Ben comes out from the backstage area, a guard on either side…</p><p>With blasters to his back.</p><p>Rey bares her teeth, anger sparking. This is going too far.</p><p>Ciel squeezes her hand to get her attention and tips his head silently in the stage’s direction. She nods firmly and releases. He touches his weapon secretively, moving deeper into the crowd and closer to the platform.</p><p>Ben sees her – and she, him. They lock eyes for a long moment as he approaches the podium, binders around his wrists. She lifts her hand and kisses her wedding tattoo even though she knows he can’t do it back. And that’s okay. His eyes say everything they need to.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What. The. Hell. Is. This? </em>
</p><p>It’s ‘Jax’ and ‘asshole’, <em> that’s </em> who it is. Dameron said he’d have those guards removed, yet – here they are, shoving the tips of their guns deep into his best friend’s back. Ciel seethes, moving through the crowd. Sentients are packed together, but he doesn’t bother making excuses as he shoulders his way towards the front, hand firmly placed on his blaster.</p><p>His sixth-sense isn’t just tingling…</p><p>… it’s on <em> fire. </em></p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The collar is tight on his throat, nerves settling down into a kind of centered purpose. He wants them to disengage his cuffs, but he also knows that they won’t. The collar, the cuffs, they’re a symbol of power. A symbol that, though he may be under the blue-green winter sky, he is <em> not </em>free.</p><p>In a way – he’s never been free.</p><p>He breathes in the freshness of the air, feels the movement of wind against his cheeks, hears the sounds of the crowd as it both greets and grumbles at him. In a way, it’s sensual. Romantic. It’s one of those moments that burn themselves into your mind forever, no matter how long ‘forever’ might be.</p><p>He doesn’t need to clear his throat, doesn’t need to call the crowd to attention – he just approaches, they quiet, and it flows.</p><p>Straight and strong, Ben Solo’s voice echoes across the courtyard. </p><p>“I know many of your faces,” he begins. “I have spoken with you, held your children, and carried your worries. This system, these eleven planets, have filled nearly every thought in my mind for the past three years. I’ve always been looking at how I can best fulfill my vows to you. To protect you, to support you, to negotiate and peace keep – and, for three years, I’d like to believe that my Council and I have done just that.</p><p>“Many of them are in the crowd today, and they are all here to ensure that our system stays steady… no matter what happens to me.”</p><p>The crowd makes boos and murmurs, but which are in his favor and which not? He can’t tell. He stares down at the wood of the platform, licking his lips.</p><p>“The Alliance Senate is serving as jury panel, alongside the Fallen First Order Council and representatives from the Force-sensitive and Ex-Trooper communities. I have been given opportunities to speak, as many of you have seen, and there have been those who have testified both for and against me.”</p><p>More sounds from the crowd - sounds of unrest - and that’s what he needs to quell.</p><p>“I’m telling you right now, in front of the entire Galaxy, that I accept whatever comes next. If it’s freedom, I would be honored to still stand beside you; to help this system prosper. But we all must face the possibility that I’ll remain imprisoned… and we also must face the possibility of my execution.”</p><p>He swallows against his collar as the crowd’s noise ramps. They’re starting to gear up and he feels the tension in his body.</p><p>“But I ACCEPT IT. Whatever happens, it’s what I’ve earned. If the Galaxy sees that I’m worth mercy, then I am grateful. If I must atone for my sins in another way,<em> I</em> <em>am still grateful. </em>My time with this system and the work I’ve done around the Galaxy was not enough… but was <em>something. </em>I’m honored to have been able to do at least that. And I will not leave you alone, without leadership.”</p><p>They are silent, waiting, willing to hear what comes next.</p><p>“Councilman Ciel, who you all know, has worked beside me during my time with you. He knows every moment, every conversation, every issue on our worlds. You will not be left behind. You will <em> not </em>be at a disadvantage.</p><p>“But, I ask you – don’t turn on each other. Don’t fight each other. There’s no easy decision to be made regarding my life. Whatever comes, it simply <em> comes. </em>I will accept it, and so must you. And it will be alright. It. Will. Be. Alright.</p><p>“The truth of the matter is, and has been from the start, that your loyalty is not to me. It’s to your sister planets. <em> That’s </em> the most important thing. You must be steadfast; you must be strong. But I am not your strength; <em>YOU </em>are your strength!</p><p>“And you are <em> my </em> strength! You are my <em> family’s </em> strength! And, I ask that you continue to be, no matter what happens to me.”</p><p>He pauses, the hush over the crowd is meaningful. </p><p>“But rely on <em> yourselves. </em> There are many in this Galaxy that want to swallow up this system. Unify it with something else. Take advantage of our current situation to gain access to our resources and change our ways of life. In our system, we go by a shared rule: ‘To each his own’. I stand by that. I believe in it every day. I also believe that we are a Galactic partner… but we are <em> not </em>the Galactic Alliance. And, because of the risk they pose to our way of life, we never <em> should </em> be-“</p><p>There is no pause. Electricity fires through his body, followed by a blow to the head in rapid succession. The crowd screams in shock.</p><p>It’s only moments before he’s trying to recover himself enough to speak, but another shock<em> volts </em> through him and he’s disoriented.</p><p>It dawns on him that he’s mortal.</p><p>And that he’s falling.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p><em> BASTARDS! </em> his mind rages, Miss Rey <em> screaming </em>somewhere behind him. All of them screaming; guards pushing into the crowd to hold people back.</p><p>But Ciel goes cold, setting his site on one goal – shoving, ducking, weaving.</p><p>Until he’s close enough.</p><p>Close enough to open fire.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The screech that tears from Rey’s throat stretches on and on, until her voice grates to a rough echo. She tries to run towards the stage, but there are too many bodies. Sentients are pressing forward, yelling, calling out, protesting against the violence shown to an unarmed man. Their <em> leader. </em></p><p>And yet, she also feels those who are smug -pleased - and fury wells inside her.</p><p>She presses forward, deeper in, and when her fellow creatures see her coming, they give way – clearing a path for her to get to her lover. Her reason for living. Her <em> everything. </em></p><p>Ben’s signature rages with pain, and thoughts of Snoke fill her mind, Ben put right back in that place – those memories of punishment. She feels him give up; she feels him <em> submit. </em></p><p>And her heart <em> burns. </em></p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>His stomach, his face, his knees – they’re pummeling at him and it’s stupid. It’s all so <em> stupid. </em>He could end them with no effort. He could wipe them off the face of this planet and no one could stop him. In between blows, he can see his people raging; pushing against the guards.</p><p>But, more than that, he sees his best friend. His Soldier… and a glint twinkles off the tip of his blaster.</p><p>He’s not weak; he <em> refuses </em> to be weak. Gathering up the strength of the Darkness to push through his pain, he bellows, <em> “CIEL – NO!” </em></p><p>And electricity licks up his body once more before unconsciousness takes him.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>There is a shot fired and the screams of anger turn to screams of <em> horror. </em> No one is making-way for her now; they’re turning on their heels. Backing up. <em>Fleeing </em> as the guards in the crowd raise their weapons in response. Rey can hear the un-synchronized clicks as weapons ready, terrifyingly loud, heard even over the cries of the masses.</p><p>More blasts are fired into the air, tinny whines shrieking in her ears. A shot goes astray and one of Ben’s people goes down with a cry.</p><p>Not just Ben’s people.</p><p><em> Her </em>people.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>A TASER!?! A goddamn <em>taser?!?!?</em></p><p>Ciel picks off the JX guard with the rudimentary device with one shot and all hell breaks loose. The guards at the stage rush to grab him – but,</p><p>
  <em> Fuck. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Them. </em>
</p><p>He lashes out with his hand, pulling one onto his weapon and triggering, the high-pitched twang muffled by the creature’s body. He shoves it at another that’s headed his way as shots ring out behind him.</p><p>Well, that’s up to Miss Rey. Right now he’s got one thing on his mind, and it’s not protection. It’s the opposite.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>They’re dragging him – at least, one is. Where did the other one go? His nerves tingle and he feels slightly numb. His head swims as he tries to right himself.</p><p>“Don’t.” A voice says to him, threatening, but frightened. “Please don’t…”</p><p>But he shifts, stumbles, tries to stand and falters. He feels the blaster push into him once more, just before it triggers… and pain <em> flares </em>through him.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>She’s gesturing wildly, yanking weapons from hands, shoving guards back. Her teeth are clenched and her whole body pours the stink of panic. It’s too close quarters for her to pull out her saber, people still mobbing around her, so options are limited.</p><p>She’s deflecting the best she can, dodging, pulling, pushing – but <em> not hurting. </em>Gods help her, what will happen if she starts hurting at this point? This is all just to fuel the fire Ikeq’s trying to start; trying to make their people act out so he can clip the footage and put it on posters as ‘proof of Force-sensitive violence’.</p><p>She’s crying, she’s <em> screaming, </em> and there are so many. No matter how many she pushes away, they get back up. They keep <em> getting back up. </em></p><p>Laser-red fires in her direction and she lifts both hands into the air with a roar that pulls straight from the bottom of her lungs…</p><p>And then she feels it. A lance of phantom pain.</p><p>
  <em> Ben…? </em>
</p><p>In that moment of startle, her will falters…</p><p>And the blasts pummel into her.</p><p>Pain.</p><p>Her pain, now.</p><p>Vicious, unrelenting, it <em> rips </em> through her body and she hits her knees. It’s like the world has pulled into slow motion as guards rush towards her, weapons pointed. Her fingers echo their way towards the numbness that floods her, her head lolling slowly downward. Her belly is a mess of red and burnt cloth, and she knows in an instant…</p><p>The Golden thread is cut.</p><p>It takes eons. Epochs. Moments. Seconds. It lasts forever. It never happens. Eternities flash before Rey’s eyes before they wink out as if life had never existed.</p><p>She doesn’t feel sorrow. She doesn’t feel anything.</p><p>Until she looks into their grinning eyes.</p><p>“We’ve got her, and she’s the big one..." she hears a laugh. "We’re gonna drip you <em>dry,</em> little girl.”</p><p>In that instant, her eyes burn yellow. With a vicious grin that shows nothing but teeth, Rey lifts her arms…</p><p>And <em> obliterates. </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In this chapter, Rey will lose the baby due to external violence. I described it as concisely as I could. This chapter has the moment it occurs – but in the next chapter (and the chapters that follow) there will be intense and visceral emotional reactions. I wanted to make you aware. Please be sure that you are emotionally prepared to read this chapter – and most subsequent chapters that follow.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Desperation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>***This chapter is very emotional and dives deeply into the pain of Rey’s miscarriage.</b> Again, I tried to be delicate about anything physical, not wanting to go too far, but the emotions and other content are likely to be upsetting. Please be sure you’re emotionally prepared to read this chapter.</p><p>If it’s any indicator, *I* cried at the end of this one. </p><p><b>***Violence</b> warning</p><p>***There is also <b>infertility and forced sterilization talk</b>, but it is not about Rey.</p><p>I remind you all, this will be a Happily Ever After – I promise. At this point? This deep in? I just hope that you trust me to bring you ‘round to home base, so we can win the game.</p><p>Five chapters left after this. Just five. Hang in there; I’ve got you.</p><p> </p><p>  <em>(Also - someone asked me what actor I thought could play Ciel. I don't think I responded, because I had no idea. UNTIL NOW! I don't watch the Mandalorian, but caught an episode. AND. IT'S. THIS. GUY: https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Cobb_Vanth &lt;-- Take away the beard and add a rattail braid? THIS is my guy!!!!)</em></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Art by <a href="https://www.adambrockbank.com/">Adam Brockbank</a></p><p>From <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Art-Star-Wars-Rise-Skywalker/dp/1419740385"> The Art of the Rise of Skywalker</a></p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    
  </p>
</div><p>--------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Ben <em> growls </em> as he lashes out, his shoulder now a gaping wound from the blaster bolt. He flings the guard off, hearing a satisfying <em> thwack </em>as the man hits the floor. Rearing up to his full height, he heaves panting breaths, staring down at the weaker of the two JXs whose weapon lay uselessly out of reach. The guard makes no move to grab it; neither does Ben. They simply stare at one another for a moment, each wondering what happens now</p><p>In an instant, Ben’s eyes open wide and his lips part, letting out a choked sound. He staggers, gasping in a ragged breath and hitting his back against the cold stone wall. Clutching at himself, he bends over with a sharp grunt, <em> agony </em> burning through his insides.</p><p>
  <em> Rey… </em>
</p><p>But, there’s more than just pain – he sees the blood on her fingertips, the muzzles of weapons pointed at her, feels her rage.</p><p>And he <em> knows. </em> He knows <em> everything. </em></p><p>The moment her eyes flicker yellow, his do, too.</p><p>Sneering with viciousness, he simply raises his arm and the guard before him hovers with nothing but panic on his face. Ben crooks his fingers and the man begins gasping and struggling, thrashing his feet and clutching at his throat.</p><p>And that’s good.</p><p>It’s <em> so </em>good.</p><p>So good not to have to hold it back anymore. <em> So good </em>to let it all out. If they’re going to take everything from him? So be it.</p><p>His fingers don’t just crook, they <em> clench, </em>and something inside the man pops before Ben drops him ruthlessly to the ground. But it’s not enough.</p><p>He bellows with fury and gathers up the Force inside himself, flinging his hand to the left and <em> wrenching </em> the nearby prison bars askew. He stalks at a rapid pace, raking his hands out and screeching the durasteel struts out of their anchors, upending them, <em> bending </em> them with angry swipes of his clawed fingers. He makes his way down the block, nearing closer and closer to his own cell, leaving nothing but ruin in his wake; his pain, <em> her </em>pain, fueling him in a way he’s never felt before. </p><p>Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thinks he’s going crazy, but it’s quickly drowned out by the satisfaction of the sweet destruction he’s inflicting on this cold and lonely hallway of cages.</p><p>If the past can’t die?</p><p>Let <em> everything else </em>die.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Finn’s run slows abruptly as his feet drag in an unnatural stutter, dropping him to his knees just as he enters the prison’s entry hall, crying out with a harsh bark. Rey’s raging scream is so visceral in his mind that he feels he might shatter. Poe is on him immediately, hands on his shoulders. Finn tries to both grasp at him and wave him away at the same time, disoriented, like he has no center.</p><p>And then they hear a desperate, heart rending howl from the prison block. Poe’s eyes look towards the screens… and sees six different angles of Ben Solo <em> destroying. </em></p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rà freezes, his smile faltering with no preamble.</p><p>Nex turns to look at him, flipping her longish hair over her shoulder as she wonders why he’s slowed. He's at a complete standstill, unable to move.</p><p>It’s with a sudden and overwhelming agony that Rà doubles over, the Golden Thread <em> SHREDDING </em>from his heart, leaving a painful, gaping hole. It doesn’t happen gradually – oh, no - it happens all at once, and his senses shriek with red death, his mouth matching the sound.</p><p>He snatches his hand from hers, fingers grasping uselessly at his chest, over and over again, as if it could do something. As if he could grab hold of his Starlight, bring the thread back, and hold it close, somehow… but he can’t, and so he keeps screaming;<em> wailing. </em> So filled up with the horror inside that he’s completely unaware of the horror happening all around him. He clutches so tightly, his voice breaking in his throat, but he just can’t stop.</p><p><em> It’s hurts! </em> His mind throbs with agony.<em> Mom, please, oh please, it -hurts-! Make it stop. Fix it. Heal it. Please…!</em></p><p>He begs silently through his screams until they finally strangle into a hoarse cry, leaving an eerie nothingness in his ears. There’s no sound now, except the singing of birds and his endless gasping and sobbing. He wavers, staggering and lifting his frantic eyes.</p><p>Seeing it. </p><p>Burning it into his brain.</p><p>The breeze is picking at their clothes, ruffling them all softly. Their hair wafts in gentle patterns as Rà looks on in terror. Their faces are calm; like little angels. </p><p>On the tranquil white snow of the ground, the children lay askew. </p><p>All of them... completely still. Motionless. Silent.</p><p>Even Nex.</p><p> </p><p>And he did it.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>All around her are the fallen, but none of them are Ben’s people. <em> HER </em>people.</p><p>She’s filled to the brim with hatred, and that’s good… because it’s the only reason she’s standing right now, the Darkness filling her with enough strength to keep her body steady. Her arms are both raised at eye level, palms facing out in front of her. It almost looks like a position of peace. Or surrender…</p><p>But tell that to the nameless bodies on the ground.</p><p>Her people are looking at her – some like she’s a savior, others like she’s a nightmare. A Monster.</p><p>Ohhhh, how easy it is to take hold of the Darkness.</p><p>She lowers her arms and her knees loosen slightly, but she rallies and catches herself – just barely. Smirking, detached, she remembers that Ben had done this trick once before. He’d done it on Dathomir, when they tried to bleed him for their Darkside artifacts. She recalls the red-sky dream where he’d intoned from his faceless mask, ‘This was the first time I’d ever done something like this.’</p><p>Instinct. Ben knew by instinct, and she knows because he does.</p><p>She scowls as a wave of pain rolls through her and she nearly goes down. But, no – to fall here would mean she’d be in a cell right next to her...</p><p>No. </p><p>No, that’s not right. </p><p>If she falls here, she’ll be dead. So, the answer is simple.</p><p>He’d done it on Starkiller. She’d watched him act out with viciousness towards himself and it had given him the power to push through the pain of his injuries; the ones that threatened to incapacitate him. So, she learns from his example and digs her fingers into the wounds that cover her abdomen, <em> grunting </em> through gritted teeth as she stares blankly at the distance. The Darkness within the Force pulls into her like a breath of energy, dampening her ability to feel the pain.</p><p>She can’t stay… it’s not safe. Not anymore.</p><p>Maybe not ever again.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s helping Finn to his feet, but the man’s barely able to do more than cling. Even so, he’s throwing curses at the Pilot. Blaming him for Solo’s raging, blaming him for not realizing something about the guards. He can’t help but cringe every time he hears one of Solo’s wails, or sounds of metallic things slamming on the other side of the thick stone slab that separates them. The fact that he can hear anything <em> at all </em>through that barrier is terrifying.</p><p><em> I’m a dead man, </em> Poe thinks. <em> He’s finally snapped, and as soon as he decides to walk through that door, I’m a dead man. </em></p><p>Finn’s pawing gets his attention again.</p><p>“What happened? I didn’t watch the stream, my leaders were briefing-“</p><p>But Finn cuts him off with a shove, staggering towards the monitors as he trembles, watching the caged animal inside go ballistic.</p><p>Poe swallows, looking at the feed. “Where are the guards who brought him in? There should be-“</p><p>“Not anymore.”</p><p>Finn’s delivery is so matter-of-fact, it’s chilling. Poe pushes him out of the way and looks at the screens, finding a single crumpled body near the far-exit’s doorway.</p><p>The Pilot’s voice is a harsh and angry whisper, “Did he do this?”</p><p>Finn and Poe’s comms chirp simultaneously, but Poe’s too busy tweaking dials to be bothered, rewinding the images. He casts a glance at his friend, who’s closing his eyes with the deepest look of resignation the Pilot has ever seen on his face. He looks like he already knows what’s on the other end of that line, and tears track dark marks down his face.</p><p>Finn's hand shakes as he picks up his comm, answering it on speaker. “I’m down here. General Dameron is with me,” his voice is husky with emotion.</p><p>Another raging scream followed by a metallic crash pulls Poe's attention back to the screens as Solo wrenches out an iron bar with his bare hands, railing it against the wall, shooting up metallic sparks. Poe’s mind races.</p><p>
  <em> What’s going on? What the HELL just happened? </em>
</p><p>He should have watched the stream; he should have trusted his leaders to handle it and just <em> watched</em> <em> the damn stream </em>.</p><p>“We couldn’t get people out there in time, I’m sorry. The bulk of the crowd is safe and uninjured, and General Ciel’s team is gathering up the rest of the ‘guards’.” It’s Mendje, and she sounds… hurt. Upset.</p><p>“Is she alive?” Finn nearly begs.</p><p>Poe turns around to see his friend grit his teeth as fresh tears cascade down his cheeks. The Pilot feels the color drain from his face.</p><p>
  <em> Is he talking about Rey? </em>
</p><p>“The holocams saw her getting out of the plaza, but she’s hurt, General Finn – quite badly, it seems. From the look of it… well…”</p><p>Finn drops the comm on the table with a clatter and puts his face in his hands, the blue Chagrian’s voice mournful as she hints at what Finn had evidently predicted.</p><p>“Her lower abdomen took several shots at close range. I don’t think…”</p><p>Poe’s eyes are on the recording reel as he watches Ben Solo get dragged into the prison and <em> shot. </em>He throws the guard off and stands over him, but he still doesn’t make any move to attack... until he staggers, faltering back against the wall. Something changes in his posture, then. He becomes… predatory… and the guard is no more.</p><p>Poe understands. It hits him right in the chest. His voice is like a terrible sigh, “The baby…?” </p><p>Mendje says nothing – which says everything.</p><p>Finn sucks in a breath, “Did Ikeq get what he wanted from the holocams?”</p><p>Voice harder, she replies with menace in her tone. “Yes. Yes, I believe he did.”</p><p>Finn clicks off the comm without say or hearing anything more, launching it against the wall hard enough to hear it clatter. Poe is drowning in a lack of information and panic is starting to set in.</p><p>“What did he get, Finn?”</p><p>When he doesn’t answer, Poe grabs at his shoulders and shakes him.</p><p>“What?! What did he <em> get?!” </em></p><p>Finn snuffs through his nose. “He got exactly what he wanted. He got proof of how dangerous Force-users can be.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Rey! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Talk to me. </em>
</p><p>He can feel a muted version of her pain even now, but she’s blocking him again, and it’s all he can do not to go feral. Ben stands completely still, hands folded together behind his back with the crescent moons of his fingernails digging into his palms. His insides are a calamity, but outside he’s recovered his sense of stoicism. Another lesson Snoke taught him. It doesn’t matter how much you <em> hurt, </em>you should never let them <em> see you </em> hurt.</p><p>He’s fought with compound fractures, severe burns, shots to the abdomen, his shoulder, gouges on his face, and the blood of his father on his hands. The only thing those opposite him saw… was rage. The rage he showed with his body, because only his face ever showed emotional pain. That's why he had always kept his face hidden. How did he forget that most important lesson? </p><p>Not for the first time, he misses his mask.</p><p>Everything around him is in shambles and he’s still panting slightly from the effort… but that will settle. Every physical part of his being will settle. His beating chest, his heaving lungs, his bleeding shoulder… all of it. But not his thoughts. Or his heart. No, they are raging and broken, just like they've been for a good portion of his life.</p><p>Hearing the door scrape open as Finn enters, Ben speaks without inflection. “You shouldn’t be here.”</p><p>Finn ratchets up, angrily. “You’re <em> seriously </em> going to tell me that right now? <em> Seriously?” </em></p><p>Ben says nothing, refusing to look at the man at his back. He doesn’t soften, not even for one moment, but he does ask the question, “Can you get to her?”</p><p>He can hear the hiss of Finn’s breath and looks over his shoulder, the Alliance General cocking his hips, fists resting on them as his tongue roots in the side of his cheek. The tell-tale tracks of wetness make lines down his cheeks.</p><p>“If <em> you </em>can’t get to her, what makes you think I can?”</p><p>Commanding, ordering, “Try.”</p><p>
  <em> “You think I can find the Light like -this-?” </em>
</p><p>Ben states, coldly, “Who said you needed the Light to do it?”</p><p>Tongue still in his cheek, Finn looks around the destruction with narrowed eyes, not bothering to make a comment on the state of the place.</p><p><em> Good, </em> Ben thinks, bitterly. No one expected anything else from him. Par for the course, that raging temper of his. That delicious, <em> cathartic, </em>raging temper.</p><p>Finn strides past Ben, stepping over bars, chunks of concrete, and dust – snagging his foot on a bit of something and going off balance, almost comically, cursing as he catches himself. The bed is flipped over, springs and a tiny bit of fluff stabbing out of the side of the material, but his ‘friend’ flips it wordlessly... revealing Rey’s pillow.</p><p>Ben’s heart wrenches.</p><p>Finn grabs it with a challenging look, not scared of him in the slightest – which angers him, make no mistake – and flops down onto the creaking surface, holding what’s rightfully Ben’s in his arms. It makes him prickle, wanting to yank it away, but if it will help his ‘friend’ connect to his wife, he’ll restrain himself.</p><p>Arms wrapped around his back, hands gripping at each other once more, he watches stoically as Finn closes his eyes and knits his brows. Ben’s mouth is pulled into a straight line as he feels the Force slightly alter around him, Finn’s blue thread reaching out to her. </p><p>It’s infuriating. He’s always hated that they’re connected in this way. Jealousy singes through him, suddenly wary of the ‘other’ who holds his wife’s heart in his hands... but, no – even now he knows that he’s lying to himself; he knows that he loves and trusts this man. Which only means it’s yet <em> another </em>vulnerability someone can leverage against him.</p><p>There’s a sort of desperation coming from Finn, and Ben can’t help but bring his attention back to the present, something ebbing dangerously around them. His ‘friend’ pulls back his lips, showing his teeth in a winced expression. Ben cringes as Finn cries out sharply, letting go of any connection he had to her mind.</p><p>Rey’s rejected him as well, it seems.</p><p>His ‘friend’ leans back and holds his eyes closed, a brain-splitting headache no-doubt a gift for his effort.</p><p>Ben’s lips pull into a cruel scowl, “I thought not.” He looks disdainfully away, having expected no better. “She’s likely moved off world, by now.” Dismissively, “Leave. I don’t want you here.”</p><p>When looks back, Finn’s eyes are hot, his expression tight. Ben narrows his eyes and smirks dangerously, leaning in towards the obstinate man in front of him, positioning his body like a threat.</p><p>“I believe I gave you instructions.”</p><p>Scoffing, “Yeah? How’s that working out for you?</p><p>Ben’s smirk turns into something more menacing.</p><p>Finn shakes his head slowly, side to side. “I’m not afraid of you.”</p><p>He snarls, “Then you’re a foolish man.”</p><p>“If you’d wanted me dead, I’d be dead.”</p><p>“Maybe I’m just <em> savoring </em> the moment.”</p><p>And that’s the last straw evidently. Finn rears up, and Ben leans into stance, stomping his leg out to the side. He wants to do this? Let’s do this then.</p><p>But his bloodlust reels to a halt as Finn does something unexpected. He strips off his jacket in jagged movements, <em> throwing </em>it on the ground. Ben can’t help but feel his curiosity perk as Finn goes for his shirt hem next, dragging it over his body, rapidly, revealing the expanse of his bare skin. </p><p>“You think you’re the same man you were before? The man you were before didn’t hesitate. The man you were <em> before </em> had no <em> mercy.” </em> Finn spins around, presenting his saber scar with viciousness, <em> “LOOK AT IT! </em> You think you’re the same man who did this to me? THEN WHY AM I ALIVE, REN? Huh? I came to you unarmed, so why don’t you go ahead and <em> finish it!?” </em></p><p>Ben rights himself as Finn whips around and steps forward, fists thrusting down beside himself as he pulls into his face, right under his nose.</p><p>“Because that’s what Kylo Ren would do. That's what he would do the <em> moment </em> he saw a <em> TRAITOR </em>like me!”</p><p>Ben’s unsure, thrown off his game. Finn’s black pupils dilate as he glares at him, staring him down until he can’t help but back up a step, putting distance between them.</p><p>Softened, his mouth quivers. “I can’t do this anymore. I just <em> can’t. </em> Don’t you see? Don’t you <em> understand </em> by now? All I’m doing is causing chaos. All I do is cause <em> pain. </em> I can’t keep the Balance, Finn – and I’m hurting everyone. I’m hurting <em> her. </em>The universe is better without me in it. I can’t be saved,” he shakes his head, lips pressed together. “There’s no such thing as redemption… not for me.”</p><p>“Nah. No. I don’t believe that."</p><p>He continues, eyes never leaving Ben's for a moment. "My life is a series of things I wish never happened; my entire <em>life.</em> But now… <em> now </em> I have the chance to be happy. Fulfilled. I have a purpose, and that didn’t happen at the First Order. It didn’t even happen with the <em> Resistance.” </em> He pauses, fists unclenching as he just shrugs, “It’s happening now. <em> Right now. </em>These past couple years have given me the chance to choose my own destiny with the <em>support</em> and <em>love</em> of my friends. My family.</p><p>“And <em> you’re </em>part of that family.</p><p>“You led me into terror. Led troopers I knew my <em> whole life </em> to their deaths. You hurt my friends. Hunted us. Disfigured me, almost <em>killed</em> me, so yeah, if I can forgive you? If I can want you in my life? Then redemption exists. <em> And you’re earning it.” </em></p><p>Ben sags against the wall.</p><p>Finn raises his hands and lets them flop back to his side again. “I’m not playing your game anymore. I’m standing up and I’m speaking out. For you, for her, for all the Force-sensitives who are in danger. I’m tired of hiding like a coward, afraid of what people will think of me, and it’s <em> more than</em> too late to avoid conflict at this point, don’t you think?”</p><p>Looking to the side, Ben intones, “Your people may not follow you anymore if they know you’re aligned with me.”</p><p>Finn sighs and shakes his head with a sort of resigned smile. “You don’t get it. You just don’t <em> get it.” </em> They look at each other. “My goal was only to save them. From themselves, from the Galaxy. I’ve got networks and systems and leadership. They don’t need me. Right now? My <em> friends </em>need me.”</p><p>A beat passes between them.</p><p>Looking strong, steadfast, Finn simply asks, “Am I still your brother?”</p><p>Ben’s voice is broken, “Yes.”</p><p>Finn nods. “Good. Same. Even though you’re a <em> pain in the ass – </em> have <em> always </em>been a pain in the ass – it’s the same for me.”</p><p>There is another meaningful moment where all they do is breathe.</p><p>“We need to save her, Finn. Can you feel her? She’s-“</p><p>“Don’t say it. Don’t say it, man; we’ll figure it out.”</p><p>Ben nods, unsure and terrified. He repeats, holding on to that thread of hope, “We’ll figure it out.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Ciel throws Dameron against a wall, his head ricocheting off the paneling. “You said you’d <em> remove </em> them! You said you’d <em> handle it!” </em> Shoving him, the Soldier points a finger right in the man’s face. “This is on <em> you – </em> every <em> instant </em> of this is on you!”</p><p>He gestures at the exit door with that same finger, seething. “I’ve got people hurt. Councilmen in med-bays. Goddamn <em> BOUNTY HUNTERS </em> in custody. Not to mention the <em> other </em>damage you’ve caused.”</p><p>Dameron flinches for a moment, but then rallies and defends himself. “I’ve got people too, you know. I needed to make sure <em> my worlds </em> had the support they needed. I have more in my life to do than sit here in this damned room and <em> watch.” </em></p><p>Flinging his hands towards the prison door, Ciel demands, “I want him out, and I want him out <em> now.” </em></p><p>“You know I can’t do that.”</p><p>He hisses, “You don’t have to do it willingly. I’m more than happy to shoot you. Do you prefer surviving, or can I just enjoy myself?”</p><p>The Pilot just sinks into his chair, face in his hands. “I removed them; I did. I had them escorted to transport to get them off-world. I don’t know how...”</p><p>Ciel can’t be bothered with this right now. Waving his hand dismissively, he walks over to the prison door, wrenching it open, despite the way it’s been warped.</p><p>He doesn’t bother closing it again.</p><p>Ben’s sitting in his own destruction, elbows on his knees and his hands in his hair. Ciel glances down the hallway; at least they removed the body.</p><p>Looking at Ben once more, the Soldier only says one word. “Up.”</p><p>But he doesn’t move.</p><p>Ciel tries again, “They can track you. Enough of this shit, already. Come home.”</p><p>Resolute, “I can’t. If I was paranoid before… this? This could be an all-out attempt at extermination for sensitives. I can’t make one wrong move.”</p><p>Snorting, “I think Miss Rey already beat you to that one.”</p><p>His heart sinks as Ben cringes down and into himself. Ciel’s not a soft man, not on the outside at least… but inside? Inside, he’s breaking. He knows the man beside him is 100% aware, but they don’t say it. One more pick at Ciel’s cracks and he'll crumble.</p><p>And he can’t afford to crumble just now.</p><p>He lowers himself onto what’s left of a bed, close enough so his shoulder touches his friend. He has the urge to hug it out, but that would be another thing that breaks him, so he’ll just settle for this single point of contact.</p><p>“Rà made a friend, did he tell you?”</p><p>Ben looks at him with puffy eyes and shakes his head slightly.</p><p>“Oh yeah; she stood up for him, too. Used the Force to chuck rocks or something at other kids. Acorns? I dunno – something.”</p><p>“Which one?”</p><p>“Ahhh… Nex? I wanna say…?”</p><p>Now his friend smiles, just the tiniest bit. “I was waiting for them to find each other.”</p><p>Ciel scoffs. “You and Ariani, I swear to the Gods. Do you know how much heartache you could have saved him if you’d made an introduction or something?”</p><p>Shrugging, “Sometimes you just need to struggle until you find each other.” His lips quirk the tiniest bit. “How is Ariani these days?”</p><p>“Trying to sleep with me.”</p><p>Ben smiles a bit more, looking at him in earnest. “And you didn’t jump on that?”</p><p>With a grin, “Heyyy, double entendre. Nice. But, no.”</p><p>His friend tilts his head, sniffing. “Why?”</p><p>Ciel considers but doesn’t answer.</p><p>“How are the other kids?”</p><p>“Little pricks, like always.” Ben rolls his eyes and Ciel shrugs. Softly, he says once more, “Come home.”</p><p>And again, “I can’t.” </p><p>Ben pushes harder against Ciel’s shoulder, rocking him. “Can I add to your list of duties?”</p><p>Ciel laughs sadly, “Oh, for the love of God, no.”</p><p>Ben smirks before falling into quiet. “I need you to take care of him. Rà. Rey’s not coming home.” He corrects himself, “Not <em> yet.” </em></p><p>Shoving him back, nudging him softly to the side, Ciel nods. “Of course. I love that kid.”</p><p>Smiling, his friend simply says, “I know.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Finn’s nerves are in a knot, alongside his stomach. He’s sitting in his favorite chair, leg bobbing at the ankle, shaking his entire body.</p><p>The FFO wants to push the Alliance off-planet. They’re talking about cutting off their trade deals and just dealing with the consequences. Finn clearly remembers the phrase, “If this is where the Alliance’s morals stand, <em>then they have no morals.” </em></p><p>They’re also not committing to any action based on the results of the vote against Ben Solo, a majority of their people now unifying behind him – and behind Rey. Funny enough, it’s like they didn’t actually listen to his speech at all. Despite their leader’s pleading, they’ve decided to focus on their outrage instead of dedicating their efforts to ensuring peace and autonomy. Putting themselves further into the heart of chaos and instability.</p><p>To top it all off, Mendje says the holo-stream coverage of the event lit up her network with chatter from the Hutts.</p><p>It’s too much. Too much all at once. It’s been, what? Three hours since the speech? How can so much fit into three hours?</p><p>Jannah slips her hands over his shoulders from behind and he startles badly, nearly falling off the chair to pull away. Her hands are up and off him in a second and they blink at each other before sharing an odd huff.</p><p>“Sorry – sorry, I just… I wanted to let you know I’m here,” she smiles sheepishly at him, circling the overlarge seat to swing herself into his lap, princess style, and curls in under his chin.</p><p>He can’t help but smile a bit and kisses her forehead, pressing the fury of her hair to the side as he just takes a moment to feel her warmth. She’s so precious to him, and he wraps his arms around her.</p><p>“I miss you,” he whispers into her.</p><p>She nuzzles him. They're both pulling double-duty to get their house in order - opening voluntary enlistment, getting supplies, starting military-style training again, and bringing all those who still feel bloodlust back into the jobs they were, quite literally, made for. It’s a sorrowful feeling. </p><p>Her fingers stroke at his chest, lovingly. Sadly. “I’m sorry for her, I truly am. The circumstances were horrible but... they wanted it.”</p><p>Finn nods against her.</p><p>She opens her mouth to say something, but lets it linger for a moment while she picks up her courage. “My nightmares…?”</p><p>And she has his full attention.</p><p>She pauses, fiddling with the collar of his shirt. “You know what they did to women in the Order, right?”</p><p>He frowns, holding her tighter. He knew. Many of the trooper females didn’t even know until they met on-planet human women. Saw what <em> they </em> could do, but the ex-troopers <em> couldn't. </em>The Order had sterilized them. With very few exceptions – <em> mistakes – </em>they were all barren.</p><p>“I have nightmares that you leave me.”</p><p>He tilts to look down at her, her eyelashes hiding her gaze from him. “Why would I ever do that?”</p><p>She breathes in through her nose, a bit wetly, and he nuzzles back into her to offer comfort. </p><p>“Because I can’t make you a family. Because you see people with children and you look at them in such a special way. I… I can never give you that. No matter how much I may want to.”</p><p>He feels her wetness soak into the cloth on his chest. He doesn’t know what to say, maybe there <em> is </em> nothing to say, so he just <em> listens. </em></p><p>“Sometimes I wonder why I had to be born a woman. Women are at a disadvantage. Smaller, harder to gain the strength in your body, harder to stay alive. Knowing what I know now, it seems the only <em> purpose </em> for being born a woman – the only <em> positive </em> thing that separates you from me – is that I’m supposed to be able to make <em> life.” </em> Her voice cracks. “And I <em> can’t, </em> Finn. Even if I want to, I <em> can’t.” </em></p><p>Finn shifts her slightly. “I don’t need you to. I never need you to. You and I? We’re perfect. We’re perfect without that. And, if you want to, look at Rà, you know? There are kids out there who need a family if we want to give them one. Who cares about their baggage? Gods know <em> we </em>have baggage.”</p><p>She sniffles through a small smile.</p><p>“If I look at them in any special way, it’s because I see them get to have a childhood. A childhood I never had – and it’s sort of precious. Seeing that open life ahead of them. Being able to make their own decisions. Learn their own likes and dislikes. Eat trashy food.” He cradles her head in the space under his chin, wiggling it onto her forehead to lighten the mood.</p><p>“And – disadvantage? Females at a <em> disadvantage? </em> You completely dominate me, nine times out of ten. You’re lethal!”</p><p>She looks up at him with wet eyes and winks, smirk on her face in spite of everything.</p><p>Gods, he loves her. He shifts and presses his lips to hers. “I’m glad you’re a woman, because it means you’ll be with me like this.”</p><p>She laughs. “So you wouldn’t be with me if I were a man?”</p><p>Finn pretends to consider, nodding his head from one side to the other. “Mayyyyyybe. But you would have had to seduce me, first – instead of the other way around.”</p><p>His lips are on hers again, a small smile on his face.</p><p>It’s not like the pain of the world goes away, but it dampens. Settling into the sensation, he opens his mouth ever so slightly, his plush lips showing her the love in his heart. When he pulls back, he looks into her eyes with nothing but adoration.</p><p>“I’m never leaving you,” he nuzzles his nose against hers. “No more nightmares. I’m at your mercy, J – I’m <em>yours.</em> I’ll do whatever you need. I’ll <em> be </em>whatever you need. My only ask? Just love me forever. That’s all.” He smirks at her. “You know; no pressure.”</p><p>She laughs softly and kisses him again, tender, returning his emotion back at him. </p><p>Suddenly, he needs more... and she’s more than willing, opening and making a soft sound that replaces all other thoughts in his head.</p><p>Everything’s falling apart, but – right now? In this moment? Finn has all he needs.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Mid-afternoon, maybe? He can’t tell. The day feels like it’s been eons long and he’s exhausted, but he can’t sleep. His shoulder aches under the bacta patch, the itch of healing bothersome. The bed creaks under his back; the damn thing is tipped askew and barbed with the bent frame underneath it, but he’s too proud to ask for another. Dameron is off somewhere, anyway. Busy with his own misery and guilt.</p><p>
  <em> Good.</em>
</p><p>He’s still reaching out to her, gently. Softly. Not needy or panicked, anymore; he’s taking his time. Breathing in the calm and trying to soothe it to her through the Force, but when he feels her, it’s all crackles and rage. Rey is no stranger to rage; he knows that for a fact. After all, he’d been the one that she’d pointed the bulk of her rage at, once-upon-a-time. But this viciousness isn’t directed at him. It’s not directed at <em> anything, </em>and maybe that’s part of the problem. She’s far, she hurts, and she’s closed up - yet, still he tries to soothe her.</p><p>Something happens, then. A trickle from her mind, an image, almost as if he sees through her eyes once more. Shuttering his lashes, he concentrates, unobtrusive, because she’s not opening to him on purpose. Their connection is reopening because she’s losing focus.</p><p>Pain blooms within him, but he breathes through it. Rey’s body sags against a med-bay cot, a droid withdrawing from her as she folds her body gently to the cloth surface. Her mental wall is dissolving like paper in water, and his mind syncs with hers at last.</p><p>Drugged… she’s been drugged.</p><p>
  <em> Ben? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m here, baby. I’m with you. </em>
</p><p>The pain is already ebbing from his body as she starts to fade into whatever is taking her down.</p><p>
  <em> It’s time, Ben. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Time for what? </em>
</p><p>Her heart throbs with a deep ache. <em> It’s time to say goodbye to Starlight. </em></p><p>Ben lets out a choked sound, understanding dawning on him as he claps his hand over his mouth. </p><p>They’re taking it.</p><p>
  <em> Where are you? I’ll find you, I swear I will – where are you? </em>
</p><p>He feels her head move groggily back and forth. Rejection.</p><p><em> Say goodbye, </em>she repeats.</p><p>Ben curls into fetal-position on his bed and sends her every emotion he can.</p><p>
  <em> Goodbye, little one. </em>
</p><p>And then she’s gone. Lost to unconsciousness somewhere between the stars.</p><p>Alone, Ben whispers through his tears. “Goodbye.”</p><p>And…</p><p>“We loved you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. The Dark Side</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>**Depressing<br/></b><br/>**Violent / Disturbing Imagery &lt;-- You can skip this part, if you prefer. Skip a segment that begins with, “Blood – all he can see is blood and fire.”  It’s quite short.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Art by <a href="https://www.deviantart.com/mizuriau/gallery">Mizuri AU</a></p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p>--------------------------</p><p> </p><p>His lungs are on fire as he runs through the halls, only wanting to get home and hide. What has he done? <em> What has he done?!? </em></p><p>Breath rips in and out of his body as his legs pump through the fire in his muscles. He can’t stop… he just needs to get away. Far, <em> far </em>away. Away from the children. Away from himself.</p><p>Rà turns the corner with a squeak from his shoes and <em> rams </em>into someone, the solid nature of their body throwing him backwards a bit before he’s caught and held steady by the creature’s strong hands. His eyes are wide in the grip of panic as he looks up at the vaguely familiar face.</p><p>The male looks down at him with mild curiosity and flicker of recognition. His teeth are scary and pointy, his hands chilly and scaled, and he hovers intimidatingly over the boy’s small frame… but it doesn’t matter who it is at this point. It could be anyone – anyone at all; this simple gesture is enough to make Rà shatter.</p><p>And so he does. </p><p>His mother’s colleague sinks with him to the ground as he lets out another mournful sob. </p><p>“There, there now, child,” the near-stranger soothes. “Whatever could be the matter?”</p><p>Words pour from him like acid rain. “I hurt them – something bad happened and I…” Rà gestures at his chest, completely unable to explain how it hurts. <em> Why </em> it hurts. How <em> much </em>it hurts.</p><p>“Dear boy, how could someone like <em> you </em>hurt anyone?”</p><p>The creature’s eyes look kind… gentle. Like he’s ready to listen to anything and everything Rà has bottled up in his heart. And that’s exactly what he needs. </p><p>“I’m… bad,” he shakes his head, unsure of where to even begin. “I can’t make it stop, sometimes. I feel things... and I use the Force without meaning to and it… it <em> hurts </em> people; other people who are sensitive to it. And I…” he falters again. His eyes squeeze shut and his head sags. <em> “I hurt them.” </em></p><p>The male… smiles now. It’s a special sort of smile, one that spreads slowly on his face. </p><p>It fades into seriousness. “Child – did you kill ‘them’? Whoever ‘they’ are?”</p><p>Rà rears back, body rigid. </p><p>He stammers, trying to say that he’s never hurt anyone like that. Never, ever! But... he’s never felt pain like this before, either. He doesn’t know how to answer...</p><p>Gods help him… he <em> doesn’t know how to answer. </em></p><p>The underbiting male folds him into his plated arms, hushing him softly as Rà just stares. </p><p>
  <em> Did I kill them? </em>
</p><p>He can’t breathe. </p><p>His father stopped loving him because of his connection to the Force. Hurt him.<em> Abandoned </em> him. Why wouldn’t you do that to someone who was bad? Someone who made your life so hard. </p><p>Would his mom abandon him, too?</p><p>He deserves it. </p><p>Rocking now, “What if there was a way that you could let go of the Darkness inside you?”</p><p>The creature tips his chin up with long fingers, staring right into his over-large eyes. “What if there was a way to make it so you could never hurt anyone, ever again? A way that you could help make sure that <em> others </em>could never hurt anyone...”</p><p>Rà’s breath comes once more.</p><p>“You can <em> do that? </em>You can take it away?”</p><p>A thumb rasps underneath his eye, wiping away his sorrow. “Oh, yes. But I’d have to take it <em> all </em>away. Not just the Darkness, but the Light, too.”</p><p>The male pulls him into another rocking embrace. “But only if you want me to. Only if you want to help protect others. Protect others from the Darkness… and protect them from <em> you, </em>little one.”</p><p>Rà clutches against him, no second thought needed.</p><p>“Please. I need it to <em> stop.” </em></p><p>And the boy feels a small, pointed kiss against the top of his head.</p><p>“As you wish.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Ben leans back, exhausted and cried out. His eyes burn with dryness, every tear in his body spent. He doesn’t want this creature shuffling towards him. Would be happy to never see him again. Judging by his energy in the Force, Leaga doesn’t want to be here either… and yet, he still edges past the concrete wall into Ben’s full view. </p><p>The prison bars no longer stand between them.  They’re too busy being in pieces on the floor.</p><p>There is a long moment where neither looks at the other. Ben’s eyes are locked on nothing and the Amanin’s eyes are caressing the ground’s display of havoc and debris.</p><p>Softly, “We need your help, Master Ren.”</p><p>“Solo,” Ben corrects, his voice flat and hoarse.</p><p>“Solo,” the creature agrees.</p><p>Not rushing it, Ben just lets the silence play out until he feels like speaking.</p><p>“You’re terrified.”</p><p>Leaga nods, softly. “I am.”</p><p>“Then why are you here?”</p><p>The creature looks at him then, but Ben doesn’t bother returning the courtesy.</p><p>“Master Rey – she put a call out to her leadership, briefing them on Ikeq’s plans. She was... not well.”</p><p>Ben narrows his eyes, but says nothing.</p><p>“She called the Force-sensitive leadership to arms, Master Solo. She told them that, ‘if the dregs of the Alliance want a fight, the least we can do is give them a good one’.”</p><p>Ben does look at him then, shocked and taken aback. “She did <em> what?” </em></p><p>The Amanin shakes his head, sorrowfully. “We caught her transmission.”</p><p>His anger is trickling back into him. Foolish. Dark. She’s not being smart, and she’s undermining everything he’s trying to do to keep people <em>safe.</em> Always fighting him – even when they’re on the same side. </p><p>But, can he blame her for taking this step? </p><p>He can imagine what she’s feeling right now - understanding, in his heart of hearts, the desire to watch everything go up in flames.</p><p>He grits his teeth. “You were closest to Ikeq. Why didn’t you see this coming?”</p><p>Leaga curls onto himself, slightly. “I knew he had thoughts, but not plans. It seems I never quite make it into the most important circles of trust, Master Solo. Yours included.”</p><p>The hurt, humility, and shame in that sentence catches Ben by surprise, tempering his anger.</p><p>“Your worlds, after what happened today… they’re being reckless. We’ll be pushed off-planet soon and there’s talk of cutting our trade agreements. As you know, it’s as vital to you as it is to us. They’re shortsighted, cutting off their nose to spite their face.”</p><p>Like his wife, it seems.</p><p>“The Alliance – what’s left of it – has united on a single front. General Dameron’s included in that, and our senate, as well. We still need to figure out the optics, but… we’re prepared to pardon you in the upcoming vote. Set you free. But only if you help us.”</p><p>Ben blinks, saying nothing.</p><p>“We need you to calm your worlds… and we need you to de-escalate the situation with the Force-sensitive Leadership. Make Master Rey see reason.”</p><p>He scoffs. As if this was a simple ask. As if he could just snap his fingers and make it happen. </p><p>Eyeing the male warily, Ben shakes his head side-to-side, incredulous. “I don’t believe you. Not even for one minute.”</p><p>With a sigh, League waves gently at himself. “Read my mind, then. If you doubt my intentions – by all means.”</p><p>Ben huffs, still concerned about making the wrong move – possibly even inflicting pain by mistake. He’s barely holding himself under control, as it is. All bets are off if he sees something... unsavory. In the end, he chooses to keep his mind to himself.</p><p>He shrugs, asking a sarcastic, “Do you think she’ll answer when I call?” He holds out his hand, as if he expects a comm-link. When nothing happens, he gives up and just cocks his head to the side. “Do you know where she is?”</p><p>The Amanin shakes his head. </p><p>Ben drops his arm with a heavy sound. “Well, that’s heartening.”</p><p>Leaga frowns and clasps four of his six hands tightly, his skin tones flickering with emotion. “I believe you can find her. In the Force.” He takes a deep breath. “I believe you are a dyad.”</p><p>Ben shifts positions, leaning forward menacingly. This is his last secret; the last one locked away. Having this creature even <em> touch </em>it is vile. His expression must show the fury inside, because Leaga’s terror frizzes out from him so frantically, it’s almost like Ben can see it.</p><p>“I’ve done research and, to quote you, I ‘know my history’. It was my job to help you store and archive your Holocrons, key artifacts, weapons – and my fascination took me through your books.”</p><p>He’s nearly growling, “The languages are <em>dead.”</em></p><p>The Amanin looks up with a smug smirk. “Not when Master Rey is willing to help translate key passages. I was able to use that to decrypt the rest.” </p><p>For a moment, Leaga’s eyes are awash with fondness for his own ingenuity – not quite remembering to focus on the danger fuming three steps away.</p><p>“I read about Balance and Grey Jedi. I read about the World Between Worlds. I read of a prophecy of Dark rising and Light to meet it… and I believe that is the both of you. </p><p>“A dyad is referred to as: ‘two that are one’. Master Rey had mentioned on the stand that she <em> lived your memories </em>through your mind. Is that true? Experiencing another’s life in this way, is this common in the Force? Or… is it more?</p><p>“They also say the dyad is ‘a power like life itself’. General Finn confessed to us about how she couldn’t die... unless you did. And that, for all intents and purposes, you <em> resurrected </em>her.”</p><p>Ben’s anger falters at that bittersweet memory. </p><p>“Hearing about your actions today – both of you – I compared recordings and time stamps. Your reactions were nearly <em> simultaneous. </em> I think that you feel what she feels. Maybe even hear her thoughts. And, if what I read about dyads is real, you can <em> sense </em> her. Can you sense her, Master Solo? Can you <em> find her?” </em> Softly, like a sort of plea, “Can you <em> save </em>her?”</p><p>Fat tears start to roll from the creature’s eyes and Ben’s heart aches.</p><p> “I didn’t want this,” Leaga mourns. “I didn’t want <em> any </em>of this.”</p><p>Quietly, Ben says, “Neither did I.”</p><p>Many hands still clasped, “I believe you’re the only one who can help. You are the lynchpin in all of this. I’ll do <em> anything </em>to keep Force-sensitives safe. To keep my worlds’ ability to have the resources they need. To try and save my colleague from the Darkness.”</p><p>Ben meets Leaga’s wet gaze. “Even throw your lot in with a Monster?”</p><p>He licks his lips and bows his head once more. “There are worse monsters, now.”</p><p>And Ben agrees.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>His flight muscles hurt – but, then again, meh – they always hurt. Still, he flexes what’s left of them and feels the small bones pinwheel.</p><p>Next on his list of complaints is his feet. They were never meant to take his full weight constantly, and – well, let’s be honest here – Toydarians had chubby bellies, right? Not his fault, it’s sort of a… <em> race </em> thing. A <em> species </em>thing. Not a delicacy addiction. Surely not that.</p><p>Ikeq steps out from the shadows as Vious’ mind continues ticking away at what the ‘right approach’ should be, here. He can’t ignore what happened, but he can’t be too hard, either. He has to offer sympathy in the end; understanding. Perhaps play <em> stupid, </em>if he has to – though he doesn’t like it. He’s quite smart, and prefers that people know it.</p><p>But his pride doesn’t matter much, with so much else at stake.</p><p>His voice is like gravel. “If I, ah, <em> knew </em> what you were planning for today, I would have removed you from this planet, myself. I have half a mind to remove you <em> now. </em>Call guards. Call General Ciel. I’m sure he’d have a word for you. Maybe not a word, actually. Maybe just pain, yeah?”</p><p>The Klatooinian’s eyes are sorrowful. “Everything that happened today was <em> not my intent;</em> please, Councilman, you need to know that. It goes against <em> everything </em> that you and I have been talking about. Every single hope I’d had revolved around <em> stopping </em> violence. If I had known…” </p><p>Ikeq sighs, lowering his head and shaking it. “It seems I was wrong to trust Bounty Hunters to be his keepers – so blinded by my desperation that I ignored what they’re <em> truly </em>like. Ruffians and vigilantes.”</p><p>Vious takes a beat and cocks his head at his co-conspirator. </p><p>The creature is doing well; he’s always... <em> dancing, </em>in a way. He pushes sharp and hard, owning the lead and lunging you backward in shock. You’re so busy being emotional, you don’t even notice that you’re still making steps in the direction he sent you. If he needs to be sorry – apologetic - he dances in the other direction, pulling on your sympathies so hard that it could break your heart. Make you cry home to mama to ask how to soothe such a misunderstood soul. </p><p>But Vious isn’t fooled. Even though he must <em> act </em>fooled.</p><p>He scratches one foot behind his first and second knees, the raspy sound heard in the silence as he contemplates.</p><p>“If those are your people – your <em> only </em> people – then I can’t trust you.”</p><p>Ikeq shakes his head. “You don’t need to. Once I get you the objects, your people can help <em> themselves. </em> You can choose who you do and do not trust. I’ll focus my <em> vigilantes </em>on vigilante justice. I’ve set my own bounties, now.”</p><p>Going after Master Rey, then. Predictable. Hey, even the Alliance is probably ready for that, yes? He’ll let that one go, then. There’s something else to tag onto.</p><p>“Get me the objects? You found what you needed, eh?” He grins at their shared secret, and the smirk that’s returned to him is frightening.</p><p>“Oh, yes. A fine volunteer. He <em> wants </em> me to take from him, Councilman; he’s terrified of the Darkness inside. He’s absolutely <em> perfect.” </em></p><p>Vious chuckles, “I guess this world had someone for you after all, huh?”</p><p>Ikeq’s face falters for only the briefest of moments before he smiles again – but Vious saw that millisecond of fear before it was covered up with a confident lie.</p><p>“Not this world, my friend. I’m not a monster.”</p><p>The Toydarian holds back the retort that buds on his tongue.</p><p>“The vote is coming; you’ll have as many as I can get you, I promise. But – with the Last Jedi escaped and Solo on his leash...” he trails off.</p><p>Cunning. How very cunning.</p><p>Vious grumbles and curls his blue trunk, shifting his weight. “I see what you mean, maybe. With them contained, we have only Force-sensitive <em> children </em> on-world. What can kids do, right? Nothing! Good. Yes. So, we look at <em> other </em>worlds for our ‘Risk Assessment’ process. But – you have reports on this already, no? Make a recommendation.” </p><p>Ikeq’s voice lowers with intrigue. “My records from Master Rey’s database omit all of the Fallen First Order sensitives. One would think that simply means that you didn’t have any...” he cocks an eyebrow, “but you and I know better.” </p><p>Vious hums and rubs his palms together. “I will bring this to my Council, then. It’s time to get their agreement… and their <em> data </em>on this, I think.” </p><p>He looks at Ikeq plainly, with a calculated amount of scorn. “But I will <em> not </em>tell them this idea comes from you. The Alliance throws your name around like a muck-word now, yes? Ruins everything you touch,” he waves his hands in distaste.</p><p>Shaking his head and tsk-ing slightly, “I told you, Councilman, I don’t need accolades for my good deeds. I don’t need praise to know I’m doing the <em> right thing.” </em></p><p>Vious pats the other creature’s robes, softly. “It’s hard to do the right thing. Yes. I believe you, huh? I believe you.”</p><p>They look at each other a moment, a meaningful expression passing between them. </p><p>He feels the scaly slide of Ikeq’s hand over his. “Be sure to comm me with details on your Force-sensitives, Councilman. We’ll focus on sending the objects to the worlds with the highest populations. Find who you trust to wield them.</p><p>“I’m going off-world. They’re looking for me, I’m afraid, and I’d prefer to focus on my own affairs for the time being. I’m sure you understand.”</p><p>Vious nods, waving in agreement.</p><p>“But you’ll have what you need <em> very </em>soon,” he pats the Toydarian’s shoulder in parting.</p><p>“Thank you.” Vious inserts as much sincerity as he possibly can into every layer of his voice. “Thank you for wanting to save our people.”</p><p>The savage male nods down at him, pleased and even a bit <em> moved </em>by the gratitude. Or perhaps he’s just smug, thinking that he’s won the game. </p><p>He turns, walking off in that whisper-shuffle of his until he disappears in the distance. Vious watches the whole way as his hands fiddle with a small device behind his back. Once the Klatooinian is out of sight, he sits on pins and needles for a full five standard minutes, practicing his meticulous, metronomic approach to counting time. </p><p>For. </p><p>Five. </p><p>Standard. </p><p>Minutes. </p><p>At that point, he swings the comm from behind his back and chirps a frequency.</p><p>General Ciel picks up the comm, sounding on-edge, and rightfully so. He states a clipped, “Status?”</p><p>Vious grips the device. “I need you to count the children, General… and I need you to do it, now.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>There’s no answer. The <em> fourth </em>time with no answer.</p><p>
  <em> Damnit! </em>
</p><p>He clicks the comm off once more as he races down the hall. He should have found someone else to go down – hell, a <em> team </em> to go down – but something in him was <em> screaming. </em> His sort-of sixth sense was telling him to <em> run. </em></p><p>He triggers the comm again; still no response. What the hell was the point in giving her a comm if she doesn’t <em> answer? </em></p><p>Ciel bolts outside, not even wearing his warmer clothes, in too much of a panic to bother with something like that. His breath doesn’t even have a chance to fog in front of him, so it leaves a trail of steam behind instead, before it dissipates into the air.</p><p>The orphanage rises in the distance as he nears, and things are in chaos all around the side lawn.</p><p>
  <em> Droids? Why the hell are there so many… </em>
</p><p>Med-droids.</p><p>They’re <em> med- </em>droids.</p><p>There aren’t enough curses in his mind.</p><p>The children are being bundled and lifted onto cots. They seem woozy and faint, and some are bleeding from their noses or ears. Ariani flits from cot to cot, brushing cheeks with her fingers, placing kisses on foreheads – soothing and offering comfort. Love. Her teachers do the same, crouching by the kids and offering reassuring smiles.</p><p>She doesn’t see him coming, too focused on staring around to see which little one comes next as droids filter the children back inside. Ciel halts and grabs her by the shoulders, spinning her.</p><p>“Where is he?!”</p><p>She shakes her head, furious. “I don’t know. He probably ran. Why would he <em> do </em> something like this? He’s been doing so <em> well.” </em></p><p>Ciel shakes her. “Are the other kids accounted for? All of them?”</p><p>She flicks her head towards the gurneys on the grounds and back up towards the building. He shakes her again, harder this time. <em> “ARE THEY?!” </em></p><p>She nods, emotion diving into fear and confusion. “Yes – except for him, all of them are here.”</p><p>That’s it. That’s the last crack in his armor. Ikeq has him. He must.</p><p>He has his boy.</p><p>Ariani, wipes her face rapidly, dusting off any moistness from her eyes as she looks at him. Whatever expression he’s making must be telling. After another glance around to the kids, she grasps his hands and drags him in through a side door; some kind of insulated storage unit for outdoor equipment… but Ciel can’t feel the cold anyway. He’s otherwise occupied.  </p><p>Her hand is around his like a vice. “What happened?”</p><p>He’s filled with white noise and he can’t make the words come, so she grips him <em> harder, </em>snapping him back to reality. Forcing him into this moment, cruelly. Demanding. So he tells her.</p><p>And he tells her.</p><p>And he <em> tells </em>her, until he’s weeping.</p><p>It’s not just what happened today, but what’s <em> been </em> happening. To them. To him. To <em> everything. </em>Once he opens his mouth, he can’t stop. It’s like he’s babbling, not even making any sense anymore, but she’s holding him, now.</p><p>And holding him.</p><p>And <em> holding </em>him.</p><p>Gripping against her, he leans back, running an arm under his nose and trying to reign himself in. “Do you think he could feel it?” he pleads with her. “Do you think Rà <em> felt </em>what happened? To…?” he gestures down weakly, unable to even say the word. </p><p>Ariani only shakes her head, tears slipping down her own face now, sharing his heartache. “He – he doesn’t train with the others. He only trains with his Master. He’s <em> afraid, </em> Ciel. He’s always so afraid…” she shakes her head. “So I don’t see him, you know? I don’t know what his potential is… but what he <em> does </em>do?” She simply casts her gaze towards the door - out towards a field filled with what he’s capable of.</p><p>Ciel nods, mind swimming. “Can any of the other kids feel him? Help find him?”</p><p>She shakes her head.</p><p>Ciel rakes his hands through his short hair. “Are they okay? The other kids… are they gonna be okay?”</p><p>She grimaces, meanly, sniffling back wetness. “Like you care.”</p><p>Broken, <em> “You </em>care.”</p><p>She looks at him, vulnerable, and he sees her. All the way down to her <em> toes, </em> he sees her...</p><p>But, he puts that feeling away, too much feeling in him already. He’s rocking back and forth, arms hugging around himself, trying to think of what to do. </p><p>“They rig them, Ari… they rig them up and siphon them. I found kids like that. So <em> many </em> of them. If we can’t find him, he’ll die.” He rocks himself harder, shaking his head, “And, even if we find him, he might be so broken that he won’t be him anymore… like he’s been <em>reconditioned. </em> We’ll find a shell, if we find <em> anything.” </em></p><p>He wants to crawl out of his skin, so he keeps up his frenetic motion, unable to stop his mind from wheeling down the darkest paths. Seeing his boy in pain, frail, and filled with Darkness. For all intents and purposes… gone.</p><p>She snags his hand once more and he startles into stillness. Her fingers are cool against his sweat riddled palm and she slides her thumbs over him in slow circles. “Go. Go to Master Solo. If he can sense Rà, we can save him.” She leans in, resolutely. “I love him, too…”</p><p>Her expression seems as if she’s made some kind of decision. Patting his chest firmly, roughly, her eyes are hard on his. “Soldier up,” she frowns, brows creasing, “And not only for Rà’s sake, you hear me? Whatever they’re taking from him? It’s <em> dangerous.” </em></p><p>He nods sharply, looking away, the familiar phrase cooling him down and putting his heart back into its little box. How she knew it? Anyone’s guess… but that’s what he tells himself, every day. It doesn’t matter that things are falling apart. It doesn’t matter that his heart is breaking. The risk of death doesn’t matter. There are only ‘next steps’ and ‘mission objectives’. It’s that simple. It’s <em> always </em>been that simple.</p><p>Next step – get to his Monarch.</p><p>Objective – find the boy.</p><p>
  <em> Soldier up. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Ben flicks switches rapidly as he lifts the Dream into the air, touching the ether with his mind and feeling for her signature. He hovers for only a moment as he takes one last look into the blue holoscreen. </p><p>Dameron nods at him, the rest of the Alliance at his back. “Get her, come back, settle your people.”</p><p>He nods roughly.</p><p>I’ Pasigurt shifts into his wife. “May the Force be with you.”</p><p>“May the Force be with all of us,” Mendje adds.</p><p>“Earn your freedom, Master Solo,” Leaga reminds.</p><p>Finn folds his arms over his chest with a smirk. “This kind of stuff has ‘you’ written all over it. You’ve got this.”</p><p>Dameron scoffs. “You better. I’m all outta ideas.” </p><p>Ben raises his eyebrows. “I’ll send you some new ones. You know, when <em> this one </em> goes wrong.”</p><p>The latter three men enjoy a shared moment of machismo before Ben rolls his eyes at himself.</p><p>The comm goes off with a flicker and he tilts the controls forward, arcing the ship up and through the clouds towards the twin moons that hover around Karuvis. The sky is finally turning the orange of sunset, making the longest day of his life officially edge towards a close. But there is no time in space, so this day may as well last forever.</p><p>Unless he can calm her. Bring the Light back into her heart. Bring it back into his people.</p><p>And then… then he can go <em> home. </em> His heart aches for <em> home. </em> Not his suite, but his <em> everything. </em> His routine, his worlds, even the stupid celebrations and dinners. Even the stress of leadership.</p><p>But especially, he wants to be with his wife.</p><p>Holding their child in their arms.</p><p>The one that’s left.</p><p>He shakes his head and takes a breath, puffing out his cheeks and pushing slowly into orbit. Still searching for her, he closes his eyes and inhales. Exhales. And again. And again. Meditating. Letting the Light in. He needs to move quickly, but there’s no point unless he knows which way to move.</p><p>The sound sucks away and he opens his eyes.</p><p>Rey lies sleeping behind him. With no frame of reference for her location, she seems to be on the floor of the ship. Her eyes are puffy; swollen from crying. Her skin is blotchy, broken capillaries pooling tiny flecks of blood under her skin. He’s gotten those too, in his deepest of rages. Your blood pumps so hard, so feverishly, it can’t move through you fast enough… so it bursts in tiny blooms to relieve the pressure.</p><p>He watches her for a gentle minute.</p><p>
  <em> Where are you, baby? </em>
</p><p>But she doesn’t move – deep, deep into unconsciousness. She’s probably been given a sedative by the droid attending to her… which is probably why the bond opened.</p><p>With slow and silent movements, he lowers himself to the floor, crawling – catlike – towards her stillness. Once close enough, he settles in, observing her as he lays on his side, despite the hollow ache in his shoulder. Her scar is still pink on her cheek, and he wants to heal it. He wants to do it so <em> badly. </em>But… after today?</p><p>He needs Balance, too.</p><p>He breathes in once again, filling his lungs with air before gusting it out. The puff flutters the hair on her forehead – and yet, she doesn’t snap up in fear or panic.</p><p>She’s out. <em> Out.  </em></p><p>Whatever they gave her makes her incredibly vulnerable if she can’t wake to the presence of another. He needs to find her, and he needs to do it soon.</p><p>He scooches closer, never taking his eyes off her face. Even like this, even in her misery, she’s beautiful, and his heart aches with love for her.</p><p>He lifts his hand gently – so <em> very </em>gently – and hovers it near her temple.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Blood – all he can see is blood and fire. He rears around, reaching for his saber, but there is none. Weaponless, he crouches into a fighting position anyway… because there are hordes in front of him. But – between him and them?</p><p>Is Rey.</p><p>She doesn’t turn, she doesn’t notice him, but she lifts her hand…</p><p>And <em> clenches. </em></p><p>The mob before her starts to drop with each of her sharp motions. They’re not just falling, choking, snapping… no…</p><p>Their <em> insides </em> are squelching into pulp as they <em> suffer. </em></p><p>And she lets them.</p><p>Horrified, he stands straight and watches her take them down – in twos, threes, one-at-time - again and again until the air is filled with gurgling cries for mercy. Yet, Rey offers none.</p><p>All he feels from her is <em> hate. </em></p><p>He moves to stand beside her, wordlessly, and observes those who thrash nearby. Fingers claw the air and bubbles froth between lips. They’re not all nameless faces, no…</p><p>They’re <em> Alliance </em>faces. Faces he knows from Leadership and from the Senate.</p><p>And they’re bleeding.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Ben snaps back into himself with a gasp, sweat lacing his brow. He raises himself on his elbow and leans in closer to her.</p><p>
  <em> Dark, Master Rey. Too Dark. </em>
</p><p>He slides the back of his knuckles over her cheek tenderly, knowing her desire for vengeance is <em> real. </em>Knowing that she has everything she needs to make that deadly dream a reality.</p><p>When she doesn’t move, he slides in, slipping one arm under her neck and another behind her back. Drawing her near, he cradles her, nose buried deep in her hair. He nuzzles, eyes closed and afraid for her. He’s even afraid for the ones in her dream. If they turn against her, that dream will come true. And, if that day comes, he’ll fight by her side – even if only to temper her. Ease her. If she can’t find Balance now, maybe someday. As long as he believes in her, like she did for him, there’s hope.</p><p>With a heavy sigh, he wonders if this violence is what Luke saw when he’d looked into his mind, years ago. Is this what caused him to raise his weapon in cold blood?</p><p>Well, he’s not Luke Skywalker. For better or worse, he has <em> never </em>been Luke Skywalker.</p><p>So instead, he pulls her even closer and pushes love into her mind. She may not let it in when she’s awake, but he’ll push it into her dreams for now.</p><p>At the connection of their minds, the red thread between them pulls taught, like a twang, and he opens his eyes.</p><p>
  <em> I know where you are. </em>
</p><p>And,</p><p>
  <em> I’m coming. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Terra.</p><p>He’d only been in this system once in his life, and it was <em> not </em> so he could be anywhere near the planet <em> Terra. </em>Dead and empty, its inhabitants had razed the surface, killing all of nature – so, nature had returned the favor. Now, it’s completely devoid of life. The fact that Rey chose this planet speaks volumes.</p><p>Floating around the surface of the thin atmosphere is a cloud of trash, spinning in the planet’s orbit. Its moon lay in exploded chunks, obviously thrown off its axis. Trails of rocks and dust from its once mighty sphere flow like a river behind its movement. The trash consists of archaic satellites, science rigs, and a field of destroyed and useless starships. Even from here, he can see deep crater-pits on the surface. It’s where they must have rained terror down upon each other from the sky.</p><p>There is so much wreckage, it nearly hazes the world from view. A shield, of sorts. To get into this place, you need strong enough deflectors to ricochet this decay without tearing your own hull apart – which <em> would </em>keep away the simpler ships of certain ne’er-do-wells but, luckily for him, the Dream was well equipped.</p><p>The red thread pulls him, and he can tell she’s just on the verge of waking, that crackling static of darkness ramping up in his mind. Guiding the ship down, he follows that feeling as fast as he dares, needing to get to her before she can get up.</p><p>Before she can <em> run. </em></p><p>He swoops rapidly around fallen buildings and massive statues of heroes past. They’ve withstood the test of time and, though threaded with nightmare cracks, they hold their heads high.</p><p>Would they ever build statues of them one day?</p><p>He nearly laughs at himself. The last thing anyone would want to do is honor him. But at least Leaga has his Holocrons. His recordings. His proof that he and Rey had existed. And that they loved each other.</p><p>She’s coming further into awareness, and he finally sees her ship nestled in the shadows underneath what remains of a once-proud overpass. Even now, the color and architecture are beautiful. He remembers sadly that this land must have been lush, once. But, like everything, it’s only a matter of time until it’s destroyed.  </p><p>He descends the ramp of his ship just as hers hisses open; a sort of wariness and disgust flows from her as she disembarks. He approaches her slowly, hands up in a gesture to ease her, but it doesn’t help. She raises her chin defiantly and he feels a wave of anger, pointed directly at him and his <em> condescension. </em></p><p>He stops dead in his tracks, dropping his hands to his sides.</p><p>What can he say? In this moment, what could he possibly say? In truth, for him, there is only one option.</p><p>He stares, overwhelmed with emotion, and opens himself wide, so she can feel it.</p><p>Simply, “I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Sedatives and pain-pills still clouding her, she has no recollection of her husband trying to reach out. To love her. To help her. In her mind? She's been nothing but alone since the moment red beams flung themselves into her. Her heart is raw. Ragged. Exhausted. Her body rings with pain, cramps fluttering through her belly. She’s on-guard, because he’d been <em>sent</em> to her. To stop her – of that, she’s sure. Why else would he have bothered to come?</p><p>They couldn’t have kept him caged if he’d truly wanted to be with her. To truly share her pain. To <em> truly </em> mourn with her.</p><p>But, no.</p><p>He’d waited to be <em> sent. </em></p><p>The very notion disgusts her. That this once mighty man has fallen obedient to those who would do him harm. Her harm. <em> Their family </em>harm. Revolted that the man who once held a raging obsession for her was willing to abandon her as soon as she didn’t meet his expectations. As a political ally. A Force-user. A wife.</p><p>A mother.</p><p>When he gestures at her in a ‘stay calm’ way, she feels like she could kill him. Anything to remove that gesture that implied that <em> she </em> was being unreasonable. That <em> she </em> was the one in the wrong, when it was <em> them </em> that hurt her. <em> Him </em>who left her alone. <em> HIM </em> who wouldn’t run away with her, no matter how she <em> BEGGED! </em></p><p>Because no one puts her first.</p><p>No one.</p><p>This train of thought repeats in her mind, sending it into a whirlwind of all-encompassing loneliness. All she wants to do is crumble and beg him, <em> Don’t leave me, don’t leave me, don’t leave me. </em></p><p>Which is why, when he opens his heart, she nearly staggers with the weight of his devotion.</p><p>He’d been looking for her.</p><p>Reaching out to her.</p><p><em> Searching </em> for her.</p><p>Desperate to be with her, if only he had known where to go. He <em> would </em> have left them. He <em> would </em>have come. If only she’d let him in.</p><p>And when he says, “I love you,” she can’t help but curl her back, put her face in her hands, and weep. She doesn’t even feel his approach, but he gathers her in his arms, tucking his face into the crook of her neck and repeating words she so desperately needs.</p><p>
  <em> I love you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m here. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’ve got you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m not going to let you go. </em>
</p><p>His collar digs into her slightly as he leans down to hook his hands under her knees, lifting her. She curls into him, wracked with sobs as his hushes and shushes. Again:</p><p>
  <em> I love you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m here. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’ve got you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m not going to let you go. </em>
</p><p>Her tears quiet and her voice is detached as she asks him the strangest question. “Will you take me there, Ben? Take me into the city?” She stares over his shoulder at the ruins behind him.</p><p>She feels his question through the bond.</p><p>“I want to be with something as broken as I am.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>It hurts. Oh, how it hurts.</p><p>But he says nothing.</p><p>He hefts her up further in his arms and carries her towards their ship, opening the cargo bay and using the Force to call out a speeder. He won’t put her down – he just <em> won’t – </em>so, instead, he awkwardly hikes a leg up over the seat, trying not to lose his footing, and settles her in his lap. Placing another kiss on her head, he sighs as she wraps her arms tight around him, giving him permission to grab the handles and kick the repulsors on.</p><p>When he revs, he revs <em> hard, </em>speeding them away as fast as possible. Away from their pain, and closer to the buildings as destroyed as they feel.</p><p>She smells like antiseptic and bacta, and her clothes are crusted with reddish brown, but all that matters is that she’s here in his arms. With her in his arms again? He’s invincible, no matter what comes. As long as they’re together.</p><p>He pivots through what may have been plazas. What may have been parks. What may have been anything they feel like imagining in that moment. He swivels towards a dock and shipyard, where things that look like boats lie like derelicts in the cracked sinkhole that must have been an ocean.</p><p>Fascinated by the destruction around them… <em> within </em>them, he doesn’t notice it.</p><p><em> She </em>doesn’t notice it.</p><p>But it’s happening, whether they see it or not.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Five small ships descend from the sky.</p><p>With weapons ready. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. As the World Fall Down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>**Violence and emotional manipulation of a child</b><br/><b>**“Darkside” sex. If you have <span class="u">ANY</span> sex squicks - PLEASE SEE END NOTES</b> and decide if you’d like to skip this part. There is a spoiler recap below, to cover what you’d miss.</p><p>I wanted to really do something different / unexpected, to emphasize their completely on-edge state of mind and self-hate / heartache. If you’d like to skip - stop reading at the part where they kiss roughly, and move to the next chapter segment.</p><p>Please don’t yell at me if you didn’t read the squicks disclaimer!! (I’ll cry - I swear to God, I’ll cry!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Art by <a href="http://www.nixcomix.com">Me.</a> Feel free to follow me on Twitter @nixcomix</p>
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</div><p>--------------------------</p><p>Oblivious to the danger approaching above, Ben rushes the speeder down a sloping hill towards what might have once been a city center. There is a block of open space, covered in the pits of hammered destruction from whatever final war ended this planet.</p><p>He zooms in and out of them for reasons unknown, absentmindedly relishing the dip in his stomach as he flies them over the edges.</p><p>It’s in one of these craters that he hears the first boom.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s gut lurches as the speeder skids 360, facing the sound in the distance. She knows in an instant, seeing the smoke rise over the crumbling buildings, whoever it is, they’ve attacked their ships.</p><p>A rushing whine of engines approaches and Ben’s body goes rigid against her – barely enough time to process anything other than the word, <em> Danger. </em></p><p>One of the ships unfolds, and Rey’s heart stops beating.</p><p>She chokes out the words, utterly betrayed.</p><p>“It’s an X-wing.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p><em> TRAITORS! </em>screams in Ben’s mind and he can barely think beyond it.</p><p>He revs the engine once more and launches them towards the ships, planning to dodge around their fire and speed away behind them. X-wings are notoriously slow at about-facing, and it will allow them precious extra seconds to wind themselves between any buildings that may shelter them from onslaught.</p><p>He can’t imagine any next plan of action, Rey’s repeating insults hammering his thoughts, so he just focuses on what’s in front of him.</p><p>Ensure he doesn’t flip over their ride on the surrounding debris.</p><p>Keep his eyes open for a place of shelter.</p><p>That’s all. That’s all he can do.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The whining screech of laser fire cuts through the air and it feels like they’re shredding Rey’s eardrums. Who sent these after her? After him?</p><p>
  <em> Trap, trap, trap, trap. </em>
</p><p>“STOP!” he yells over the wind buffeting them as they swerve left and right. <em> I can’t think. Please, I can’t think. </em></p><p>Red light shoots past them and the blasts burst up rocks and crumbled concrete. Finally having the sense to lift her arms, Rey blocks the destruction from pelting their bodies. Ben swivels so hard to one side that the machine tips, her elbows almost grazing the ground. One of his hands is held out to steady them with the Force as he bolts them into a tunnel leading under a set of enormous buildings.</p><p>But there is no reprieve.</p><p>It’s wide enough for the ships to follow.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>This is why they sent him to her. <em> This </em> is why they let him out with such a promise. Why didn’t he read Leaga’s mind? So concerned with protecting that creature that he stopped thinking about what he needed to protect the <em> most. </em>His mother had warned him – warned him not to make <em> every </em> sacrifice and he’s a fool for not seeing the trap that was laid. The only question is: who knew? Dameron? <em> Finn? </em></p><p>Rey’s mind tugs his violently, negating that train of thought… but only initially.</p><p>Then, paranoia sets in for the both of them. It builds on itself, brick after brick after brick, until paranoia becomes irrefutable truth in their minds.</p><p>The Alliance had let them come together…</p><p>But only to destroy them both.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rey precariously adjusts her body to stand on the speeder, facing backwards and bracing herself against Ben’s shoulders, daring their stalkers to do anything other than fly. He sets his face aside her hip, keeping his vision clear, and urges them forward towards the unspoken promise of open air ahead. </p><p>There’s barely anything to see by; only daylight’s echoes at either end of the tunnel, and the red blips of machine indicators in-between. Other than that, it’s just a dark, eerie crypt of thundering engines and peril.</p><p>The tension snaps as the waiting game ends; blasts ring out and Rey leans over, lifting both hands with a brutal roar as she shoves beams aside, flinging them into the tiled walls. Her heart soars as one beam ricochets and slams into an aircraft, throwing it off its trajectory and twirling it into the ship directly behind.</p><p>The scream of metal is deafening, so is the explosion as the ‘wings detonate against each other like fireworks. The tremble is felt through the entire structure; the last straw in its decay. The weight of the buildings above finally takes its toll…</p><p>And the tunnel begins to disintegrate around them.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Get out, get out, get out!!! </em>
</p><p><em> That’s the goal, sweetheart, </em> he throws sarcastically at her as the speeder goes as fast as it’s capable of. <em> I need you to push us...</em></p><p>But she’s already on it, urging the Force around them to assist. The light in front widens as the ground begins to ripple, causing the repulsor-lifts to skip in the jagged air above the uneven ground.</p><p><em> NowNowNowNowNow, </em>whether that’s him or her, he can’t tell. </p><p>Just as they clear the tunnel, it becomes apparent that there’s another one directly ahead, yards away and closing. There is a <em> slight </em>issue, though. </p><p>That one’s already collapsed.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rey whips her head around in time to see what Ben’s mind screams; the ships, like letter-shaped nightmares, still close in behind. He stands delicately, facing her, and she holds him for balance. Their ankles are trembling on the footholds of the speeder and Ben uses his power to hold the steering steady.</p><p>He’s counting them down.</p><p>She crouches her knees, coiling all the power she can – knowing that Ben is doing the same – and once he yells, “GO!” she vaults herself over the lip of the tunnel’s edge, up to the base of a multi-tiered building of broken glass. Ben is on the other side and they have a simple moment to gaze at each other, so similar to when they’d connected eyes on Exegol, before their speeder explodes below in a cloud of shrapnel.</p><p>Another X-wing does the same, right behind it.</p><p>Triumph swirls between them.</p><p>Three down.</p><p>Two to go.</p><p>Too bad the remaining ones veer up successfully.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p><em> Go, baby. GoGoGo, </em>Ben waves her away as he feels a sort of wooziness take over her. She pulls the Dark side into herself, leveraging her pain and pride is all he feels.</p><p>Besides rage.</p><p>One ship follows him, and the other, her – but he needs to bring them together again. He almost smirks with an idea as he runs, full force. </p><p>
  <em> Remember the freighter on Pasanna? </em>
</p><p>He feels a sort of smugness that confirms, oh yes – she remembers quite well. It’s followed by a thread of sadness, then an angry sting in his direction, but he’ll take it. She can be as mad as she likes once they get out of this alive.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s mind is aflame with terror as she jumps her body back and forth between the steel beams of two side-by-side buildings, elevating herself high enough that the ship flies directly underneath her. She tries to land on the craft, but her timing is off, so it wheels ahead of her, sending her into a freefall.</p><p>
  <em> Ben! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’ve got you. </em>
</p><p>And memories flood her.</p><p>Of when Snoke held him in the air above a deep quarry of sharp stalagmites, letting him fall.</p><p>The Exegol drop, his body slamming back and forth off surfaces until he finally reached out and halted himself in mid-air.</p><p>Rey throws her hands out and begs the Force, screaming her lungs raw, and her body slows into a hover for only the briefest of moments before her feet touch down.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I hurt, Ben. Everything -hurts-. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I know. I know, baby, but you have to -use- it. Grab onto it like it’s all you have. Because, right now? That -is- all you have. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And you. I have you. </em>
</p><p>He nods, unseen, as he continues his run towards her. <em> Always. </em></p><p>He dodges under an archway, laser-blasts blowing up everything around him in double barrels, corralling him into a center blind-spot for the ship, and he’s glad for the pilot’s idiocy. They should have sent Dameron to do his own dirty work. Then, maybe, they’d actually be dead.</p><p>The ship zooms over and past him, then he veers left – feeling her only a few yards away.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>She bolts around a building into a large thoroughfare, both ships doing mid-air flips to turn and do a run at her - but Ben is there, his hand held out. She doesn’t even need to look to know exactly where it is, she just clasps him perfectly, completely interlocked. Her power amps, his Darkness filling her and letting her <em>pain</em> double – but the power alongside it.</p><p>For him, it’s rage. A hot streak of <em>rage. </em>They can use that.</p><p>But is it enough?</p><p><em> Of course it is, </em>he growls into her mind.</p><p>His anger floods them and she narrows her eyes at the cannons that are warming up to a crimson red, ready to fire. </p><p>They <em> PUSH, </em>and the engines grind in mid-air, halted and unable to advance. The aircrafts struggle and shudder with no success as they’re drawn dangerously close together, wings nearly nicking each other. She can feel the pilots’ panic. They know they’re not going anywhere. </p><p>Not now.</p><p>And never again.</p><p>The dyad’s hands claw forward simultaneously and an all-encompassing static charges through them, as one. His screams are a vicious bellow as lightning courses from his fingers faster than the eye can see, dancing dangerously over the hull of one ship. Her attack on the other is blindingly intense, tearing through an auxiliary panel before spidering its way over the full exterior. </p><p>The ships are so close together now that the currents of electricity lick over each other and intensify. And <em> intensify.  </em></p><p>The ships’ deflectors are failing.</p><p>There are only seconds left.</p><p> </p><p><b><em>Good,</em></b> the dyad thinks. </p><p>
  <b> <em>Die.</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>And both ships ignite.</p><p>  </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>  </p><p>Rà blinks his eyes open, sleepily. The bed beneath him is cold and he shivers a little, without any blankets. He pulls at the cuffs that hold him down, the ones he willingly got into, and resigns himself. He looks at the IV drip, a little woozy – but knowing, deep down, that the evil is being filtered from him.</p><p><em> Take it, </em> he thinks. <em> Take it all. </em></p><p>A woman all in red approaches him; no smile, no warmth. He tries to think of the word his Master always uses. Perfunctory – yes, that’s it. </p><p>She twists the siphon in his arm slightly, making him wince.</p><p>Throat dry, he tells her, “I’m hungry.”</p><p>She nods curtly, and gives a response he wasn’t expecting. “Good.”</p><p>Confusion crosses his expression and, when she sees it, she smirks a bit. “Remember that the Darkness comes with pain, anger, sadness… if I kept you here with a full belly, would that help draw the darkness from you?”</p><p>He blinks at her.</p><p>“Don’t worry,” she says, more matter-of-fact than soothing. “We’ll give you enough to keep you alive. Through that,” she nods to another IV.</p><p>He can’t help but think of how dry his throat is. How long has he been in this tiny room? It’s hard to tell when there are no windows. A night? A day? </p><p>“How long do I stay for?”</p><p>Her smile scares him. “Until you’re done.”</p><p>What ‘done’ means, he doesn’t know.</p><p>“I have to go to the bathroom.”</p><p>She gestures down at him, “Go ahead. I won’t stop you.”</p><p>Horrified, he tugs at his cuffs. “I don’t even get to…?”</p><p><em> “Shame,” </em>she intones, “is also useful.”</p><p>Rà swallows at nothing. He looks at her with pleading eyes. “And this will help? Save others from the Dark side? From being hurt?” </p><p>She nods, reverent. “You’ll be making things… <em> wonderous </em>things. Things that make all Force-users and non-Force-users equal.”</p><p>He squeezes his legs together uncomfortably. “I really have to pee,” he whines.</p><p>She ignores him completely as she rummages slightly, working her hands through something below his line of sight. After a cluck of approval, she holds up an object and Rà’s body recoils from it, like it’s a snake. The Darkside artifact glints in the fluorescent light of this place and she stares at it with something like love.</p><p>She brings it closer to him and he jerks back, harder, crying out a bit as his equipment jostles. Her eyes squint with a kind of malicious glee, somehow impressed.</p><p>“You already know what this is, don’t you?”</p><p>He nods, fast and hard, hair flopping down into his eyes, unable to brush it away. She lifts the thing and brings it closer and closer to her mouth, almost like she’ll kiss it, and Rà <em> screams. </em>A small indicator ticks up on the instrument panel and her eyes flick in that direction. That dark smirk returns.</p><p>“You’re afraid of this. Quite afraid.”</p><p>He nods again, horrified. “You’re… are you using <em> me </em> to make <em> those?!” </em></p><p>She nods back at him. “Oh, yes. And you’re quite special. What you can do is perfect. What <em> this </em> will be able to do with your power will be <em> amazing.” </em></p><p>He shakes his head, feeling tricked, afraid, ashamed of how stupid he must be. “That’s <em> not-” </em></p><p>“This will let regular sentients stand on equal footing.” She pauses, grinning at him again. <em> “Higher </em>footing.” She taps a finger against his face. Chin, lips, nose, forehead – each touch punctuating a word. “All. Because. Of. You.”</p><p>He gets angry then, struggling, wanting to escape – but he’s held fast and tight. The meter pushes forward once more.</p><p>He pants, dizzy from his effort as a realization hits him. “You’re making me mad on purpose!”</p><p>“Of course. I need to do it now, while I still can.”</p><p>He scowls. “What does <em> that </em>mean?”</p><p>She looks at him, blandly. Almost bored. “Soon, you won’t get angry anymore. You’ll just be scared. Then, you’ll just be sad.”</p><p>She tussles his hair, unkindly, pulling at the strands. “Then… <em> then </em>you’ll just give up.”</p><p>Fear is creeping into every piece of him, filling his pores with anxiety – but he can’t get anywhere. He can’t do anything. He wants his mom. His Master. But they’re not here. He may never get to see them again. His mind whirs.  </p><p>“I’ll come here, and you won’t care that you have no food. No water. You won’t care that you’re cold, or that you’re lonely. You won’t feel anything when I yell, you won’t cry when I tell you horrible things.”</p><p>She leans down close, her eyes glittering. She looks pleased, and her voice is a low whisper of promise.</p><p> “And <em>that, </em>dear child, is when I get to start <em>hurting</em> you.”</p><p>His bladder lets go.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Her ship was barely salvageable, but it will do. <em> Anything </em> will do. They need to move, and they need to move <em> now. </em>Before the Alliance can send anyone else.</p><p><em> We need to break atmo. We need to break atmo, </em>is all he can hear pounding in his mind as he rams the lever forward to thrust the ship into space. Is it his thought? Rey’s thought? It doesn’t matter, all that matters is that it’s steadily thrumming in time with his pounding heartbeat, bloodlust still raging in him.</p><p>She screams furiously, pulling her legs up from the cockpit chair and ramming them into the dash, kicking at it over and over again until the sound of her wrath finally breaks alongside a bit of paneling.</p><p>Just a little further – just a little…</p><p>They hit the black. She’s rapidly calculating numbers on the standard issue console, pulling up maps and charts while he reaches out to sense the nearest hyper-lane. They have to move fast; there’s a larger ship on the other side of the crumbled moon, where the ‘wings must have come from. She finds what they need and pushes the information into his mind. Clicking the thrusters into gear, he punches it until the stars bleed into lines.</p><p>As soon as they do, he shoves himself out of the cockpit chair and heads to the tiny galley. It’s claustrophobic. Like there’s not enough air. He spreads his fingers out against the cool surface of the room’s small table, but his blood is boiling…</p><p>And it boils over.</p><p>With a grunt he <em> flips </em>the heavy dining surface as if it were nothing, crashing it into the cheap wall-material of this scavenged ship she’d found on his world. The sound it makes is harsh and piercing, a metallic shriek, and by no means does it satisfy his urge. He takes out his saber, the white blade thrumming its broken spits, and hacks at anything and everything in front of him. His breath comes in grunts.</p><p>They betrayed him. They <em> all </em>betrayed him. Not just the splintering Alliance – but Dameron. And… and Finn, too – because he <em> must </em> have known.</p><p>Finn. Her best friend. His...</p><p>He was right; another weakness to be exploited. They sent him to her. <em>They followed him to her. </em>It was never their plan to have him help Balance her; their plan was to take them both out at the same time. To use him to <em>get to</em> <em>her.</em></p><p>Her.</p><p>His blade is off and at his hip in less than a blink as he takes the two long strides needed to get back to the cockpit. She’s pacing, fingers pulling at the roots of her hair as her lips sneer over white teeth. The Darkness pours from her in a way he’s never felt before. It’s intoxicating... but this is not <em> his </em>Rey. How many things are they going to take from him? How much until it’s enough? Death is better than all this loss. At least death lets the pain <em> end. </em></p><p>He wonders when his collar will do their dirty work for them. It could be any minute now, for all he knows.</p><p>The light catches on the soft edge of her scar and he reaches in to grab hold of her; stilling her movement. He’s dangerous right now. He’s not done hurting things, not by a long shot, and looking at that filthy mark on her face isn’t calming him down in the slightest.</p><p>He runs his thumb over the place where the lines cross each other under her eye and grimaces. “Why won’t you let me heal it?” The “t” sound is harsh and biting.</p><p>Her eyes narrow to slits. “Because I needed them to see that I’m not immortal. I needed them to <em>see </em>how much I’m putting at risk, how hard I’m fighting – WE’RE fighting.” Her eyes flicker with a new color that makes his heart stutter. “But we’re done doing <em>anything </em>for them.”</p><p>He works his jaw and looks down. “They’re going to come for us. They’ll know their plan failed, and they’ll come for us again.”</p><p>Rey’s vicious grin nearly takes him by surprise. “Let them come.”</p><p>He kisses her, then. It’s not romantic; not neat or tidy or soft. It’s harsh. Too fast, too forceful, too rough – but he feels like that’s how it will be tonight. His body still wants to <em> hurt something, </em> and he can’t control himself. Not now. Not after he’d seen her eyes flicker yellow.  </p><p>She jumps up, wrapping her tight limbs around his hips and pulling into him. Her fingers grasp the sides of his face as she works her mouth. All he can taste is smoke. He grunts as she bites him. This is a mean-spirited kiss. They’re fighting each other – fighting over who is leading this dance - and, damnit, right now, it’s going to be <em> him. </em></p><p>He pulls back and slides his fingers under her rear, hiking her up and over his shoulder. When she struggles, he <em> slaps </em>the back of her thigh. The sound she makes is one of surprise, but not one of warning, and he takes good note of that.</p><p>He stalks to find the tiny bunk of this forgotten vessel. There are only three places to look, so it won’t be very long until he has what he needs. “I can’t stand that someone marked you.” </p><p>She huffs a sardonic laugh. “You can’t stand that someone <em> else </em>marked me, you mean.”</p><p>“That’s <em> exactly </em>what I mean.” He puts her down and presses her against the wall, caging her, very close to the tipping point. </p><p>Her eyes flicker in color again and his rage starts to shift into something <em> more </em>as she continues to speak. “I felt that way about your scar, you know. It made you mine.”</p><p>He shakes his head slightly, grinding his jaw. “You’re not theirs, Rey. Never theirs.”</p><p>Her fingers slither up his pulse. “Mark me, then. Mark me <em> more </em>than they have. Make everyone who sees me know I’m yours.”</p><p>Looking to the side, he shakes his head. “Not like this; not when I’m like this.”</p><p>Her grip shifts as she takes hold of his collar, shame blazing up through him when she does. With a quick tug, his eyes are back on her. “Yes, like this. Because<em> I’m </em> like this, too.”</p><p>She tugs him again, hard and sharp, until his face is so close to hers that he even can’t really see her anymore.</p><p>“Mark me.” She says again, voice breathy and commanding.</p><p>He grips her hand, removing it from the impending doom around his neck and flicking it firmly away. His eyes bore into hers as he grabs the hem of her shirt and yanks it up over her head. She’s covered in dirt and he can smell the scent of sweat on her, but it’s good. Very good.</p><p>He slips his arms behind her, fingers over the strong muscles of her back. He slides them lightly for only a moment before making his decision, crooking his fingers and<em> scraping </em>his nails in long lines up her. She stifles a cry, still staring at him unflinchingly.</p><p>Well, that won’t do.</p><p>So he does it again, in a downward slope this time. <em> Harder. </em> She hisses and her eyes go to half-mast. Idly, he wonders how much pain she’s willing to take.</p><p>Her voice is a low purr when she says, “How much do you want to give me?”</p><p>His smile is cruel as he steps away from her. Passing his eyes over each doorway portal, he selects the one he needs, lifting his foot and slamming down as hard as possible, splintering the shoddy material and opening a way to a modest captain’s quarters. It’s dirty. Just like them. Just like the rest of the fucking ship. But that doesn’t matter right now. It’s only about to get dirtier.</p><p>She hasn’t moved, but now that he has his eyes on her again, she turns, revealing the naked line of her spine. Slowly, sensually, she moves her hair over her shoulder, giving him a clear view of his handiwork. Red stripes raise the skin in long trails that match the shape of his fingernails and he finds he quite likes that color against the rest of her.</p><p>“Come.”</p><p>When she looks at him again, he juts his chin towards the bed.</p><p>“Naked. Standing. Face away from me.” He doesn’t want to look at that <em> scar </em> anymore. A tell-tale sign of his failure. He couldn’t protect his wife. Just like he couldn’t protect his unborn chi-</p><p>No.</p><p>No, that is not a thought for right now, her skin revealing more of itself moment-by-moment as she undresses. She’s staring at him, but suddenly, all he can feel is the pressure and constriction of his collar. A bitter well of hate bubbles up within him and he wants her eyes off him. Immediately.</p><p>She smirks.</p><p>And, for the first time in a long time, he points his anger in her direction.</p><p>“Do as you're told.”</p><p>Her expression hardens, but she obeys. She stands by the bed, facing away, her gaze out to the viewscreen where the stars cascade by. If he looks, he can see her reflection, and the reflection of himself behind her. But, right now, seeing himself is a punishment he can’t bear.</p><p>His hands always look so huge on her. He thinks about how easy it would be to break her. Not if she knew it was coming – oh, no – then there would be a deadly battle… but, if he caught her by surprise, how easy would it be to just snap her? Like a twig? How easy would it be for <em> them </em>to snap her?</p><p>He’ll kill them before he lets that happen. He’ll kill them <em> all. </em></p><p>He spreads his fingers over her skin, feeling the raised patches of the scrapes on her back, and <em> shoves </em>her so her chest is down on the bed and her ass is in the air. “How else should I mark you, Rey?” With no notice, he rakes his nails over her cheeks, glorifying in the pink trails he leaves.</p><p>She doesn’t answer.</p><p>He lifts his palm and slaps it down over the curve of her, watching the echoes of his action flutter over her skin. Her tan blushes softly, and it’s the most beautiful thing he’s seen in a long while, so he does it again. Harder this time, and she cries out softly into the stale bedding.</p><p>Using gentle fingers, he draws their names out in Aubresh over her. “We took down five ships today.”</p><p>Her voice is hateful. “Good.”</p><p>He finds his way between her legs but is surprised to feel a red liquid already coating her. It’s only then that he realizes her body isn’t ready for him. Well, that’s fine – they’ve done this in <em>other </em> ways, before – and, ohhh, how he’d liked it. Just thinking about it makes him so hard, it <em> hurts. </em></p><p>Perfect. He deserves to hurt right now.</p><p>“How many do you think we’ll kill before the end?”</p><p>There is no hesitation.</p><p>
  <em> “All of them.” </em>
</p><p>He leans over with a harsh grunt and puts his tongue on the back of her. She squawks in surprise, but it only makes him smile in his ministrations. He presses and urges with his mouth, getting her nice and ready. Getting her nice and <em> wet. </em></p><p>Refusing to remove a scrap of clothing, he simply unearths himself and rams into her without warning. Her cry lets him know that this is not unwanted attention.</p><p>Would he stop if it was unwanted?</p><p>Now – <em> there </em>was a question.</p><p>“What do I do with dead bodies, Rey?”</p><p>He slams into her once more, and this time she gasps for more than one reason. With her face against fabric, she reaches both hands behind her and places her wrists together – as if she were bound. He releases her hips and grabs those instead, using them like reigns to pull her to him. He’s too rough, he knows, and she’ll bruise in the morning.</p><p>If there is a morning.</p><p>With a sharp jerk on her arms, she slaps against his hips and her tight heat grabs him, vicious and hot, sliding perfectly, skin over skin. He tugs at her, over and over, watching her shoulder blades arc awkwardly as he pulls her arms backwards. She’s panting, and that’s good, but breaths aren’t <em> words. </em></p><p>“What. Do. I. <em> Do </em> with them?”</p><p>He slams her so hard she stutters. “Y-you <em> burn </em>them.”</p><p>He moans slightly, moving faster. “Exactly. Then what do I do?”</p><p>“You… oh Gods, you add them to your pile of a-ashes.”</p><p>Now he’s panting, too. This feels so good. Dark and painful and shameful and wrong and <em> good. </em></p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“T-to show that you can’t be b-beaten.”</p><p>He growls and bares his teeth, smacking her ass with a stinging whip before grasping onto her wrists once more. “WRONG answer, Rey.”</p><p>She whimpers, but shakes her head, knowing what he wants and refusing. But, no, no, we’re not playing that way tonight.</p><p>
  <em> “Why do I do it?” </em>
</p><p>“I…”</p><p>He slaps her again on the other cheek and she squeaks. He pulses inside her as she squeezes hard with her surprise. It feels so good when she does that, so he whips her once more for good measure. Both her curves are more-than-pink now, and he bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from continuing to rain stinging pain on her. This is all too much; he’s going insane.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because…”</p><p>
  <em> “Because WHY?” </em>
</p><p>He bucks into her once more and she grunts sharply.</p><p>“To show you’ve given everything to the Dark side. B-because you’re a <em> monster.” </em></p><p>Shame, yes. Pain, yes. But lust? Oh, yes, also a steep spike of lust.</p><p>“And who are you with right now?”</p><p>“A m-monster.” She’s moaning and his speed is endless. He feels like he can take her like this all night. See how many times he can make her come… or maybe he won’t let her come at all.</p><p>Another hard slap, this time over her hip and she yelps.</p><p>His voice is like venomous satin. <em> “Who are you with, Right. Now?” </em></p><p>
  <em> “Kylo Ren.” </em>
</p><p>Ah, there it is.</p><p>He lets go of her wrists, sharply pushing her away from him, backing up as far as the room will allow. Feeling abandoned, she turns to face over her shoulder as he leans, hands wringing together with his hair hanging in his eyes.</p><p>Nodding, he sniffs back a wet sound. “That’s right. That’s <em> exactly </em> who I am. And that’s all I’ll <em> ever </em>be.”</p><p>She’s on him before he can blink, turning him around in a swing step and pushing him onto the bed. He barely has time to react before she’s on him once more, running her wet tongue over her wide palm, soaking it before running those nimble fingers up and down him. Notching him into her, she lowers, pushing him back in slowly. She gasps with power and he whimpers at the loss of control.</p><p>“Ask me,” she pants.</p><p>Eyes closed, he ignores her and just <em> feels. </em> She grabs his collar again, making him snarl until he sees that gorgeous dance of coloring in her eyes again. This is dangerous. This is <em> so </em>dangerous.</p><p>She uses her leverage like a leash and rides him. <em> “Ask me.” </em></p><p>He watches her throw her head back as her breasts bounce and he’s lost. He’ll give her anything she wants.</p><p>“What would you have named y-yourself?” </p><p>He stiffens his stomach muscles and lifts his hips so he can be deeper inside her. He feels her take him all the way down, as deep as he can possibly go, but it’s too much – he has to slow it down. Grinding his teeth, he works to keep his mind in one place.</p><p>“If you’d taken… my hand. On the S-Supremacy. After Snoke. What... would you have named yourself?”</p><p>He slides his hand up her, noting the bruises darkening on her hips. Before he has time to marvel that he caused them, her fingers wrap around his and pull them closer to her lips. He watches her slide her wet tongue over his palm and he sits up onto his elbow to watch her. </p><p>Her lips, wet and red, open invitingly as she slides one of his fingers only deep enough to touch past her teeth. Just enough for a soft lick and a drag of enamel over hot flesh. With his newly-slick finger, he reaches down and presses between where their bodies join. When he flicks her just the way she likes, she whimpers the word, “Kira.”</p><p>Mmm, yes – that’s a perfect name. A perfect <em> first </em> name, anyway. A possessive flare sings through him and it’s all he can do not to bite her and claim her throat the way he’s claimed the rest of her. Instead, he keeps pressure on that button, letting her grinding do the work for him. “Kira <em> who?” </em></p><p>He can feel her heat clamping against and, damnit, he’s close. He’s so <em> damn close. </em>“Say it, baby, c’mon.” </p><p>But all she has for him are gasps and moans and pleas. He wraps his hands under her thighs once more, lifting her in the air and slamming her against the wall, pivoting in steady thrusts. He’s not going to let himself come until she <em> says it.  </em></p><p>“Kira <em> Who?!” </em></p><p>Her cries are overriding her ability to speak, but she rallies, “Kira <em> Ren.” </em></p><p>“Yessss. That’s right, good girl… keep talking.”</p><p>“I-I would have been your Empress. The Empress of the First Order.”</p><p>The sound he makes is obscene. He can’t… he just…</p><p>With a rough grunt, he lets loose inside her, shuddering with his whole body, pressing his forehead against the wall as his hips rock through his climax. She’s on him, around him, all over him and it’s all he can feel.</p><p>They stay like that for a moment – panting, sweaty, dirty, grasping at each other. He’s lost to anything other than the process of coming down… until he feels the wet drop of a tear hit him. He squeezes his eyes shut as he feels her chest start to rise and fall erratically against him.</p><p>His heart is breaking… but hers is already broken.</p><p>“And if I was Empress, I could have kept the baby s-safe.” Her voice devolves into a wet gasping sob and he wraps his arms tighter around her.</p><p>As gently as possible, keeping as much of their bodies in contact as he can, he moves them to that filthy bed and lays them down together. To soothe the ache, he dons a familiar mantle and pushes all feelings deep down inside himself.</p><p>Because Kylo Ren does not allow himself to mourn.</p><p>Kylo Ren just <em> murders. </em></p><p>He wraps Rey in his arms, pulling her as tightly to him as possible while her bawling wracks her entire body in convulsions. Habit, more than anything else, makes him run his fingers through her hair. He can hear her sounds, feel her shudders, but his heart has gone cold.</p><p>Petting the welts he’d caused on her back, he notes that they’ll be there for a while.</p><p>Because he can’t heal her.</p><p>Not anymore.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The door latches with a harsh clack. </p><p>“Any luck?” Ariani’s eyes are puffy and exhausted from a sleepless night of caretaking and worry.</p><p>Ciel has completely distanced himself emotionally from the situation. Now, the subjects in question are simply ‘The Boss’ and ‘The Boy’. He shakes his head at her, business-like. “No. Our people have combed the complex and are venturing out. With <em>him </em>off-world to find <em>her</em>, we’re left with no other options.”</p><p>“Can’t someone contact him?”</p><p>“Offline, it seems.” He flexes his gloves and pushes the seams back through the spaces between his fingers.</p><p>“Why tell me in person? Why not comm? Send someone? You should be <em> out there!” </em></p><p>He flicks his braid behind his back, masking his ramping irritation. “You might not be aware, but there’s an order to these kinds of things. I’m not rank-and-file, but thank you for your vote of confidence in the skills of my people.” He smirks coldly at her. “Besides, I thought it best to deliver the message in person. The Boy was supposed to be under our watch. This problem is on both of our heads.”</p><p>She lowers her brows, furious, and gestures outside. “How can you be so cold? If it was me, I’d be out there kicking down <em> doors.”</em></p><p>Indignancy flashes in his eyes. “Then <em> go kick doors, </em> Ari, by all means. Let me know how that works out for you.” He stares at her in challenge for a moment, nodding his head towards the door in welcome.  As if to say, ‘Go ahead, I’ll wait.’ </p><p>She looks like she wants to punch him, so he’ll mark that as a job well done. </p><p>“Didn’t think so,” he skirts roughly around her.</p><p>She snags his arm, but he pulls from her, sharply. It’s only a tic of a second before he’s leaning in and hissing at her. </p><p>“Why do you always have to make things so <em> difficult? </em> You think I have time to deal with this kind of bullshit from you? I’m doing you a damned <em> favor. </em> Why can’t you just be grateful? Why can’t you just sit back, respect rank, and <em> know your place?!” </em></p><p>She leans in right back, forcing him to move to avoid going nose-to-nose with her.</p><p>“In case you haven’t <em> realized, </em> General – I am not your <em> SUBORDINATE!” </em> Her voice rings loud and clear in the empty space of whatever private room she’d pulled him into.</p><p>He does nothing but blink at her for a moment before his face turns into a mean, vindictive scowl. “No. No, you’re most definitely <em> not.”  </em></p><p>And it’s an insult.</p><p>She crosses her arms and seethes. “Don’t bother coming here. Send someone else. I think I’m sick of looking at you.”</p><p>It stings. </p><p>This isn’t a normal fight for them. They’re all hyped-up and going too far. Right now? Their claws are out like rishkahs as they growl at each other. He knows he can’t let it stay like this, she’s the only… friend… he has left. He looks away, knowing he should just walk out, but doesn’t. He waits for <em> her </em> to storm out, instead. But she doesn’t, either.</p><p>So he just sits there and breathes through his anger. When he finally looks at her, her expression catches him so off guard that it... softens him. Her eyebrows are knit and her mouth is trembling. Tears trace down her cheeks in soft lines that follow down her throat. Her face is a little blotchy – but it’s utterly captivating. Moving. Endearing. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen anyone make this face before. Not in his entire life.</p><p>Her voice is low, but it doesn’t shake. It’s still strong and proud. <em> “You </em> make things hard, too, you know. Nothing with you is ever easy.”</p><p>He’s smart enough to know that they’re taking their anger out at each other. She hurts. He hurts. For better or worse, they’ve built a sort of safe space together. A place where you don’t have to worry about being ‘cool’ or ‘calm’ or… whatever else. A place where you can just be a mess and let someone else be a mess alongside you... and what a mess they are. Him, ready to cut his own heart out so he doesn’t have to feel it anymore, and her wearing her bleeding emotions like an open pincushion on her sleeve, like always. He reads her like a book. A trembling, sorrowful, lonely, incredibly strong and <em> willful </em>book.</p><p>With beautiful tears. </p><p>With beautiful… everything, if he’s honest.</p><p>Suddenly, all he wants to do is hold her, like she did for him. Make her anger go away. Make her <em> hurt </em>go away. He doesn’t notice – but, for the first time, his heart doesn’t compare her with his Elle.</p><p>She’s just her.</p><p>“I…” he starts, unsure of what to say. This moment is so precarious, and he’s afraid to do the wrong thing. Afraid to make his odd little emotional haven disappear. All he can say is, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>She looks away, and another drop of water falls. He slowly reaches out to wipe it away, terrified and enthralled at the same time. Everything seems to have more meaning in this moment then it rationally should.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he repeats, nearly a whisper.</p><p>She leans into his palm, but says nothing. Her eyes are cinched shut and she’s open and trusting. Gorgeous. The only thing he can see. It’s too much – it’s too much all at once, and he feels like his heart is going to burst.</p><p>He can’t help himself; he moves closer to her even as his words say, “I have to go.”</p><p>Her expression grows hard again, and she pulls away. “Then <em> go.” </em></p><p>But he pulls her back. Not against him – but close. <em> So close. </em></p><p>He looks at her, gaze heated, and he holds her in his eyes for more-than a moment too long. When she relaxes again, suddenly he feels… shy. He smirks and looks away. “I feel so stupid.”</p><p>She scoffs, “You’ve been stupid for a long time. Glad you’ve finally noticed.”</p><p>And he laughs. It’s short, and maybe more than a little sad – but not because of her. Her remark doesn’t sting this time. It’s almost… cute.</p><p>He backs away and lets her go, smiling softly. “May I continue to update you in person? Or are you really so sick of looking at me?”</p><p>The corners of her mouth turn up slightly, her gaze warmer than she intends. Collecting herself, she looks away and pretends to consider, making him roll his eyes.</p><p>“Fine. If that’s what you’d like, princess,” but it’s not a barb. He’s teasing her back – and she seems to get the joke, since she quirks her lips through her sniffles. </p><p>He moves to leave again, but she reaches out. He slows immediately and allows her to catch his wrist. She doesn’t look up, but a different kind of flush on her cheeks tells him that she sees him anyway. </p><p>“I’m not sick of you.” Her gaze lifts, but only for the shortest of moments. “Even when I hate you, I always want to see you.”</p><p>Suddenly, he’s overwhelmed with the feeling that he doesn’t want to leave her. </p><p>That he wants to pull her close.</p><p>Lace their fingers together.</p><p>He... wants to kiss her.</p><p>Soft. Slow.</p><p>And for a very long time.</p><p>But instead, he just smiles again. “Keep being difficult, Ari. It makes you <em> you.” </em></p><p>With that, he lets her go and works his way backwards one or two steps before finally turning away. She doesn’t stop him – but that’s okay. There <em> is </em>work to be done, after all.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>She’d opted for another sedative, and so he shields her. She’s back in her all-but-ruined clothes, curled tight with her back against his chest and his naked legs nestled up behind hers. He idly strokes her stomach through holes in the cloth, feeling the soft, new skin that heals there. Where the blaster bolts went in. Where everything went to ruin.</p><p>He’d like to think that he’s planning their next steps… but in truth? He’s hollow. Even his rage has left him, though signs of his destruction stand out like fractured bones all over the interior of the ship.</p><p>Her destruction, too. She finally understands how cathartic it can be to rend something apart with just a saber, the Force, and bare hands – though he’s not sure he’s happy about her realization. He’s both awed and depressed to find how easily they both fell.</p><p>But, no – he corrects himself. It took a good amount to get them here.</p><p>The question is, now what? What of their son? His worlds? The Force-sensitives? His last remaining, and perhaps only, friend? Can he forsake them all? Abandon them? Will Rà fall to the Darkness, like <em>he</em> was fated to, when his parents abandoned him to<em> his </em>uncle? Though – at least Ciel loves the boy. He’s not sure Luke Skywalker felt anything like love towards him.</p><p>He rests his lips against the nape of her neck and tries to become one with her body. He wants them so close that their skin sticks. He wishes that their soul was never split into two. His heart weeps, so his eyes can remain dry.</p><p>He feels a prickle in his mind, and suddenly – everything in him shifts. He is electric… and wants to kill all over again.</p><p>It’s Finn. </p><p>He doesn’t respond in words, but he responds with blazing <em> Fury </em>into the man’s mind.</p><p>When nothing but confusion follows, Ben sits up in bed and stalks, naked, away from his sleeping wife.</p><p>He throws <em> Betrayal </em> at this dark man with his dark lies and dark secrets. It’s as if Ben has become the creature of nature that he and Rey had calmed, like he can’t think in words anymore. Only heart-rending emotion. He feels Finn stagger beneath the weight of his thoughts.</p><p>From star systems away, the once-Kylo-Ren dives painfully into the mind of FN-2187.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>
  
  
</p><p>It’s like he’s gone blind. The Pilot is saying words at him, but they have no meaning. Finn’s brain is being scoured with a wire-brush for anything and <em> everything </em>related to the Alliance. Rey. His brother.</p><p>
  <em> NOT BROTHERS! NEVER! LIES! </em>
</p><p>And Finn curls over, slamming his fists against his temples in pain – but no mercy comes.</p><p><em> Why? </em>Finn can barely ask, as his nerve endings rake through hot coals. He doesn’t hear his own grunts.</p><p>Nearly as suddenly as it came, the feeling snaps back and away. The probe retracted, as if Finn’s mind was white fire. The pain is gone instantly, as if it never existed, and a wash of numbness falls over him.</p><p><em> Grief </em> comes over, then. A staggering <em> Depression </em> of <em> Hopelessness </em> and <em> Confusion. </em></p><p>“I don’t understand,” Finn says out loud, through his heaving lungs. Poe is still talking, concerned – but Finn waves him away absentmindedly.</p><p><em> I don’t understand! </em> he tries again, and is only met with <em> Heartache </em> and a feeling of reverse betrayal – as if Ben had betrayed him - which, in a sense, he has.</p><p>Images come to him in a trickle. Little snowflakes drifting in his mind. They pile up into soft drifts, painting the fragments of a picture… but it’s enough… and Finn sees.</p><p>Without looking, Finn grasps at Poe’s collar and pulls him close. “Did you send X-wings to track him? To take them down?”</p><p>He looks up at the Pilot then, confusion obvious on the man’s bearded face.</p><p>Finn’s mouth pulls into a deep scowl. “Can <em> anyone else </em>track him through the collar’s beacon?”</p><p>And understanding dawns. Poe breathes out, “I don’t know.”</p><p>“Deactivate his tracker,” Finn says, voice an unveiled threat.</p><p>Poe pulls out of his hands with brows furrowed. “If I do that-“</p><p>“If you DON’T do that, then it’s all over. Ikeq <em> will </em>take them out.”</p><p>Dameron shakes his head.</p><p>“Because his people already found them. They didn’t get the pleasure of walking away from it, but they <em>found </em>them. How long until they try harder? How long until they succeed and our friends are dead? How will Rey’s people feel, then, huh? How about <em>his? </em>Is it worth it?”</p><p>Scrubbing his hands through his hair nice and hard, Poe nods. He pulls the control out of his pocket – always afraid to leave it behind – and simply… shuts it off.</p><p>It’s that easy. </p><p>How is it that easy? </p><p>It’s so easy, Finn almost wants to laugh.</p><p>As if in agreement of the absurdity of the moment, Poe simply nods. “So, now what?”</p><p>A trickle of information filters into Finn’s mind and he tips his head slightly to the side, as if listening. Poe’s looking at him like he’s gone crazy – but he and Ben continue their internal conversation for a minute. There’s more than a bit of scolding from Finn, and quite a lot of sorrow and self-loathing from Ben, but it isn’t too long before they come to something like an agreement. </p><p>With a smirk, Finn claps his partner-in-crime on the back before launching himself up and into a jog. He grins over his shoulder, legs pumping. “The ‘now what’ is that we talk to the FFO Council before they kick us off-world.”</p><p>The Pilot gapes, wide-eyed. “Excuse me?!? Who talks? You talk? I talk? <em> Ben </em> talks?” </p><p>But Finn is already far ahead. Poe is left, sitting on his haunches with the useless trigger in his hand, letting out a sort of grumpy whine as he looks at the sky like it’s done him wrong. </p><p>Rising to follow his fast-moving friend, grumbling and almost tripping over his feet for good measure, he yells, “I thought this ‘wasn’t how the Force worked’!!!”</p><p>Finn calls back, “I lied!”</p><p> </p><p>Because, yeah...</p><p>...of course he did.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><b>**This “Darkside sex” is 100% desired and 100% consensual.</b> Rough, spanking, scratching, marking, anal/analingus (both of which are *not described explicitly* - like, it’s one line - but is the more realistic approach since her other insides are not healthy enough for attention in this way. With the state of her body in mind, there is also blood - again, not described explicitly - just a few words to note it exists.)</p><p><b>**SPOILERS: If you skip this due to squicks,</b> there is a lot of angst about Ben thinking that he’ll never escape the desire for violence that comes with being being Kylo Ren, all while Rey is seductively wishing that she joined him in the First Order, becoming his his empress - and by doing so, she’d have had the ability to protect their baby. This ends in a moment that -seems- soft, but Rey is broken and Ben has reverted back into his habit of detaching from his feelings, so he doesn’t really feel that moment, though he goes through the motions.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Humility</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Art by <a href="https://www.deviantart.com/michalivan">Michalivan</a></p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p>--------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s still unsure and his wife’s still unconscious as he sits on their dirty bed and slams his feet into his boots. How far is he willing to fall, here? He’d hurt Finn – that much, he knew – and yet, he feels the man rushing towards his people and begging for a meeting… all for him.</p><p>And here he is, tail-spinning, mistrustful, and still wanting to rail at the world. At himself. He pushes himself into a stand and punches the wall for the eighteenth time, grunting and waving his hand to flick off the pain.</p><p>Where is safe? What is the next step? He feels like he’s drowning, and his other half may as well not exist in this moment.</p><p>He wants the voice is his head to come back and scold him. Shove him to do his duty. Tell him to subjugate. Overrun. Obliterate. He is a typhoon. He is X’us’R’iia. With her by his side and them working in tandem, their dyad is like a God.</p><p>His eyes narrow with pleasure at the thought. Who needs a voice when you are a God? Technically, he does have one; Rey. She’s enmeshed with him so deeply at this point, it’s hard to tell where he stops and she begins. </p><p><em> Mark me, then. Mark me -more- than they have, </em> is what she’d said to him. Looking at her now, she <em> is </em>marked. The red circles on her finger, and the red thread around her heart. She’s his. Absolutely. Unequivocally. And, with the Darkness, perhaps she can be his forever.</p><p>They are God.</p><p>The Dark side <em> is </em> the pathway to such things; Palpatine had said it. His <em> true </em>Master. His puppeteer behind the shadows of that cloned deformity he nearly worshipped. Snoke.</p><p>His lips curl at the thought.</p><p>There is a sort of pressing feeling inside his head. A request, of sorts. A tap, a tug – and he considers not answering. Taking a breath, he thinks of the long game, and lets the otherness in. It puts an end to his previous train of thought, nothing but the self-loathing remaining. He reminds himself that he has people on his side. He has <em> friends. </em>Not subordinates; people who… love him… even when they have no requirement to.</p><p>Gods. What a fool he truly is. He grimly reminds himself what he’s done to other ‘Gods’. He’d <em>killed</em> them. Even Gods are mortal.</p><p>Finn opens a portal in Ben’s mind and the haze in front of his friend’s eyes filters through. His council room, his Council…</p><p>Including <em> Vious. </em> </p><p>He doesn’t know the famous allegory, but this is his Judas. </p><p>All he was missing was the kiss.</p><p>Perhaps he’s the one who fed their location to the fractured Alliance. Perhaps <em> he’s </em>the one he should point his anger at. Hate, like a burning orb, fills his belly. If he can rake Finn through the coals star-systems away, what’s to stop him from trying to do it to this damned Toydarian? Too bad he can’t touch his mind…</p><p>If he could, he’d make him end his own life in front of his peers.</p><p>Painfully.</p><p>  </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>  </p><p>Rà blinks his eyes in the empty room, a gross burn in his nose from whatever she smears on him when she comes to check his needles. That painful, stinging stuff. At least he’s alone. She’d made a stupid mistake, not knowing that Rà has been alone for much of his life. He doesn’t mind his own company. It’s safe, even in this unsafe place.</p><p>Still, no matter how much he tries to tell himself he’s not, he’s lonely for his family. His connection to the Force is weak right now, so weak – but he still can feel his dad blaze somewhere far away. That’s how strong his Master is. But, Rà’s voice is too little to reach him. It’s always been too little.</p><p>Though he can feel that one supernova, he can’t feel his mom - and it worries him. What happened to the unbeatable Master Rey when that Golden thread shredded away from her? Away from them all…</p><p>He looks at the filling vial of what they’re collecting from him. They’ve made four of those weapons. <em> Four. </em>The glittering Sith-things are on display, a disgusting reminder of what he’s there for. What will they do with these objects, all filled up with his ability to disable Force-users? His potential ability to… kill them.</p><p>The indicator within the machinery at his side spikes again, and the fact that it spikes makes him so angry that it trembles up even higher. She aimed it straight at his face, so he can watch his Darkness rear its ugly head for collection. </p><p>They had lied. That Yellow Creature and this Red Woman has told him it would take his Darkness away… but they <em> lied. </em> Tricked him. They’re <em> using him. </em></p><p>And that red needle pushes higher.</p><p>He wants his Master to calm him. He wants his Master to repeat over and over and over, ‘The Force is neither good nor bad; The Force is neither good nor bad.’</p><p>Rà speaks aloud, “It just <em> is.” </em></p><p>Hope suddenly dawns in our small boy, and that needle drops to absolute zero.</p><p>What would dad tell him to do? Probably something simple. Something easy for him to do. </p><p>The boy is weak in the Force compared to his family, that much is true (who isn’t, really?), but there are things he is good at, even though he's less powerful. Things that came easily. Now, with what’s left of his connection to the Force, it might be harder – but he bets he can still do it.</p><p>He bites his lips to contain a smile and looks at the cuffs encircling his arms. Looking at the red rings they’ve made, he makes himself mad all over again. This time, when that needle spikes up, it fills him with a vengeful satisfaction. His smile blooms into a mean grin. He’s always leaned dark, but dad said it was okay. And, right now? It is <em> perfectly </em>okay.</p><p>He focuses on those cuffs like the dangerous traps they are, and does what he does with the Holocrons. He just commands: <em>Open. </em></p><p>And they do.</p><p>He swipes his hand over the prickling stabs of tubes in his arms, yanking them out with a grunt. Red trickles out, but it won’t kill him, so he just stands up and casts his eyes to the objects of Red Death and their glittering promises. Anger fills him and, instead of resisting it, he grabs onto it with his whole heart. He opens his palm and reaches through the air to the other side of the room, and the objects <em> shatter. </em></p><p>It doesn't matter that it’s the Dark side he’s drawing on. It matters that what he’s using it for is <em> good. </em> Maybe that’s all he’s ever needed – when he feels the darkness, instead of suppressing it, maybe he just needs to use it for something <em> good. </em></p><p>He’s filthy, soiled with his own mess, so he strips down to his barest self and runs to the locked door. Once more, he simply commands, <em> Open. </em></p><p>This time it’s more powerful; the door’s lock crumbles and the exit bursts open wildly. He arches his eyebrows over narrowed eyes and darts into the crisp hallway. It’s with this mindset that he works his way into the unknown area outside. Fresh air. Fresh light. Fresh cold. Fresh <em> danger. </em></p><p>So he does the next easiest thing.</p><p>He runs.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“The fact remains that General Finn’s troopers are not ready to protect us.” There are bangs on the table in agreement, and Finn can’t help but bang himself.</p><p>He opens his mouth, strong and honest. “There’s just not been enough time. Things are happening too fast. We need agreements, training, supplies...”</p><p>Poe asks the FFO Council, “Do you have any other allies who are armed? Who don’t care about the ‘Kylo Ren’ thing?”</p><p>One of the ice-twins slams her hands down, rearing forward and growling, <em> “You </em> were our ally. <em> Your treaty </em>refused to let us arm ourselves or make those kinds of relationships.”</p><p>            “Though we agreed to it, to be fair,” the more level-headed of the two cuts in. “I must note, Master Solo didn’t like it, but we agreed anyway. It was a mistake in hindsight; it leaves us with no other means to protect ourselves other than our relationship with the Alliance.”</p><p>Her counterpart leans her head back childishly and sighs obnoxiously loud. “Our <em> dying </em>relationship.” The emotionless one continues, unbothered.</p><p>            “The ex-troopers we brought home are war-sick. Saddened. They only want peace. They won’t be able to successfully bear conscription, if we go that way.”</p><p>A half-cyborg suggests, “I have the resources to construct battle-droids. We can augment the programming of our servant models and add weaponry. We don’t need a lot of them. They won’t be strong, we don’t have enough time to manufacture anything intense, but it will be better than nothing. Our technology was part of the strength of the First Order.”</p><p>Finn leans his head to the side, listening to nothing, and everyone pauses when they see it happen. Finn nods and speaks matter-of-factly. “You’re not the First Order, and anything that you do that draws that parallel will only put you in more danger.” </p><p>The male Ajuju seems chastised and waves a hand in concession with a smile. “You even sound like him.”</p><p>Finn smirks a bit.</p><p>A female speaks up, casting a mean glance across the table. “Yet again, Saibara-Kapi, you lead with your disgusting technology as a solution for everything.” She grimaces. “I don’t want to see our Force-sensitives in danger, but I’m not willing to start a battle to save a small handful of people cross-system. We’re talking <em> under a hundred sentients, </em> here. Even if it comes with collateral damage, it’s not worth it. We’re overblowing this whole issue. Just let them go. Let it happen and move on.”</p><p>The half-cyborg shrugs. “Of course you feel that way. We don’t have any ‘sensitives on our world. We wouldn’t have a single casualty. Self-absorbed and self-serving as always, aren’t you? Not even thinking about what it means for the community at large. Unable to do even the slightest of calculations on the magnitude of the ripple effect this would cause.”</p><p><em> They hate each other, </em> Ben whispers into Finn’s mind. <em> Their races are at-odds. It’s useful to let them fight it out to draw out different points of view. </em></p><p>Finn could use that tactic with his people, himself. He takes note for later.</p><p>A gritty, grumbly voice speaks up and Finn can feel Ben bristle from somewhere unknown.</p><p>“As you say, we have no armed allies… however, we do have an armed <em> enemy. </em> An enemy of the Alliance, too, eh? And, what is it you say? ‘The enemy of my enemy is my friend’, yes?” Vious steeples his fingers and snuffles his trunk.</p><p>Poe rubs his hands across his face. “First off: I don’t consider us enemies. Second: you’re not in enough danger from Ikeq to go to the Hutts. They’re ugly – and disgusting – but, they’re not <em> stupid. </em>They’re not going to be tricked into working with you if it makes them a bigger target.”</p><p>Vious simply shrugs. “They already want to work with us, just in a more… usurpy way. Yes? They even have the resources we need from the Alliance. They can <em> replace </em>you for us, eh?”</p><p>There is a rough silence before Vious continues.</p><p>“Let’s be honest, we’re not just protecting ‘sensitives against the Bounty Hunters and Darkside objects – we’re protecting ourselves against the Alliance. The <em> Galaxy. </em> Anyone who refuses to accept Master Solo as the Monarch of this system, yeah? This issue will not go away, unless you still plan to execute him. It’s not <em> my </em> plan to execute him. <em> My </em> plan is to reinstate him. </p><p><em> “My </em> plan is to prove that the FFO is independent of the Alliance. Remind everyone that you do not control the Galaxy or serve as its judge, jury and executioner, yes? I think <em> you </em>might want to make that very clear, as well. The Alliance is not the New Empire. Or the New New Republic.</p><p>“Despite what you might think, this fight is about more than just the fate of Ben Solo and those with access to the Force. But, hmm? Even if that <em> is </em>all it is? I might fight for it anyway, yeah?”</p><p>A majority of fists pound again, and Finn can feel Ben reel with confusion.</p><p>The Toydarian continues, “In, eh, becoming <em> close </em> with Councilman Ikeq – I know that he’s  planning on focusing on this system… but only <em> to start. </em> I have a feeling it won’t stop there. He will eventually attack the Galaxy’s Force-sensitives as a whole. Thinks they’re a danger to all. He thinks he’s doing the <em> ‘Right Thing’, </em>yes? He keeps saying it over and over, ‘Right Thing, Right Thing,’ until I want to punch him – eh? Knock his pointy teeth into his nose, yes?”</p><p>There’s a grumble of laughing.</p><p>“He’ll target other worlds, I know it like I know my own bellybutton.” Vious looks directly at Poe, “But I also know, you need his worlds – his <em> loyal-to-him </em>worlds – in order to keep the Alliance intact. Legitimate. You can’t unseat him. Can’t be open about his threat, yes? It’s a secret.”</p><p>Leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest, Poe nods, back to his familiar role of speaking for the Alliance leadership. “With the way we divided the slices, he has most of the Core worlds – another ‘mistake in hindsight’.” He sighs. “And another thing that Solo didn’t agree with, but we did anyway.” </p><p>He sits forward, pursing his lips. “The entire Core is all-for everything Ikeq’s said, publicly; they’re <em> incredibly </em> pissed off at your boss. And your boss’ <em> old </em>boss. There’s an association of Force-users with domination and violence. Annihilation of worlds. </p><p>“And oh-by-the-way, Starkiller was made from kyber, Death Star weapons were made from kyber, <em> all </em> big weapons are made from kyber, and guess what? Force-users use kyber in their sabers. They can <em> search it out </em> when no one else can find it. What if they ‘feel’ another stash of it somewhere and start this cycle all over again? <em> That </em>is what the Core is thinking.</p><p>“Never mind their <em>natural</em> power. Rey and Solo don’t even need weapons to do serious damage.”</p><p>Ciel counterpoints, “But they’re a rare and special case.” </p><p>Shrugging, Poe says, “Almost no one looks deep enough into stuff like that. Sentients like Leaga, maybe, but he’s weirdly into that stuff. Everyone else just makes generalizations that all Force-users are the same. They can’t even tell the difference between a ‘user and a ‘sensitive. It makes them nervous. They’ll likely see Ikeq as a hero if he starts wiping them out.”</p><p>Vious hums. “Even though they’re a protected class by your own laws, huh?” He shifts in his seat and shrugs the remains of his wings. “So – let’s make an assumption, yes, that we get the Hutts behind the Fallen First Order, and – listen to me, eh? Open mind, yes? </p><p>“I can lure Ikeq into a meeting, no problem. He thinks I work with him, eh? I share his beliefs on the ‘Right Thing’, yeah? We’ll have to find a way to neutralize any, uh, <em>initial violence</em> when he figures out it’s a trap – but we can force him to come to some sort of agreement. We just need the FFO to be a bigger threat – a more <em> real </em>threat – than those with the Force could be. Hutts will help with this, yes? </p><p>“And, if Ikeq plans to expose us as a ‘threat to the Galaxy’ for allying with these slugs, we simply expose <em> his </em> plans – which means all will see he’s going against Alliance’s own laws and people will lose faith in his ability to govern. Maybe call him out, yes? It’s a stand-off, then. He will be forced to compromise to avoid fracturing the Alliance. Compromise to avoid conflict and save lives – which is what he <em> thinks </em>he’s doing with all this, anyway, yeah?”</p><p>Rasi, a male Idana, chimes in. “How will we even get in contact with him?” He looks at Finn and Poe. “Do <em> you </em>have contact with him?”</p><p>With an <em> ahem, </em> Vious raises his hand with a black comm in it. <em> “I </em> am in contact with him. In fact, he’s expecting my call. Quite soon, I’d think.” He laughs a sort of meanspirited ‘eh heh’. “There are <em> benefits </em>to what I’ve been doing. A lot of sick stomachs, too, yeah? But, benefits anyway.”</p><p>Finn closes his eyes as a weight pushes on his mind. Ben is filled with wonder.</p><p>
  <em> Vious is on my side? </em>
</p><p>Finn sends affirmation, clasping his hands under his chin. <em> According to Ciel, he’s been on your side the whole time. He didn’t want you to know; didn’t want you to tip his hand. That’s why he’s kept your people away, too – because he knew you’d read them. He’s been exposing Ikeq’s secrets almost the whole time... </em></p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p><em> ...As a double agent, </em> Ben completes the thought, clapping his hand over his mouth and covering his grin. Giddiness rolls through him. He’d been wrong. He’d been <em> so wrong. </em>He’s never been so <em>happy to be wrong!</em></p><p>Sitting down with a thwump, he barks out a harsh laugh. With no one to stop him, he does it again. It’s only a moment until his shoulders are shaking and he rolls to his back on that beautifully dirty bed. His knees are at his chest and he’s <em> rolling. </em>Wetness fills his eyes as his laughter tears out of him. Loud and raucous; enough to even stir his wife! </p><p>And, when Rey looks at him with blurry eyes… he goes off again, like a firecracker. His face hurts, his stomach hurts, but it’s so good. It’s. So. Good.</p><p>He thinks of his Grandfather. That white void and fuzzy feeling of falling back into his own body. He remembers the words of Anakin Skywalker and decides to stop going down ‘that path’. Decides to make a ‘good choice’.</p><p>‘The <em> right </em>choice.’</p><p>He speaks aloud, sending it to Finn while he wipes tendrils of hair off Rey’s still half-zonked forehead. “I’ll go. It has to be me.” Awe and amusement is clear on his face. “I’m going to make an alliance with the <em> Hutts </em> – to threaten the fractured Alliance with <em> war </em> – in order to make <em> peace </em>for the Galaxy.”</p><p>And he’s off in laughter again.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The punch takes Finn by surprise, honestly. He loses his footing slightly and takes a few steps back, but doesn’t fall. He simply casts a vicious glare on the man who pounded him, sucking the copper taste of the gash his teeth made inside his cheek.</p><p>Ciel screams, <em> “What do you MEAN, you didn’t tell him? </em> Out of all the godsdamn things you and he probably shared through your mind today, why the hell would you leave <em> THAT </em>out!?”</p><p>The man clenches his fists, but Finn stands straight and just stares him down.</p><p>Growling a scream and turning around, Ciel scrapes his hands cruelly through his short hair before fiddling wildly with his braid. With a low and furious voice, “He’s his <em> son. </em> How could you not tell him Ikeq has his <em> son!?” </em></p><p>“What do you think would happen? He’d come down here and hellrake. He’d kill people like a nightmare. So many. And even more if Rey joins in. I love Rà – I’m afraid for him, too – but, right now? I’m <em> more </em> afraid for his father. <em> Of </em>his father.”</p><p>And Ciel looks over his shoulder like he wants to deck him, again.</p><p>Repeating himself, Finn reassures, “I <em> love </em>that boy. But you need to be realistic. He’s been gone – what? Two days? The Dathomirians will keep him alive as long as possible, and it will take a hot minute for them to really hurt him, like the others.”</p><p>“Ever think of his state of mind, you sonofabitch?”</p><p>He stops cold. In truth – he hadn’t. The fact shames him, and his heart aches with the realization. Rà is sensitivity times a million. According to Rey, he’s a lot like his adoptive father in that way.</p><p>He swallows hard, “Then we need to find him.”</p><p>Ciel flops his hands up and down again, letting them clap against his sides. As if to say, ‘What do you think I’ve been trying to do?’</p><p>Finn looks to the side, gathering his thoughts. “What about his friend?”</p><p>Shaking his head, “Ari says the kids can’t do that.”</p><p>Finn smiles this time. “Maybe they can’t do it <em> alone.” </em></p><p>Ciel’s eyebrows knit, but only for the tiniest of moments. Then, he claps his hand over Finn’s shoulder with pride before wrenching him by the neck and dragging him forward. Chirping his comm, he smiles through his determined words.</p><p>“Ari – pull Nex from class. Asshole here has an idea.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>She’s still groggy as he brings their half-ruined ship to a stop on the edge of Hutt-space and she grimaces. She hates this idea. <em> Hates </em>this idea. She has half a mind to take the controls from him and speed them far away. So many things could go wrong.</p><p>Good thing she’s ready to kill, if it comes to that. Ben isn’t. He’s nearly a explosion of assuredness and it grates on her. She wonders how he dares to feel this way, given everything. Her fingers flit over her lower belly. The cramping has stopped, and she admits that she’s thankful to the droid in attendance. Both it and the ball of Light beside her are the only things keeping her going right now. Even if she wants to fight him.</p><p>Ohhh, how she wants to fight him. Let him know how <em> stupid </em>he is.</p><p>But he turns to her with a smile that dimples his cheeks into those beautiful lines he gets, and he reaches over to squeeze her hand. Bringing it to him, he kisses the red rings around her finger. She wants to yank away, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t soften either, though.</p><p>It doesn’t end his smile. “I love you.” He kisses her tattoo again. “It’s going to be okay.”</p><p>And maybe it is. <em> Maybe. </em></p><p>“If it isn’t, I’ll kill them all.”</p><p>His smile becomes a grin and his eyes twinkle. He bites his lower lip, slightly, stifling his expression. “I know you will.”</p><p>This time, she softens. Slightly. As long as she’s with him, it will be alright. Either he’ll save everyone, or she’ll destroy everything that stands in his way. No matter what, they’re together. It doesn’t matter who’s Dark or who’s Light.</p><p>“I love you, too,” she says.</p><p>And the dash console blips a light. Ben toggles it, and she narrows her eyes.</p><p>There is a crackly quality to the sound. “Whee uba wata?”</p><p>Ben’s eyes twinkle again. “Jee bu syun bu Hutt-slayah, Leia Organa.”</p><p>She gapes at him. <em> You speak Huttese? </em></p><p><em> You’re impressed? </em>His eyes twinkle more. She’s tired of it… a little.</p><p>
  <em> What did you say? </em>
</p><p>His grin is infectious. “I am the son of the Hutt-slayer, Leia Organa.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Ben doesn’t bother keeping a handle on his saber, though he’s <em> very </em>glad Dameron gave it back to him. Rey, however, is like a live wire at his side. He’s convinced she’ll lash out at the slightest provocation, but that’s only to their advantage at-the-moment. He squints his eyes at her with love - though their underling escorts don’t see it. One does, however, catch the roll of her eyes.</p><p>“Nobata nunne, Human,” and it gnashes its teeth at her – which Ben finds oddly funny, as it’s face is in its center. They have to look down to even feel the threat… if you can consider a hip-level face a threat. He muses that it could bite at unfortunate places.</p><p>“Tak Basic, niuta,” Ben reminds and the mid-faced male groans.</p><p>“Basic with too many words.”</p><p>Rey grins mean-spiritedly, “Then you’ll exercise your intelligence by speaking it.”</p><p>Ben’s surprised when the creature laughs. So is Rey.</p><p>The ship is grimy. A border ship; armed to the teeth but owning little in the way of comfort. This is a ship that sentients are sent to die in, if need-be, so that either says something about their grit or about what tortures await them if they defect. Ben assumes it’s a combination of both.</p><p>Their derelict craft is docked to this one so, should things sour, he and his not-so-‘Jeedai’ wife will easily be able to make it out again. And, if that grim scenario happens, he’ll just try the next ship. And the next. And the next. Until they decide to either blow him into oblivion or take his damn meeting.</p><p>Hutts were pragmatic, if nothing else. Eventually, they’ll take his damn meeting.</p><p>When he enters the chamber of the slug-like creature, his first thought is about its smell – and then, its size. The thought of his mother chained to a beast like this makes him proud that she killed it, though he probably shouldn’t mention that feeling at this moment. Instead he bows his head at the peon captain in front of him.</p><p>“Kylo Ren, uba?” it asks him.</p><p>“Kylo Ren, sash. Ben Solo, jee.” He doesn’t look up from his bow, but repeats in Basic, “Leia Organa is my mother. She is the slayer of Jabba the Hutt.”</p><p>He finally raises his head. The oversized worm in front of him treats them as no threat and delicately sets up a pipe of sorts; the shaft of it bubbles a lime green. The creature takes a deep drag but doesn’t exhale for a long while. When it does, it’s through the two little slits of its nose. Rey steps back slightly, disliking the smells – both of the Hutt, and of its substance of choice. </p><p>Pupils dilating and slitting into lines, it regards Ben. </p><p>It offers him the pipe, but he declines gently. “Jee oeclin-e uta-sha geetah.”</p><p>Rey gives him the side eye and he silently agrees to switch to a language she can understand.</p><p>“I’m here to speak to your leader; Enja the Hutt. My understanding is that his aim is at my system, and I’d like to offer an alternative to war.”</p><p>The worm in front of him tilts its ample head as far to the side as possible, which isn’t far, and poses a question with the gesture. “I not think anyone bother speaking with you, Kylo Ren.”</p><p>“Ben Solo,” he repeats, knowing this is a phrase he will reluctantly have to repeat for the rest of his life. “If you reach out to your commanding officer, and they reach out to theirs, I’m sure Enja will be willing to meet with me.”</p><p>“And risking his life to Hutt-slayer spawn?” It laughs, a deep belly rumble. “No thinking me.”</p><p>“Your Basic is horrible,” Rey says out loud.</p><p>Again, Ben is surprised as the creature laughs – but Rey’s not, this time.</p><p><em> Strength, </em>is what she tells him. They’re amused by her strength. And brashness. Ruthlessness and rudeness. She fits right in.</p><p>“Jeedai woman no meet. Jeedai woman too dangerous for us.”</p><p>Ben smirks, placing a hand on his lightsaber. <em> “I’m </em> dangerous as well, when things don't go the way I'd like them to.”</p><p>The worm rumbles in interest, leaning in to see. “I hear interesting blade. Dark blade. Show.”</p><p>“Not red, now. It’s been Balanced.”</p><p>“Precaution,” states the blob and the guards around him ready their weapons, but Ben pays it no mind. </p><p>The blade sizzles out, and he twirls it. Immediately, Rey’s hums alongside his; she brandishes hers like the weapon it is and bares her teeth at them all, her urge to use it flowing through the Force. </p><p>When Ben thumbs his off quickly, she sneers but follows suit.</p><p>“I don’t want war.”</p><p>“Of course. You no win. Crippled you are.”</p><p>Ben smirks dangerously and corrects, “Desperate I am. And I will raze my resources into nothing before I let you take them from me. You may also remember, I’m famous for my temper. There are a great many things that haven’t survived my wrath.”</p><p>There is a pause as the creature contemplates, taking in another inhale of whatever foul substance exists in that frothing tube beside him. He gestures to the guards and they disengage their weapons. Ben feels Rey downshift her tension, and it eases him in turn.</p><p>“My people say to other people. My people wait and see what comes. Who will talk, if they talk.”</p><p>Rey’s fingertips caress her saber hilt. “And what do we do while we wait?” She pauses a bit, looking to the side. Ben can feel her mind tick. “Do you have any portions?”</p><p>He looks at her curiously. She hasn’t referred to food in that way for quite some time.</p><p>“Ah! Slave you were. Where from?”</p><p>“Jakku.” She tips her head up, haughty, like leaving there was her glory. Perhaps it was.</p><p>It chuckles again. “Good Empire tech from Jakku we get.”</p><p>She nods, staccato. “A lot of that tech probably came from me. I scavenged. And I was <em> good </em>at it.” Ben stifles a smile; there’s that brashness she talked about. Seems she’s connecting with the creature on a different level, and he can only see that as a good thing.</p><p>It breathes in deep and coughs out a laugh. “I feed you, Jeedai scavenger. Why not?”</p><p> </p><p> ~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>  </p><p>This little girl is <em> feisty </em>and Ciel appreciates it. The minute he and Finn approach, she’s stomping at them, Ariani facepalming behind her.</p><p>“I can do it if you help me!” she yells, hands in fists at her sides, leaning in and challenging them, as if they were about to contradict her.</p><p>He winks at Ariani, “Oh, I like her already.”</p><p>Ari sighs and shrugs, continuing closer and flipping a scarf over her shoulder – shivering in a chill. Once she’s close enough, Ciel moves to stand so that their shoulders touch, lending her his warmth. He refuses to look down at her expression when he does so, and goes slightly rigid with nerves.</p><p>The little one has started throwing curses at them, and Finn’s expression of fear and exasperation is one to remember forever.</p><p>“Whoa, now – okay.” Finn holds his hands up at the small girl, stepping back from her.</p><p>Her cheeks are red from waiting for them in the cold… and probably from her anger, as well. Ciel doesn’t have the Force, but he can sense her determination. She’s scowling and still stomping closer to the dark-skinned man before her as Finn continues his gesture of peace, but she’s not calmed in the slightest.</p><p>“I felt it! Someone did something to him before he did what he did. Don’t you DARE blame him! He was hurting so much that even <em> I </em>felt it!”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah I get it. And then he… I dunno… whammied you guys. He’s <em> always </em>whammying you guys, from what I hear.”</p><p>And she punches Finn’s hip, making him grump. He looks up at Ciel. “Why do I keep getting pounded, today?”</p><p>He shrugs. “Maybe you look poundable. Good thing she didn’t go for the important bits.”</p><p>Ari goes forward and gently removes the little girl, who’s about to start kicking. “Hey, hey, hey. They’re here to help; you know that. You know they want to find him.”</p><p>
  <em> “IF THEY REALLY WANTED TO FIND HIM, THEY SHOULD HAVE COME TO ME BEFORE!” </em>
</p><p>Ciel hangs his head shamefully, but Finn picks up her thread.</p><p>“Before what?”</p><p>“Before his signature disappeared!” She spits on the ground towards his feet, and Finn looks at the sky in supplication. A sort of ‘Why me?’</p><p>Ciel’s heart goes out to him a bit; they both suck at kids.</p><p>Ari touches her shoulders and spins her, gently. “But you can’t feel the Force that way, honey.” She squeezes her lightly. “You told me that you can’t find him like that when I asked you.”</p><p>She juts her chin out at Finn. “That’s because no one told me that we had someone like <em> him.” </em></p><p>Finn gestures at himself and looks wide-eyed at Ciel. He shrugs and crosses his arms. “Stop trying to mind-talk with me, Trash Man. Use your big-boy words.”</p><p>It’s Finn’s turn to want to clout him, but he turns his attention back to the matter at hand, instead. He’s always so good at that; prioritizing the outcome versus the fight he’s itching to have. Ciel could probably learn from that.</p><p>Getting down to her level and risking her wrath, Finn asks, “What can I do to help? I want to help find him, but I need to figure out how we can do it together.”</p><p>Nex whips her hair behind her ears, “You can <em> talk </em> to him. You can talk to him from far away. I <em> know </em>you can.”</p><p>Finn shakes his head, “No, kiddo, I’m sorry – he and I aren’t like that. I’m only connected to two people that way,” he pulls a face, “and I have no idea how the hell that even happened.”</p><p>“The Force works in mysterious ways, apparently,” Ciel jabs. Even Ari rolls her eyes at him and puts a finger to her lips with an annoyed expression. Formally reprimanded, he shuts his trap.</p><p>“It’s because you have strings with them. Even<em> I </em> can see them; they’re blue.”</p><p>Finn’s eyes seem to say he knows what she’s talking about. He reaches out and tries to take her hand, but she lashes away from him. He sighs through his nose and tries again. “What color is yours? The one that connects you to Rà?”</p><p>She looks away a bit, suddenly… wary? Shy?</p><p>“Pink.”</p><p>The smile Finn makes is… adorable. Ciel hates when he’s adorable. It’s too endearing, and he’s not done being mad at him.</p><p>She continues, looking at the ground and fidgeting. “I think that you can help me follow the string. I need to do it now, because it disappeared at the end.”</p><p>Eyes widening, Finn’s voice laces with panic, “It’s cut?”</p><p>She shakes her head. “No… it’s faded. Into nothing? Or Darkness, maybe? I can’t tell.” She looks at Finn with distaste but holds her hand out for something like a formal handshake. “I need you to help me find him. Just you and me – because I’m mad at <em> them </em>and they’ll distract me.” </p><p>Her seething gaze flicks over at Ciel and he holds his hands up in surrender. </p><p>She eyes Finn sadly, wincing a little as he takes her hand. “And, when I feel the end of the string, I need you to travel on it and talk to him.”</p><p>Shaking his head, Finn sucks in his lips. “I can’t do that. I don’t know how to do that.”</p><p>Nodding her head, Nex leans in. “You will. You’ll figure it out. I know.”</p><p>Ari looks at Finn. “She sometimes has Force visions. When I went to get her, she’d just had one. She knew you were coming – both of you – and she knew why. Her visions hint at the future.”</p><p>Humbly, she mumbles, “I can’t see out too far. Hours maybe, but that’s all.”</p><p>Ciel smiles broadly and in earnest. “But that means that, in a matter of hours we’ll be able to track him.”</p><p>Nex nods, determined. Tucking her hair behind her ear again, she firms up her grip on Finn.</p><p>He nods at her. “Just you and me?”</p><p>She nods back, “You and me.”</p><p>And so he stands, lifting her arm up with him. With a brief look at Ciel and Ariani, he shrugs, turns with her, and they start to walk away. They’re talking to each other, but it’s too low for Ciel to hear.</p><p>Ari’s smile is soft. When he looks at her with eyebrows up, she simply says, “Pink is really close to red.”</p><p>But the reference is lost on him.</p><p>He watches Finn in the distance, wanting to follow... aaaand also wanting to stay right where he is, thank-you-very-much. Given that the little girl clearly dismissed him, the choice is easy. </p><p>“Why do you like kids so much, Ari?”</p><p>It’s probably the first time he’d bothered asking her something about herself.</p><p>Her face is wistful. “I’m good with them. Plus, it’s always been my job.” She looks at him and quirks an awkward smile. “Ever since I was taken by the First Order, anyway. I was always too mouthy and bossy with my number-class, but I’d keep the other kids in line, so they upgraded me.” She looks a bit sheepish. “But, under all that, I’m nice. I really care. So… it fit.”</p><p>He blanches, mouth open… but closes it when nothing but air comes out. She was with the 'Order?</p><p>She kind of ducks her head, embarrassed. “AC-8223.”</p><p>He gapes. “Did you get out with the Great Defection?”</p><p>She shakes her head. "Kylo Ren let me escape after a platoon of my kids were sent out too young and… didn’t make it. I’d fought it, but not hard enough, so I didn’t win. After they were gone, I was too lost to go on. </p><p>"He was younger back then; didn’t always wear his mask. I think he’d just joined… or, got sucked in, maybe. But that’s why it was so amazing. It was such a risk that he took; letting me go flew in the face of all Hux’s rules and regulations.” She smirks, smugly, completely pleased. </p><p>Ciel’s heart is in his throat.</p><p>She continues, “That’s why I’d do anything for him. When I found him again, I knew I’d do anything. And here I am,” she blushes softly, “With you.”</p><p>She doesn’t even have a moment to breathe before his lips are on hers. She lets out a small noise from her nose – but it only eggs him on. His gloved fingers lace through hers and his lips are as soft as he can make them as he kisses her. Over and over and <em> over </em> again, he kisses her.</p><p>He can’t bear it. How did he not see it? She’s perfect. She’s <em> absolutely perfect. </em></p><p>She’ll put him in his place. She’ll stand up for herself. She won’t let him lead her into destruction.</p><p>She knows the life of the First Order. She knows of loss and guilt.</p><p>And she’s as indebted to his hero as he is.</p><p>When he pulls away, his forehead is on hers and it’s all he can do to not laugh, somehow. Eyes closed, he asks something intimate. Something so very personal. Something he very rarely dares ask others.</p><p>“How did you choose your name?”</p><p>She’s breathless and the sound of her voice that way stirs him deep inside, all the way down to the bottom of him. When she speaks, it has a whispery quality, and it makes him ache a little.</p><p>“He named me. I used to secretly sing my mother’s lullabies to the children, and he saw it in my mind. He named me with words that mean ‘song’.”</p><p>Ciel lets out a soft sigh. “He named me, too. My name means, ‘sky’.”</p><p>And he’s on her again.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Whatever it was, he can’t believe that she ate it. He’d rather starve for days than eat whatever dangling, writhing, tentacled thing she ate alongside their Hutt contact. He didn’t begrudge her, but he stuck to re-filtered water.</p><p>And now, they stand before a holo-screen, facing Enja the Hutt, himself.</p><p>“So, it’s settled then?”</p><p>Enja waves his thick and waddled hands in a sort of agreement. “Resources are what we need from the Eff-Eff-Oh, more than planets. And also Jeedai to stop blowing up bases and people, me.”</p><p>“Then you have your opportunity right here. Barter like-for-like. Non-existent taxes, favorable mark-ups, and you are granted first bids.”</p><p>Rey cuts in, harshly. “But we won’t allow you to have the Vatras as slaves. No slaves from us, <em> ever.” </em></p><p>The blue gray monstrosity grumbles. “And no weapons.”</p><p>Ben shakes his head. “Never weapons. Never to anyone.”</p><p>“Hah!” the creature laughs a blatt of sound. “Shocking promise from son Han Solo, me.”</p><p>Ben cringes inwardly but faces bravely outward. “I don’t like to rely so heavily on taking chances and hoping for luck. I’m more like my mother. Intelligent, tactical, patient, and <em> completely capable of violence </em> when you least expect it. Or when you are no longer of use and show the first sign of weakness.”</p><p>Enja laughs once more. “Let us hope you not continue her namesake, then.”</p><p>He bows his head deeply, humbling himself. “If you will stand beside my system in partnership, I will never become a Hutt-slayer.” He lifts his eyes, with a glint of menace. “But, make no mistake, if you don’t adhere to our agreement, Master Rey and I will kill Every. Last. One of your race – personally.”</p><p>And all in the room laugh in appreciation of his threat. It grates on him, but...</p><p>To each his own.</p><p>“Ally with Eff-Eff-Oh, then. Spoken word is promise – we don’t sign.” Enja holds up his puny arms. “Hands too small for writing.”</p><p>Even Ben can’t help but appreciate the joke. He reigns in his irritation and nods. “Good thing I’m recording this holo, then.”</p><p>Rey waves a small device in her hands with a devious wink. If there’s one thing they’ve learned from the Alliance, it’s the art of exposé. The Hutt leans back and grimaces slightly.</p><p>“Clever.”</p><p>Rey retorts, “Only clever if you were planning on reneging.”</p><p>Enja nods. “Allies, then. We stand behind the Eff-Eff-Oh as battleforce against Alliance and rest. Will protect you, if and when you need.”</p><p>Ben nods, an internal weight shedding from him. That sound byte is <em> exactly </em>the one he needs. </p><p>He bows to his new ally once more as the holo flicks off, and then reaches out for Rey’s hand. The remaining Hutt and his entourage watch them with odd expressions as he eyes her affectionately, but it doesn’t stop his gesture. If nothing else, he’s making <em> very clear </em>their relationship.</p><p>The blob in front smiles with his slimy tongue flicking out. “Surprised, Solo. Surprised lower yourself to dealing with scum and villainy, us.”</p><p>He only raises an eyebrow. “I’m surprised you lowered yourself to allying with an Organa-Solo.”</p><p>Another laugh goes around, and more than a few jokes about carbonite. He grits his teeth, allowing the insults, and forcing himself to take it in stride.</p><p>But he is still secretly pleased that Rey wants to kill them all. </p><p>Baby steps.</p><p>  </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>On the ship, she doesn’t want to let go of Ben’s hand. She’s… amazed, frankly.</p><p>“Why would you lower yourself like this? You’re one of the most powerful Force-users in the Galaxy. You kept strong, but you could have just hurt them. Commanded them. Mind-tricked them. You <em>should have.</em> <em>I </em>would have.”</p><p>He uses his free hand to continue to steer through the stars. “This is what a True Leader would do, I think. Let go of his ego and focus on creating something that you can nurture to last for generations. Winning the war, not the game.”</p><p><em> Like Dejarik, </em>he smiles at her.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m bad at that,” she admits. Something loosens inside of her. Maybe everything will be… not alright, maybe never alright… but peaceful. She can handle peaceful.</p><p>She finally lets go of the Darkness, letting a calm wash over her, tightening her grip on him in awe. “Your mother would be so proud of you.”</p><p>He leans over and kisses her temple, whispering against it. “I hope so.”</p><p>She turns and looks at him. <em> I know so. </em></p><p>Aloud, she sighs. “Let’s go home, Ben. I just want to go home.”</p><p>He finally lets her go and pushes them into hyperspace. “Just one more step. One more step and it’s all over.”</p><p>All she can say is:</p><p>“Good.”</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Long Chapter! Penultimate Chapter! Hardest-chapter-I’ve-ever-written, Chapter! Took-me-two-weeks-to-write, Chapter!</p><p>Alpha/Beta Elle deserves a SPECIFIC call out, here. I was <b>lost</b> and she helped me confirm that my layout and ideas didn’t suck, helped brainstorm when I was drowning, and was just generally awesome, reliable, and a completely necessary rock for me. She had so many great ideas that weaved their way into the story and her fingerprints are ALL OVER this ending. The parts you love? It was all her. The parts you likely will hate or be angry about? All me.</p><p>Amybeegood is also someone else I’d like to call out. I was panicking about what it means to end such a long-standing story that’s taken up such a large chunk of my year, time, and heart. She supported me, commiserated with me, and let me know that it’s a human experience for all writers to feel this nervous when wrapping up their stories. She is both an amazing/captivating/intense writer, and a fantastic human being.</p><p>Thank you to all those who have supported me during this story when it was a WIP. You have inspired me, made me smile, made me feel trusted, special, and helped me plunge forward into this whirlwind.</p><p>Love. Nothing but love. :D</p><p>One more chapter after this. One. Last. One. Again, I’ll ask -</p><p>“Join me. Please.”</p><p><b>** Violence / Memories of domestic violence</b><br/><b>** Death</b><br/><b>** Sad. Very, very Sad.</b> And lots of other feels in here.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Art by <a href="https://winterofherdiscontent.tumblr.com/">Winterofherdiscontent</a></p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p>Again - their <a href="https://www.redbubble.com/people/winter-of-her/shop">shop</a> is damn gorgeous. Buy from this artist.</p><p>--------------------------</p><p> </p><p>It’s cold. It’s really, <em> really </em>cold. Rà shivers as he hides his nakedness near a warm exhaust vent. He’s near some sort of restaurant – it smells good, and it makes his tummy growl at him. He’d found some good clean snow, though, and it had stopped that horrible crackle in his throat… </p><p>But his feet are numb.</p><p>He scoots his rear back into the cold in favor of his fingers and toes sitting against that steaming grate. His more private parts try to crawl into his body now that they’re back on ice. He shivers so hard his teeth chatter, but he keeps reminding himself, <em> It’s not gonna kill me. -They- would have killed me. This is just cold, and I can live through the cold forever, if I have to. </em></p><p>Born into a warm climate and used to migrating with his family, he doesn’t know he’s wrong.</p><p>In the meantime, he convinces himself he’s some kind of rough-and-tough hero. Someone whose chips are down now but will bounce back in the final act. He likes books like that; holo-dramas, too. Thinking about them distracts him from both his chill and numb bum. He curls his body as tight as possible, pressing his knees and shins against the hot metal. It stings, but again, <em> It’s not gonna kill me, it’s not gonna kill me. </em></p><p>Where is home? Where is <em> he? </em>Is this the nearby city? He’s been here a few times, and he likes it – but this is some sort of back alley made for trash and shady hiding, like he’s doing now.</p><p>He smugly wishes he could have seen the Red Woman’s face when she realized he was gone. It would make this freezing moment worthwhile.</p><p>What about when she saw that he broke everything she’d made out of him? His Darkness seeping into the carpeted area. Good luck sucking <em>that </em>up nice and clean. Good luck putting those shattered pieces of red glass back together.</p><p>Freezing and smiling through his shivers, Rà laughs.</p><p>
  <em> They’re not gonna kill me. And -I’m- not gonna kill anyone else. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The girl’s palm is coated with sweat. Finn had offered her his gloves, but she declined faster than anything.</p><p>“No,” she’d only gripped him tighter. “I need to feel your skin to help me find the end of the string. You can reach farther than I can. Once I find it, then <em> you </em> need to feel <em> me, </em>so you can use it to get to him.”</p><p>He didn’t get any of it honestly, so Finn had just obeyed, and now finds himself fastened to the most determined kid he’s ever seen. His back hurts a little bit from bending while she yanks him further and further towards the seedier part of the lower city.</p><p>Seedy is an overstatement, especially compared to other places he’s been. It’s safe, fairly clean, though small and tight. A frustrating maze of alleys and locals who eye him, wondering if he is who he looks like. He can only hope the child dragging him will sort of be a disguise. Make others think something more along the lines of, ‘Aw, nah, that can’t be the awful, hated Alliance General walking through our city streets! How ridiculous!’</p><p>It <em>is</em> a little ridiculous, in hindsight. Oh well; desperate times and all that. He has no desire to fight these strangers, but he taps his hand both against the blaster and saber under his coat, just to be sure they still exist.</p><p>Nex stops so quick, he slams into her, knocking her to her knees with a curse.</p><p>Her curse, not his curse.</p><p>He uses their latched hands to right her, but she barely seems to notice. She turns her face towards him, but not her eyes; they roam the streets with a keen glare.</p><p>“Did you find it?” He’s whispering. Why is he whispering? He has no idea.</p><p>There is a pause, but she nods slowly. Finn pulses his grip on her hand to encourage her as she continues her scan. Sentients walk by, giving them a wide-but-curious berth, and Finn wants to shake her and tell her to hurry up before someone puts two-and-two together about him.</p><p>Her eyes go wide and shine, a smile pulling her face into something completely un-frightening for once, and she bounces on her heels. “I feel it! I’ve <em> got </em>it! I found the end of the string!”</p><p>Finn catches her excitement. “Does he feel you, too?”</p><p>She shakes her head, scowling again. “He doesn’t see our string yet. He’s been distracted by <em> other </em>strings.” Finn’s sure that he’s just seen childish jealousy rear its little head and he can’t help but smile.</p><p>He yelps out a, “Whoa!” as she puts her whole weight on his grip, pulling him firmly to her height. Her face is sort of mean, but sort of adorable.</p><p>Simply, “Your turn.”</p><p>But what the hell does that mean?</p><p>He presses his lips together and thinks. “You – you meditate, right? When Master Solo teaches you?”</p><p>She nods.</p><p>“Okay, good… well… try that? Maybe? With me?”</p><p>She looks around and finds a sort of corner they can pull themselves into. For the moment, Finn’s gonna completely avoid considering what the passersby might think when they see a grown man alone in a nook and cranny with a little girl. He touches his blaster and saber again, huffing. <em> Why me? </em></p><p>They settle down in the snow and Finn tucks his jacket underneath him. She doesn’t have the luxury and he feels a pang of guilt. “This okay?”</p><p>Her glare says, ‘Get on with it’ – so, okay – fine, then. </p><p>He reaches his hands out to her and she eyes them warily one more time before taking them, settling herself in and closing her eyes. Finn does the same, feeling her rhythm as he opens himself up.</p><p>Suddenly, the cold isn’t there anymore. He just finds that place, y’know? That place of focus and peace. That place of calm and a kind of… synergy with everything. And, strangely, he feels her. This little girl, this tiny ball of rage, leans <em> Light. </em>How in the hell does she lean Light?</p><p>Rà must mean more to her than Finn can really imagine. Maybe her anger is born out of a kind of love. Can kids even love like that at this age? But, as he leans into the feeling of her, he senses it. That – color, maybe. That feeling of a sunset sky of pink, not a soft or baby pink. Violently bright; nearly blinding.</p><p>He knits his brows and leans into that feeling; that <em> color. </em>He doesn’t shy away from it, and his focus narrows hard enough to give him vertigo. That blinding stripe of love contracts. Condenses.</p><p>Into a thread.</p><p>He hears her awed voice whisper, “You found the string.”</p><p>He swallows, saying nothing. Afraid to lose this moment.</p><p>“Now,” she urges, <em> “Travel </em>on it.”</p><p>And he does.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“We can’t get there in time, anyway. This ship’s almost ruined; I’m surprised we’re not floating in stardust, right now.”</p><p>“Uplifting, Ben. You’re a real joy to have around; anyone ever tell you that?”</p><p>He snorts, “You sound like Ciel.”</p><p>Ben readies them for their appearance, scrubbing Rey’s hair as much as possible given he can barely fit in this tiny ‘fresher with her. Her bleeding seems to have stopped, and her pain, too. The sadness, though? That will take a while. For him, too. </p><p>“I don’t know if we can do it. Master Luke-“</p><p>“Shhh,” he cuts her off. “We’re more powerful than him. Especially together.”</p><p>The bubbles foam as she faces away from him. He moves down to her back, noting her scratches, bruising, and the healing skin of her exit wounds. He should apply more bacta after this.</p><p>His voice is thoughtful more than anything else, like the situation is a theoretical strategic exercise, not a real-life deadly maneuver. “We just need to make sure we only use our energy to… exist. No fancy tricks, no song and dance, no fighting. This is <em> not </em>the time for fighting.”</p><p>She scoffs. “It seems like the perfect situation for fighting.”</p><p>“Then you just need to restrain yourself,” he can hear the smirk in his own voice. Sighing a little, he rests his forehead against her wet hair. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I can do it alone. You don’t have to-”</p><p>“Don’t leave me.” Her voice is small, and it tugs at him.</p><p>He tilts her head, kissing a place where her skin is free of foam. “We don’t have to do this at all. We don’t even have to show our faces, we can just trust our people to do this right. Our Holos don’t work, but I’ve sent Dameron everything he needs to do this without us.”</p><p>She turns to face him, skirting her slippery fingers over the top of his chest. “We can’t leave them to deal with this alone...” she trails off, sadly. “We have to be there, in case anything goes wrong.” She sounds resigned. “We need to save our people.”</p><p>He lifts her hand and threads his fingers through hers. “The ‘sensitives?”</p><p>“And the FFO, and our <em> friends,” </em> she agrees. He can see her swallow. “But, if we have to step in... that could be the end.”</p><p>“Yes,” he’s looking at her hand and pretending to marvel at her fingernails.</p><p>“Are you ready for that?” she asks.</p><p>The words sound so simple but carry such heaviness.</p><p>“I don’t know. Are you?”</p><p>She breathes in deeply and tips her head back into the streaming water, flitting her mind over the possibility. “I suppose I won’t know until it happens. And, by then, it won’t matter – because it’ll happen anyway.”</p><p>He kisses her a little before focusing back on rinsing the soap from her hair.</p><p>“You’re right.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>General Ciel nods at him and – hey, no pressure, right? Not like everything hangs on this one comm. Not like the slightest tip-off will send this whole idea to the grave.</p><p>Vious heaves in a breath that fills his entire lungs, his hearts thumpity-thumping. No one can see him sweat, though, yeah? He is their only hope.</p><p>Maybe they’re all being stupid. Maybe they should just give it all up as a bad idea, like Devata said in the Council meeting. Maybe they should just let whatever happens, happen.</p><p>But, no.</p><p>Vious also has an image in his mind about what it means to do the ‘Right Thing’, and he’s going to stand by that ideal, just like he did when he lost his wings. When the baddest of the bad guys stood over his little village flutter-sister, intending to steal her away and take <em> everything </em>from her. </p><p>Vious could have given up. Could have let whatever happened, happen. But, no. He stood up, yeah? Stood strong. Made his mama proud. He saved that little village flutter-sister; gave her a chance to run away while that monster shredded off his favorite part of himself – made him un-mateable. Made him worthless.</p><p>But his flutter-sister lives today and adores him with all of her heart. Lets him hold her babies, even though he’s un-mateable.</p><p>He decided to focus on his work, instead – though he can still be quite <em> active </em>without being pair-bonded. What else is there to do, yeah? You live and you die and you make the best of what you can. He’s happy… ish. Things could always be better, of course. And things could always be worse. Vious considers it his job in life to stop the ‘worse’.</p><p>So he grins up at his colleague; it looks a little scary, maybe, but, hey! He’s nervous, huh? Give him a small break, yeah?</p><p>He clicks the comm, smooth as butter, and General Ciel leans against a table – ready to listen to one side of the conversation.</p><p>No pressure.</p><p>Ikeq picks up on the first chime. His voice is resigned and the first words out of his filthy mouth are, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>And his tone takes Vious aback, catching him off-guard. “What? Why say that?”</p><p>There is a sigh. “I only have one. Just one. My volunteer… <em> un </em>volunteered, it seems. Took everything we made and blew it to shambles.” There is a rough clatter of sound as the creature, no doubt, throws something off of something else.</p><p>Dangerous, hmm. Soft, yeah? Be soft.</p><p>“We’re, eh, kicking the Alliance off-world. General <em> Finn,” </em> Vious stretches out the word for effect, “took three objects from you, right? I can get them.” He hears a breath on the other side and reassures, “I can <em> get them, </em>Councilman.”</p><p>“Where do I send mine?”</p><p>Vious doesn’t know if Ikeq sounds desperate, excited or lost – but he’s not sure it matters, either way.</p><p>“Meet me on my world. Meet me on Nelja. Two birds, one stone, yeah? <em> I </em> have the most ‘sensitives in the system, my friend. Me. And, because of Master Rey’s, eh, training visits – they’ve mostly migrated to our capital. <em> Right </em>where we’re going read the verdict.”</p><p>If a smile had a sound, the Toydarian hears it now.</p><p>“When’s the verdict? <em> What’s </em>the verdict?”</p><p>Vious shrugs even though he can’t be seen. “You know what I know. We need to prepare for anything.”</p><p>Conspiratorially, Ikeq asks, “Who are you trusting with the pieces?”</p><p>Here we go, yeah?</p><p>“You. Me. That’s it.”</p><p>The silence on the line lasts for a minute. “But-“</p><p>“But, what? This is what; my Council is <em> against </em>this. One-hundred-million percent. But they’re not as smart as us, yeah? Not as clever. They can’t see the bigger picture. Small minded, bah!” He kicks something over, himself, for good measure, and ignores the General’s raised eyebrows.</p><p>“You and me,” Vious continues, “We need to be there to do the Right Thing. Will you come with me, Councilman? Will you <em> please </em>help me, yeah?” He makes his voice small, “…I can’t do this alone.”</p><p>“Yes,” and it’s almost a whisper. “I will.”</p><p>“Bring your people, Councilman. Bring those you trust with you. I have no one left to trust.”</p><p>Again, “Yes. I understand. I will.”</p><p>Vious allows himself a sigh of relief, nice and loud. “You and I, Ikeq… we’re brothers, now.”</p><p>There’s a sort of hum of appreciation. “Thank you. I could use a brother. I need… a friend. A <em> real </em>friend.”</p><p>Vious refuses to be moved, but does a good job pretending.</p><p>He then tells him where and when to go. Who and what to bring. And when the comm clicks off, he looks at his General and grins through the words,</p><p>“Hook. Line. And Sinker.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rà opens his eyes to his uncle on the bed next to him. His thin braid rests over his shoulder and he’s up on one elbow, petting Rà’s hair. He normally doesn’t like it anymore, it makes him feel like a little kid, but, right now? He’ll take it.</p><p>It’s warm. He’s covered in blankets. Still, his fingers and toes – and the <em> underneath </em>of him – all tingle with pins and needles. At least he can feel them now, though.</p><p>A hand slips into his, making it warm, and he turns to see his other uncle, eyes crinkled with love. “Hey, kiddo. Glad we found you. You were out cold… no pun intended.” Uncle Finn squeezes him a little and Rà smiles.</p><p>“You and Uncle Ciel found me?”</p><p>His older uncle sits up a bit, making some space. “Close.”</p><p>Rà looks through the space made by Uncle Ciel’s body and Miss Ariani is there. With Nex.</p><p>And Nex is <em> weeping. </em></p><p>He sits up a bit, though it stings his hands to do it. His voice is filled with wonder. “Nex?<em> You </em> found me? How?”</p><p>She doesn’t say anything, just claps her hands over her mouth to hide her trembling.</p><p>His face crumples and his voice cracks, <em> “And you’re okay? </em> I – I didn’t… I didn’t... hurt you?” It was the thing he didn’t dare think about. The thing that would draw the <em> most </em>Darkness.</p><p>Uncle Ciel pulls back just in time for Nex to fling herself at him, sobbing. He wraps his arms around her like she’ll disappear and buries his face in her hair. He’s never held a girl like this before, but that’s not even on his mind. All that’s in his mind is <em> gratefulness,</em> and <em> thankfulness,</em> and his child’s heart is full of love.</p><p>Then it... dawns on him. His face flushes completely red and he clutches her tighter. Not because he’s happy, but because - all of a sudden - he <em> noticed. </em></p><p>His voice is a croak. “…Am I still naked?”</p><p>Uncle Ciel shouts a, “Ha!” and he hears him slap his leg. Rà’s face is on fire, and he clutches Nex now with the serious need for her never to ever-ever-ever be able to look at him again.</p><p>“Ohhhkay, you two – thaaaat’s enough of that, then.” Miss Ariani’s calm voice gently scolds as she slips a casual hand over Nex’s eyes and leads her backward.</p><p>Rà swallows audibly, his vision locked down on the blanket that protects him now. But what about <em> before? </em>He brings the comforter up over the rest of his body in a snap gesture and wishes he was back in the snow. He can’t bear to look up.</p><p>He hears his uncle ask a sort of sad, “Ari? Are you taking her?”</p><p>Before Uncle Finn cuts in with an, “I’ve got her, don’t worry. Drop her with Miss Rexja, yeah?”</p><p>He peeks out over the blanket, wanting to let his uncle know that Nex doesn’t like to be touched, but he’s surprised. Nex reaches right out and takes his hand. They even chat with each other in low voices and Rà sees a small smile on her face. Some of that happy feeling comes back – even if he <em>is</em> buried in the covers.</p><p>Clapping her hands together and rubbing them, Miss Ariani clearly says, “Bath.”</p><p>And, yes, please, is his answer.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“This bed is too soft,” he complains, fresh and clean and covered in as many clothes as he could heap on his body.</p><p>Pulling back the blankets, Uncle Ciel grins. “You sound like your idiot father. These things are like laying on a cloud.”</p><p>He’s quiet for a minute but can’t help but ask the unspoken question. “Where <em> is </em>he?” Then sadness comes. “And mom?”</p><p>There is a heavy sigh and those gloved hands push through his hair again. “On a mission, kiddo.”</p><p>A lump is in his throat, “But they’re okay?”</p><p>“Yeah. Yeah, hon. They are.”</p><p>He holds back his tears, but sniffles. “Why didn’t they come?”</p><p>His uncle uses his hair as leverage to lift his gaze. “They didn’t know. We couldn’t get to them. If we could have? They would have come for you in a heartbeat. Tore down the world for you. So, I tried my damnedest to get to you in their place. Finn beat me to it, but I couldn’t stop looking. I <em> wouldn’t </em>stop looking. My people were on your case 24/7, kiddo.”</p><p>Rà swallows and nods, eying the wide-open bed. A bed made for two people; maybe even more than that. A safe bed. A bed with no cuffs.</p><p>He pushes that feeling away and piles in. Much to his surprise, his uncle follows, flopping the blanket up and over both of them, sinking down into the fluff with a happy sigh. After a minute, Ciel looks up.</p><p>“What the hell happened to the headboard?”</p><p>Rà ignores his outburst and cocks an eyebrow. “You’re not going to stay in here all night.”</p><p>Uncle Ciel shrugs. “The bed is big enough.”</p><p>He repeats, “You are <em> not </em>staying in here all night.”</p><p>His uncle snuggles in.</p><p>Rà giggles and shoves him, “You are most definitely and absolutely <em> not staying in here tonight!” </em></p><p>His uncle pouts, “But you made <em> your </em>bed all dirty. I can’t sleep in that…”</p><p>Cheeks burning red again, he shoves with his hands <em> and </em> feet this time, edging his annoying family member off the bed with a maniacal smile. <em> “Stay in the spare room!” </em></p><p>“Alright, okay! Fine, fine! You and your royal-<em>nakedness </em> can have some privacy!” His arms are up in the air as he gives up, but he turns back. “Seriously though, kiddo,” he pauses, expression open. “I’m here for you. Anything you need. Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p>The mood shifts again and Rà feels exposed in a different way. He just shakes his head.</p><p>“What can I do for you?”</p><p>He thinks for a minute. “Can you leave the ‘fresher door open? With the light on?”</p><p>His uncle knits his eyebrows.</p><p>A tiny knot of panic rises in Rà’s chest. “I need to know that I can go if I need to.”</p><p>Understanding dawns on the older man’s face. Silently, he opens the door and flicks the light on. “Anything else?”</p><p>There is no pause, “Water.” He swallows and pushes that panic away. “Lots and <em> lots </em>of water.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Ciel brings a used cup over to the kitchen area, several other filled cups now available on Rà’s nightstand. Ariani is sitting quietly in the living room space. She doesn’t ask if the boy will be okay; they both know that only time and love will tell. But Ciel has a good feeling.</p><p>Even so, he winds and unwinds his braid, heart hammering a bit. Looking through the opening towards her, he makes his decision. For better or worse, he makes his decision.</p><p>Striding over, softly, boots barely making a sound, he places himself close. He can’t look at her. Not for this.</p><p>She lets the moment play out while he gathers his thoughts. Stripping off his ever-present gloves, he lets her see the tattoos that lay over the spaces between his knuckles. N-V-R    4-G-E-T, with the First Order insignia emblazoned between the two words.</p><p>He reaches down into his heavy boots and slips out his emergency flick-blade. He figures she might be eyeing it warily but, again, he can’t look at her just now. Instead, he nervously flips it open and shut. Open and shut. Watching the dim ceiling light glint off its sharpness.</p><p>Finally, he starts to speak.</p><p>“Tomorrow’s the day. The day when we can maybe put an end to all this mess. I <em> need </em>there to be an end to all this mess. I leave in the morning.” He pauses, struggling to make himself keep talking.</p><p>“You know already – I told you, before. About <em> this,” </em>he runs his fingers over his rattail and smooths it over his shoulder with a gentle care.</p><p>In his peripheral vision, he can tell she’s nodding. Her voice is soft. “It’s your ‘proof of sin’.”</p><p>He nods back at her, eyes on his ever-flicking blade. The snap, snap somehow calming. “Do you want to know my sin, Ari? Before I go?”</p><p>She turns to face him as he keeps his gaze away. “If you want to tell me.”</p><p>He presses his lips into a line. “I do.”</p><p>He leans further forward and rests his elbows on his knees, hunching over and fidgeting with his toy. Breathing in, he looks at her; she’s seated against the arm of the couch so she faces his way, close enough so her knees could touch him if she wanted them to – but also giving him space.</p><p>He can’t help but look away again. This moment means everything to him. He somehow wants to feel the burn of this shame. The dread of her reaction. It’s a sort of self-flagellation – but it needs to be done.</p><p>“I loved someone.” He swallows. “No one ever taught me how to love, so I did it wrong. She was my subordinate, and I never let her forget it - but she loved me anyway.” He presses the tip of the blade into the pad of his pointer finger and twirls it a little. Not enough to nick himself, but enough that the sensation keeps him grounded.</p><p>“I let her die.” He huffs. “Correction. I <em> sent </em>her to die. If I didn’t, they would have reconditioned me… and I chose me over her. She probably always knew that I would. But she loved me anyway.” A single tear slips out of his eye.</p><p>“They didn’t fix her right – they way they did the rest of the females.” He pauses, ashamed, “Like they may have done to you,” he clears his throat. “When I sent her away, she was pregnant. I didn’t know then… but I was told after.” He sniffs hard. “She knew was carrying my kid while I was sending her to die. She <em> knew </em>she would die, that it was basically the mission goal. But I know in my heart that she still loved me anyway.</p><p>“They say there’s a moment in your life that defines you. That really sets you on a lifelong path. For me? That was it. Not when my sister was taken by the First Order. Not when<em> I </em> was taken. It’s when I sent the woman I loved to die.”</p><p>Ariani breathes, gently. No biting reprimands. No flare of jealousy. “What was her name?”</p><p>Even now, he can’t help but smile a bit. “LL-8182. She was beautiful. Irreverent but sweet. A good soldier. Gods, did I love her.” Then that smile fades. “But, not enough.”</p><p>He shifts to lean back in the chair, starting his incessant flicking again. <em> Snap. Snap. </em></p><p>“That’s part of the reason this hits me so hard. Ben and Miss Rey - they’re living the love story I always wanted. They’re a kind of… hope, for me. For all my asshole exterior, I’m a romantic.” He smiles in her direction for a minute before turning away. “Them losing the baby… that was the last straw. That’s why I lost it. Well, one of the reasons, anyway.</p><p>“The other one is that I realized that I <em>could. </em>Lose it, I mean. I knew you would be there for me. I could break, and it would be okay. It’s not my responsibility to <em>lead</em> you. I don’t need to keep up some kind of fake exterior. Make you respect me or look up to me. I thought you would just let me crumble.</p><p>“And you did.”</p><p>There is a moment where there’s nothing but his snapping.</p><p>She speaks up. Carefully, it seems. Choosing her words deliberately, like he was fragile. And oh, is he definitely fragile in this moment.</p><p>“When they wanted to send my kids out, I was devastated. I always got their training reports. I saw their agility scores, <em>accuracy</em> scores – and they were always low. I knew they were just… they were just too <em> young. </em> Command needed distractions so the ‘real’ soldiers could do their job.” She leans in towards him. “I tried to stop it, but not really. Not enough… because it wouldn’t have <em> changed </em> anything. And because I was afraid for myself, just like you.”</p><p>She touches his knee, softly. Barely an ounce of pressure. “Do you think I deserve to be punished for my sin, too? Because sometimes <em> I </em>feel like I should.”</p><p>He looks at her for a long while. “No. No, I don’t think it was your fault.”</p><p>She scoots closer to him, the teeny, tiniest bit. “It’s not your fault, either. Not given our training and what they drilled into our heads from childhood up. And, if you need forgiveness to set you free, then <em> I forgive you. </em> If you need absolution, <em> I absolve you.” </em> She swallows, eyes wet. “I don’t think you need to punish yourself anymore, Ciel. I think you’ve repented for long enough.”</p><p>He sits up, looking at her.</p><p>Then he eyes his knife.</p><p>He’s scared. He’s so scared. There’s no turning back from this. No undoing it. It’s so, so meaningful – in a way that hurts.</p><p>He leans forward, eyes closed, and notches the blade underneath his proof of sin. He presses, tension running completely through his body, making him tremble as he makes yet another choice…</p><p>…And severs his braid.</p><p>It doesn’t make any sense, but it’s like he can feel cold air in an unnatural space on his neck. A space that he shouldn’t be able to feel. His braid is in front of him, and he clutches it tightly in his palm for a long while before he manages to open his eyes to look at it.</p><p>Is it sorrow he feels? Relief? Regret?</p><p>All of the above.</p><p>Seeing it is surreal. He’d never seen it, other than in a mirror. It’s so very long. He’s held onto this for <em> so. very. long. </em></p><p>“Ari?” he asks softly.</p><p>She’s crying, he can hear her crying for him. “Yeah?”</p><p>He wipes his nose on the back of his free sleeve. He sounds childish, somehow. “Can today be my birthday?”</p><p>She laughs a little, snuffling. “Today is the <em> perfect </em> day for your birthday.”</p><p>He squeezes his fist. “No. Not because of this.” He looks at her again, longingly. “It’s because today is the day I’m going to tell you that I love you.”</p><p>He looks away, shyly, but turns back with his heart on his sleeve. “I know what it means to love someone more than myself, now; I swear I do. Would you give me a chance to prove it? Even with everything I’ve done and said, even with all the ways I could let you down, would you please give me a chance? I promise I’ll protect you. I’ll protect your kids. I’ll put you first, over myself, no matter what happens… so, <em> please... </em>will you let me love you?”</p><p>She’s dumbstruck for a moment – but only a moment. Sitting up and leaning into him, she slides her fingers over his cheek and into his short hair; over the sheared space on the back of his neck. Whatever she’s going to say, he’s afraid of it... but he wants it, too.</p><p>Her lips pull so close to him. Close enough that he feels movement in her sigh.</p><p>“I’ve been waiting for you to love me for a long time.”</p><p>And she kisses him.</p><p>And it’s <em> everything. </em></p><p>He remembers being told the phrase, ‘Sometimes you just need to struggle until you find each other,’ and that’s just what happened. He’d ignored it, struggled with it, <em> fought </em> it – but he found it, anyway. He found his love story.</p><p>Ciel opens his hand…</p><p>… and he lets his braid fall.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>They eye the emptiness around them and join hands.</p><p>Ben looks at her, softly. “Are you ready?”</p><p>She snorts.</p><p>He smiles and rephrases, “Are you <em> willing?” </em></p><p>She shakes her body out. “Yeah. Yeah I think so.”</p><p>“We can do this,” he reassures.</p><p>She squeezes his hand. Rough. Maybe a little <em> too </em> rough, but he doesn’t mind. “Don’t let go of me. No matter what happens, don’t you <em> dare </em>let go of my hand, Ben Solo.”</p><p>He grins at her, but she’s not looking. He tips his hand under her chin and chants his familiar phrase; the one he whispers to her in bed. “Eyes on me, Rey. Only on me.”</p><p>Her face softens with love as she repeats her part in this secret endearment. “Only you. <em> Forever </em>you.”</p><p>He grips her. “So let’s do this. Remember-“</p><p>“Don’t try to use the Force more than I have to, yeah, yeah,” she grumps and rolls her eyes, but smiles in the end.</p><p>He leans his head back slightly and closes his eyes, taking a deep and meditative breath. She leans back and does the same.</p><p>“Okay,” she says. “I’m ready.”</p><p>“Then, let’s go.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Vious' nerves are on edge and he grips his clawed fingers together, nails slightly sliding over the skin on the back of his hands while he waits.</p><p>He’s home, and that’s nice, yeah? <em> Was </em> nice, anyway; for the four whole hours he got to be here before this happy moment was scheduled to happen. He hasn’t slept, but he did go and see his flutter-sister. Hold her babies, like he likes to do. Pretend that they’re his, like always. Her mate is never there, anyway.</p><p>What he didn’t do is tell her that he’s loved her his whole life. But, well, he <em> never </em> tells her that, huh? Every time he sees her, he thinks about it – but he never does. He’s a tragic hero. Someday, eh, maybe they’ll make a holo drama about him. About this. This very moment where his hearts are in his gullet.</p><p>Vious simply waits for his co-conspirator to arrive, ticking down his perfect internal clock. It’s the exact time, to the second, that Ikeq enters the secret area the Toydarian had mapped out for them. For <em> this. </em>The yellow creature looks… horrible, honestly. And he’s one-hundred-million percent alone.</p><p>Vious steps closer, leaning in. “Brother, where are your Hunters?”</p><p>If they’re not coming, this is much easier. Looking closer, it seems Ikeq has bruising and soreness in his movements – which is… interesting.</p><p>“It seems unlimited funds don’t buy you loyalty.” The yellow-eyed monster gazes down. “I have no one to trust, either. No one.”</p><p>Hmm. </p><p>There’s so much Vious wants to ask, so curious about what the story may be, but he settles for, “Do you still want to do this? You can stop, yeah? We can treat you. Take care of you.” Conspiratorially, <em> “Hide you…” </em></p><p>The Klatooinian shakes his head with a sad smile. “If I give up now, then all my sacrifices will have been for nothing.”</p><p>Vious puts a hand on the Councilman’s robes and, when he winces, pulls away.</p><p>The remains of his wings shudder. “I’m sorry,” he says, quietly. And he might really mean it. He boxes that feeling away quickly, though. “Do you have your object?”</p><p>With slow and weary hands, Ikeq pulls it from his sleeve. It glows a muted light, but General Finn said it will burn bright red fire if it happens to get activated. It’s Vious’ job to make sure that never happens.</p><p>“May I see it?” the Toydarian holds out his hand, but Ikeq doesn’t seem to hear him. He just eyes his last remaining prize with moist eyes.</p><p>Vious changes tactics. “What does that one do, eh?”</p><p>Breathing deeply, Ikeq intones, “The Dathomirians just said, ‘Destruction’. How about yours?”</p><p>Vious shrugs. “I don’t know, huh? I don’t know how to use them.”</p><p>“You put them to your lips and they wake up. Like the princess who slept for eons.” There is a wistful pause. “Where are yours?”</p><p>Vious tips his head towards an interior chamber. “I didn’t wanna leave them in my hands, yeah? Not sure if someone would wander in. Let’s go, huh? I need to do one last comm for the logistics of the read-out. I need to know <em> exactly </em> where to position us.”</p><p>Ikeq nods, something like a smile on his face. Something like hope. “Thank you. Thank you for helping me. For not…” his voice fades away.</p><p>Again, Vious’ conscious twinges. But, it’s too late now. He has learned over time that monsters have souls, too. Every single one of them.</p><p>“Be sure to put us in a place where we can take them all down, if we need to. Where we can be as much of a danger to <em> them </em> as they are to <em> us. </em> Even if there is... collateral damage… we’re doing the Right Thing."</p><p>Ah. That means the object’s power doesn’t just affect Force-sensitives, after all. </p><p>The Toydarian’s conscience twinges no more.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Poe is tense as he waits for the door to open, flitting his eyes over who’s in the room. His colleagues stand with him – Mendje, I’ Pasigurt, Leaga, Finn – all of them. They need to show that the Alliance is backing this power play, making sure that Ikeq knows there is <em>no one</em> in his corner.</p><p>Ciel and the rest of the FFO Council stand in the room, too. All of their eyes fall on Ben and Rey, whose hands are clasped so hard that their knuckles are white; tension playing on their faces. And Poe knows why.</p><p>This can all go south. He’s <em> terrified </em> that it will all go south… but, Leia’s advice rings in his heart. He just needs to go with his gut and remember that he cares about people. Staring at Ben and Rey, those words echo and grow.</p><p>He <em> cares. </em></p><p>He’s arranged an evac for them, even though they don’t know it. It’s the scrappy Resistance General left in him, he supposes, always ready for an unexpected fight – and he’s tired of being ashamed of it. It’s time to <em> own </em> it. It isn’t something that makes him unfit to be the man he wants to be; no. He’s decided it’s a foundation to <em> build </em> on. And, with this trial by fire, Gods is he <em> building. </em></p><p>Poe just needs to get through this day without his friends dying; The ex-Supreme Leader included.</p><p>He grits his teeth as voices are heard in the antechamber, and he knows Ikeq has come. He <em> knows </em>Vious is luring him in. He can only pray that it will go their way.</p><p>He cues up the Hutt footage Solo had sent him, not knowing he’ll never get the chance to use it.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The muscles in Ben’s hand almost ache from clutching at her. As he hears Vious’ voice dimly from behind the door, he looks at Finn, nodding a bit and filling his friend’s mind with trust and reassurance. They both have an idea of what’s about to happen, what <em> danger </em>is coming through that door, and his brother is ready for it. Now he just needs to pray that <em> he </em> is, too. That <em> she </em>is.</p><p>Just talking. Just persuasion. This isn’t about using the Force. Right now? Using the Force will only make things much worse.</p><p>Much, <em> much </em>worse.</p><p><em> Please, </em> he begs no one, <em> please let this work. </em></p><p>Rey’s fingers pulse a squeeze around him and he steadies his eyes on the opening door.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Finn hears them nearing and his skin prickles. He knows <em> exactly </em> what to look for and knows <em> exactly </em>what to do when he sees it. The fingers on one hand twitch, and the other hand clenches his saber hilt, ready for a violent entourage that’s not coming.</p><p>Which means he’s more than ready for the Yellow Creature that is.</p><p>The mechanics in the door trigger to part, and the slightest glint of red can be seen from the opening. Finn has it in milliseconds, raising his palm with a sharp tug of the Force around him, disarming the Klatooinian male before he’s even fully visible through the doorway.</p><p>Ikeq’s hands clutch and he cries out slightly, not understanding at first. Thinking that, perhaps it was just a slip of the hand. Drawing himself up as straight as he can, Finn stares at the Councilman as the male’s eyes widen in surprise and comprehension. He didn’t lose his disgusting object; no – Finn <em> took </em>it, and his smug expression grows the rounder Ikeq’s eyes go.</p><p>Vious steps in, setting an arm on the larger creature, almost defensively – but Finn’s smart enough to know it’s another trick up the Toydarian’s sleeve. Hedging his bets, as Lando would say.</p><p>Ikeq looks down in shock at the blue-green sentient beside him, but looks back up when Vious’ expression of horror seems to match his own. He must think that they’ve <em> both </em>been found out. Finn can’t help but be impressed with the FFO snitch.</p><p>
  <em> Well played. </em>
</p><p>It’s when Ikeq’s pointed, vicious teeth grind audibly that everyone in the room starts breathing again. Seething, “Councilman Vious, it seems we’ve run into some of our colleagues unexpectedly.”</p><p>“Surprises, surprises everywhere, yes?” The Toydarian, for his part, places himself more firmly between Ikeq and the team of sentients facing them. His face wears a well-rehearsed expression of concern as his back presses softly against his ‘friend’.</p><p>Ikeq’s face turns from a sneer into a biting grin. “It seems no one really cares about accountability anymore, since it looks like you’ve decided to pardon both <em> Rey </em> and her Darksider.” He tips his head to the side, instigating, “Though, perhaps they’re both Darksiders, now.”</p><p>Rey and Ben say nothing. They know better than to take his bait.</p><p>Ikeq purrs, “I saw the footage, <em> Rey. </em>I’m glad to see you won’t be reproducing any time soon.”</p><p>And Ciel is the first to raise his blaster, Poe and Guerra a split-second behind.</p><p>“Yes, yes <em>by all means, </em>show me exactly what I already know to be true. That you’ve all been coerced and tricked by these <em>Force-users,” </em>he hisses it like it’s a curse word. “That you’re being <em>made </em>to do their bidding. There is not a single one among you who could convince Councilman Vious and I that there is no threat from these deadly humans – and any others like them!”</p><p>It’s Leaga that steps forward, arms gesturing in gentleness. “Please, you must understand. We’re here to put an end to this line of thought. We’re here to make peace between us. If you can just let this all go, we can come to an agreement on how to move forward. It doesn’t have to go the way you think, my friend.”</p><p>His voice is a growl, “We are NOT <em>friends!” </em>He shakes his head, the pain of deceit all over his face. “You’ve been plotting against me the whole time, haven’t you?” The creature’s eyes are wet. “Sharing my secrets?”</p><p>Ben widens his stance and draws all attention his way. “This is how it stands – the FFO is now stronger than you realize, with the power to defend herself <em> and </em>her Force-sensitives. The Alliance is in agreement with this course of action, and they are positioned to take away Every. Ounce. of your power, unless you give up this meaningless crusade.”</p><p>The Klatooinian can’t help but scoff, viciously. “Meaningless?”</p><p>Ben’s eyes harden. <em> “Meaningless.” </em></p><p>It’s Rey that speaks up with kindness, somehow – pulling from that river of grace she has.</p><p>“I know that you’re afraid…” she swallows her emotion, accent thick, “But no one here wants to start the next Empire. There are no more Sith, Ikeq. Honestly, there are no more Jedi, either. There’s only the Force… and that will exist even if you raze all ‘sensitives to the ground.”</p><p>A sense of <em> rightness </em> fills Finn’s heart and he continues where she left off. “The Force is all around us. A part of us. A part of <em> everything. </em> Even if no one existed today who could feel it, it’s only a matter of time until more are born who <em> do. </em> And that’s a good thing. It’s a <em> natural </em>thing. The Force isn’t good or bad-”</p><p>“It just is, hmm?” Vious turns to face Ikeq now, taking small steps backwards in Ben and Rey’s direction, the distance between him and the villain widening.</p><p>Ikeq’s heart looks like it breaks, and Finn has to lower his eyes.</p><p>“Even you?”</p><p>Vious simply nods. “Even me. <em> Always </em> me. From the very beginning, me. Let it be done, now.”</p><p>It’s a painfully soft laugh. Something like a huff and a sob together as Ikeq curls into himself a little, his hands sliding against each other and coming to rest inside the opposite sleeves. “Yes.” He looks up – and something in his eyes that makes Finn’s blood freeze. <em> “Let it be DONE!” </em></p><p>Another red object blurs from the place where it had hidden within Ikeq’s robes and it’s thrust to his lips before anyone has a chance to respond. Red light spits out wildly, without focus, and the Force around Finn <em> thrums </em>with menace. Ikeq’s smile is cruel and glistening as he says two words that Finn has no time to stop.</p><p>“Goodbye, brother.”</p><p>It’s fast. So fast. <em>Too </em>fast.</p><p>The red beams lash out their devastation; blue-grey skin sizzling to burning and blackness. There is no time for screams. Not from anyone; not even from the victim of this deadly attack... because Vious is no more. Vious is <em> ashes. </em></p><p>And the beams search for new targets.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s eyes are wide in horror as the red light drills holes in the flooring, tearing in jagged zig-zags, Ikeq obviously not in control of his little piece of hell. Sentients are screaming and dodging, some are getting wounded and some have frozen in place with fear. Politicians were never made for combat, she realizes grimly.</p><p>Somewhere Finn yells, <em> “Stop!” </em> and somewhere Ciel is pinging out blaster bolts that get eaten up by the waves of energy, but she can barely take in their efforts. The world has gone quiet, and she somehow breathes in the calm around her. The calm inside the chaos.</p><p>She’s not supposed to use the Force to solve this. <em> They’re </em>not supposed to use the Force… but she connects eyes with Ben and he nods, ever so subtlety, adjusting his grip on her hand as their power thrums between them. She nods back.</p><p>It looks like using the Force is <em> exactly </em>what they’re going to do.</p><p>Rey and Ben lift their free arms in tandem and grit their teeth, a pulse of their fear pulling in from all around. Her fingers widen, but with difficulty, this is so <em> hard, </em>but she must. <em> They </em>must, or else every leader here is going to die.</p><p><em> Power vacuums, </em>Ben can’t help but say, a hint of amusement despite the situation.</p><p><em> Poe’s favorite, </em>she agrees.</p><p>Finn is screaming for a different reason as the power grows between them, their bodies taught wires of urgency. He’s pleading with them but is pointedly ignored as the dyad <em> pushes. </em></p><p>The beams curl, reflecting off an invisible barrier; something like a sphere is pinning them in, corralling them, and Ikeq bellows when he sees what’s happening. His hand raises up, fingers clamping down on the demon-trinket, but all it does is amplify the danger caressing the invisible cage around him.</p><p>Grunting, the dyad clenches their fists.</p><p>Tight.</p><p>
  <em> Tighter. </em>
</p><p>And the barrier starts to narrow in, allowing space for the rest of the sentients in the room to start escaping to the antechamber. Poe is calling out, picking up the fallen. Ciel and Guerra are hoisting creatures over their shoulders - but that’s all background noise. </p><p>Except Finn. Finn is shrieking for them to <em> let go. </em></p><p>The dyad flicks their eyes in the man’s direction and he flings aside, out the exit, sliding far away. As soon as all others are out, the dyad merely furrows their brows and the door seals and <em> melts, </em>blocking all but them from this lethal moment.</p><p>There is a high-pitched wail, and they bring their eyes back to the Klatooinian who seeks to ruin them all. Heat is searing all around him, not touching, but burning anyway, and he begins to <em> writhe. </em></p><p><b>“Stop,”</b> they say in tandem; cold, matter-of-fact, but Rey’s voice breaks away, “We can <em> save you.” </em></p><p>Ben squeezes her tighter. “If you deactivate it, we can deflect the beams. We can save your life.”</p><p><em> “Please!” </em> Rey begs, thinking of the years spent beside this intelligent and hard-working male. Wanting to find another way.</p><p>But it’s no use. Ikeq’s eyes are like fire on theirs and his painful grimace screams at them wordlessly. Panting, crying out as the shield brings the red death ever-closer, he hisses, “I would rather <em> die </em> than be saved by those who touch the <em> Shadow!” </em></p><p>At the phrase, Ben’s concentration falters and Ikeq doubles down, drawing out a second object and lighting it aflame with his spittle covered mouth.</p><p><em>"LET IT BE DONE!” </em>he repeats, his words echoing through the pummeling blasts as the other artifact sparks with flickers of lightning.</p><p>Rey feels desperate as the surge pushes their efforts outwards and closer to them. The heat is hurting her now, singeing her skin.</p><p><em> Who did they draw these from? </em>Ben asks, coming back to the now as the pain flares his attention into place.</p><p>Ikeq is screeching, squealing, and his body is starting to fall to pieces – but still he holds on. What will happen if he dies? What will happen if he’s the only one who can quiet the pieces?</p><p>
  <em> We have to destroy them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> We can’t, Ben – we can’t keep control of the shield and focus on them at the same time. It’s too much… and I can’t... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I know baby, I know. </em>
</p><p>They are forced back, red and white peril nearing, and Rey holds back a sob. If they can’t stop this now, the power will take out the whole annex, never mind the colleagues and loved-ones outside the door. It will tear this place apart piece by piece and destroy them <em> all. </em>A coldness washes over her as she realizes what they have to do. What it means when they do it.... but it’s worth it. She’s <em> convinced </em>it will all be worth it. </p><p>
  <em> I’m ready, Ben.  </em>
</p><p>She feels his pain – but she also feels his agreement. He knows what she knows.</p><p><em> No one’s ever really gone, </em>he whispers into her.</p><p>They let go of the barrier.</p><p>The uncontrolled violence crashes around them and Ben and Rey strafe apart, releasing their grip on each other and moving out of reach. They’re focused on one thing now: the objects. They have to take out <em> the objects. </em></p><p>Ben’s body is on fire for more than one reason, and Rey can feel every sizzle. Both of her arms flail out in front of her and she takes hold of the Darkness, just as he does.</p><p><em> Let this work, </em> she prays. <em> Please let this work. </em></p><p>Impossibly, the light in Ikeq’s disintegrating hands brightens and he howls ever louder, but under the chaos she <em> hears </em> it.</p><p>She hears the crack.</p><p>The roar she lets out is a testament to the power of the Force itself. The spidering <em> crick </em>-sounds continue as the glass begins to shatter... just like the vile creature’s plans.</p><p><em> Break, </em>she says, and Ben joins her train of thought. </p><p>Together, the dyad commands:</p><p>
  <b> <em>BREAK.</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The red light throbs deafeningly through the air in a final <em> burst; </em>the casings with their beautiful filigrees ripped into nothingness by the force of their own destruction. Cells of the Klatooinian are obliterated in the boom, his essence reduced to the flare of the shock wave, his Force signature pummeling into Ben’s body.</p><p>And suddenly</p><p>     Ben feels like</p><p>          he’s</p><p>               falling.</p><p>Rey is with him as the world fogs over. As they spiral into a vision. Into a memory. Into Urrejtes Ikeq, himself.  </p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>He blinks his yellow eyes as his head rings with pain, looking at the furniture he’d been thrust so desperately against. He turns quickly, wanting to help… but he’s too small.</p><p>He’s just too <em> small. </em></p><p>His mother stands in front of him defensively while his father lashes out his hands, growling grunt-words that the little one can’t understand. Blinking down at himself, he touches a bubble of green – but, why is he bleeding? Gazing at the dusty floor, his smallish hand reaches out to touch one of his fangs. He stares at it, detached, not hearing the screaming behind him, wondering if it will grow back.</p><p>
  <em> Will it grow back, mama? </em>
</p><p>His chest hurts and he feels like howling – but he’s not supposed to do that. It’s only for special occasions, and it gets father so <em> angry </em>when he doesn’t follow the rules. </p><p>Angry…</p><p>His fear spikes.</p><p>
  <em> Angry. </em>
</p><p>Suddenly, he remembers where he is, and that his father is screaming at his mother. She is taller, so much taller, but she’s still cringing at his violent words. Urrejtes knows that, if she doesn’t cringe enough, his father will hurt with <em> more than </em> just words.</p><p>When he moves, the furniture clunks and his mother whips around to look at him. He’s frozen, staring into his father’s red eyes and he knows… he just <em> knows </em>he’s next.</p><p>His mother steps in front of him again, blocking him from his father’s view. <em> “Run </em> my little egg. <em> Run!” </em></p><p>And he does – but he’s not smart enough to go far. He skirts a wide circle around his father as the male’s anger ramps and things start to lift from the floor.</p><p>
  <em> PleaseDaddyStopStopStop! </em>
</p><p>His mother’s scream becomes a gurgle – and… he’s doing<em> it </em> again. His father’s hand is clenched in front of him and his mother – his beautiful, golden, <em> perfect </em> mother – is grabbing at her throat. She can’t breathe. Why? <em> Why </em> won’t daddy let her <em> breathe??? </em></p><p>He doesn’t even come up to his father’s hip, but he can’t let this happen again. Not if he can do something about it this time. Urrejtes flings his eyes around until he sees something he can use. It’s the wedding dagger. The one his mother tells him they bled their love onto. The love they used to make <em> him. </em></p><p>He blinks back his tears, snatching the weapon and listening to his mother struggle.</p><p>
  <em> Why doesn’t daddy love mama anymore? </em>
</p><p>It doesn't matter. What matters is that <em> he </em> loves her. <em> HE’LL </em> protect her.</p><p>Not knowing what he’s doing, or what the implications are, the fledgling Klatooinian child drives the love-dagger into his father’s back. The adult spins around with a cry, but Urrejtes grip is firm on the handle, so he spins alongside the motion.</p><p>The blade exits and his father screeches, his head ridges pulsing with his anger, and the egg-ling’s terror fills him with electric adrenaline. When he father approaches, the boy drives it into his belly this time – over and over and <em> over </em> until his mother is pulling him, urging him, <em> dragging </em>him outside.</p><p>Outside is no better.</p><p>Fire rains down from buildings that explode with danger and his kinfolk run at all angles. He’s tripping, he’s falling, but his mother – his beautiful, <em> breathing </em>mother – is catching him. “Come on, little egg. Run, darling. I’ve got you.”</p><p>He grasps at her, the hem of his new robe tangling, but he never falls. Not once; because she has him.</p><p>The cries in the air are scary. They’re all <em> so scary; </em>just like the green all over his hands.</p><p>
  <em> Daddy’s green. </em>
</p><p>But he can’t think about that. The Shadow people are back. They’ve come for his father several times but daddy had always known, somehow. Always run away. This time, he didn’t run… and something inside him went wrong.</p><p><em> The Darkness, </em>his father would whisper.</p><p>His mother is ripped from him and thrown to the ground, a man with a red light sticking out of his dagger hilt is standing over her. He has no face. Instead, a metal mask covers him; a red symbol Urrejtes doesn’t recognize is gleaming in the sunlight, flecked with the green of his people’s suffering. Arms thick with muscle, and a chest burned with blackness looms over the little one’s mother.</p><p>“He’s dead, now,” she whimpers. “There’s no need for you to come, anymore. He can’t join you if he’s gone.”</p><p>The creature in front of her hums in a sort of sing-song voice as chaos continues all around them. The screams. Ohh, he’s so scared of the screams, so he scuttles closer to his mother, clutching at her like he did when he was born, wanting to go back inside her where it was warm and safe, even though he knows he’s too big, now.</p><p>A smooth human voice asks, “Can the little one touch the Shadow?” It’s gentle sound, even though Urrejtes <em> knows </em>this faceless human is dangerous.</p><p>His mother gathers him further behind her. “No, Ren. He’s not like his father. He’s <em> gentle.” </em></p><p>The human hunkers down, red laser still humming near his mother’s face, and removes his mask. His face isn’t frightening; it’s almost… kind. As kind as any of the humans he knows, but his mother is shuffling them back and <em> away </em>from this friendly face. The male - <em>Ren, </em>he guesses - tips his head to the side to observe him.</p><p>“Don’t you <em> touch him!” </em>his mother hisses, but her voice is stopped short again with the simple raise of the man’s hand.</p><p>The egg-ling’s yellow eyes go wide. “You’re like my father.”</p><p>That kind face smiles, even as his mother thrashes. He leans his face closer as something nearby explodes. “Who do you love more, child? Your mother? Or yourself?”</p><p>Urrejtes swallows and can feel the gap where his fang should be. “Her.”</p><p>The male nods, as if expecting that answer. “Then I’ll kill her first.”</p><p>And there is no pause.</p><p>That hum, that <em> red hum </em>splits his mother in two and her head falls heavy in his lap. He wants to scream, he wants to <em> SCREAM, </em> but his throat is pinched closed. Again, the man looks at him with kindness.</p><p>“Destroying her first means that she doesn’t have to feel sad when I kill <em>you.</em> You saved her from that, like a good boy. You <em> are </em> next, though.”</p><p><em> “REN!” </em>a voice shouts from somewhere unseen and the male turns quickly to the side, something else strangling and crying out. Blaster bolts are firing, but the boy can’t take his eyes off his mother.</p><p><em> “REN!!” </em>they scream again, and the male sighs.</p><p>As he stands, the little Klatooinian finally looks up. Ren’s lifting his mask to put it back on again – but, before he does, he smiles down at the child. Genuinely. Sweetly. “It’s your lucky day, I guess.”</p><p>That’s what he says. <em> That’s </em>what he says as his face disappears underneath that red symbol. The little one can’t breathe. He’s panting and gasping and he doesn’t want to look down to his lap – because… if he does?</p><p>This is what the Shadow does. <em> This is what the -Force- does. </em></p><p>And he can’t bear it.</p><p>The little Klatooinian starts his howl. Heavy and loud. The echoes call off the sides of buildings and ebb into the sky.</p><p>He’s still howling when some of his kinfolk take him.</p><p>And he never looks at his mother again.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s face is drenched with tears, her stomach churning with acid.</p><p>
  <em> That’s why, Ben.</em>
</p><p>Their hands are released from one another, and she knows what that means. They don’t have long.</p><p>Ben looks at her, wetness pouring down his own cheeks. <em>It never came up in the trial… but I wish I could have told him. </em></p><p>Faintness is taking her; she can’t hold on. The room is blurring.</p><p>Ben is fading, too. <em> I wish I could have told him that I killed Ren. I ended the life that ruined his. </em></p><p>She’s gasping, disappearing, nearly see-through, and those that love her are slamming at the sealed door. Panicking. Yelling.</p><p>
  <em> It wouldn’t have mattered. </em>
</p><p><em> No, </em> Ben agrees, <em> his decision was made a long time ago. </em></p><p>Rey and Ben fade from the room.</p><p>Their Force projection has ended.</p><p>And their dying has begun.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Ben stares up at the blinding nothingness in the sky of Terra, the cold of the ground seeping into him as his fingers caress the gravel.</p><p>He’d let go of her hand. He’d <em> let go… </em></p><p>Barely able to move, his neck shifts and he sees her lying on her side, facing him and panting uncontrollably. Her hand is splayed out, like it’s reaching for him. Her fingers twitch, but that’s all she can do. He tries to tense his muscles. He needs to get to her. He <em> needs </em>to… but he’s fading. The haze in his mind is taking over and the air is leaving his lungs; barely returning.</p><p>He wants to speak, but he can’t. The words won’t come. Can’t come. There is no air in him to make any sound as he pushes himself to reach for her… but he’s just too far. All he can do is stare at her as her lids sink shut.</p><p><em> Eyes on me, Rey, </em> he begs. <em> Eyes only on me. </em></p><p>Her lids flicker up again, her hazel a dimness. Still, he hears:</p><p>
  <em> Only you. Forever you. </em>
</p><p>And he believes her. </p><p>His gaze is locked on the beauty of her eyes; flecked with green, amber and hints of brown. They’re captivating, and he’s still staring when the light goes completely out of them. </p><p>Still staring when her breath stops. </p><p>Still staring when his own comes no longer. Never looking away. Not even when his heart stops beating, and its last echo sighs,</p><p>
  <em> I love you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>TrustMeTrustMeTrustMeTrustMe</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Redemption</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Art by <a href="https://alcalafalas.tumblr.com/">Alcalafa</a> for Riri</p><p>This person has beautiful stuff on <a href="https://society6.com/alcalafa">Society 6.</a> Buy from this artist.</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p>--------------------------</p><p> </p><p>“How many times do we have to save you, Ben?” is how Luke Skywalker greets his nephew.</p><p>Ben, for his part, doesn’t bother opening his eyes. He’s in the white void again; he can tell. The feeling of this place is so unlike anything else that it’s unmistakable.</p><p>“Are you angry because I copied your trick? Or because I did it better than you?” Ben’s lips quirk in snarky goodness.</p><p>His uncle scoffs, “For all the good it did you.”</p><p>“For all the good it did <em> others,” </em> he corrects, finally opening his eyes. He looks at Skywalker, his face exactly the same as the last time he saw it. </p><p>They blink at each other for a short moment, an understanding passing between them, knowing that they both ended their lives for the same reason. </p><p>Ben continues, “I don’t think I <em> want </em> you to ‘save me’. I’m tired. Tired of fighting, tired of people dying – dying because of <em> me. </em>If I don’t kill them one way, I kill them in others,” he sighs. “At least I was able to do something noble, just now. Better to let it end on a good note.”</p><p>Luke hunkers down and Ben follows, expecting a long conversation. Perhaps an eternal conversation.</p><p>The Jedi’s voice is grumbling, as if he hasn’t used it in a while. Perhaps he hasn’t. He seems to change topics. “You saw what was in Rey’s mind. The Darkness she was capable of.”</p><p>Ben runs a hand through his hair, shaking his white fingers through ebony. “I imagine it’s similar to what you saw in <em> my </em> mind before you decided killing me was the best course of action.”</p><p>Luke takes the jab in stride; he even smiles a little. “But you didn’t make that decision, yourself – not even for a moment. Even if it could have saved hundreds of others.”</p><p>Scoffing, “Of course not.”</p><p>“Because killing her would be like killing yourself.”</p><p>Ben’s eyes grow cold. “Because killing her never crossed my mind. Because I love her, and I believed in her.”</p><p>Luke nods, softly. “And what if it were Rà? He’s dangerous; capable of more than you know. Would you believe in him?”</p><p>He bristles, hissing, “Don’t you say his name like you know him. <em> Don’t pretend that you know him!” </em></p><p>His old master shrugs. “What if?”</p><p>Ben leans in, making his point <em>very </em>clear. “I would help him. I would<em> believe in him! </em>If people can be moved to do something bad, maybe they also can be moved to do something <em>good! </em>Rey saw that; it’s what made her believe in me. It’s what changed <em>everything! </em>I would do that for my <em>son </em>without hesitation. And Ciel. And Finn. Any one of my Council members. Even <em>Dameron, </em>or <em>Leaga </em>because-”</p><p>“And Ikeq?”</p><p>Furious, he points harshly at nothing. “I even gave <em> him </em> a chance to stop going down that path!”</p><p>“Theeere it is,” Luke sighs. “That’s who you are now. You're not the child who wants to tear things down because he doesn’t belong, anymore. You’re the man who has found his place and is giving back the grace he’s received. Like a mirror. You’ve always been that way.”</p><p>Growling and turning away, he can’t help but say, “And what happens when I don’t belong, again? What will my mirror reflect, <em> then? </em> Will you turn a blade on me again, <em> then?” </em></p><p>His uncle places a hand on his wrist and Ben twists away.</p><p><em> “If </em> it happens, I’ll learn from your example. If there’s a next time, I’ll believe in you. Before… I was weak. Back then, it wasn’t your fault, it was mine. I should have had faith in you more. I should have <em> loved </em>you more.”</p><p>He grimaces. Ben Solo doesn’t want this man’s love. Not anymore. Never again.</p><p>But, then… why are his eyes fogging with tears?</p><p>“Do you know the number of people you’ve saved, Ben? The goodness you’ve inspired? It’s more than some droid can tick off in a courtroom. Some of it was because you were the bad guy, making people want to change their lives and rise up to stand against you. And now, some of it has been people inspired by your goodness, who want to follow your example because you decided to see your faults for what they are and <em> do better, </em> like your grandfather showed you.”</p><p>He snorts, “Like you talk to him.”</p><p>Luke shrugs, “I talk to him all the time. I’m here for the long haul, I might as well get to finally spend some time with my father, don’t you think?”</p><p>Ben’s heart sinks, knowing that he’ll never be able to find his father in this place. His father is just energy, now. Ben puts his face in his hands and can feel a sort of sympathy coming from his uncle.</p><p>“You’ve got a lot more of Han in you than you think, kid.”</p><p>His tears fall quietly.</p><p>“Your mother was right when she said he’d be proud of you. Heck, he’d probably even give you his medal.”</p><p>Laughing a bit through his crying, “I don’t want that stupid Rebel trophy.”</p><p>Clapping his hand over Ben’s shoulder, Luke grins, “Yes you do.”</p><p>“Yeah I do…” Ben gives in, nodding with a sniff as he tucks his head deep into his arms, propping his elbows on his knees and curling in on himself. “He was a hero.”</p><p>“He was a hero,” Luke agrees.</p><p><em> “I </em> wanted to be a hero.”</p><p>“And now you are…”</p><p>He can’t help but let out a muffled laugh, sardonically. “Some hero.”</p><p>Luke pulls his hair a bit, gently, lifting his head from the cradle of his arms like one would for a child. “Your father was a criminal and a smuggler before he became a hero. Your mother was a pampered princess before she became a hero. I was a backwater moisture farmer before I became a hero. Heroes can be born from <em> anyone </em> at <em> any time. </em>Even Darth Vader became a hero, in the end.” He smiles, gently mocking, “Welcome to the hero club, Kylo Ren.”</p><p>Luke’s hair-tugging turns into him running his fingers through Ben’s tresses, like he’s a little boy again – and maybe he is. Maybe time has no meaning in this nothing-space. Maybe time never had any meaning at all.</p><p>“I forgive you, kid. Can you forgive me?”</p><p>Ben’s face crumbles, and he can’t speak… so he just nods.</p><p>“Look at it all – the past, the mistakes, the hurt - and accept it for what it is. You can’t change it, so you just have to accept it. There will be people who will despise you forever, and that’s the way it will be. No matter what, though, just keep making the Good Choices. If you can believe in others, you can believe in yourself.”</p><p>His uncle pulls him into a rough embrace. It’s warm, and Ben melts like butter in his arms.</p><p>“I only ever wanted you to be proud of me,” his voice cracks.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>Ben lets out a little sob, “I should have fought Snoke harder.”</p><p>Luke starts rocking now. “Shhh, Ben. No one understood. No one understood at all. No one will ever really understand.”</p><p>“Except Rey.”</p><p>His uncle tips him back out of his arms and swipes a thumb underneath his eyes, shifting the wetness there. “Except Rey,” he confirms. “She understands and forgives you with her whole heart. Believes in you, like you believe in her. Is that enough, Ben? Can that be enough for you?”</p><p>He can’t help but sigh, closing his eyes, “Yes.”</p><p>Luke pulls away, looking off into the empty distance. “You once told her she wasn’t alone.” His uncle quirks a smile and gives Ben the side-eye, “Before I tore her hut apart.”</p><p>Righting himself, Ben scrubs his hands over his face and tries to get his dignity back before nodding.</p><p>“Neither of you are alone now. You’ve got the Cosmic Force looking out for you. I have no idea what’s on the horizon for you kids… I only know that it <em> matters. </em>Otherwise, you’d be a ghost right now, like me.”</p><p>He’s not sure whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, really… but it’s <em> something. </em>Ben swallows, “So, you’re saving me. Again.”</p><p>Luke gestures up. “Cosmic Force.”</p><p>“And her…?” Ben’s voice begs.</p><p>Smiling, Luke stands and holds out a welcoming hand, “Of course.”</p><p>Ben shifts, leaning up to take it.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>“How many times do we have to save you, Rey?” is how Anakin Skywalker greets his granddaughter-in-law.</p><p>Rey’s eyes fly open. She’s in the purgatory realm of Jakku again; she can tell. The feeling of this place is so unlike anything else that it’s unmistakable.</p><p>“I remember you,” she breathes, eyes narrowed.</p><p>The brown-haired man smirks, his hands behind his back as he starts to walk towards her, before suddenly snapping his gaze to his feet and groaning, irritated at the shifting sands beneath him. When Rey quirks an eyebrow, he just shrugs.</p><p>With a sigh, making himself walk once more, he asks, “What do you remember about me, Rey Solo?”</p><p>At the sound of her name like that – with Ben’s <em> last name </em> – she flushes with color. “Y-you told me that I was born for him.”</p><p>The smirk comes back. “That I did. Your soul was tied to him before you were born. You had no say in it.”</p><p>She watches as he takes a single, long step, dramatically. “Wellll, you get a choice this time.”</p><p>Her eyebrows knit and she shakes her head a little bit in confusion.</p><p>The man paces in a circle around her, cocky, maybe a little obnoxious. “We can sever the dyad’s red thread, if you want.”</p><p>Rey whips around to stare at the man who’s moved behind her. “You’re his <em> grandfather, </em> aren’t you? Why would you even <em> suggest-“ </em></p><p>“Because it doesn’t matter what I think,” he shrugs. “The Cosmic Force is going to give you back your life, Rey. But this is your opportunity to choose how you live it.”</p><p>She can’t help but sneer. “Well, what if I don’t want my life back? What if I’m tired of all this? People save each other and kill each other. Sometimes I think the whole galaxy is fated to be destroyed. Maybe the Force should let all sentient life just <em> end. </em> Let nature take over. The Force lives within nature, so the universe would remain whole.”</p><p>He scoffs, “Is that what you learned when you watched the dry harshness of Nature wither away life on Jakku? Is that what you learned when fires rained down on Ashtananne? Nature gives birth; Nature destroys, Rey.”</p><p>“Well then maybe I hate nature, too. Maybe I hate <em> everything.” </em></p><p>Anakin’s face lights up with a snarky joy. “But not Ben?”</p><p>She softens, warily. “You must be where he gets that attitude from.”</p><p>But his grandfather just laughs. He continues his walk around her, growing more serious with every step. “Just because you were born for him, doesn’t mean you have to die for him. There is still so <em>much</em> you’re needed for.”</p><p>She straightens her back, proudly. “Well, I don’t need any of it.”</p><p>Pointing at the sky, Anakin’s voice becomes gentle. “Not even your son?”</p><p>She freezes. A sort of horror filters into her. Rà. How had she forgotten about him? Who has him now? What happened to him when Starlight was taken? Rà felt it <em> first! </em> He relied on the hope of that thread the <em> most! </em>Was he alright when it…?</p><p>Her eyes fill with tears and her voice is pitchy. “Send me back.”</p><p>Anakin spins on his heels, standing directly in front of her and dusting himself off with a sour expression. “Of course. I have no choice. But – my question still stands. Do you want to be tied to him like this?”</p><p>Simply, “I love him.”</p><p>With a smile, the frizzy-haired male continues, “You don’t have to stop loving him. You <em> never </em> have to stop loving him. But you can choose to stop feeling his rage. His sadness. His pain. You don’t have to give him your anxiety, your fear, your desperation. You can just exist; together – but <em> separate </em> from each other. Split the dyad.”</p><p>“But then we’d be-“</p><p>“Much less powerful? Absolutely.” He shrugs, as if that was something that didn’t matter.</p><p>She thinks for a minute. “And then I wouldn’t have to fight, anymore?”</p><p>He snorts, sarcastically. “Not unless you cut yourself off from the Force, like my foolish son did.” He leans in, conspiratorially, too close for comfort. “I’ll teach you to do that, if that’s what you want.”</p><p>She narrows her eyes at him again and shoves him to a distance. It doesn’t stop him smiling though, a sort of mean playfulness on his face.</p><p>“Just kidding.”</p><p>She scoffs and he shrugs.</p><p>She tips her head to the side, thinking it through. She never did have a choice about Ben. Couldn’t stop her pull to him. It wasn’t his fault but, perhaps she <em> is </em>trapped in this.</p><p>But – that’s perfect. That’s exactly what she wants.</p><p>“When I’m with him, I’m whole. I feel his sadness… but I feel his happiness, too. I feel his laughter. I feel his love. Because of him, I’m never going to be alone. <em> Never.” </em></p><p>“You’ll die at the same time, Rey.”</p><p>She pauses.</p><p>“He’s older – and, if the dyad’s connection isn’t severed, you’ll go with him.” Anakin’s face holds a certain kind of sorrow. “Whether or not you mean to.”</p><p>She stares at the man in front of her blankly for a moment. But just a moment. </p><p>“Good,” is all she can say. <em> “Perfect.” </em></p><p>His smile creeps back onto his face. “So you’re in this?” Fingers splayed in invitation, he extends his hand out to her.  </p><p>“Forever.” She shifts, leaning forward to take it.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>Ben and Rey’s hands latch together suddenly and they gasp for air. An electric pulse passes from skin-to-skin, the bond flaring within them like by the fire in Ahch-To, where their connection first bloomed; where their love story truly began. The dyad remembers under the haze of the Terran sky, their power is like <em> life, itself. </em>  </p><p>Their fingers clamp onto each other, panting in harsh gusts, their hearts <em> hammering. </em> She sputters and coughs into the gravel and he heaves slightly – but they’re alive.</p><p>A violent gust of wind blows all around them, whipping their hair away from their faces. The sound of an engine blares followed by the hiss of hydraulics as a ship’s hatch opens. They blink at it and the edges of their lips tip up into faltering smiles.</p><p>The Falcon.</p><p>Lando pilots; they can see his grin through the viewscreen before the ship tips up its lower belly, the hatch completely down. Chewie moans a roar, standing on the lift with his fur rippling in eddies as the Falcon nears them. Rà bravely jumps to the ground from too high up, unable to wait anymore, and throws himself onto the both of them, wrapping his hands around theirs. Winding their fingers together tighter. Clasping them between his.</p><p>“Don’t let go,” he whispers over them. “We’ve got you, but <em> don’t you let go.” </em> </p><p>Their free hands reach out… and pet the face of their boy.</p><p>Unconsciousness takes them, but it’s only unconsciousness. According to the Force, there is a whole life still waiting.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p><em> “Ahem. </em> Master Solo?”</p><p>Dameron’s voice catches their attention as they stare into the distance. The statue of Vious is coming along nicely after only a few days and it’s only a matter of time until they’ll be able to dedicate it, properly. The crews are working tirelessly, some even on a volunteer basis - though Ben will pay them anyway. Vious’ people have rallied behind his heroism, proud of him and humbled by his self-sacrifice. Like the statues of heroes on Terra, this monument is being built to last through planetary devastation. To last for <em> ages. </em>Just as it deserves to.</p><p>At the sound of their name, Ben and Rey turn to look at Dameron in unison and he smirks, tipping his head to the side. “C’mon guys – seriously? Does this galaxy really need two people named ‘Master Solo’?” He chuckles, “I mean…” he gestures back and forth between them, exasperated, “I mean the male one.”</p><p>Rey grins over her shoulder. “Well, I’ll let <em> you </em> call me just 'Rey’. But I like having a last name. One that isn’t <em> Palpatine. </em>” Her voice lowers mockingly on the last word, accent steep, and her voice is a kind of singsong… amusing Ben to no end.</p><p>The Pilot steeples his fingers just under the ridge of his brow and cocks his hips. “You know this is confusing, right? Can’t you have a last name on paper and not in practice?”</p><p>And, when Rey sticks out her tongue, Ben can’t help but laugh. Dameron lifts his eyebrows, and he just shrugs as if to say, ‘Women!’</p><p>She pulls the ‘male Master Solo’ down and pecks him on the cheek before giving Dameron his private audience, but she doesn’t stop herself from hip-chucking the Pilot along the way with a mischievous giggle. The look on the man’s face is one of surprise, irritation, and affection all at once. Ben knows that feeling quite well.</p><p>When she’s off on her own, the Pilot joins him, looking out on the statue in progress and a lone figure nearby, watching it all come together. It’s a female, and she sits completely still, except when looking sadly into her hands.</p><p>“Who’s that?”</p><p>“His flutter-sister.”</p><p>“I didn’t know he had a sister.”</p><p><em> “Flutter-</em>sister.” Ben corrects, mildly. “Female from his childhood.”</p><p>“Hmm,” the Pilot adds, lost in thought. “Looks like she must have cared about him a lot.”</p><p>“Was in love with him, actually – but he was un-mateable, so she had to take another.”</p><p>Dameron cocks an eyebrow at him. “Thought you couldn’t read Toydarians?”</p><p>Ben shrugs, slightly. “Didn’t have to. She told me. Obviously, not something you should go spreading around.”</p><p>The other man snorts a little. “Sucks for her mate.”</p><p>There is a pause while they watch the far-away female in front of them mourn her fantasy romance, their hearts going out to her.</p><p>Ben looks at the ground. “I’m sorry. About Ikeq. He was your colleague. Rey wanted to… well, even <em> I </em>wanted to try to-”</p><p>“It was his choice,” is all the other man says, his gaze hard on the distance. Dameron is quick to change the subject.</p><p>“Everything went well for you both in our public conferences regarding what happened. We were transparent about the mess of the whole trial process; the good, the bad, and the ugly. We got into Councilman Ikeq’s plans. The Guild backed us up and told their half of the story – which was <em> quite </em>a story, actually. </p><p>“Finn and I were adamant about how you guys put your lives on the line... and since we just openly aired all our dirty laundry, people believed us. It made a real impact on the public opinion about you, I think. That stuff tends to soften hearts. Everyone loves a martyr; maybe less when they don’t actually die – but still.” He shrugs softly before looking down at his feet for a moment. “You know why I’m here, right?”</p><p>Sighing through his nose, Ben just nods, moving to a nearby bench to sit.</p><p>The other man narrows his eyes. “You don’t wanna do this somewhere more private?”</p><p>Resigned, “Nothing about this is private, so why bother? We’re out of the line of sight, anyway.”</p><p>It seems Dameron can’t argue with that logic; the bench is nestled comfortably between a set of hyanatha bushes. He opens a small sack he’d had at his side with specific equipment and moves behind Ben, standing over him. Ben preemptively dips his neck forward, sliding his hair out of the way.</p><p>“Don’t pull…” he warns, but the Pilot only scoffs at him, wordlessly.</p><p>He can feel the tightening on his throat as Dameron works the latches, deactivating things with hisses and pinches and puffs of something hot. When the collar is peeled off of his damp skin, Ben can’t help but close his eyes in relief, running his fingers over the crinkled surface the collar left behind. Like when a bacta strip is left on too long and everything underneath it has pruned.</p><p>He grumps, “Well <em> that’s </em>not attractive.” He can tell the Pilot is smiling behind him in good humor.</p><p>“Ben Solo, the Alliance and the Fallen First Order pardon you for your war crimes against the Galaxy...”</p><p>Huffing, “But.”</p><p>Matching his huff, “But you’ll remain collared for the rest of your life.”</p><p>Ben turns slightly as Dameron is rummaging in his parcel again. He pulls out something delicate. Dark.</p><p>With a grin, the Pilot declares, “I <em> told </em>you I’d get you one in black.” He twiddles it between his fingers and Ben can’t help but roll his eyes.</p><p>It’s much smaller. Almost like a necklace, though it will still close tight around his throat. Even so, much more manageable, he thinks. The black is spotted with chrome segments, no doubt the chemical housings. </p><p>Dameron looks down at the thing (that he’s somehow stupidly proud of) and flicks his hair out of his eyes. “It’s even got silver, to match your saber hilt.”</p><p>Ben turns away, smiling softly in spite of himself. “You want me to say I like it?”</p><p>He feels the other man sigh internally.</p><p>After a short pause, “I like it <em> better, </em>how’s that?”</p><p>Dameron’s head nods a few times, thoughtfully. “Fair enough.” He clears his throat, taking on a tone that sounds more official. “This must be seen at all times; it can’t be removed, hidden or covered under your clothes, even in winter climates – so, that sucks for you.”</p><p>He can’t help but laugh a bit, sarcastically. “Guess I’m going to have to dress sexier, somehow. Open throated collars. Half undone Jedi robes.”</p><p>Poe pffts. “I’m sure Rey won’t mind.”</p><p>He works his way behind him again, setting up the new latching. Ben was right, it sits very close around his pulse, but <em> much </em> more manageable. Much more <em> breathable. </em></p><p>“Works the same? Still safe with tugging and snags?” Seems his wife likes to latch on to these damn things.</p><p>Working diligently behind him, affixing it. “Yep. Only Booms when we tell it to.”</p><p><em> “We?” </em>Ben closes his eyes, irritation flaring. “And who else, pray tell, holds my life in their hands?”</p><p>Finishing, Dameron flicks something-or-other off his fingers as he comes around to face him. “Me, on behalf of the Alliance. Ciel on behalf of the FFO. Enja on behalf of the Hutts. Arga Annona from the Galaxy Federalist Coalition.”</p><p>He presses his mouth into a thin line. “That’s a lot of people I have to be sure not to irritate, isn’t it?”</p><p>When he looks up at him, the Pilot’s grin is back. “We have to press them simultaneously for anything to work. With Ciel holding one of the triggers? You’d have to <em> really </em>screw up.”</p><p>Ben tips his head to the side and cocks his eyebrow.</p><p>Dameron hunkers down to be more at eye level with him, pulling one last thing from his pack. It’s the detonator, <em> one </em>of them anyway, and he turns it over in his hands idly.</p><p>“Every one of us would have to flick one of these things within an hour of each other.” </p><p>Smirking slightly, Ben mocks the way of things, “Making space for time zones?”</p><p>“And cross-galaxy communication delays,” the other man reminds, staring at the remote intensely now. “Each and every one of us has to do it, or it won’t work.”</p><p>Narrowing his eyebrows, Ben feels a heavy determination flow over from the man in front of him. Raking a hand through his hair, Poe Dameron takes out another tool, fiddling with the back of the detonator and popping off a small panel. Ben watches silently and in awe as the other man uses the tool to start levering at things on the inside, and it’s only a matter of time until Ben sees small sparks flicking up.</p><p>He’s speechless. Confused. But Dameron keeps at it until pieces of wiring and circuitry start to clink onto the walkway around them. Without looking up, he picks up the pieces, bit by tiny bit, and starts stuffing them away; hiding the evidence.</p><p>Ben’s mouth hangs open as Poe finally looks up at him, his nearly black eyes locking on.</p><p>“Don’t make me regret this, Solo.”</p><p>Ben swallows hard against the new collar that doesn’t hurt. The inert, useless symbol of a chain that doesn’t exist. Poe turns around to sit beside him and they both just breathe during a meaningful moment of silence.</p><p>Licking his lips, Ben can’t help but be thoughtful. “You know, throughout history, I believe the people who become power-hungry started off with good intentions. They intended to do right by their people. Save them from their situations. Be the one they could turn to.</p><p>“But, nothing’s straightforward. It’s murky, and your morals get tested. Especially the more people disagree with you and you find you can’t move forward with your own agenda. You start focusing more on being <em> right. </em> Thinking you know better. And maybe you even do…</p><p>“Your ego kicks in, and it becomes so personal; you can’t stop yourself. Instead of just saving the people you represent, it becomes about the fact that YOU have to save them. That only YOU know what’s best. That only YOU should have the power… and I think that’s when it all goes wrong.”</p><p>Poe turns his head and looks at him, mildly. Ben lifts his head and looks around at his world. <em> One </em>of his worlds.</p><p>“I promise I’m not going to be like that. If there comes a time when I should step down, I will.” </p><p>The Pilot leans back with a sort of happy puff of air leaving his cheeks. “I don’t think you have much to worry about. Your people picked you without knowing who you were but, even when they found out, they <em> still </em>picked you.”</p><p>Ben slides his eyes in his new friend’s direction, sardonically, “Most of them.”</p><p>Poe shrugs as if to say, ‘What can you do’? His words, however, say, “But if you start to… I dunno… go all Darkside, I’ll make sure I remind you of this little conversation. If Rey doesn’t kick your ass first.” A warm gaze passes between them before Ben closes his eyes in intense relief.</p><p>“Thank you. For <em> everything. </em>I…” he’s at a loss for words, really. Nothing he could say would quite measure up to what he feels in that moment.</p><p>Poe Dameron, the once General of the Resistance, claps Kylo Ren, the once Supreme Leader of the First Order, on the back in kindness. “I know.”</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>He likes this bed <em> much better. </em>It’s a hybrid. Not too hard, not too soft. You don’t sink in. His back isn’t coated with sweat every morning he wakes, anymore. He can even sleep with pants on now. A plus, when there is a child who pops in now and again. But he still feels lazy. It’s been almost a year now, and he’s still <em> tired,</em> though it does feel better whenever he and Rey touch. Perhaps, someday, they’ll both regain whatever it was they lost on that day. Whatever energy that stunt sent off into the universe. The universe that has <em>a plan</em> for them, somehow.</p><p>He still wonders, mildly, what that plan might be – or if he’ll even recognize it for what it is, once it comes. </p><p>He shifts and clunks his head softly off the headboard, which is still marked with stripes of his wife’s sorrow... but it’s sentimental. As someone who kept a dead man’s mask for years, he’s come to realize that he’s quite a sentimental person. It doesn’t help that both he and his wife seem to have problems letting things go. It’s like they’re desperate to accumulate things that prove they existed. Things that tell their story.</p><p>A lonely aristocratic boy, raised mostly by droids, with a legacy too big for him to bear. A boy who grabbed desperately onto the Darkness in order to belong.</p><p>A lonely scavenger girl, waterless and starving, without a family to call her own. A woman who latched desperately onto the Light to save the family she’d made for herself.</p><p>Their hearts had been connected to each other, long before they even knew the other existed in the vast universe of living things. Fate had already twined them together like a spool of red thread. A beautiful, strong, <em> inseverable </em> thread.</p><p>Speaking of threads, that’s exactly what his wife is doing with her legs as she wakes; shifting them and threading them under and between his own. She grunts a little, stretches, and rolls over with her bedhead in a knot. She blinks at him, her body free of scars, and a smile of mischief already in her eyes. She rolls closer and starts to place soft little pecks up his shoulder.</p><p>He smiles, but groans at the same time, knitting his eyebrows and whining, “I can’t. I need at least five days to recuperate from what we did last night. What we’ve been doing all <em> month.” </em></p><p>She grins against his skin and moves to roll onto him now, blinking her lashes suggestively. He tries again. “I don’t come with an on-switch.”</p><p>To which she starts sliding her fingers over his bare chest with a whispered, “But you do c-“</p><p>“It’s going to fall off, you know,” he cuts her off, cocking an eyebrow, completely unmoved. </p><p>She kisses his neck. “Maybe I can heal it.”</p><p>His eyes flutter shut, her actions starting to pay off as he feels her weight on top of him. But he’s <em> sore. </em> He didn’t even know that men could get sore – but, well – here we are. </p><p>“Reyyyyy,” he whines more.</p><p>“Bennnnn,” she returns.</p><p>With a playful growl, he flips her, putting her firmly underneath him and pinning her. He stares her down, meaning to dissuade her, but it’s doing the opposite. Miscalculation. </p><p>With a sigh and a low voice, he can’t help but whisper, “You’re a monster.”</p><p>She hums her amusement. “Hmm, I guess that means I can take whatever I want.”</p><p>“Oh, you think so?”</p><p>“I know so,” she says as she wiggles playfully beneath him.</p><p>Well – there <em> is </em> a way to make her happy <em>and</em> save his own body from ultimate destruction, he supposes. He leans away and starts lowering down her body, lifting her silken camisole and flicking his tongue down to taste her skin. He opens himself up to feel her, to monitor his success in his aim and touches. When he does this, he can actually feel her pleasure a bit, as if it was his own.</p><p>Ahh, who is he kidding? He’ll give in in the end, and she knows it. His body is already waking up with her tingles. She lets out a happy sigh, loving it when she gets her way. Who doesn’t, really?</p><p>He presses a kiss below her bellybutton.</p><p>And freezes.</p><p>Feeling his change in mood, Rey looks up, pushing a question mark into his mind. Shushing her, he presses his cheek down to her and closes his eyes. Totally open to her, he can feel something. Something inside her. His head flies up and their eyes connect. She’s already covering her mouth and her eyes are glistening. He feels her heart sink, though, flooding with worry.</p><p>“But, Ben – I can’t…”</p><p>“I know, I can’t either, but…” he sits up fast, pulling her with him. They both angle their legs in crisscross, facing each other with their knees touching and fingers laced together, their standard meditative position.</p><p>Together, they settle and <em> reach </em>for the feeling of a thread binding them to what’s inside her.</p><p>But they can’t feel anything.</p><p>As fast as it raced with excitement, Ben’s heart begins to crumble. There’s something wrong with it. He doesn’t know how he knows – but he <em> knows. </em></p><p>Rey’s fingers clamp tightly on his. “Rà. Rà will feel it. I <em> know </em>he will.”</p><p>Swallowing hard, Ben opens his eyes on hers. She looks desperate, and he feels the same. They’re up in mere seconds, and out of the room in even less.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p><em> It’s too early, </em>is all the eleven-year-old boy thinks when his parents barrel into his room and start prodding him.</p><p>“No…” he grumbles and waves them off, but they’re not getting the hint. He opens one eye and wakes up fully once he sees the look on their faces.</p><p>Sitting up fast, he looks back and forth between his parents. Tears stream down his mother’s face and his father is grinding his jaw, staring at the floor. </p><p>“What?” Rà’s concern wipes away any ounce of sleep. “What is it?”</p><p>Moving to the bed in a quick dart, his mother lifts her shirt up a little, snatching his hand and putting it on her stomach. More tears fall and her voice is filled with sadness. “I can’t feel it.” She begs him, “Can <em>you </em>feel it?”</p><p>His father gets to his knees and clasps his hands together over the bed, staring back and forth between the two of them. It only takes a moment for Rà to understand. He can’t help but smile.</p><p>It must be time.</p><p>When his mother and father had laid in the Falcon, they were barely breathing. Rà had clamped their hands together – knowing, instinctively, that this is what they needed to heal. That’s when he had seen... <em> her. </em></p><p>A blue light had bloomed in front of him, and he looked up to it in mild surprise. He hadn’t seen one for a while, and certainly had never seen <em> this one </em> before. She was pretty, for a grandma, and that’s exactly what she told him to call her. She had his father’s eyes and he knew in a moment who it was.</p><p>“Dad teaches me to sing your lullabies,” he had said, smiling.</p><p>She had smiled back at him, so warmly. He felt that he loved her instantly.</p><p>And she <em> told him. </em>She knew what he could do, knew what he had done before, and she told him he could do it again. Even better, she’d helped him find what he needed to do it. It was lost in the Force, and he never could have found it on his own, but his grandmother seemed to pull it from nothing. Rà had kept his sights on it, ever since. Watching it so carefully. Waiting for today; <em> praying </em>for today.</p><p>In the present moment, he feels his parent’s confusion over his smile. Even more so when he says, “It’s blank.”</p><p>His mother stifles a sob, but he rubs her belly and looks in her eyes. It’s with relief and excitement that Rà pets her skin, leaning in. “That’s <em> perfect, </em>mom.”</p><p>Rà holds out his hand to his father and, though the man knits his eyebrows, the large fingers clasp the boy’s smaller ones in a matter of seconds. Looking at them both, he just loves them. He loves them <em> so much. </em></p><p>It’s with that love that Rà reaches out into the space his grandmother had shown him. It’s with an open heart and gratitude that he beckons to it. He can feel it twitch, almost like it’s happy to finally have its moment. Like it’s somehow been waiting for this day, just as much as he has.</p><p>Rà closes his eyes.</p><p>Feels the Force flow within him.</p><p>Concentrates…</p><p> </p><p>…and reconnects the Golden Thread to his family.</p><p> </p><p>His smile is never ending. “It’s always wanted to come back to us. It’s been waiting.”</p><p>His mother’s breath hitches and his father sighs. Their voices whisper, low and breathless. “Starlight.”</p><p>It glows so softly, so sweetly, and Rà moves his father’s hand to sit over his mother’s stomach, as well. All three of them, holding onto this feeling. This peace. Their family is together, now. Safe. Whole. </p><p> </p><p>Love had won, once more.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>THE END</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading all the way to the end.<br/>Click Next for the “BONUS” chapter. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Bonus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p><span class="u"><b>Fallen First Order Fluff</b></span> the sequel, can be found <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29119923/chapters/71485758">here.</a></p><p> </p><p>  <br/>I commissioned art by ILAFOX.<br/><a href="https://www.instagram.com/ilafox/">
    <span>https://www.instagram.com/ilafox/</span></a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><b>BONUS CHAPTER</b> (Did you read the end? Ben and Rey live!!!! I promised HEA!!)</p>
</div><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t just leave it at </span>
  <em>
    <span>that! </span>
  </em>
  <span>I had to give you all a little ‘kicker’ for subjecting yourself to me for (at least) a second time. In order, you’ll find the below. Skip whatever disinterests or displeases you.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p>
<ol>
<li>
<b>Fan recognition:</b><span> Info dated January 3, 2020 </span>
</li>
<li>
<b>Elle and the Ending</b><span>: Elle’s undeniable fingerprint on this story</span>
</li>
<li>
<b>About us:</b><span> Wanna know more about our Alpha/Beta Elle and I?</span>
</li>
<li>
<b>Next Thing Teaser:</b><span> You completed a survey (well, technically only 26 of you completed a survey) of what I should write next. Here’s what you picked~</span>
</li>
<li><b>Original Character Concepts and Worldbuilding</b></li>
</ol><p>
  
</p><p>
  
  <b></b></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>Fan Recognition!</b>
  </p>
</div><p>
  <span>I know this work wasn’t as popular as its predecessor; it's got darker themes and some difficult content tags. Even so, I’m proud of it. This section is specifically to recognize the people who took a chance on this darker story together with me when it was still a work-in-progress. To all of you – THANK YOU.</span>
</p><p>
<span></span></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p> <br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div><br/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Kudos and Comments keep me going, always. I have referred to myself as a “Comment Whore”, and it’s the most accurate statement I’ve ever made about myself. When I was crying and wondering, “DO I SUCK?? I SUCK, RIGHT?? GODS!!” – your encouragement kept me going. &lt;3 THANK YOU</span>
</p><p>
  <span></span></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    
  </p>
</div><br/> <p>
  <em>
    <span>**Special note </span>
  </em>
  <span>– </span>
  <em>
    <span>to those of you who supported me on Facebook, because you comment with your real names, I didn’t want to list you here in respect for your privacy. But, I DO love you and want to be sure you feel that from me!**</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
 <b></b></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>Elle and the Ending</b>
  </p>
</div><p>
 <span>Like “Beauty and the Beast”. 😊  No – wait – seriously. This goddamned ending was a BEAST. Me and my stupid notes were all like, “And Ikeq gets what he deserves” and I thought, “Meh, I’ll figure it out later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later became </span>
  <em>
    <span>later. </span>
  </em>
  <span>And </span>
  <em>
    <span>later. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Until the ending chapters were approaching and I reached out to Elle like, “OMGWTF CALL ME!” Thank God she did. She talked through </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> with me.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She guided me to find most of it myself, but this is what she wove into the story with her awesomeness:</span>
</p>
<ul>
<li><span>Rà was not saved from the Dathomirians. He embraced his power and saved himself.</span></li>
<li><span>I was not going to put in the section where Finn and Nex work together to find Rà. I was just going to skip to “aaaaaand then he was found.” Elle and I talked about how this would be robbing Finn of a hero moment, and we wanted to be sure to give that to him.</span></li>
<li><span>Ikeq was not killed by Ben and Rey – he led himself to his own destruction.</span></li>
</ul><p>
  <span> If you liked any of that? It was all Elle, the magical Alpha/Beta.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
 <b></b></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>About Us</b>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    
  </p>
  <p>
<span>Alpha/Beta: Elle - @ellex66  | theresonatinglight | Elle  | </span><br/>
<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/theresonatinglight">
    <span>https://archiveofourown.org/users/theresonatinglight</span></a><br/>
</p>
</div><p>
  <span>I’m Elle, and for the past couple of months, I’ve been honored to call myself the Alpha/Beta of Nix’s amazing story! I stumbled onto Reylo Twitter in May, and I’ve been getting dragged deeper and deeper into the fandom with every passing day. I’ve been reading fanfiction since I was 11 (yes, I know, I know – too young!!), and the quality of works that fans produce never fails to astound me. I actually started writing again in June after an 8 year hiatus; there really is nothing Reylo cannot do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the “real world,” I’m a recent college grad, a Mechanical Engineer, a mystery novel enthusiast, a singer, and a </span>
  <em>
    <span>massive nerd</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The Force Awakens was my first Star Wars film, and once I saw that and how much Rey’s story meant to me as an adoptee, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>I had to see the rest. So I binged all six previous films in one weekend with ill-advised college freshman zeal. I was hooked! As the Sequel Trilogy progressed, however, I started seeing myself more and more in Ben Solo / Kylo Ren. His complexity and duality is something incredibly relatable, and being able to explore all of these fics that imagine him as complexly as he deserves is really something I treasure about the Reylo fandom. &lt;3</span>
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <br/>
<span>Author: Me - @Nixcomix  |  Nix or Nic  |  Nichol (Ashworth) Goldstein</span></p>
</div><p>
  <span>This picture is old. I have red hair now. Though – the underneath was deep blue for a while. I can never decide what color to keep my damn hair. There’s nothing new about myself I can say after the last one – just that I’m proud that, in 2020, I wrote the equivalent of two novels about the dyad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I tried to look at things I didn’t see in any of the fics I had been reading to build something potentially “new”. I’m going to be looking at more things like that, as well, for my next long fic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Here are things I didn’t see often that I wanted to string together into a single story: </span>
</p><p>
  <b>In “The Redemption of Kylo Ren”</b>
</p>
<ol>
<li><span>Ben to be the one who survived Exegol.</span></li>
<li><span>Frenemy Finn and Kylo.</span></li>
<li><span>I didn’t want it to end with, “And then they get married”</span></li>
<li><span>I wanted Ben to be in power in the end, but in a positive way. I wanted him to have something tangible to show for his redemption.</span></li>
<li><span>Original characters with specific messages:</span></li>
<ol>
<li><span>Yama was about how life isn’t made to work for you, and some people are just fated to bring pain and suffering.</span></li>
<li><span>Ciel was a kindred soul, also needing redemption, and someone Ben could likely connect to more easily than Finn. Someone without the intrinsic animosity.</span></li>
<li><span>Khoro was about the fact that not every starry-eyed glance needs to bloom into a forever love. Showing that kindness, beauty and romance can exist in once-in-a-lifetime moments.</span></li>
<li><span>Rà was about seeing your own personal sins in a child. If you think of the things you say to yourself, call yourself, blame yourself for… would you behave the same if it was a child? Would you act out on them the way you do on yourself? Or are there just things you would accept as “mistakes”? I believe there are things we need to lighten up on ourselves for. Like Ben - we need to just accept that they happened, and just try to do better. Hating ourselves, blaming ourselves, and making our own lives miserable isn’t going to fix anything. We need to look at ourselves, understand our flaws, and just try to do better next time. Forgiveness isn’t just for children. It’s for anyone who learns and grows.</span></li>
</ol>
</ol><p>
  <b>In “Monarch”</b>
</p>
<ol>
<li><span>I wanted to show insecurity in characters that don’t usually show it, like Poe. I wanted him to have the opportunity to grow, as well.</span></li>
<li><span>I wanted to emphasize how growing up, becoming a pre-teen and etc., can only exacerbate the difficulties in dealing with others and the Force within you.</span></li>
<li><span>I wanted to give an OC a love story.</span></li>
<li><span>I wanted to give Finn and Jannah a chance.</span></li>
<li><span>I wanted to include misdirection, not just betrayal. I wanted people to have different agendas. I wanted to see if I could pull off a plot twist. :D</span></li>
<li><span>I wanted a different kind of sex scene. Not just something rough or kinky. Something emotional and treading a sort of fine line. Something filled with love, but anger, desperation, resentment, and emotional neediness all-at-once.</span></li>
<li><span>I wanted to bring the dyad to the next level. Beyond telepathy (though, jeez, there’s a hell of a lot of telepathy in here…)</span></li>
<li><span>I didn’t want to pretend Kylo Ren’s personality didn’t exist. I didn’t want Kylo to switch to “Ben” and lose that part of himself. I think that part of himself is valid and important to him as a character.</span></li>
<li><span>Being anti-Kylo/Ben does not make you a bad person. In fact - I let a good amount of people stay anti-Ben or Ben-agnostic (I’ Pasigurt, for one - some of Ben’s own people, as well). I don’t believe everyone needs to forgive him. He’s done wrong, and he needs to sit with that. Even so, you can bear the weight of your sins and still walk. This is Ben’s cross to bear. </span></li>
<li><span>Evil can come from anywhere; it doesn’t have to come from the Force. In fact, none of the “bad guys” here had the Force. From the Politicians, to the Hutts and their creatures, to the ‘boss-battles’ on planet missions.</span></li>
<li><span>I wanted to see a bad guy with depth. Not a Snoke or a Palpatine that was just bad “because”.</span></li>
<ol>
<li><span>Even though Leaga was never really a “bad guy”, he sort of seemed that way for a while. I wanted to show that he was only acting out because he was hurt and felt betrayed. I wanted to show that, once it went too far, he pulled back. There can be a line in the sand as to how far you’re willing to go.</span></li>
<li>
<span>I wanted Vious, who seemed like a bad guy, to really want to be the hero. I wanted to wait until the last possible minute to let you see it. It was up in the air whether or not I’d let him live but, in the end, the fic Gods made their decision and my fingers just flowed… but I loved him, yeah? You too, huh? Ehh - he was a ‘</span><em><span>good guy’ </span></em><span>is how I think you say it. RIP Vious. I hope you and your flutter-sister find love in the next life, and I hope your wings grow large. </span>
</li>
<li>
<span>I wanted Ikeq, the worst of them all, to hate for a </span><em><span>reason. </span></em><span>I wanted you to pity him for his choices in the end. Not to agree with anything he stands for – but to understand why he wanted what he wanted. In his way, he’s been fiercely determined his whole life. Ever since that one moment in time; that one butterfly effect. When you think of everything he had to set up and sacrifice to get to where he was – it makes for something interesting, I think. Even I wonder what happened with the Bounty-Hunters; what was it that made them turn against him in the end? I was going to write it, but there wasn’t enough space. I thought hinting at it would have to do. I guess we’ll all have to make up our own stories on that.</span>
</li>
</ol>
<li>
<span>I also wanted someone to hate C-3PO… because </span><em><span>I hate him. </span></em><span>So, me, Ben, and Ciel can hate him together.</span>
</li>
</ol><p>
  <span>Now – my fic reading is SOOOOOOO LIMITED!!! So, if this stuff is prevalent and I just never read it – forgive me! I just like to do the things that may be (in my limited experience) less common in the Reylo world. No idea if I accomplished that – but that was my aim, anyway!!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something else I did, just for the hell of it, was make names and nicknames fairly important. How people refer to others says something about their relationship. For example, you may have noticed that both Ciel and Ben only ever call Poe, “Dameron” or, “The Pilot”... until he deactivated his trigger for Ben’s new collar. Then, Ben’s POV switches to calling him, “Poe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Names / Nicknames: </b>
</p>
<ul>
<li><span>Jedi Killer, Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader, Bastard, Darksider, Ren, Master Ren, Sire, Sweet Boy, Stupid Boy, Stupid Friend, Ben Solo, Brother, Master Solo (male version), Husband, Dad, The Dyad</span></li>
<li><span>The Scavenger, Rey, Strong Girl, the Last Jedi, Wife, Master Rey, Master Solo (female version), Mom, The Dyad</span></li>
<li><span>FN-2187, Finn, New Boy, Ex-Trooper, Trash-Man, General Finn, the Alliance General, Brother</span></li>
<li><span>CL-3337, Ciel, the Soldier, General Ciel, Councilman Ciel, Best Friend</span></li>
<li>
<span>Ariani, AC-8223,</span> <span>Ari</span>
</li>
<li><span>Poe Dameron, Poe, Dameron, the Pilot</span></li>
<li><span>TZ-1719, Jannah, J</span></li>
</ul><p>
  
  <b></b></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>Next Thing Teaser!</b>
  </p>
</div><p>
  <span>I have to say, I wasn’t ready to let go of this world quite yet, so I’m happy about the results. The winning option is:   <b>“Fluff in ‘The Rise of Ben Solo’ world”!</b></span>
</p><p>
  <span></span></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    
  </p>
</div><br/> <br/><span>It will be completely plotless. No stories need to happen chronologically, there will be no thread that holds them together.  Likely just a lot of funny, heartfelt moments between our wonderful crew. (I have only one smut story in mind… but… it’s hot.) Optional, unnecessary, but it will give me a chance to keep these guys in my heart just a little bit longer.</span><p>
  <span>Please note that I’m pleased that “Fixing my stories” fell to the bottom of the list. It’s likely because you already read them, and don’t give a crap about grammatical fixes… and yet – I’m still pleased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I’ll be calling it:</span>
</p><p>
  <b></b></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>FALLEN FIRST ORDER FLUFF</b>
  </p>
  <p>
    <b></b>
  </p>
  <p>
  <span>Rey’s word bubble here should read, “Stop trying to teach me how to play, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ben.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
  <p>
  <span></span></p>
</div><br/>I commissioned art by ILAFOX. I just… I just can’t!! &lt;3<br/><a href="https://www.instagram.com/ilafox/">
    <span>https://www.instagram.com/ilafox/</span>
  </a><p>
  <span>Be sure to follow me as an author to see when stuff will start posting. I’m guessing 5-10 chapters, starting in February. 😊 I may even include additional illustrations and a panel-type comic strip. 😊</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wanna prompt me?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>More long-fic / one-shot stories to come from me, as well. I’m addicted to writing now. It’s like crack. If you want - feel free to check out my other stuff on Ao3. They’re all very digestible one-shots, and I’m proud of them. (Even “You like Pizza” - which is, in truth, shameful… and my only AU.)</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b></b></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>Original Character Concepts and World Building</b>
  </p>
</div><p><span>Do you know what a pain-in-the-ass it was to plan for the OCs? For the </span><b>11 new planets</b><span> I created in the FFO and the </span><b>13</b> <b>new races</b><span>??? UGH!! I didn’t even use ½ of it! But – it was good to have. When I was “pantsing”, I never quite knew what would come up – and I wanted the Galaxy to be rich and filled with stuff.</span></p><p>
  <span>So – Here’s everything you wanted to know (and didn’t want to know) about my OCs and the Fallen First Order. Please note – for the FFO Council – these are my INITIAL NOTES, and some things may have changed from the main story over time. I’mma not bother reconciling it. If anyone actually reads this, I’ll be floored. I just felt the deep urge to PUT IT SOMEWHERE BECAUSE I MADE IT. I’m sure you understand.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <b></b></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>Fallen First Order Planets</b>
  </p>
</div><p>
  
</p>
<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Planet</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><b>Name Meaning</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><b>Council Member(s)</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><b>About</b></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Karuvis</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Sith: First</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Amaren</span></p>

<p><span>Ashana Lohavinath</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Has temples and religions, but mainly secular. Where Ben’s orphanage is, this planet is banded into geographical climates and uses, with the central band mainly for agriculture. There are 9 Capital Cities in the Central Band, 5 in Band 2 North and South, 3 in Band 3 North and South, and 1 on each pole. Ben’s orphanage lies in the Central Band</span></p>

<p><span>Other than capital cities, it’s rustic, but bustling. It has two moons and bright nights.</span></p>

<p><span>Races: Human, Quarren (canon), Togruta (canon), </span><b>Oshibka (New)</b></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Dho</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Hindi: Two दो</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Tikk Bja</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Very close to Karuvis, a desert planet.</span></p>

<p><span>Races: Humans, Quarren (canon), </span><b>iDegen (New)</b></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>A’K-Kas</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Akkas: An Iraqui natural gas field</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Akatsa</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>A land of swamp and brambles. The equator is very hot and there are lots of precious minerals to be harvested, though only the Vatra can withstand the temperatures enough to mine it.</span></p>

<p><span>Races: Aquilish (canon), </span><b>Vatra (New)</b></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Nelja</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Finnish: Four</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Vious</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Has a short day/night cycle. Hard to adjust to, time-zone wise. A central planet to the FFO with enough variance in climate to have a pleasant location for most FFO sentients.</span></p>

<p><span>Races: Humans, Toydarians (canon), </span><b>Udana (NEW), and Khruna (NEW)</b></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Pyat’cinc</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Russin and Catalan mix for “Five”</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Kach Sahav</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Big on cities (not Coruscant, but working on it). Relies heavily on imports, and exports a lot of tech. A VERY important FFO world. Alliance wants more access to the exports from this world (as do the Hutts). Ben restricts their tech, outlawing the manufacturing of mass weapons (as they supplied the First Order with). Most of the planet agrees, as they don’t want to fuel other wars, but there is harsh discontent among the war barons of the upper class.</span></p>

<p><span>Races: Many transient races.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Shestsei</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Russian and Italian mix for “Six”</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Sitala and Hima Ayis</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Ice planet with a twin culture. A Matriarchy.</span></p>

<p><span>Race: </span><b>Duro (NEW)</b></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Zazpi</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Basque: Seven</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Tuar Ceatha</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Rainforest, ocean and desert – and not much in between. A sentient race dominates each climate, with the exception of water – which has two.</span></p>

<p><span>Races: </span><b>Prasuma (NEW), Sagaraya (NEW), Ceruls (NEW), Ozara (NEW)</b></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Ashtananne</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Sanskrit and Swahili mix for “Eight”</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Naba Goreti</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Fire planet.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Yhdeksan</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Finnish: Nine</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Saibara-Kapi. Tara</span></p>

<p><span>Devata Pavitara</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Races: Humans, Uttapaum (canon), near-sentient robots, </span><b>Ajuju (NEW), Raba (NEW)</b></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Bilita Mpash</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Bantu: An amazing dream - opposite of a nightmare</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Rasi Wedadineti</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Adopted by the FFO after Poe Dameron was unable to settle their world with the fall of the First Order. </span></p>

<p><span>This ex-FO world fell to chaos as, philosophically, no one could come to a consensus on the government. Though they did not want war, their economy fell apart due to lack of leadership and general sentient panic. </span></p>

<p><span>It is gorgeous and idyllic for Humanoid species. Think “garden of Eden” with incredible architecture and culture. </span></p>

<p><span>The people are generally self-absorbed and elitist, as well as racist against non-humanoids. </span></p>

<p><span>Races: Humans, </span><b>Idana (NEW)</b></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>En</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Japanese: Fate, karma, can also mean a blood relationship, connection or tie 縁</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Guerra Odio</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Earth-like, but lots of radiation poisoning. This ex-FO world was in civil war and it was bloody. The Alliance didn’t side with the Humans (the native species for the planet) and it caused bad blood between the Human Leader (Guerra) and Poe Dameron. </span></p>

<p><span>Once the Humans subdued the other races, they joined the FFO – but made the agreement that only Humans will serve on the Council and represent the world as the dominant race. Enmity and resentment are still a significant issue. </span></p>

<p><span>FFO resources and aid will be required to assist with the difficulties that come from a half-irradiated planet. </span></p>

<p><span>Races: Humans, a smaller population of transient species.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b>New Races</b>
</p><p>
  
</p>
<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Race</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><b>Name Meaning</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><b>Native To:</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><b>About</b></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Oshkiba</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>(Russian: Bug Ошибка)</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Karuvis</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Four antennae. Flying at a hover, but able to walk easily. Six eyes, but only the two at the top are prominent and expressive.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>iDegen</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>(Hungarian: Foreign, alien, strange, extraneous)</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Dho</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>??</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Vatra</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>(Serbian: Fire)</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Ashtananne (Native)</span></p>

<p></p>

<p><span>A’K-Kas (Migrated)</span></p>

<p></p>

<p></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Can live in high temperatures and are not flammable. They live deep underground when in even moderate climates, needing the hotter temperature. </span></p>

<p><span>They have large nests and broods, and viciously love their offspring. Their lives are long and, due to a population issue, they are spreading to additional worlds with the right climates.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Udana</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>(Hindi: Fly उड़ना)</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Nelja</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Slightly visually similar to the Toyadarians; likely a genetic evolution that split off after the species started populating the planet. Very Austere and religious. They believe their world to be the best in the Galaxy and are very reticent to share their cultures with others. </span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Khruna</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Nelja</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>A race thought to be an animal, but Ben discovers that they have a basic sort of sentience. Telepathic, they “speak” in pictures and emotion.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Duro</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Italian: Tough, harsh, rough, stiff, severe</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Twins are only ever born and are literal halves of one another. They aren’t telepathic - they mind-share - which is that they are basically the same being in two bodies. Emotions / traits of a full being are split into the two bodies, and every pairing is split differently. </span></p>

<p><span>They marry other twin pairs and can be considered polyamorous in that way, though they are monogamous within that marriage pairing.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Prasuma</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Serbian: Rainforest</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Zazpi</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>?? Live in the rainforest</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Sagaraya</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Sinhala: Ocean සාගරය</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Zazpi</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Amphibious. Have colorful fins along their backs.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Ceruls</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Zazpi</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>First Mentioned in “The Redemption of Kylo Ren”, Ceruls are aquatic sentients who use movement as language, though they have other ways of communicating as well. </span></p>

<p><span>Their vibrant tails and coloring are Galaxy-renowned, and they perform in special theaters that can sport orbs of floating water for them to dance within. Their dance is poetry in their language, and often tells beautiful stories of loss.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Ozara</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Igbo: Desert</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Zazpi</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>?? Live in the desert</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Ajuju</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Igbo: “Q”</span></p>

<p><span>Star Trek TNG reference, since they “play God”</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Yhdeksan</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Many augment their bodies with cybernetic parts. It’s expensive, so it’s a sign of the upper-class. Ajujus are -very- proud of their additions, and they’re often adorned with beautiful filigree.</span></p>

<p><span>All about cybernetics and playing God</span></p>

<p><span>This race makes cybernetic limbs - like Luke’s hand.</span></p>

<p><span>At odds with the Raba, which inhabit the same planet, due to ethical and spiritual differences.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Raba</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Punjabi: God ਰੱਬ</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Yhdeksan</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>All about spiritualism and oneness and nature. Revere God above all.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Idana</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Punjabi: Eden ਈਡਨ</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Bilita Mpash</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>??</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b>Fallen First Order Council</b>
</p><p>
  
</p>
<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Name</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><b>Meaning</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><b>Planet</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><b>About</b></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Amaren</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Karuvis</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>The Alliance tried to oust this leader during “The Redemption of Kylo Ren”, but Ben instilled a fair vote and Amaren won out in the end.</span></p>

<p><span>He launched himself into battle when everything devolved into chaos when the Hutt mercenaries started firing into a crowd during a political rally. Very Brave. </span></p>

<p><span>Holds to his beliefs and supports his community’s culture and values. Very honorable. A true politician, he chooses his words carefully and after consideration. It means that he speaks more slowly, and this can annoy some other council members. </span></p>

<p><span>A male Oshibka (NEW) who holds Ben in high regard. He’s also very fond of Rey’s feistiness.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Ashana Lohavinath</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Karuvis</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Also featured briefly in “The Redemption of Kylo Ren”. She, like Amaren, is brave and honorable. Honest, as well – perhaps a little too honest. She speaks a little more “Gut-feel”ish – which can mean that she offends some. </span></p>

<p><span>She crushes on Ben hardcore. </span></p>

<p><span>A female Togruta.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Tikk Bja</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Dho</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>In the “Redemption of Kylo Ren”, he was part of the committee that “Master Ren” had to facilitate negotiations for. </span></p>

<p><span>He is neutral about Ben, more focused internally on his planet and furthering their interests, though he becomes increasingly impressed with Rey as she defeats enemies across the Galaxy. </span></p>

<p><span>He supports withdrawing from the Alliance and cancelling treaties. He’s found contacts in non-Alliance worlds that can support the resources they need to get – if and when the relationship is severed. </span></p>

<p><span>A male Quarren. Forward thinking. A strategist.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Akatsa</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Basque: Bug</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>A’K-Kas</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>(I have no idea if the race data is true – this is a canon race I eff’d with)</span></p>

<p><span>Very formal in its speech. Though it can’t speak Basic, its race is very explicit in their descriptions and can be fairly poetic and romantic. Requires a modulator to translate its chitters and clacks. </span></p>

<p><span>Holds Ren in high regard and has a soft spot for Rà. Intensely romanticizes Ben and Rey’s relationship. Its race reproduces asexually, so it’s very interested in mates as a concept. </span></p>

<p><span>This genderless Aquilish was part of the negotiations that ‘Master Ren’ facilitated in “The Redemption of Kylo Ren”. </span></p>

<p><span>Its world holds a law around parentage and it rails against the Alliance to enforce the rules of its culture and race. The Alliance may try to counter that Ren is Human, and these cultural items don’t apply to him. Akatsa will say that this is a LAW and, as Monarch of this planet, he is a citizen. Has a residence and obeys all the nuanced laws of his people whenever it doesn’t conflict with other worlds.</span></p>

<p><span>To go against the planetary laws would go against the FFO’s concordance with the Alliance.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Vious</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Chinese: Devious 回</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Nelja</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Part of the negotiations in “The Redemption of Kylo Ren”. </span></p>

<p><span>A Toydarian who lost his wings, he challenges Ren’s abilities and should remain a dubious character in the sequel, though he turns out to be on Ben’s side in the end. Appreciates Ciel’s humor. </span></p>

<p><span>He has a backstory about being flightless / perhaps is oversensitive to it. His planet has mainly flying species and it makes him defensive about it. </span></p>

<p><span>He makes off putting jokes (like that Humans are parasites. They live anywhere and breed too quickly.) People are never sure where he stands. </span></p>

<p><span>Can’t be mind controlled.  He believes that playing nice with the Alliance will only help the FFO in the end. Likes positions of power and likes to use passive threats. </span></p>

<p><span>Happy to have ex-troopers returned home.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Kach Sahav</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Khmer: Fierce កាចសាហាវ</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Pyat’cinc</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Avid supporter of Ren – ESPECIALLY after finding out that he was once Kylo Ren. He’s older and is loyal to the Fallen First Order above all. </span></p>

<p><span>He was the first leader to fold into the First Order, but regrets doing so. This human male hates the Alliance passionately and is resentful that they allied at all. </span></p>

<p><span>He’s working together with Tikk Bja to see if they can get the resources and benefits they need from non-Alliance worlds. His world needs imports to survive.</span></p>

<p><span>Doesn’t want war. Regrets the his planet’s tech was used to destroy worlds, and has complex conflict with his upper-class because of it. His planet prospered - but the Galaxy suffered enormous loss. He’s in support of ceasing the production of weapons.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Sitala Ayis</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Sinhala: Cold සීතල and Ice: අයිස්</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Shestsei</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Supporter of Ren. Appreciates his stoicism and dedication; has a loyalty to both him and Rà. Fascinated with the Light side of the Force. </span></p>

<p><span>Matter-of-fact. Emotionless. This female Duro wants to cut ties with the Alliance after they source the resources they need through other means. </span></p>

<p><span>Her twin is Hima Ayis.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Hima Ayis</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Sinhala: Snow හිම and Ice: අයිස්</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Shestsei</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Supporter of Ren. Loves Rà’s sweetness and Ren’s raw power. Enamored with the Dark side of the Force. </span></p>

<p><span>Passionate, quick-to-anger, but also quick-to-love. Wants all out war – especially when she sees how the Alliance is using Rey and Ren. </span></p>

<p><span>This female Duro’s twin is Sitala Ayis.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Tuar Ceatha</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Irish: Rainbow</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Zazpi</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Can live on land, but hates it; this Sagaraya is both genders at once, and has a flirty relationship with Ciel. </span></p>

<p><span>Ben keeps a pool of saltwater in his conference spaces across-worlds to accommodate for their hatred of dry surfaces, as much as is possible. </span></p>

<p><span>Since Nelja is the central planet that many events happen on, Tuar has a special pool here as well – though it's not as spacious as they would like, annoying both them AND Vious, whose planet they’re on. </span></p>

<p><span>Tuar got stuck on Nelja in previous years of the FFO council, as they had their eggs there and had to stay to hatch them. Yet another thing that annoyed Vious.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Naba Goreti</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><em><span>Close to </span></em><span>Serbian for Lava: (pronounced the same) Лава and Serbian for burn: Горети</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Ashtananne</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><em><span>Always </span></em><span>cold, this male Vatra is used to lava-like temperatures. Wears a “hot suit” and even has a “hot box” in the FFO Council spaces. </span></p>

<p><span>Has over 20 children, and loves to see the orphanage to appreciate the children of different species. </span></p>

<p><span>Doesn’t get along well with Ciel, as he’s past mating age and has no children to show for it. He prefers Ren, as he still has mating years left, but isn’t fond of him, either. </span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Saibara-Kapi. Tara</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Punjabi: Cyber Computer ਸਾਈਬਰ   ਕੰਪਿ .ਟਰ</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Yhdeksan</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Pragmatic about Ren. Wants whatever will benefit his planet / race. </span></p>

<p><span>This male Ajuju had cybernetic modifications to his legs, due to injury. He’s very proud of them, but it cost him most of his savings. He lives frugally now. </span></p>

<p><span>Sweet and naïve in some ways. Since robots are honest, he often makes the assumption that everyone else is. He’s emotionally hurt when “Ren” turns out to be Kylo Ren. </span></p>

<p><span>Always at odds with his Council counterpart for his world: Devata.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Devata Pavitara</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Punjabi: Deity Divine   ਦੇਵਤਾ   ਪਵਿੱਤਰ</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Yhdeksan</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>This female Raba is unsure about Ben, leaning towards anti-Ben. Places her planet’s needs over all. </span></p>

<p><span>At odds with her Council counterpart for her world: Saibara-Kapi.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Rasi Wedadineti</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Amharic for Selfish: ራስ ወዳድነት</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Bilita Mpash</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>This male Idana crushes on Master Ren </span><em><span>hardcore.</span></em></p>

<p><span>Selected by Ren, specifically, as he’s the most open-minded of those who vied for the Council position. </span></p>

<p><span>He’s only slightly embarrassed at his race’s elitism and outward racism / segregation – but holds those tenants himself. He just admits to it less. </span></p>

<p><span>He unseated a zealot named  Zeyelati Bishch’iti</span><span> (Amharic: Zealot Grudge </span><span>ዘየላት   ብስጭት) who is very bitter against Ben for this reason.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Guerra Odio</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Portuguese: War / Hate</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>En</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Supporter of Ren, even more so after learning that he was Kylo Ren. </span></p>

<p><span>This male human is an aggressive, battle-hardened warrior. He’s disgusted by the Alliance for not siding with the Humans during the civil war, which puts him at odds with Poe Dameron.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b></b></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>OCs of the Alliance Council</b>
  </p>
</div><p>
  
</p>
<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Name</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><b>Meaning</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><b>About</b></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Mendje Hapur</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Albanian: Open Minded</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Female Chagrian, mentioned in “The Redemption of Kylo Ren” with ties to Leia Organa. She sympathizes with Ben, knowing the story of how Snoke brainwashed him and is impressed with what he’s done both with the FFO and for the Alliance.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>I’ Pasigurt</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Albanian: Unsure</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>This female Clawdite had a brief line in “The Redemption of Kylo Ren”, stating that the (what became the) FFO wasn’t in need of mediation. </span></p>

<p><span>Can look like anything. Likes to trick / annoy the other FFO council by changing into them mid-meeting to mock them. </span></p>

<p><span>Ben is annoyed by her.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Urrejtes Ikeq</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Albanian: Hateful Sinister</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>This Klatooinian male is the main instigator and becomes the most immoral and violent. </span></p>

<p><span>In “The Redemption of Kylo Ren”, when Ren was wanting to mediate between the FFO and the Alliance, this character was referred to as quiet / furtive.</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Leaga Solitulafono</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Samoan: Vicious Criminal</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Male Amanin. </span></p>

<p><span>I didn’t list anything about his personality in my notes – but I did list this (which I pulled from a website). </span></p>

<p><em><span>Star Wars aliens really don’t get more obscure than the Amanin, but these banana-looking beings had to make this list because, holy crab cakes, are they terrifying. Amanin may look odd, but they are some of the most feared headhunters in the galaxy. Amanin can curl themselves into balls and roll themselves at great speeds to attack their foes and often carry around heads to show off their kills.</span></em></p>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b></b></p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <b>OCs of the Orphanage</b>
  </p>
</div><p>
  
</p>
<table>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Name</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><b>Meaning</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><b>About</b></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Ariani Canta</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>A take on words that mean “song” - Aria, Cantada</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Ciel’s love interest</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>

<p><b>Neska Goxoa (Nex)</b></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Basque: Sweet Girl</span></p>
</td>
<td>

<p><span>Rà’s friend</span></p>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>I KNOW, RIGHT!!?!?!?!? WHO WANTS TO READ ALL THAT!!?!?!?</span>
</p><p>
  <span> AND. I. WROTE. ALL. THAT. Even re-reading it was a chore.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b>If you made it this far, you are amazing. Thank you very much for an amazing 2020. Onward to 2021. Stay safe. Stay happy. Much love.</b>
</p>
  </div></div>
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